Question about couples traveling together
 

This is a serious question directed towards those who have traveled as 2 couples.

We are 2 compatible senior couples who have traveled together many times, but always had separate accommodation units. Now we are planning a 3 week trip and we hear about, and see on the net that getting 2 bedroom units is usually cheaper and comes with a separate living area. However, it means sometimes sharing a bathroom, and it may mean not getting the best arrangement, and means being in constant close contact.

My question is for those who have actually traveled as 2 couples sharing 2 bedroom units. How did it work out? Did you get on each other's nerves? Did the bathroom situation work out?

I will anticipate advice to see how it goes, to change if there are problems, it depends how compatible you are, everyone is different, etc.

But would you share your actual experience? Thank you. ((F))

Hi Jed,

It all depends on the couples.

4 people sharing an apt (especially with only 1 bathroom) requires a certain level of acceptance of other people's routines.

Try going to a motel with 2 dbl beds for a night and see if you can stand each other.

Yes, there is the very real potential for friction, both over the sharing of a single bathroom and being in constant contact. As you said, it all depends how compatible you are, everyone is different.

I was annoyed over a friend's wife who took forever to get ready in the morning and spent huge amounts of time in the bathroom, primping in front of the mirror. She always rushed to the bathroom first, saying she'd just be a few minutes, and we were left without an option of leaving and meeting up with them later.

Just the fact that you are concerned enough to surface the issue, might signal something. Three weeks can be a long time.

My main problem with this would be the additional time spent getting ready each morning with only one bathroom.

We wouldn't travel with another couple, anyway, but I'd think I'd want more privacy for at least a portion of the day, which would be difficult in the same apt.

~Liz

My biggest concern -- the bathroom. If you are used to a large or even two separate bathrooms at home, you know that it requires some give and take for two of you sharing a hotel bath. Now make that shared by four people and you're asking for trouble. Four people getting ready to travel in the morning each having to take a turn in the bathroom spells "late start" to me.
Another potential problem with that is that often you have to go through one bedroom to get to the bathroom -- not affording much privacy at night.

It would seem to me that the easy solution is to get a 2 bedroom, 2 bath unit.

My last trip to Europe was with my brother and sister-inlaw. I was torn..I was one, they were two. It would cost me almost 900.00 additional to go as a single. It was much cheaper to get the three of us in one room. Well, I finally opted for the single suppliment and in the end was so glad I did. We are very close, get along very well, have a lot of fun etc., but we were traveling for two weeks and there were some times when I was just so glad to be able to go to my own room and just have the calm and quiet. Also, not having to share a bathroom with two other people was a plus. In the end, I found it was well worth the additional expense.

I rarely ever use the following term, but in this case it is a NO BRAINER.

You are trying to save money, if that's the real driving force, on the WRONG THING. I don't care how "compatible" you are....I wouldn't ever want to be THAT "compatible" and neither would you.

Get real and get two bathrooms.

Dick - "It would seem to me that the easy solution is to get a 2 bedroom, 2 bath unit"

That is certainly pereferable, but unfortunately, I am finding that 2 BR units with 2 baths are not always available in some small towns where we plan to go.

One of the reasons that I am asking this question is that if the feedback is mostly negative, than we will avoid that situation, and get separate rooms where 2 baths are not available. The disadvantages, as mentioned above, are that they are usually more expensive and have less moving-around space.

I appreciate the opinions. ((R))

I would never want for 4 people to share 1 bathroom while traveling! Besides the obvious possible emergency situation, I can't imagine everyone getting ready each morning. Showering, shaving, hair, whatever... seems like it could take 'forever' to be on your way. I would find other ways to economize.

This is slightly different - but may provide perspective. My beau and I have traveled several times with my brother and sister in law. Now, obviously we know each other better than even most good friends do - and can have spats/disagreements without the same type of strain on a merely friendly relationship. Also, we know and can accomodate each others habits (my sis-in-law takes forever to primp and my brother packs for the D-day invasion,, while we're both fairly quick in the AM and lighter packers).

