We want to marry on Italy trip but not legally. Possible?
 

Fiance and I are going to Rome in May and then Mediterranean cruise to Livorno, Monaco, Barcelona, Mallorca, Tunis, Palmero, Naples. We want to get married on the trip (not on ship), but not legally. (This is our honeymoon and we're having "legal" wedding later in year). Possible? All suggestions welcome. Thank you.

If it's not legal, it's not a marriage. In all seriousness, you could hire an actor to perform the ceremony, because there's no legal significance attached.

Ask Tom Cruise! (Cruse?)

PalenQ: wouldn't that make us Scientologists?

Willtravel is right, that isn't a marriage, it's just a dressup party or something. So you are pretending to get married for some reason (I don't understand these things). It's not a honeymoon, you're just taking a vacation together.

So, if it's just a pretend marriage, anyone can do it. Just grab someone off the street or a shop or a serving staff person who can read a little English and hand them the text you want them to say, and give them a tip.

It's true, Tom's media blowout was a pretend marriage also, in Italy. Purely for the PR and to impress folks as they didn't have any particular ties to Italy that I know. Of course, he had lots of bucks so probably paid to fly the Scientologist guy to Italy -- just offering a free vacation, why not.

Jody-- this sounds like a really dumb question: You want to get married, but not legally? it is your honeymoon, but you will be married at a later time? call it a commitment ceremony/Special Blessing;, why call it marriage? If is not a legal marriage, you don't even anybody else present, just the two of you. What am I missing here?

OK folks lets try to be a little more romantic here.

I am going on the assumption that the couple wants a romantic wedding cermony in a great location without jumping through the legal hoops (sounds like fun to me)

I would do a search for wedding planners. I know there are a bunch in Italy! I typed Rome Italy wedding planners in google and got several pages of listings... Good luck and have fun!

There are probably wedding planners that will do a non-legal wedding now but I don't get it. So this would be just a fun fake wedding?

Of course Carol is right and it's done in lots of places in Italy (I hear) for foreign visitors/tourists. It can be called such as wedding (-like) ceremony or a religious blessing. They are done at private chapels or actual churches.

You get one like the following just by googling.

http://www.italian-weddings.com/

I think the photo album(s) would be very confusing. :)

I know that catholic church will do a blessing for you in a church in Italy, but you have to already be married in a catholic church in the states. Sort of a reblessing. Otherwise I believe a church will only do a full legal marriage. Don't believe the catholic church is into non-union blessings yet.

Ms. Spears could probably add a few thoughts to this.

I don't see why you cannot have two "legal" ceremonies since many people do that; some have a "civil" marriage followed by a religious one.

Would eliminate all the confusing photo albums, too LOL!

I don't care about Catholic or Protestant church but the site I posted above says : "For couples wanting to skip all paperwork altogether there is the option of a romantic symbolic ceremony with all the trimmings. A symbolic ceremony follows traditional lines but will not hold any religious or civil status. Holding no restrictions allows you to have it just about anywhere except an official civil hall or church. Many couples opt for this solution as it grants them complete freedom to celebrate both ceremony and reception in their location of choice."

Sounds like exactly what OP is looking for.

Honeymoon before the wedding?

> think's it's a rather stupid idea

I'm suprised most people (on this board) are so negative about this. "romantic symbolic ceremony" is the keyword.

Back to the original question. If it's not legal your not married so , no it's not possible.

If you merely want to "pledge" yourselves to each other - just pick a beach or some other scenic spot and read a verse to each other. It will be as romantic as you make it. No one else needs to be involved.

But to have a planned "non-wedding ceremony" doesn't make any sense to me . . . . .

I am sitting next to a coworker who did his honeymoon before his wedding...

Unlike others on this board, I did not wake up this morning, look in the mirror and decide "its MY place to judge others on thier lifestyles" If you don't like the idea, do you have to post????

some words still have meanings and a honeymoon is AFTER a marriage.

You people (apart from CarolA and kappa) are being pretty harsh.

I don't think they are talking about a "fake" wedding, or even anything particularly unusual. I know of a number of people who have separated their "ceremonial" wedding from their "legal" one. Indeed, it is much much easier to do it that way if you want to have a wedding in Italy, because it is complicated to get the documents together for a legal marriage.

I have good friends who did this---they had a civil wedding in the US, but their "real" wedding (in their minds and their family's) was in Italy---purely ceremonial, but meaningful to them. Those are the photos and memories they will treasure.

As long as they both know that they are not legally married in this ceremony, what is wrong with it?

I think its a great idea.

Have the "wedding" ceremony you want, and then have the official traditional one at home like your family wants.

Timing may not work out (or money) for a honeymoon after the official wedding, so who cares when someone takes their honeymoon? It's like ordering dessert before dinner.

Just my two cents. I say go for it!

> if they want a romantic moment, have a nice dinner. Stroll around at night. Something like that.

As I said, the keyword is romantic CEREMONY, not just a romantic MOMENT (moment, that two lovers can have any time). A nice dinner or stroll seem a bit too ordinary. Jody perhaps wants something more than that. A symbolic ceremony, privately only for two lovers in a Italian church, sounds nice.

Anyway, it's nice to hear different points of view.

I think the OP needs to clarify a few points before the conversation can continue...............

I don't think a mainstream church in Italy would allow a commitment ceremony for people who aren't legally married.

Well, I suppose it could have a symbolic meaning to the couple; sort of like more formal engagement, i.e., a public declaration of love, and a pledge to marry. No legal meaning, but an emotional one.

