Please help a FiftySomething Woman going to Italy
 

I am new here and have spent all day going through the messages, you give such good advice.

I used to go to Italy with my husband but we never got further south than Rome and now that he is gone I would like to travel anyway.

What would you suggest for me in the South of Italy? Friends say to be careful in that area because a woman alone will be afraid but I would love to visit the Amalfi Coast and some of the islands including Sicily.

Has any single woman of my age gone to Amalfi Coast or Sicily alone? Thank you for helping me.

What do your friends say a woman travelling there alone will be afraid of?

I can't think offhand of anything about the Amalfi coast which is particularly threatening, in comparison with the rest of Europe.

I'd recommend a trip just to Sicily. There's an enormous amount to see, but you can get a feel for parts of it in about two weeks and then can keep going back. I'm also a woman in my 50s and have been to Sicily four times, twice in recent years alone. I wouldn't hesitate to go there alone again. I did not want to rent a car alone, but then I don't want to rent a car anywhere alone; it has nothing to do with Sicily.

"They" (women who have only traveled with their husbands) say that the men are as aggressive as their driving and a woman would not be safe alone.

They mentioned that Sicily is barren and wild too and that a woman alone would be scared.

cmt, you have gone there and you weren't afraid. You even had a good time so I am getting conflicting stories. I tend to believe you though even though I am not very wild or aggressive myself.

Maybe this is the foundation of a Fodorites' trip?

What month do you have in mind?

May 2005 would be good.

Best wishes,

Rex

Minerva, I think it's very difficult to judge for another person. A travel situation or locale I find to be amusing or only mildly adventurous(because I've done quite a bit of solo travel), might be intimidating or frightening for another woman who is not used to being on her own.

Having said that... I encourage you to try it! in some form or other. If Sicily alone feels like too much for you on your first solo trip, what about joining a tour (I'm thinking Rick Steves or Elderhostel types) or maybe going back to the northern citites that you are already familiar with? Then work up to the Sicily trip a bit later when you have more solo experience and feel more confident in your travel skills.

I didnt realize that you have fodors trips. Do you travel together often?

How registered fodors are on this site?

I might consider a fodors trip but I had thought I could do one on my own. I was thinking of late this year or early next year.

Rex, are you the tour leader?

PS: I was reading some of your trip's reports and some of you seem like live wires, especially one I am thinking of.

I am not sure if my wires are still connected!

There have barely been Fodorites' trips (three that I know of - - and two of them were just two people traveling together), and none of the the three trips has been "conducted", condoned or sponsord by Fodors. I was indeed the leader of a trip of seven who went to Italy in 2001, and I would love to do it again.

It's just a matter of people corresponding by e-mail, setting a plan, an itinerary and laying out a plan for the logisitics and the finances.

Rex.

My husband and I are going to be in Italy in May of 2005 (just started planning) as our daughter will be doing a quarter in Sienna. We wouldn't want to do an actual "organized group", but it might be fun to meet up somewhere for a drink and to chat. So, keep in touch.

theregoesminerva--
I was in Italy with another women friend and yes, the men, approached and such, but it was no big deal. Now that I'm over 50, I might even be flattered if they did (LOL).

Now that my 20 yr. old daughter is going, I mentined this to a young woman who works in the International travel office and has lived in Italy, and she said, it's just part of the culture and is really quite innocent and all you need to do is ignore it.

If you want to go, by all means GO!

Well, I'm going by myself, leaving family behind, for an 8 day rental in Amalfi in Oct. So hope your info is wrong, because I am looking forward to being there by myself. I will add that Rome and south of Rome seems more, well, Italian in many ways, including such ways as you are probably thinking about, but also in all the ways that make Italy Italy to me.
Dee

Hi Minerva,

>"They" ..say that the men are aggressive ...and a woman would not be safe alone.<

As Sophia Loren said in one of her movies, "Keep your nose up and your skirts down".

