So what happened to my question on sexy vs frumpy clothes?
 

It was an innocent question and I really wanted an answer.

I would like to know how a person of middle age can pack clothes that look fashionable and sexy and still be comfortable.

I don't know why it disappeared but if any ladies my age would give me some pointers I would be grateful.

What is your definition of middle age?

55 and counting.....

Black is the answer to most of my wardrobe questions. You do have to dress to your size and shape, and that makes a huge difference.
And there are now a lot of very nice, comfortable shoes that are quite stylish.
But it's almost impossible to look drop dead sexy when traveling with a small suitcase and walking for hours and hours on end. Something has to give.

Black pants and tops - and a jacket of some color - or black pants and jacket and a shirt of some color...

anyway - boring and certainly not the last word - but maybe a start to get this thread going...

Thank you for the real help. I hope this thread stays a while or I can just use your information.

How about East Indian clothes, such as a caftan?

Uhhh...caftans are not sexy. They just look like you are trying to hide something.

Try well cut clothes that fit, nice accessories (including a colorful scarf) and some heels for the evenings. If you are talking winter, great boots (not snow boots) and a skirt. Leather is also a good option.
Cheers,
Jan

Believe me, leather is VERY unforgiving when it is "snug" and looks worse than that caftan when worn like a sack!

If you can pull it off, do it.

I'm interested in the definition of "sexy".

If it means attractive, then simple and well cut in plain colours, with tasteful accessories will fit the bill.

The danger in women over 50 or so is that "sexy" can look vulgar and raddled.

Taken off probably because you used the banned word here on Fodors..."Frumpy"......

It has been my observation that "sexy" is more of an attitude than a look.

One of our lovely trolls probably wrote something nasty and Fodor's took it off. Someone recently suggested that you take the plastic from the drycleaners and place it between the layers of clothes in your suitcase to keep them from wrinkling. Am going to try it on next trip to see if it works.

I get a catalogue called travelsmith and they have some nice things, i think you can find them on line

<i>&quot;How about East Indian clothes, such as a caftan?&quot;</i>

When was the last time you saw an East Indian woman look as though she wanted to get $%#@ed?

Oh, miriam_m, you're too funny! If, at age 55, you haven't figured out how to be sexy and pack sexy, I suggest there's little hope.

Do you not recall the responses on the other thread? Not precise like driving instructions, so the gist could have stayed with you. Responses were similar in tone and variety to these, and you responded there, so I would have thought you'd realized that not knowing you, your wardrobe, your appearance, or your attitude, it's impossible to advise.
But you knew that, yes?
I'd mentioned fishnet stockings, tall boots, and a mini, if you need a memory jog.
What do you consider comfortable and sexy at home?
Pack flat cute comfortable shoes. If you don't like those, pack shoes with stiletto heels, and try not to limp on the cobblestones.

mariam_m - you want an example of how to dress fashionable and sexy at your age or older?.....think Sophia Loren.
((S))((*))

The sexiest thing to wear: confidence.

parisnow, dry cleaning bags between layers works like a charm. I travel extensively and I never have to iron, even all-cotton or silk clothes. My male co-workers spend their free time ironing and I do not!

Are silk scarves still a must-have in Italy? Are the women wearing them tied around the neck or how do they wear them?

What about in October? Are colorful wool scarves appropriate in cooler weather?

That would help &quot;color up&quot; the black.

Weird that thread was deleted. &quot;Tom_Cruise&quot; said something not-nice but folks were laughing at him more than getting angry. The mods are quick with the trigger button, it seems.

Silk scarves also look good tied around the waist as a belt. I saw a girl in Milan who looked fab with black trousers, black top and a turquoise Hermes scarf worn as a belt. Admittedly, she worked at Hermes, but still; I thought it was a good look, and it sure brightens up the black. Asprey sell a leather belt buckle that you can attach to your scarf, if you don't just want to tie it around your waist.

And I saw a 50-something American lady at The Last Supper, who was wearing a gold sequined jacket, gold bag and a big black straw hat. A little over the top, but she did look very confident!

Here is a link to opinions on what to wear in Italy, website journeywoman.com is geared to women travelers

http://www.journeywoman.com/ccc/ccc-i2.html

If you look sexy not frumpy at home, you will look that way in Europe too. If you are not sexy at home, going to Europe won't help.

I don't really understand the question... Do not buy special &quot;travel clothes&quot; just take the best of your own wardrobe and put it in a suitcase, voila! And i'm beggin you do not wear a caftan for gods sake (didn't you say you do not like the sack-look often shown in travel pieces?).

Find the best looking shoes you can walk 10 miles in. If that's high heels, more power to you. Most of us mere mortals prefer something more practical. You don't have to look like a frump to be comfortable, I think that assumption is your biggest mistake.

MissPrism,

Otherwise known as &quot;mutton dressed as lamb.&quot;

mariam: The other day I saw a woman of about 60 passing me in Manhattan. She looked gorgeous. I think the most important thing that was she had a great haircut and color, and her make-up was lovely without being obvious. She was dressed in a black t-shirt and black pants, and had a kind of long (mid-thigh) straight elegant cardigan of a kind of mushroom/camel color over. The cardigan was clasped at the throat with a simple pin. Her shoes were flats.

I think a basic black pants and T-shirt or top, paired with a nice low-key jacket or cardigan looks very elegant. For night, if its not chilly, I would add a nice expensive pashima in a color that suits you. I have read for older women that never go mid way with jewelry. Either very delicate or very chunky. Always simple. I hope you put together a nice wardrobe for your trip as that is half the pleasure for me.

Have a wonderful time.