We have done the shared apartment thing only once - but it had 2 baths - one would have been completely insupportable., And it worked out fine. But we had already honed our traveling habits to be able to divide and conquor in different sub groups (separate couples or the men for golf and the women for sightseeing) and never have any hard feelings for the we'll do X today and meet you for dinner.

Also, we make sure to rent a car that all of us are comfrotable driving - so transport doesn;t impede our decisions.

So its doable - with planning and agreemnet on the rules - but never with one bath.

Jed,

How long are you planing on beng in each town? If you can stay at least a week (use it as a base) there should be places for you.

I just booked a place in Italy for next May with 2 baths.

BTW - I have the responsibility of finding the "right" places to stay in the nine (9!) cities/towns on our planned itinerary. I have spent many hours researching on the net. Sometimes the room descriptions online are not clear. Even when I email for more info, the responses are not always clear.

It ain't simple. ((C))

Actually, more than the cost, it is the increased moving-around, relaxing after dinner space that is so appealing.

Again, thanks for your experiences which will help me in my planning.

Jed
We have done this many times with good friends and adult children and this is what we found. We will ALWAYS have our own bathroom. The only time we don't is if we're driving and just want a place to crash for a few hours, then two will shower the night before and two the next morning.But this is rare and not fun. Many times we've had a suite with two baths and it works out great. Having my own bathroom is tops on my list of traveling with another couple. You won't be sorry.

Having our own bathroom is also a requirement for us. If we couldn't find some place to stay in a town with separate bed/bath, we'd go somewhere else! We also made sure we had our own car so that we did not have to feel locked in to doing everything together.

On our last trip to Tuscany with another couple, one day each couple went their own way for a while; another day, the girls went some place new while the boys returned to Florence for another look. Worked out perfectly!

Jed:

Interesting question. I have traveled extensively with two different couple friends - however a) I have known them for years, b) we might be a bit younger than a senior couple who probably value privacy and peace and quiet more than we might at our age.

First - some apartments we have stayed at - in caribbean, florida and barbados have actually had two bathrooms - one ensuite, the other just a toilet and shower stall...looking for such a place might offer you an additional bathroom which as well all know when you have to use the loo you really never want to wait in line.

Also we tended to pool our money for group necessities - food, liquor, cleaning products and toilet paper. If someone wanted something special that only they would enjoy that was on their separate tab - as in one of our friends had to have this unique and expensive carrot juice that no one else wanted so she paid for that separate while the steak, veggies breakfast foods were all paid for from the group contribution kitty.

If possible look for a place with a porch/deck - we tended to have separate time in the early evening before and after dinner when some folks wanted to read a book or chat before dinner and the multiple meeting spaces gave everyone privacy.

I think it's a matter of trying to find the right property but at least if at all possible try for a 1.5 bath if not 2.

I wouldn't do it. We travelled with my sister and brother-in-law in England and Wales for three weeks staying at self catering cottages and only had one bathroom. It didn't work right from the start. We spend a lot of time together at home, but one of the most intimate things to know about people is their bathroom habits. It's information you probably don't need - I know I certainly didn't.

We worked around it as best we could - even vacating the cottage at times when it was required, but I would never do it again.

Now whenever we travel with couples we always get two bathrooms. I think you'll have a nicer holiday and maintain healthier relationships with your friends/family if you do the same.

Have a great holiday.

My wife, her two sisters, her mother and father, and grandmother lived in a home with only one bathroom for years, and managed to get by (although my father-in-law sometimes took his car down to the filling station when it didn't really need gasoline), so I think with some planning this could be done, depending on the people. If some arise earlier than others, that could minimize the congestion.

I would look at just how much time of each day you spend in your lodgings. If you like to sit around your rooms in the evenings, or even during the day, that is one thing. If you plan on being on the go, with even your meals somewhere else, and only sleeping at your lodgings, that is something else and bathroom congestion may be something you can work around.

There was five of us in an apartment in London with one bathroom. While we got along just fine, the toilet had low water pressure, and you had to keep flushing, then the tank was slow to fill up, so that created a wait. Other than that, it wasn`t a problem, but I don`t think I`d do it again. We are all women, and none of us are primpers.

