So, were there penises everywhere or not?

It takes much less for me to kick my luggage or whomever is too close at the time, I think you have great self-control.

I love the comparison of the Wedding Cake to the Twinkie!! ((F))

Hi dln,

Love your report.

>I wished I knew how if the grapes in kilo weight were the same price as my market back home.<

At the time you were there, you could just halve the price of E/kg to get approximately $/lb.

dln- Still a great read! Logistical crisis + the exact science of weather predicting x "two" engineering minds = meltdown. Makes perfect sense to me! :) Penises Proliferate in Pompeii - what a headline! Who knew? Next?

Lola - May is the month I prefer, however, I have one teen graduating from high school in late May 04', therefore, haven't yet decided the next best time after that. I would consider dln's itinerary, but it depends on if we go as a couple, as a family of 4, or DH & I with our friends who want us to go with them. They are 10 plus trips to Europe. Much depends.

Dln
This is heaven ....a trip through the golden land!!!!

Great report so far. Can't wait for the next installment.
For those who are going to Pompeii soon I would recoeatin at the second little stand on right coming from the station. the son is out on the road drumming up busines, while his mother (older woman) makes the panini. Good sandwiches and nice people.

Thanks everyone for reading and leaving your comments. You're a dedicated bunch!

SAILING AWAY IN SORRENTO

Our hotel is Il Nido. It was built in the 1960s is very much typical of its era--basic and boxy. But the location! Set high upon the hillside with the beautiful bay beneath, Vesuvius opposite. Our room was exceedingly spacious, the bathroom's tub exceedingly deep and generous. I initially turn my nose up at that tub because the "shower" was one of those hand-held appartatus, which meant that you really couldn't shower at all. That turned out to be a blessing in disguise. There's something so decadent about taking long hots baths! I was heavenly and I felt like I was truly on vacation.

We had opted for half board at Il Nido. The delicious and beautifully presented dinner proved that we had made an excellent choice. And what a treat to dine so sumptuously and have only to walk steps back to the room! All was well with the world as we prepared for bed. Until we hit the bed. My mother, who raved and recommended Il Nido, made no mention of the beds. They're glorified camp beds. St. Francis slept better on his pallet of stone. These beds are harder than his. My mother has a bit of answering to do about the bed situation. Or maybe this is her idea of a practical joke, to get back at me for all the mornings I slept in as a teen? There's no guarantee I will sleep at all on this rock hard matress, let alone sleep LATE. I may get my revenge yet by purchasing Mother a bottle of CHEAP limoncello. She'll be sorry~

Next morning it takes two shots of expresso to bring me back to the world of the living. It was a toss and turn night. Even the pillows were hard! I had to remove my earrings because the pillows had no give to them, and the earrings dug mercilessly into my head. A guest sitting next to us in the breakfast room commented that she heard the bedding was to be upgraded next year; I breathe a sigh of relief for all future guests.

We walked from the hotel down the hillside path leading to town, tramping past several olive and lemon orchards. There were many small, controlled brush fires in the orchards. The smoke dotted the sky, giving the impression of Indian smoke signals all along the Sorentian coast. There were many panoramic views of the town below. Gorgeous!

We had planned on taking the ferry to Amalfi that morning but our plans were thwarted. The last ferry out had already departed, and the next wasn't until 2:30 pm. The SITA bus wasn't running either, on account of road flooded by the previous night's downpour. What to do but stay the day in Sorrento. This didn't make us happy. Sorrento is a scenic, bustling little town and ordinarily we'd have jumped at a chance to enjoy such a town as this. However, it was also September, and Sorrento was mobbed with British tourists. They reminded us as nothing so much as a swarm of bees. Buzzing here and there from shop to shop, droning on and on, never letting up. Everywhere you looked and everywhere you turned, you heard them and bumped into them. There was no escape!

Well, almost. It didn't take us long to figure out that these tourists were on a very well-defined mission: shop and shop, eat and drink, do more shop and shop, more eat and drink. That kind of tourist isn't interested in anything more than the well-beaten path, and won't deviate from it. Our mission became to "off road" in Sorrento. We headed away from the town center to the Marina Grande below, far away from the ferries with their boatloads of daytrippers to Capri. The marina was quiet, as we expected, and we arranged for a little mini cruise of our own, on a small sail motorized boat piloted by the handsome young sailor, Oratio.

This was bliss! Imagine this--a boat cutting through deep, impossibly blue and clear waters, the skies warm and sunny above us. R and I stretch out on the deck soaking up the rays, feeling as rich and decadent as Croesus. An hour of Meditteranean happiness purchased for 24 euros. Oratio took us up and down the coast pointing out tunnels and forts, telling us the gossipy stories behind the villas and hotels. We doubled up in laughter as we tried our pidgin Italian on him, and he his pidgin English on us. Ever try to get an Italian to say "Marlboro" with an American accent? Oratio gave up and lighted up instead, but not before attempting to get me to properly pronounce "Bellevue Syrene." It couldn't be done. I gave up and nearly asked him for a cigarette. Oratio said we were more than welcome to dive in the water any time we wanted. No swim suits, we protested, can't do it. He holds up his hand to his face, covering his eyes, protesting that we can skinny dip and he won't look. We smile and decline the offer to become "pay for view" but it does plant a seed of thought in my mind...

