When is the book coming out? I can't wait for tomorrow's installment. This is great writing, Barb.

I just traveled in Italy with 4 friends in the spring. There were many moments in the planning stage when I questioned my sanity, but the trip turned out amazingly well for the most part. All of us knew one another at some level; I had traveled before with each of them.

Our biggest problem was that we all are used to planning trips and making decisions. Impossible to assign one leader (and it would never have worked!)

Things that worked really well:

* Early in the planning stages I had everyone (except the one out-of towner) over for an Italian dinner and map reading session, and after much wine, created a chart of sorts w/ each person's name and various things/places people wanted to do/see (ranging from hiking to wine tasting to sculpting marble, for god's sake). We got a clear (well, considering the wine...) picture of our different visions of the trip, and what people could pair/team up with someone else to do, or do alone.

* We did divy (is that the spelling?) up things in the planning stages: two of us worked on the car rental, someone planned the Ischia hotel/ferries, someone made the reservations for Florence museums, etc etc. Lots of email and phone calls and dinners together beforehand.

* The five of us were not all together the whole time. We all had days or at least parts of days alone.

* Earplugs and eyeshades.

* Everyone always held their own tickets!

Finally, I rewarded myself for all my hard work with a few glorious solo days in Rome after everyone else had flown home (then I rewarded myself with 11 very nice days in Spain with a very nice young Spaniard, but that is another topic).

Diva Barb, I'm thinking it might be unfair of me to encourage you to continue in this vein, even if it is amusing (and it is) because overall I think you will be the worse for rehearsing and rehearsing your grievances, and my own entertainment is a poor recompense.

You did so much work, and yet...and yet....we none of us do any favours to our helpless, or at least helpless-seeming travel companions, when we fail to share, and share promptly, even the most trivial of our own problems and complaints. Yeah, your "D" Diva hogged the clothes closet, but unless you ask her next time to liberate a few hangars, you will be guilty of assuming, not proving, that this is the best that can be expected of her. Whereas if you bring the matter to her attention, you give her the chance to rise to the occasion and exclaim, "egad! You're right, you do need some hangars - here, let me make some room...."

I think our independence and competence can sometimes be our own worst enemies. Yes, it can be irritating to have someone obsess over splitting dinner bills down to the last Europenny. But how is it that we notice only that a task is done in an irritating fashion, and not that someone else took it off our hands, or in other words, that someone else is handling some of the administration we claim is a burden? So is it really that our companions are too dependent, or is it more that we relish control?

I think "Pogo" had it right as to who the enemy is. We have met the Control Diva, and She is Us.

What a fabulous read! And I know EXACTLY what you were going through - been there, done that too many times for sanity.

It could have been worse BTW - honest. I once organized a trip to the UK for <b>thirteen</b> of us. Nine women and four men! trust me -- it really could be worse :D

And D's money issue (!). One trip I took two work buddies (one guy semi-odd, the other one &quot;normal&quot;) to Scotland for golf and sightseeing. We had several times had the usual discussion - re ATM card, Credtit cards, maybe a few TCs for back up, be sure to know your PINs, etc. Semi-odd missed the whole concept and took $4,000 all in TWENTY DOLLAR travelers checks . . . .

can't wait for your next installment - but you are definitely bringing back some painful memories :)

Noooooo! You can't leave us hanging like this. I'm gonna be up all night wondering about how this all turned out and if everyone is still friends.

Sure makes me glad I'm going on vacation alone next week :).

San (who has been called a diva once or twice herself)

Wow .. I can't wait for tomorrow ... sure looks like you had your hands full!!!

OMG ... I cannot stop laughing! I'm going to be thinking all night long of what you have to say tomorrow! Barb - you are just a wonderful (and very descriptive!) writer. Can't wait til I'm back in Rome in May ...

The heck with the book. I want to see the movie. Let's see, I'll start:
1, Eiffel Tower Diva: Robin Williams in drag.
2. Your turn

Such a marvelous report! You certainly deserve a medal, if not the Pulitzer!

