That's a tough question.

I ran through the pros & cons responses and was leaning towards "go" until I asked myself, "If this were my American daughter from Denver, who had already been to, say, Chicago or New York and was asking to go again with two other 16 year olds, would I let her?" errr, probably not. Is Paris really any different?

Gender does make a difference, but the answer would be the same; boys feel invincible at that age and generally can't say no to alcohol, while girls have self control but are the target of predators. Odds of an uneventful trip are better for girls than boys, imo.

The fact that she COULD go without your permission, but asked for it in spite of that MAY be important. Maybe she wants to go, but secretly is actually afraid of what might happen or is under peer pressure. Maybe she can't say no to her friends and is looking to you to be "the bad guy". Sometimes parents have to be the bad guy to help kids save face and stay safe.

Example: I was 16, dating a guy who was 21 who didn't get off work until the evening, so we couldn't start our date until 10:00 or 10:30. He was pressuring me to extend my "due home time". I remember arguing heatedly with my mother about having to be home by 12:30. When my mother asked what we were going to be doing (bowling, coffee, movie etc) that couldn't be done by 12:30...I drew a blank; didn't have an answer...case settled. What totally surprised me was, I immediately felt this huge sense of relief that she had said "no"...two hot blooded young people, madly in love, with nothing to do...what do you think we were going to be doing after 12:30??? I didn't realize it until she said "no" that I was really feeling negative pressure that didn't register with me and that I wasn't handling on my own.

Another thought about saying "yes". I graduated from H.S. early and received a scholarship to attend university in France at the age of 17. I had never been on a plane or away from my family for more than two nights at a time. Got myself with two of the largest suitcases they make from CDG to Paris for a few days, to the train station, 7 hr. train ride to my new home. I was a bit overwhelmed by the experience, but I survived to tell the tale. During school breaks I traveled to Paris and other cities alone...I didn't think to ask the permission of my parents (those were the days before computers, skype etc); it would have taken too long to get a response. It was a great experience that I'm glad I survived.

Before I left home, my dad asked me to follow two rules:
1) safety in numbers
2) don't go out at nig
3) and obviously, no alcohol and/or bars/clubs
I won't go into detail, but the only time I got in trouble was when I didn't follow those two rules.

The friends have parents? Have you discussed this with them?

Will she be able to rent a hotel room at that age? She couldn't here in the States. Will they need to carry a lot of cash to pay for the hotel or does one of them have a credit card??

As a mom of a young woman who looked older when she was that age, that makes it even a bit more uncomfortable for me. Getting hit on by males [if she looked younger, that most likely wouldn't be an issue], being pestered by the scam artists etc. would be my other concerns, beyond the hotel.

I am curious about DebitNM's point as well. Can three 16 year olds get a hotel room in Paris?

Who is she staying with in Grenoble, and what do they think/advise?

What sort of experiences of potential trouble has she had in Grenoble and how did she deal with them?

That might be relevant to your decision.

My daughters went to Florence and Lyon from the US by themselves for 10 days at 15 and 17, loved it.

I did find and reserve hotels for them online, but left the rest to them.

Well if she's spending a year abrod I assume she has a credit card and a checking account/ATM card. How would youmanage otherwise?

And I don;t know that hotels have the same rules there that they do here. European kids generally travel abroad at younger ages than americans.

Talking to the parents of the other girls is a good idea - as is ensuring that they - and you - know the hotel or hostel the girls will be staying at.

Perhaps my view is skewed since I went away to college at 17 - which meant lviing on my own - granted in an apt in a dorm - but with no rules or regs at all and managing my own finances (both for school and everyday). So to me - this is the sort of thing well within the abilities of a reasonably mature 17 year old. Hundreds of thousands of kids do it every year when they head off to college (where there are all sorts of temptations and plenty of predatory young (an even older) men. (My freshman year a late 40's professor decided to hit on me for grades. He did it to all the attractivve young women in his classes - and that's much more difficult to deal with than a random guy in a pub.)

Is Paris more dangerous than Grenoble? Some of this dithering is incredible. You let someone go to Grenoble and live there for several months but Paris poses a problem? The most visited city in the world? The most interesting city in the world? In other words: The "best" city in the world?

"No, I don't think you should go. Something might happen to you." Nothings happens anywhere except in Paris, of course.

An honorable mention of course to klondiketoo for <i>girls have self control</i>. Nuff sed. Let's not talk about teen pregnancy, because I'm sure that it doesn't really exist.