I'm hooked on this report. Did you go skinny dipping or did the British reserve of your husband sway your sense of propriety...or his?

Hope I don't have to wait a long time to read the next installment.

Thejamlady

dln -- It's been two days since your last installment. We are on the edge of our seats.

Another part of the story coming up!

SORRENTO CONTINUED

After our relaxing boat ride, we walked back up the cliffs to the town. We visited one of the churches, where an older woman saw me looking at the confessionals. They're all unique, if you've never taken a good look. The grille through which you confess your sins to the priest is made of tin, and each one has a different pattern punched in. Sort of like old-fashioned pie safes. The woman who noticed me looked me up and down and assumed I was not English-speaking (no sneakers, no shorts, carrying a purse, wearing jewelry, nothing that shouted "american," I suppose). She began talking to me very s-l-o-w-l-y and l-o-u-d-l-y. Sheesh! No wonder natives get exasperated with tourists. It mustn't be easy being spoken to as though one were an infant.

We decided to take a hike to the Roman ruins that Oratio had pointed out to us from the boat. He'd mentioned that it was a good swimming spot. Down, down, down the cliff to the sea. We found a beautiful sheltered grotto. Problem: very hot, sun shining bright, we're sweating big time...and our swimsuits are back at the hotel! What to do but strip down to our underwear. R in his basic white BVDs and me going topless (for those of you who love good lingerie, I had my La Perla on and I wasn't about ready to sully that with sea water, no matter how blue and beautiful!). I knew it was perfectly acceptable to do because we saw plenty of topless that afternoon at the Marina Grande. And you know what they say about when you're in Rome, do as the Romans do. Big voyeur factor is that R is as white as white after a summer cooped up in the office, and I'm wearing buff microfiber. Everyone looking from the top of the cliff down to the grotto would naturally have assumed we were skinny-dipping, not skivvy-dipping! Good thing, too, because no one came down to join us. We had our own private swimming hole for at least an hour. It was a marvelous swim. I wish women had the freedom to swim like men--it's so unconstrained and liberating and refreshing! Ah, no wonder the world loves Italy. I'd go back to Italy for that Sorrento grotto alone. The grotto was under the open sky, but the water from the sea has to pass through a narrow stone archway, forcing high and low surges into the swimming hole. It made for fabulous body surfing. R got out of the water earlier than me, and when I got out he hissed for me to whip off my undies and hop into my clothing as quickly as possible. What for? I wanted to know, who cares anyway? He answered that when he was changing, what should he look up and see but two old Italian ladies coming down the path straight at him. "Well I didn't hear any shrieks at what they saw," I offered. "Well you didn't hear any claps of appreciation, either, did you?" he shoots back. "No dear, I wouldn't have. And you wouldn't have gotten any, anyway. Only Speedo-wearing men get hoots. Everyone on Fodors will tell you so." End of story! We walked up the hill, dried our "swimsuits" off in the sun, and climbed down the hill afterwards to the Roman fortification, which made for an excellent private dressing room.

A DAY IN NAPLES

We took the ferry the next morning to Naples. This is a great way to go--the seats are comfortable and the views are spectacular. And it's dirt cheap,too, at less than five euros each way. We sat in the front of the ferry to feel the most motion. The captain was bronco-busting through the waves and we were bouncing up and down. Everyone oohed and aahed at the really high bounces! We were in Naples in record time.

We arrived predisposed to be in favor of this city. There's something in us that loves an underdog and we knew we'd find something to love about Naples. Try everything! What an amazing, vital, vibrant city. We immediately knew that Naples would be a good fit for us. Our first hint of this was the FOOD. There's food all over Naples. This is a city that lives to eat. There were food shops of all kinds on every corner, and restaurants, big and small, at every turn. Who can resist a city like that? We ate our way through Naples. We scarfed down rhum babas and expresso at the covered mall, Galleria Umberto I. Thus fortified, we backtracked over to the tourist center at the spacious Piazza Plebiscito and picked up a city map and a recommendation for pizza. We stuck our nose in the church on the piazza, which looks remarkably like the Pantheon on the inside. I'd have liked a better look but a wedding was going on (yes, another wedding...)

We spent the morning doing nothing more than wandering. We were actually trying to find the church that housed the Vieled Christ, but we were defeated by the mazes of streets. So we wandered. Naples reminded me a lot of New York City's lower east side in the 1960s, long before it became trendy and gentrified. Naples' alleyways were like nothing we saw in Rome. These were narrow and the buildings so close they blocked the sun. We'd walk through several tenement-like alleys before turning a corner and coming upon a lovely piazza.