I went to lunch just today with 14 other ladies. When the bill came (one bill for all), there was a big stink by several who wanted individual tickets for each person. &quot;She had a drink and I didn't,&quot; type of stuff...ugh...

So unfortunately, I had to become what might be labeled the bill nazi. Get a grip. Divide it up and pay the man...

I feel your pain, Barb. But on the other hand, I'll have my cappuccino and biscotti ready for the next trip down memory lane (so hurry up!) LOL!!

Echoing others' sentiments .... the price paid for not having the courage to say, &quot;No&quot; is far, far more than any &quot;single supplement&quot; ! ;) Enjoying your tale enormously.

Anyone who goes on a trip with others without discussing how expenses will be shared is asking for grief. I think this is probably the most divisive and touchy issue there is.

You are so right Marilyn. If someone only wants to eat crepes, yogurt, street roasted chicken, that's fine but if you want a nice sitdown restaurant or bistro meal, do it alone. That's what I did the one and only time I traveled with a friend.

OK this is what I really needed to push me into planning my first real (more than 2 days) trip alone!

Hello Marilyn and Mim, I agree with both of you. Finances have to be discussed.

I also think it is important that the style of travelling must be discussed. I have a good friend that I think the world of. She asked to go to Italy with me. She has never been there.

In talking, and thank goodness she is very upfront about her thinking, I discovered she does not like outdoor cafes. I love them. She does not like wine, only champagne. She wanted to spend &quot;every moment&quot; in museums and did not want to waste anytime just walking around as I like to do. And I love museums but I sure don't want to spend every moment in Italy inside museums. No thank you.

She told me that nothing drove her crazier than people that spent &quot;to much time sitting over a meal&quot;. It turns out she likes to eat as quickly as possible and get the blazes out of the restaurant. I love relaxing over a meal.

She doesn't like coffee and doesn't like sitting around while people waste their time drinking it. Uhm, hand raised here. I really enjoy coffee especially in the morning and do not rush through it.

And so forth. Anyway one conversation and I knew that neither one of us would be happy travelling together. And we haven't. But I still consider her a wonderful friend. And we do have fun together for a day. But thank goodness she spelled out what she expected regarding a vacation together. I am not sure I would have thought to have found out all this information. It could have been a disaster.

Barb - love the story so far. I can somewhat feel your pain. Last summer my (almost) entire family went to Disney World as a 50th annv trip for my folks. 17 people - ages 10 - 69.
The only thing that kept us (me) sane was that we were in the same condo complex, but had 4 condos amongst us. That and there was only 1 &quot;mandatory&quot; attendance item - the anniversary dinner at the Polynesian Luau. Other than that - we had days designated for WDW &amp; Univ. Studios, but just a &quot; if you are going there, plan on doing it on Tuesday....&quot; But even then , once we got to the park , we scattered and tried to keep in touch by walkie talkie.

I just got back from my Spain trip with a 'beach travel' friend of mine - her first trip to Europe. Took me until about day 5 of 9 to decide that I was not her tour director, and she would make her own fun - which let me just &quot;be&quot; .

Can't wait for the rest of the story.

Debbie

Barb, I remember reading your Rome trip report a few months ago. That one had me hooked - and so does this one! I'm looking forward to hearing more about the Divas! (Seriously, D doesn't have a credit card???)

I've traveled to Europe twice with friend - while both of those trips were very special to me, they were also very trying!

Oh, Barb, I'm so sorry you didn't find der Pallaro! I would have been happy to let you vent, or not discuss your travel companions at all, whichever would have made you feel better! Maybe we'll cross paths in the future.

Barb, this has to rate as one of the best trip reports ever posted here. I can't wait for the next instalment and I think you should give serious consideration to taking a day off work just so you can finish off the whole report for us. If the boss objects, let him read your trip report - that should swing it in our favour.

Hi Barb, I can relate as I said the same thing after just returning from Italy with one of my best friends. I did all the planning because 1) It is fun and 2) she seemed totally disinterested in it. Yes we did discuss travel styles before we left and we are both independent etc. but somehow when we got there, I was &quot;controlling&quot; (her exact words) and I felt like I spent months planning the perfect trip for her (her first time in Europe, I've been many times) so she could shop her way through Italy. Unfortunately, I ended up feeling resentful, although I did not let it affect our friendship. Last year I traveled solo in Italy and it was heaven - so to echo your sentiments... never again! I am enjoying your report immensely. JenV

May we have some more please Barb? This is absolutely hilarious - I am hooked!