As far as who gets the better bedroom, you can take turns choosing first. Of course, sometimes the room that seems best is not actually best, but c'est la vie.

As far as the bathroom, I think that people have really different habits which may make it easy or, more likely, difficult.

We have traveled with one other couple that wake earlier than we do. The woman has her shower, is dressed, primped, and ready to go by the time we are up and about. She didn't mind waiting for us, so no bathroom conflict there. Her husband takes about 10 minutes total in the bathroom. Mine tends to take his showers at night, and I like to have mine at the end of the day before going out for dinner. So that worked pretty well.

We have done it with others as well, but 4 people is a lot for 1 bathroom, as everyone seems to agree. You should discuss the trade off of the bathroom hassle for the extra living space, and draw up some ground rules to preserve your friendship.

You know, I'll bet there are four people for whom this would all work out beautifully. But I don't know any of them.

Yes, if not all of you have the same morning ablution routine, that would help. If some of you are very fast in the bathroom that would help.
If you are all always open and honest in your communications, and no one ever plays martyr and no one whines and no one bullies and everyone is a bathroom cleaner-upper, and each of you is flexible and considerate and all the time, that would help.
But I see it as unlikely, and possibly damaging to your friendship and travel future.

Hi Jed,

>I have the responsibility of finding the "right" places to stay in the nine (9!) cities/towns on our planned itinerary. <

Are you guys sure that you want to do 9 towns in 21 days?

And you want to share an apt?

With maybe only one bathroom?

Oh, that's ok then. With 9 cities in 21 days, none of you will have TIME to use the bathroom anyway. :-D

Wow, I hadn't put that part together. 9 cities in 21 days. Yikes!

Using my trusty equasion- substract the first and last days because these are basically eaten up in arriving and departing airports, then subtract 1/2 day each time you change locations (checking in/out of hotel or apartments, taxi, train ride, bus, car trip, whatever, and then checking in to new place) there goes essentially another 4 days. Take the 15 days left and divide by 9... that's ~1.5 days in each place.

Maybe that's OK with your group, but I like to throw this idea out just as a reality check about the logistics of the kind of trip you're describing.

I was wondering about that, too (itinerary). I haven't done this in a long time (only when much younger) but being around other couples gets on my nerves 24/7, but I really need a lot of privacy and I know other people don't. I wouldn't even consider it, but I know myself.

HOwever, I was just amazed as to where you could easily find two-bedroom "units" (apartments? hotels? I don't know many two-bedroom hotel units, but I guess there are some but they are usually in expensive hotels) that are cheaper than hotels and easily book-able on an itinerary that seems to involve moving every couple of days.

Ignore my previous concerns about the bathroom usage. I'm with Marilyn. No one will have time to go to the bathroom anyway!

Christina brings up an excellent point. Jed, are you sure these apartments you are hearing about are willing to rent just for 1-2 nights?

Often that kind of place requires a week minimum stay. That might solve your planning problems, or at least eliminate this option.

This question brought back a memory I just have to share:

My great-uncle and great-aunt used to travel with another elderly couple sharing a quad motel room to save money. They got along famously and went on many trips together.

They were overseas once when, unexpectedly, their male friend passed away during the night. Undaunted, they finished their trip with "Harry's" ashes being carried along by the new widow. They figured "Harry" would have wanted it that way. Talk about intrepid travellers!

Regarding the comments about Jed's itinerary (which are dangerously close to being patronizing by the way) - we've easily done 9 cities/towns in less time than 21 days. The intensity of an itinerary depends on the goals of the trip and the overall geographic area, not just the number of stops.

Now, back to the question at hand:

we've shared one bathroom with TWO other couples and sometimes a single to boot! However, a few points:

on these occasions we were not trying to tour or even sightsee much at all but were simply relaxing in one spot. If you have a particular destination in the morning, bathroom pressures could be awkward.

Secondly, the women were not doing much primping - and any that was, was done before the bedroom mirrors, not the bathroom.