Naples is interesting that way. It's full of ancient alleys, spacious empty piazzas, gigantic churches set on little postage stamp piazzas--the contradictions of Naples fascinated us. Beautiful restored houses of terracotta and lemon stuccos sitting next door to fading, neglected houses. The bad and the beautiful all thrown in the same pot together. This might not be everyone's cup of tea, but we took Naples to our hearts. The graffiti and the garbage really didn't bother us; it was something you looked through and past, to see what you wanted to see, underneath. Like the lovely Piazza Bellini with its graffiti-covered statue. You could stroll through and tut-tut under your breath about the public defacement, or you could sit down in the perfect little cafe on the piazza, enjoy a drink and people watch. A good day in Naples has a lot to do with how much you are able to overlook. We were more than willing to cut Naples a break because we found it too visceral and exciting a place to fret about the niceties. Naples is a bit rough around the edge, true, but oh what a diamond!

BRAVO! Stratchiatella.

Hi, Calamari! I was wondering when you'd find this!

MORE NAPLES

We had a great picnic lunch in front of the Church S. Lorenzo Maggiore. Bananas, pizza, beer, and an odd little fritter thing. Well, we thought it was a fritter, but one bite proved us wrong. It was deep fried macaroni and cheese, with meat. It took me about ten minutes to figure out how they made it before I realized that they must pour the macaroni in pans, cool it down until it hardens a bit, then slice it into squares, coat it with batter, and deep fry it. It sounds completely revolting but I assure you it was really good! We had tried to get pizza at the famous Michelle, but it was a mob scene (I guess it ain't famous for nothing!) and we were hungry. We settled upon the equally good DiMatteo. Italian beer, by the way, is every bit as good as Italian wine. We had a good picnic.

There is a fascinating street whose name I could not find, but here is where it is--if you are standing at the front door of the church where we ate, look straight ahead of you, and this street is on the left. It has an archway with a minaret-like structure, so it is very distinctive. This street is filled with nothing but shops selling hand-carved wooden figures. L'arte del Presipio is what I believe it is called. Some of it looks like the kinds of figurines you'd use in a creche scene at Christmas, but others seemed more secular. At any rate, they were like nothing we'd ever seen before, and something that should be on everyone's sightseeing list.

We headed over to the Archeology Museum, where my husband argued with the clerk to please sell us tickets, though we had not the correct change. We already were aware of this peculiarity in not wanting to break paper money, thanks to Fodors, and didn't take the clerk's protests personally. (He finally took our bills and reluctantly gave us coins in change, though there were literally hundreds of them to spare in his register!). This museum is waay cool! It's a beautiful old building with tall windows (no screens, most open to let in the sunshine and fresh air) and a center sculpture-filled courtyard. We poked about admiring all the busts before stepping into a darkened room filled with screens. On these screens, Pompei's last day unfolded before us, complete with volcanic rumbling. It was ominous and terrifying and it didn't matter that the voice-over was in Italian. We knew exactly what was happening it scared the heck out of us even so many thousands of years later.

Upstairs we found many of the exquisite Pompeian mosaics and the "secret room" filled with sexual poses that really weren't all that titilating. Must have been the clinical, scientific presentation that took the sizzle right out of it. Ah well. We moved on to an enormous room filled with treasures and plaster corpses of ancient Pompeians. They were amazingly sophisticated people, as their everyday items proved. Some of the jewelry I'd have happily worn on my own wrist and neck! The saddest plaster figure was that of an adult with his/her child thrown from the arms. It was dreadful to see.

Out again to the bustling streets of Naples, with a ride on the funiclare to the top of the city. Our aim was to visit the castle sant'elmo.

dln -- Your great report continues.
The figurines are for the creche. Neopolitans include all of the traditional biblical references as well as all of those who come into their daily lives including animals . They also include figurines of famous current and historical people.

Just another idiosyncracy of gli Neopolitani.

Glad to hearthat you enjoyed Napoli, rather than just looking at the grit and casting the city aside as a necessary nuisamce.

Brava, dln, what a truely wonderful and informative report, thanks for sharing it!

(Glad you liked Napoli, I do too)

mmr41, thanks for telling me a bit more about the figurines we saw. The amount of work that goes into carving each one!

Ohblondi and calamari, you'll get a kick out of this--one of my wild friends, who has been following my online travel story, suggested this salacious alternative ending to sailing in the deep blue Meditteranean with my handsome husband and the handsome sailor, Oratio. Here goes!

"...and as Oratio turned to face the mid-morning sun head on...I slipped my light sundress into the azure sea...I could feel his eyes burning into my flesh...CLUNK! down he goes in a heap...R towering over the slight Italian...

Full credit to my dear friend LZ for her vivid imagination!

LOVE IT!

I enjoyed every word! Especially your thoughts on Naples, which I am just itching to visit. I'm in one-year-count-down mode to my first trip to Italy and already my heart is about to explode.

Oh, Dear DLN
What romps we dream of....and have lived!!!
shhhhhhhhh!!!!!

dln - what a great trip you had! It was sure fun reading about it - you certainly tell a good story. Thanks!

Thanks for a very entertaining post,
write more!