Barb - What a great report! Sorry to hear you didn't make it to Der Pallaro. I was there this past Sunday with some of &quot;our own&quot;( fellow Fodorites)It was real good time.

Can't wait to hear more of your exploits.

Tom

I will 'tag' this report and then try very hard not to read it for a few days. Hopefully Barb will have poured out all the gory details by then and I do not have to hang in suspense....

We get older and wiser :D

Having a great read, Barb.

((I))

Hi Jen,

&gt;...somehow when we got there, I was &quot;controlling&quot; (her exact words) and I felt like I spent months planning the perfect trip for her...&lt;

I feel your pain.

((I))

Okay. It's now 7:12, I've got my coffee, and I'm waiting....

ira &amp; jenv - so true! Traveling with my parents, I was the self-appointed &quot;final room checker&quot; upon departure. This got to be a &quot;you don't trust us&quot; ritual that I began to hate.

Yet one morning when they were in the car waiting (im)patiently for me to finish my inspection of their room, they were immediately silenced forever when I appeared with their medications!

Traveling companions. They're great!

Okay, Barb. Your turn.

Dear Diva Barb,
Your anecdotes about traveling with fellow Divas bring back funny memories of my travels with friends years ago.
You certainly describe all of their faults and flaws in fascinating detail!

Much fun to read, even though I can't help thinking of what happened to Truman Capote after excerpts from &quot;Answered Prayers&quot; were published...and he was a brilliant writer.

You must be brave- I would never dream of trying to do the planning and booking of a trip for five first-time female travelers to Italy unless it was a paying job, and even then...!

It's funny that you even got a post-trip thank you note from your friend-the sub-Divas must have a different perspective. Better luck lext time and have fun continuing your odyssey here.

oh my god, this is hilarious. im reminded of the old Noel Coward song &quot;Why Do The Wrong People Travel&quot;. I don't care if I sound like a snob for saying that.

(for anyone who doesn't know this song, I'll post the lyrics. they're very, very funny)

Its so true that you really do not know people until you travel with them.I went on a package tour with a friend to Morocco many years ago to a resort in Agadir...never again. She got a horrific sunburn after my repeated warnings (Try to tell Irish people about sunburn and they ignore it until a Dr need to be called as they are in agony!) She actually ended up cxalling me &quot;mammy&quot; as a joke on this trip because I had to do everythinf even ask for the room keys even though I told he the simple number in French a hundred times. It was shocking to see a capable young woman turn into a quivering mass the second anything becomes awkward or difficult. I had to fight off the guys hassling us in the restaurants, in the shops etc. I was exhausted when I came home...never again. I also never have the desire to go back to Agadir because of all the bad memories. Such a shame!

Now I do what I like and if anyone wants to join they are welcome but I make clear what I want to do.

Sitting at computer and tapping fingers impatiently, waiting for next installment....where IS she??

This is great. I hope nothing heartwarming happens to spoil the mood.

I would love to see a mini-documentary of this trip - but would like to hear the same story through the eyes of the Divas included!

Miss Ziegfeld-thanks for the mention of the Noel Coward Song-I would love to hear those lyrics-maybe I'll google them today..

Barb, your story is just too, too fascinating.

Not getting much work done today.

Oh well, there's always tomorrow! :)

From a new reader: At the moment, there is only one thing I am grateful for from this report: that I am reading the whole thing on Thurs morning (10/27) on the same day you're supposed to be coming out with the next installment! had I read it last night, I think I would have been too keyed up to sleep! It's so vivid and addictive...What will I do when you leave me hanging tonight????