I think that you would have a very pleasant visit if you did 3-4 days in Naples and a week on the Amalfi Coast.

See my trip report:

http://www.fodors.com/forums/threads...p;tid=34451044

Minerva, go for it! You are only as old as you think you are. I know plenty of live wires your age. If a handsome Italian hits on you, how cool is that? You can always say "no thanks," and walk away with a smile on your face.

My best advice: Buy some new clothes that are flattering and stylish (not matronly) and get a really great hair cut (& color?) before you go.

I have opened a new tour service for lovely Fiftysomething woman who need an attentive and sensitive guide with refined manners and a flair for saying and doing just the right things.

And rest assured, you will have nothing to fear as we laugh and walk arm and arm into a wonderful italian sunset and our 6-star hotel.

When can I do your credit check and background investigation?

Best hurry - my fall schedule is filling up fast.

I would suggest that you get the clothes and the makeover after you get there.

ira, BAD idea for all sorts of reasons. I would not want to experiment with a new hair cut/color unless I could speak fluently and with nuance to the hair stylist. I'd also want to go somewhere recommended by someone I know.

Not everyone can buy clothes and wear them out of the store. (I always have to have pants shortened, for example.) Sizes are different. Etc.

If you are a gorgeous young thing with enormous self-confidence, yes, you can risk a new haircut and wardrobe in a foreign country. For me, I would be a mass of anxiety if I didn't have those things taken care of before I left.

>If you are a gorgeous young thing with enormous self-confidence, yes, you can risk a new haircut and wardrobe in a foreign country. <

OK. I admit to being a gorgeous young thing. :)

Thank you Rex, I will keep your offer in mind AND also yours Degas! How did you know I was rolling in dough? And not the pastry kind either!

Seriously, I am pretty low on the frumpo meter still and I guess I could jump start my wires and have a good time by myself.

Afterall, my lady friends think they are wild when they go to the theatre without their husbands! I think I will go for it like you, Dee.

Now I have to start planning!

Hi minerva,

You might find my trip report useful in planning your visit.

http://www.fodors.com/forums/threads...p;tid=34451044

Minerva, sounds like you are right on track for a great time. Your own state of mind will be a huge determinant of how much you enjoy yourself! One more option to consider....in some areas, you can still be on your own and then sign on for just a day or half day tour of some sites. To tour or not to tour doesn't have to be an all or nothing decision.

Thank you for the trip report and all the tips so far.

Are any of the women fodorites my age?
If so, do you travel alone and like it?

I may just book a few hotels and then take day trips with a tour group, like Grey Line, if they have tours on the Amalfi coast.

I would love to see Mt. Etna, anyone know if there are tours to the top?

Thank you again.

Minerva, I'm a woman your age. I found out I REALLY like travelling alone. The reason is quite simple, I can do what I want when I want to do it. Paris was my first choice of destinations so far...but Italy, thanks to our "Ira here.. the sweet young thang"... has me thinking Italy as well. I say go for it.

Thank you.

Alot of you like to rent apartments or villas, maybe I will look into that. I'm half Italian and a "wonderful" cook so I can really get into making dinners with all the fresh ingredients.

This is sounding better and better, if I threw a dinner party do you think I could invite my neighbors? Has anyone done this?

theregoesminerva - I wish I could tell you how wonderful traveling alone is - but I haven't done it yet. My first "solo" trip is to Italy (and Prague) and coming up in less than a month. I've been planning it for months and there are quite a few theads here which offer inspiration for a woman (of any age) traveling alone. I keep going back and re-reading them since, now that my trip is getting close, I'll admit to getting a tad nervous. I have several friends who have traveled alone and they all love it. But most of them also live alone, so maybe being alone when traveling is not so different. I am married and have three kids. I barely get to go to the bathroom alone, so 17 days by myself will be quite an experience. But I am also really looking forward to it. So, theregoesminerva - go for it. And everyone else - keep those assurances that we can do it coming.

