Smiling at strangers in France - is it rude?
 

I was reading Polly Platt's book on French culture, and this part seemed odd to me (I lived in Paris for six months, a couple years ago). Now, obviously you avoid meeting eyes with people on trains and on the street there - it just isn't done - but what about when talking with cashiers, meeting someone new, etc? According to her book, the French find it hypocritical to smile at someone you don't know at all. I was wondering if maybe this is something that has passed (her book was written in the 80's I think), or what?
Thanks,
-Adrienne

Is this for real? If one smiles all the time, and many people do, what should they do, frown when they run across strangers? On the other hand, I think it WOULD be pretty rude to point at a stranger and laugh. But passing a stranger with a smile on your face? You've got to be kidding.

I have read of this as well. The French apparently view constantly smiling as looking a bit idiotic or even suspicious. Why are you smiling at me - do I know you? Smiling goes with recognition of someone you know - otherwise, what is the purpose?

But it isn't &quot;rude&quot; to smile - what you need to remember is that if you smile but they don't smile back - <i>that&lt;/i. is not rude, either. It's a cultural difference.</i>

sorry for the slight error in 'punctuation'...

another misconception rearing its ugly head. The French do smile when appropiate, the same as we do.
Platt also said don't ask to use the toilet...lol I think my friends would be upset if I didn't and used the floor.

Thanks travelnut - that's a good observation. I'm going with some friends to France this summer, and when I told them about the smiling thing, they were all very worried - so I thought I'd better check and make sure it's true. Of course, they're also very worried about remembering not to put their hands in their laps at the table, and that one's more important!!

If you can behave with basic good manners, have some patience and use a few polite French phrases*, there is no need to obsess about all these 'rules'. You will get by just fine. Platt's books are very interesting for a better understanding of why things are different, but you don't need to memorize it all just to have a nice time in France for a short visit.

* s'il vous plait, merci, bonjour, au revoir - and add 'madame' or 'monsieur' to those. Ask &quot;parlez-vous anglais, s'il vous plait?&quot; before launching into English.

Travelnut - of course I understand that - I lived there before! My friends are slightly worried, so I just thought I'd clarify this before I explained to them exactly what you just said.
We are spending some time with French people in their homes, which is why we want to pay attention to the table part, but I don't consider that obsessing about rules. For the most part, a few polite French phrases should do the trick, just as you said.

Excusez-moi. Les Boche viennent et je dois trouver un drapeau blanc.

It has been over 30 years since I took that French course.

A few years ago, I met up with an American ex-pat living in Paris. I asked her what had been some of the things she found difficult about settling in to a new life in France. (She'd been living there more than 10 years by then.) Among other things, she said she had to train herself not to smile all the time. (Hard to do if you're married to a charming and attractive guy, have beautiful bi-lingual children and live in a gorgeous apartment with a view of the Eiffel Tower!) French friends had complained to her that American tourists were just always so darn smiley-face all the time. As Travelnut mentioned, the French (at least in Paris) think too much smiling makes one look simple.

All Americans do not smile all the time. If you smile at a stranger while shopping they will smile back and so will your server. One doesn't smile just to smile. That's an insecure thing.
But coast to coast, all my French friends smile when the situation calls for it.
OOOPS, Frida Kahlo now on PBS!

I am french ( but live in California ) and I think you should smile as much as you want. It will not be rude at all. Just do not talk to stangers if you listen to their conversation on a line, this would be a little &quot; strange &quot; ( but I like it here ;) )

Believe me, Americans do not smile all the time, ask the Yankee LOL
I had many a Frenchman smile at me this past visit...so this is just bunk. Ignore Polly Platt, what does she know?
LOL, Scarlett the smiley face :D

Polly Platt is making moneys writing a bunch of non sens..

I recently read an article about smiling in a news magazine and it said that Americans have at least two kinds of smiles -- one is a &quot;greeting&quot; smile, the other is a &quot;real&quot; smile of happiness, laughter, etc. The &quot;greeting&quot; smile doesn't crinkle the eyes but the &quot;real&quot; smile does. They had pictures of a model doing both. Since reading the article I've noticed just how much I use the &quot;greeting&quot; smile as a substitute for saying hi or hello. My guess is that the &quot;greeting&quot; smile is not used much in France.

Good observations.
I disagree that Platt's whole book is nonsense - there's a lot of good stuff in there that I find quite true, but yes there are a few things that don't seem right.

I too read the same thing, but in a different book that I happened to pick up and browse through while at Borders over the weekend. It was a book on French culture and basically said that the French think that Americans smile too much and that its rude to smile with false sincerity at people you don't know. My husband and I were having a good laugh at it but it sounds very similar to what abbynicole27 is saying the Polly Platt's book said.

Less smiling goes on here, I do believe. But how is a French person to know, in a passing glace, exactly what a smile on your face is all about? And therefore, why would that French person find it inappropriate? (Perhaps you are thinking, at the moment, of a wonderful passage from Proust!) You mentioned being received by French friends. This is a whole different matter. If you are welcomed into a French home you are way past little matters of formalities and on the way to being very longtime friends. It will not hurt to smile all you want!

Rubbish! I hate all these nonsense books that &quot;tell&quot; you how to behave. I tend to smile and laugh my way through situations when my French fails me and I realise how I cannot communicate easily what I want to say. I was in the gap in Paris and this sweet guy asked me in English (he heard us in the shop) if I needed help and proceeded to look for sizes. His English was worse than my French...when he pulled out a size too small and sweetly said this should fit me I explained in exhausted French that my top and bottom can fit but I am much bigger in the middle than that puny size and we both started laughing because it sounded so stupid.

Smiling to me breaks the ice when speaking with somone especially when you have language barriers. Also some people are just miserable gits and will never smile back so don't take it personally! Be yourself

Maybe our dental plans are just better than theirs. When you spend so much time in the dentist's chair, it's nice to show off the results.
((c))