I had a lousy traveling experience several years ago with just one guy. He WAS a friend of my then boyfriend (now DH). It was his first trip to Paris. He had to be in control of EVERYTHING even though he knew nothing. Among other ridiculous things: he insisted on doing all the talking with his high school French and barred me from EVER talking even though French is my first language!! I totally respected him trying, but resented that I could only speak English, because &quot;if people even heard me talk, they'd ignore him&quot;. At the same time, he insisted that we could never separate because it was his &quot;first trip&quot;. That was just the tip of the iceberg. NEVER AGAIN!!

Anyhow -- MORE PLEASE!!!

Barb,

Phyllis Stein IS reading this (and her toes are curling!)....

Oh. My. Word.

While you're waiting...
Why do the Wrong People Travel


TravelTravel they say improves the mind,
An irritating platitude
Which frankly, entre nous,Is very far from true.
Personally I've yet to find
That longitude and latitude
Can educate those scores

Of monumental bores
Who travel in groups and herds and troupes
Of various breeds and sexes,
Till the whole world reelsTo shouts and squeals
And the clicking of Rolleiflexes.
Why do the wrong people travel,travel, travel,
When the right people stay back home?
What compulsion compels themAnd who the hell tells them
To drag their bags to ZanzibarInstead of staying quietly in Omaha?
The Taj MahalAnd the Grand CanalAnd the sunny French Riviera
Would be less oppressed
If the Middle West
Would settle for somewhere rather nearer.
Please do not think that I criticise or cavil
At a genuine urge to roam,But why oh why do the wrong peopletravel
When the right people stay back home!Why do the wrong people travel,travel, travel When the right people stay back home?
What explains this mass maniaTo leave Pennsylvania
And clack around like flocks of geese,
Demanding dry martinis on the Isles Of Greece?
In the smallest streetwhere the gourmets meet
They invariably fetch up
And it’s hard to make
Them accept a steak
That isn't served rare and smeared with ketchup
It would take years to un ravel - ravel - ravel
Every impulse that makes them roam
But why oh why do the wrong peopletravelWhen the right people stay back homeWhy do the wrong people travel,travel, travel
When the right people stay back home?
What peculiar obsessionsInspire those processions
Of families from Houston, Tex,With all those cameras around their necks?
They will take a trainOr an aeroplane
For an hour on the Costa Brava,
And they'll see Pompeii
On the only dayThat it's up to its ears in molten lava.
Millions of tourists are churning up the gravel
While they gaze at St. Peter's Dome,But why oh why do the wrong peopletravelWhen the right people stay back home,
And mind their businessWhen the right people stay back home,Won't someone tell me
Why the right people stay back home!

So? Lessons get learned. Same thing happened to me. 2 of us (old friends, 50 something females) go to Paris then hook up down in the Burgundy region for the self-drive barge trip. 14 people. 14 was fine...there was plenty of people to entertain one another when others of us meandered away.
The one person I was to baby-sit through the Paris part of the gig behaved in ways I never saw her do in the STates! Butted in front of a line during the lunch hour at a boulangerie... which left me with a &quot;What the h@LL?&quot; Ripped and tore through a store that sold luggage (she didn't pack light and since no one was helping her carry her luggage, she decided to buy new stuff on wheels)...causing the sales person some duress..anyway. Love my friend dearly but?
A year later, I was back in Paris by myself. Now, the thought of someone accompanying me seems as if a &quot;threat&quot; somehow.

What fun! While I am sitting here this morning anxiously awaiting the next part of &quot;the story&quot; I have a technical question that I hope some of you will be able to help me with.

I am going to be camping this weekend and will be away from my computer. (We leave in 2 hrs) I hate to think I will miss any of Barb's adventures. How can I &quot;tag&quot; this report so I can read it all when I return?

Thank you for your help

1jan1

OMG, this is absolutely hilarious!!! You really should sell the movie rights:) I am so sorry that this trip was a fiasco, but I will be honest and say that I am sitting here giggling and cannot stop. Please do not condense any of it though!

Just click on your name.

&quot;This is great. I hope nothing heartwarming happens to spoil the mood.&quot;

Hilarious Pausanias - I would travel with you and that's a compliment!! I have been going solo for a few years now and love it.

Reading this made me late for work this morning!!! Waiting for more!