I will also encourage minerva to travel to Italy by herself, but I was surprised by Ira's recommendation of 3-4 days in Naples. I admit to never having been to Naples, but my impression from numerous posts about it on this forum is that Naples (while it may have much beauty and cultural offerings) might be the Italian location MOST likely to give Minerva frightening or otherwise disagreeable experiences. Shouldn't Minerva start slow and work her way up?

<<Alot of you like to rent apartments or villas, maybe I will look into that. I'm half Italian and a "wonderful" cook so I can really get into making dinners with all the fresh ingredients.

This is sounding better and better, if I threw a dinner party do you think I could invite my neighbors? Has anyone done this? >>

This is one of the prime motivations for me to want to do small group travel - - the really nice villas and other self-catering accommodtions are just not practical for a couple. We spent a week out of the 13 days on the Fodorites' 2001 trip, renting a marvelous old house on the edge of Lake Garda. It could have accommodated 11; we had 7, but even dividing seven ways, it was a great bargain (about $45 per person per night). There were no couples, so there was no point in having different rates for "single rooms" (one "pair" was a woman in her 40's and her mother, so they did choose to share one of the larger rooms).

We had always had breakfast in, of course, - - sometimes great extravaganzas - - rustic Italian bread is great for something I love making: "baked French toast", smothered in apricot sauce; sack lunches were a good way of economizing for later in the day, and we had dinner in, twice. Andit's nice to be able to have late night wine/snacks, fruit, desserts, coffees whatever - - lounging around in your own living room, with a "one minute commute" to be back in your own (bed)room.

So, it's great "bargain travel" and you get to stay in some fabulous places that are simply out of reach of a couple.

And there are books...hundreds and hundreds of books...just go on to Amazon, type in Women Travel and voila...please have your credit card handy! A couple suggestions that might interest you are "Without Reservations" and "Alone with Michalangelo", then, of course there'd be Frances Mayes books for you...as a foodie (SO AM I!!!!)

Minerva: You will have such a wonderful time you will wonder why you ever worried. I'm your age and I have been to Italy and France solo and had the best time. I have written reports on both trips. I never once felt unsafe, lonely, or nervous. I met wonderful people - who seem to gravitate to you when you are by yourself. I don't want to be overly dramatic, but it really was a life-altering experience my first solo trip. I was so proud of myself that I did it and everything went so great. I think for a first solo trip, Sorrento would be ideal. Good base to explore the coast and Capri and transportation is easy. Lots to do and the food is fabulous. Once you do it, you will never look back. Have a blast!

I travel to Europe (and the US) alone often. I also occasionally go with others (I do the planning). I am 50 but look much younger (clean living!!) Matronly would NEVER be an adjective to describe me - over the top maybe! I admit to being lonely when I first arrive and am jetlagged, but when I've gotten some rest, I am rarin to go. The only other negative is that I wear myself out by going all day that by early evening I am ready to drop - so it is really hard to make myself go back out, except for theatre in London. I can cover alot of ground alone and look at what I want. If I could find the 'perfect' travel companion I'd like that better, but guess I have a low tolerance for 'annoyance.'

Minerva...I am all over this board trying to make up my mind myself as to what kind of trip I want to take and if I am courageous enough to do it alone, and by alone, I even mean with a tour!!! Pathetic!!! I am thinking of taking my 72 year old mom but not sure if she will be able to keep the pace of a tour. If you like cooking, the italian cooking and living website has cooking tours in italy, and one on the Amalfi coast next March...I'd love to take that one, but really, I have so many stupid fears that are stopping me from making any kind of decisions...like driving on Amalfi drive, as I hear it is unnerving and I hate to be in the car, etc.!! Take a look at the website www.italiancookingandliving.com and go under tours...let me know what you think:)

For Minerva, Yes I am 50, I travel alone often and love it. As we've discussed in the past on Foders (maybe you could search for those threads) on other similar posts about women traveling alone... my theory is it is maybe easier for me because I'm single, never married. So I'm used to being self-sufficient and keeping my own good company. If I waited for friends to be available to join me, that would have significantly cut down the number of great trips I've taken to date.