Oscar Wilde: She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman.

Sexy when older means elegant.

miriam_m: You got a TON of response on the missing thread - which we know you read since you posted back to the thread several times.

It is too bad it was deleted, but since you got more advice than you can possibly use, why did you post it again? You won't get much of anything new.

Thank you so very much!! Great practical tips from so many of you. I appreciate it. Although I am surprised that the one who calls herself a snob couldn't give me the time of day.

I will wear exactly as you all suggested. I didn't know what to wear in Europe as I have not been there.

Regarding the caftan, I will be staying in a pallazio and I thought it would be nice to wear &quot;at home&quot; with my gentlemen friend's brother who is in the fashion business. Wish me luck.

No I do not wish to be mutton or lamb - so funny.

hi mariam..i am older than you are by a few years. i purchase 4 of what i am comfortable in for traveling. they are waistless cotton knit dresses with a very straight line..sleeveless so that i can be cool and so that i can wear a jacket when i need to be warm. i hand wash them in a sink and if i want to look sexy i wear interesting patterned hose..and perhaps an interesting jaunty scarf.. the black for evening. i also have some little linen and polyester straight line dresses...scoop neck. if you are heavy, the pencil skirt is the slimming line and you could just wear a long sweater or jacket or something dressy in the eve..get some wonderful stockings!

i must add something about caftans..not for europe..however, to lounge about in..make certain they are silk with a very deep v neck! i wear them in the states and my two are turquoise and other lively colors with subtle beading. on a woman my age they just make me look somewhat eccentric not sexy..but they are comfy and silk does drape....and i do get commments from women..not men...but from men about the patterned hose and pencil dresses! have fun..comfort is the priority!!!!!!!!!!!!

&quot;I'd mentioned fishnet stockings, tall boots, and a mini, if you need a memory jog.&quot;

Let's be honest, Mariam. When you say you want to look &quot;sexy,&quot; you want to appear alluring to the opposite sex. Why not, then, simply solicit replies from men? Or from the gentleman friend with whom you are traveling? If your stated objective is to attract, find out what attracts. Elaine is probably right, and most men are probably attracted by that combination regardless of a woman's age, height or weight.

She's going to Italy, right?

In my experience you don't have to dress &quot;sexy&quot; to get picked up in Italy. Or flirted with, anyway. You can decide whether this is fun or an annoyance.

That said, I'm an advocate of wedge-soled shoes (less slipping/tripping on cobblestones) and ballroom dance shoes (very comfy and look good with flapper-style dresses).

55 is middle age? With 40 being the new 30, and 50 being the new 40, I'm so glad I was born when I was. Three cheers to us lucky gals who get younger and younger as we age!

I'm in my 30's, and when we went to Italy, I packed very comfortable clothes and shoes because we were on our feet all day and there was just no way I could wear heels of any kind (and I'm a Manolo junkie). But if your trip doesn't include hours and hours of walking around cities and museums and other sites, then go for it! Fashion first, I always say.

I am somewhat confused. Yesterday’s thread led me to believe that you were somewhere in your 20’s. Latter on I gathered you where somewhat middle-aged. Today I find that you might be somewhat over 55. I don’t know…….

Be that as it may, as a person that is just under 60, I can tell you that by now, I know what makes me look elegant or frumpy. I agree with a lot of posters in saying that sexy at my age can better be achieved by confidence and attitude.

When I travel (at my age) I am very concerned with comfort. I usually wear clothes that have a classy cut. I pick pieces that are simple. The fabric is also very important. It must be durable and wrinkle-free. I bring along only a few simple pieces of jewelry that will complete my look. When it comes to shoes, I am afraid I will not choose to look sexy or classy. I choose to wear comfortable shoes. They will be simple and not too frumpy. I don’t think you can find sexy shoes that will feel good after walking 5 – 10 miles per day.

Chicos has a travel line that some might consider sexy. They are drapey and slinky and you can brighten them up with bright sweaters and scarves.

I would like to know more about the palace myself.

&lt;I didn't know what to wear in Europe as I have not been there.&gt;

Mariam_M, I'm still very curious why you would think you need different clothing for Europe than what you wear at home. Enough to post twice about it here.

IMO for women after about the age of 32 or so, I think &quot;sexy&quot; is better expressed as chic, elegant, classic, expensive, simple, confident.

Nothing worse than a 50+ women dressing like a teenager... terrible look.

Mariam - did you mean by caftan the Indian style tunics that were so popular this summer? &quot;Caftan&quot; makes everybody think of a huge tent like cover up, whereas the tunics paired with a nice slimming pair of pants underneath can look elegant for the mornings at home if you dont feel like getting fully dressed for breakfast.

By the way what IS your idea of sexy? You didnt say.

why do I have a creeping suspicion that mariam is mkingdom? . . . must be the caftans and plazzaio and gentlemen friends.

I feel like a dork!

No I am not a kindom whatever that is. I am just a regular person, recently divorced who is dating a man with a brother in Venice. I have been out of the loop so I am not sure what is sexy to tell you the truth.

I like the ideas you have offered so far. The gentleman has only seen me dressed casually and I feel the need to dress up to keep up so to speak.

Yes the caftan is how you describe it. I think I will take it for loungewear. I assume sexy is what makes me look desirable and classy. I don't want to look trampy or like a teen. I could take some fitted suits. I feel like I can venture out on my own dresswise now. Thank you to you all.

Mariam: you are dating a man with a brother in Venice who has a pallazio!

Is the brother married? If not, can I come?

I also assume that calling me a kingdom is the new way of saying f-ghag? I'm not and the brother is a wonderful man whatever his orientation.