Thirdly, the informality of the group was such that we were able to manage by conducting activities like toothbrushing and hairwashing at the kitchen sink. Obviously, this is what is known as 'shipboard privacy' and might not be tolerable with all people or more to the point, under all situations. If we had been planning to get to a certain museum or destination in the mornings, I doubt it would have worked.

>They figured "Harry" would have wanted it that way.<

Good for them.

How many cities did they visit before they had time to get the body cremated?

Suze - "Maybe that's OK with your group, but I like to throw this idea out just as a reality check about the logistics of the kind of trip you're describing." - I have spent a long time figuring out this itinerary, and being a seasoned traveler, I feel sure it is reasonable.

Christina - "HOwever, I was just amazed as to where you could easily find two-bedroom "units" (apartments? hotels? I don't know many two-bedroom hotel units, but I guess there are some" - I wish it were easy. Sometimes it requires poking into the nooks and crannies of their websites and booking sites. And even then the descriptions of the rooms and bathrooms are not clear.

"but they are usually in expensive hotels)" - not so. You can find them in many small hotels/motels. Look and ye shall find. Just for example, check out <http://www.pungagrove.co.nz/tariff.asp>

Sue_xx_yy - "Regarding the comments about Jed's itinerary (which are dangerously close to being patronizing by the way)" - Thanks - I hesitated to say anything. ((F))

Jed, there seems to be a disconnect here. You say you are a seasoned traveler and feel confident that 9 cities in 21 days will work. However, you couldn't see the obvious drawbacks of couples sharing an apartment with one bathroom?

Jed - While nine locations in 21 days is way too ambitious for me, I am sure you have planned it out well. However, I was wondering if you are going to be staying in hotels or apts? I noticed you said in your first message that you were looking at 2 bedroom units. I think we all assumed that you were talking about an apt. As someone mentioned, apts. usually have a minimum stay, usually a week although I have seen some with 3 day minimum. If that is the case are you looking only at apts or also at hotels? I would definitely make sure you have two bathrooms, an absolute necessity if you want to get on the road at the decent time in the morning.

We've been thinking for the past year about renting one of the gorgeous ParisPerfect apartments with my in-laws next Thanksgiving.

We LOVE my inlaws, and love to travel with them. We've rented beach houses together very happily many times.

However, after they stayed with us for two weeks this past summer (in my 2BR, 1 BA house) we decided that there was NO WAY we would share an apartment, even if there were four bathrooms.

The issue isn't just primping time: it's privacy. My house, while small, is much bigger than the average European rental apartment. Even in our house, it was so difficult to get any alone time, and to stop feeling guilty about not wanting to talk and be social evvery minute.

I think that compounding the lack of privacy with the travelling stress of even the best vacation would be deadly.

Being able to totally separate each day would be so healthy for your time together.

The fact that you are seeing nine cities also makes me think that it would be nice to leave things like making the beds, etc to a hotel staff. In an apartment, you would have to do all of this for yourself.

Just my two cents. FYI- we've decided to stay at the Hotel Valadon with my in laws next year.

We travel a lot with several other couples, and have a great time.
But--we would never ever consider sharing a bathroom!
We're good friends--but not THAT good!
Byrd

I grew up in a one bathroom household. Its the survival of the fittest. Whoever yelled the most got top dog bathroom privileges.

But I really don't see a problem with four adults who are compatible with each other.

Oh Degas, you almost made me spit my coffee all over my computer screen.

Jed, I was the first to crack a joke about your itinerary, and I apologize if it was taken as "patronizing." Obviously, many do feel that's a lot of ground to cover in 21 days, but I did not mean to offend.

I feel very strongly that people can travel any way they like -- it's their time and their money. But I couldn't resist the wisecrack.

I didn't mean to sound "patronizing" either, as another who commented on the itinerary. If Jed and friends had traveled like this before (lots of stops in a relatively short timeframe), then they know best.

i have not been able to fully read every post, but have you condsidered some nice b and b's?
they usually have a large living room/ study for all the guests to use, but the private rooms and ensuite bathrooms in many of them.

might be a nice comfortable inexpensive solution for all.