My DW and I have scheduled a similar thing, i.e., a "Renewal of Vows Ceremony", to be held in a church in Paris on our 20th anniversary. No legal significance, but highly significant to us.

:-)

nukesafe: renewal of marriage vows is a lovely idea -- but a renewal of vows <u>before</u> the vows have been vowed ? ? ?

I guess we need more clarification from Jody. You want to get married on the trip, but not really. Yet it does sound like you want a ceremony of some sort. Other than a personal promise to each other - what sort of arrangement do you visualize??

Wow! I think that it is sometimes hard to get a point across on these boards and I believe that some people are being way too harsh.

You can certainly have a non-legal unwedding ceremony in Italy. But - you cannot have it in a Catholic church (you can have a blessing ceremony there AFTER you're married if you want) - since it would be a mockery of the sacrament.

I agree to get an Italian wedding planner and they can help you find an appropriate location and whatever facilities you need. Will you have guests? Or just the two of you?

As for having the honeymoon first - I'm a great believer in that. I think it would cut way down on the number of divorces in the US (people finding out BEFORE the wedding that they're not really suited). It certainly saved me from a bad marriage.

DD is having a symbolic wedding in Italy next month. They hope to have their legal wedding in the US before leaving.
In their opinion the Italy wedding will be the &quot;real&quot; one. A legal wedding in Italy would require their spending a few days completing paperwork before the event. They would rather spend this time on a honeymoon--as young people who have just started their careers they don't have alot of vacation.
They will have a reception back in the US when they return.
Do a web-search for symbolic weddings in Italy and you'll discover that there are many options. It can be as simple or fancy as you'd like.
You might also find some ideas on the honeymoon and wedding board of Fodors.

So, when she said &quot;all suggestions welcome&quot;, she meant ONLY those in support of the idea, others need not comment?
Some ideas ARE dumb, and sometimes (disruptive to one's self esteem that it is) one has to hear opposing comments to properly frame a concept amongst societal norms.

This is one of the strangest posts I have ever seen here.

My only question (while scratching my head)...is....if your having the honeymoon now (which sounds lovely btw)...whose paying for the wedding later in the year?

If you really wanted to get married...why not do it now before the wedding? Alternatively, why NOT get married on the ship and have a &quot;ceremony&quot; later in the year?

Don't consider this trip your honeymoon because it isn't...consider it a pre wedding present to eachother.

You can't get &quot;married&quot; without actually getting married....so don't pretend that that is what you are doing.

Grab a glass of wine..find a romantic restaurant or site and commit to eachother privately that way...

I hope I don't sound harsh (cuz there are some harsh responses here), but I can't figure out another way to frame the questions to this strange question.

Wish you luck though - in whatever you choose.

Well, I just want to say I'm totally flummoxed and best of luck with...whatever.

What is the point of having a faux wedding? Isn't the idea to have the wedding before the honeymoon?

A little bit of the cart before the horse...

I think you need to ask yourself this: Does it really matter which ceremony is &quot;legal&quot;? Because it sounds like no matter what, the end result is that you will have two wedding ceremonies...one that is relatively private on the boat, and one that is for family and friends later. (If I am understanding correctly). I don't see a problem with that personally, because I know plenty of people that do it. I am a little confused, though, why you wouldn't want the first one to be legal. Is it because you don't plan on living together as husband and wife until after the later ceremony?

I guess you could make sure it isn't legal by simply not signing any marriage certificate afterwards!

Lots of people do destination weddings that are just for the two of them, and after they get back they do a big wedding reception (sans ceremony) for family and friends. Maybe such an arrangement would work for you? It might simplify things. Just a suggestion, anyway. Have fun, whatever you decide to do.

Times have obviously changed, with second- and third-time and even obviously pregnant brides wearing veils and white gowns. But you still cannot have a honeymoon without first having a marriage, whether a religious or civil ceremony. Everything else is simply a trip, however romantic.

What is being described is NOT a honeymoon, though it certainly sounds like an expensive and awfully nice trip. Why not make it an actual honeymoon and have a &quot;legal&quot; wedding first?

Being married first would also make it easier, and more importantly, provide significance and value to the &quot;get married on the trip, but not legally&quot; blessing/recommitment ceremony desired at one of the exotic locations on the (now honeymoon) itinerary.

Anything less is a cheap facsimile regardless of the expense or planning and demeans the intended later matrimonial experience and commitment.

Not being judgemental, just offering the requested opinion. Verdict is &quot;not possible&quot;.

I said &quot;all suggestions welcomed&quot; and I meant it and that's what I got. Thank you, I love you all. I truly embraced every response. It is true that without all the details one would wonder, &quot;what's up with her?&quot; It is a combination of finances, illnesses, health insurance and timing. We've been engaged for 3 years. So broke we couldn't pay attention (ha). And I have been sick and if legally married would lose my health insurance. But, The &quot;honeymoon&quot; we always wanted popped up for $999 (VTG). Boston to Rome roundtrip $700 (NWA/KLM). When my elderly parents said they wanted to go with us (my dad isn't well either) I realized life is short and booked us the trip. Since my parents are going with us it would be a shame not to &quot;get married&quot;. For us, this is real. We will take vows before God and family. When my health insurance changes in the fall, we will get that piece of paper that makes it &quot;legal&quot;.

good for you, Jody -- congratulations.

Whatever you do, I wish you a happy life.

And a special thanks to CarolA for directing me to that website. I have been looking, and couldn't find, exactly this info. Ciao!

Best wishes Jody, for improved health and a happy and special trip.