I'd say no, it's not too young. In Britain between the ages of 16 and 18 kids are applying to universities and often making choices that are very far away from home. They have to visit these places to see if they like them. Can their parents always go with them? Of course not. Are some of these places in big cities (including London, which is MUCH bigger than Paris)? Of course. Will some of these kids visiting universities on their own still be only 16? Probably.

I visited just about all of the universities I applied to on my own. So did my sister. Many were in big cities. We were fine. Your daughter will be too. Let her go and enjoy herself.

Don't give your daughter reasons to lie to you about what she is actually doing. She will appreciate it forever.

Seems to me pretty obvious that 16 is not 17 and that being in a school in Grenoble is not the same as being in a city where no one knows you.

What is the ideology behind all this insistence that the OP (who isn't exercised about this at all) deserves to be kicked around and scolded for not jumping to a conclusion?

I think she asked a reasonable question in an unreasonable forum. I don't get the ideologically driven people posting in this thread. Obviously not every 16 year old girl should go to Paris on their own.

How about:
<i>All three of them are responsible</i>

and

<i>I know she can travel safely and smartly</i>

It's a parent's job to worry, your feelings are perfectly understandable.

You say she is mature, she has a fair amount of French, she is already living a year abroad, and she had already been to Paris several times before- because of all these things, I would be inclined to let her go.

I don't mean to sound ghoulish, but anything negative that could happen in Paris, can also easily happen in Grenoble. And as someone who attended private boarding school from age 10- 17, I can guarantee she is probably already getting up to far more than you will ever know.

I think the concern is understandable. I would also have agonised over whether letting my 16 year old son go off to a big city with friends (but then boys tend to do stupid things!).

I think the location makes a difference. Paris is not exactly a centre of teenage debauchery - if they wanted to go to Amsterdam, or one of the European 'party Islands' where too much cheap drink, too much drugs and lots of random sex are pretty much par for the course, I'd say no. Paris? I'd let her go.

Fine, kerouac, but what is all this emotional talk about putting one's daughter in a position to be grateful, and that any further discussion is mollycoddling? Your responses have been venemous. Why the bullying of a thoughtful parent?

No one here is actually much dealing with the fact that the three 16 year olds, who are not sisters (that would make a difference) will be traveling outside the sphere of protection that the school offers them in Grenoble. Were something to happen to the 3 girls there, they would shortly be surrounded by experienced help. I really doubt that most people would be comfortable letting three 16 year old girls live in Paris for a year by themselves, even if they all had deep pockets and credit cards. Inexperience can make a difference when emergencies happen.

School is very compelling reason to let a teen travel abroad without a parent. A weekend in Paris is less so.

What matters is whether the parent here makes the right call based on a correct perception of whether the 3 girls under discussion can handle emergencies should they arise. This ideological nonsense about Paris, teen sex and getting your kid to like you is just plain weird.

1. You know your daughter, and have confidence in her. Point in favor
2. Who are her friends? What has she told you about them? How confident are you in their maturity levels?
3. This is likely to be one of the biggest highlights of her year abroad.

Would I have given my permission for my daughter to do this? Hmmm. She was a HS senior at 16 and had done some college visits with friends. She was a "big fish" in a fairly large suburban HS, with great grades, and had worked part time since she was 14. We let her go to the Bahamas on Spring Break with a group of about 20. Everyone survived. I think Paris with two close pals in your daughter's situation would have been a preferable destination and an easier decision to make.

BTW, mine is now 34, independent, well-travelled, bilingual, and contemplating a run for school board.

The only venom on this thread is in zeppole's paranoid fantasies, starting with the very first response: <i>taking a long ride back on a sparsely populated train at night</i>

Beg to differ with you Kerouac on the venom comment.

Many a female who has traveled solo can confirm that what you call 'paranoid fantasies' are painful realities. Zeppole speaks from experience as do I. Night train Zurich to Paris. Sparsely populated first couple of stops. Two against one. Very Real Nightmare, not paranoid fantasy. Your reality is different from mine, but it isn't any less valid.


No reason to stop living and having wonderful experiences to make up the for the bad. I, too, will be grateful to my parents rather than holding it against them or blaming them. But being forewarned is being forearmed. I believe zeppole's first main suggestion was: No night trains. I definitely would second that.

Did I suggest taking night trains? No I did not. But zeppole immediately fantasized a scenario that the girls were stupid and would take one. On the international day for women, I find that it is insulting to believe that females will make the wrong decisions and become victims. Maybe you want some men to take care of you? :-/ I guess we will never make any progress in equality if females should automatically shrink away from adventures that are available to males. France is not Afghanistan.

kerouac, what about zeppole's advice made you think she was making a connection between the student's gender and their possible decision to stay in Paris for longer than they perhaps should?