I second the suggestion to read short story books written by and about women traveling solo. Lots of great stuff (The Unsavvy Traveler and Hot Flashes from Abroad are two that come to mind).

suze, I like your attitude and approach to travel. Waiting for other people to make a travel decision or "get in the mood" has caused me to miss opportunities. No more.

A real inspirational book about traveling solo and one I read just before my first solo journey is Without Reservation by Alice Steinback.

I really really thank all of you, I feel so happy that you all took time to write advice and experiences.

I will look into everything you all have suggested and I will have a busy weekend mulling this over.

Minerva, I wrote a long reply to you around 7 p.m. yesterday, but then my neighborhood suddenly lost electricity. (This was an hour BEFORE the thunderstorm hit.)

Yes, I loved traveling in Sicily and had no problems at all. I am not AT ALL wild. I am fairly adventurous, yet not in a really bold way, if that can possibly make sense. I'm fairly cautious, but not to the point of being shy or fearful, or at least not fearful of people (terrified of driving, though).

Sicily IS different from northern and central Italy, and I think it's a good idea to take into consideration that the culture there is somewhat more traditional. In some ways, the influence of Arabic culture is still felt in parts of Sicily. In major tourist areas like Palermo and Taormina, I don't think anyone will give a second thought to the fact that you're a woman traveling alone. But in small towns, they certainly will, and there are definite ideas about what is proper for a woman to be doing and many unwritten rules re proper behavior and dress. You probably won't be going to remote small towns anyway, so none of this may mater to you.

But IF you do go to any small, non-touristy places, I'd suggest two things:
1. Speak Italian! If you studied it long ago and forgot it, brush up before the trip. If you never learned it, take a class, at least a casual class in a local adult school, and learn a little bit of Italian.
2. Have some "contact" in the town who can show you around or at least introduce you to a few people. If you have a distant relative, that could be your contact. If not, if you write to the town for info, and some nice peson replies, there's a good chance he'll offer to meet you and help you when you arrive or assist you if you have any problems. That could be just enough of a contact to make things easieer for you. In a town that rarely gets foreign tourists, it doesn't take much to spread the word, and soon enough people will know wo you are, where you're from, why you're visiting there. When some well liked, well respected resident has introduced you, then you'll be considered OK and decent and not weird, even if it may be unusual to see some foreign woman all alone. South Italians and Sicilian can be very very nosey. This isn't some horrible criticism, but just a fact of life and not necessarily a bad thing. It reflects a curiosity and genuine interst in people, which is a good thing. It gives you opportunities to have some nice chats, a people will want to ask you questions and know what you're about. In a small town, in my opinion it's a good idea to say hello to people whom you pass on the street or in the square. You may be perceived as a nut or a loose woman if you do that in a big city, but in a samll town, in my experience, it's a necessity if you're to be accepted.

Probably you won't be going to any little remote towns anyway (unless you have Sicilian roots and are planning to visit ancestral towns). In major tourist areas much of the previous advice doesn't apply.

If you don't want to travel all alone the entire time, yoiu might want to do waht I did: take a small group tour for a week and then travel on your own for a few days before and after.

Thank you so much.

I have found a driver I think who can show me around the area. Have any of you heard of www.seesorrento.com and the owner/driver Marcello Maresca?

He looks honest and friendly and I think this might be a good way to get around. This is my old thread so I should bump it up hopefully.

Hi Minerva,

The buses are so easy to use along the AC and very cheap - you buy your tickets in bars. The bus driver on the bus we took pointed out the sights along the coast (Sorrento to Amalfi). It was fun. He realized that I was nervous about the drive and kept opening the door as we went round curves. It was a riot. Everyone in the first few rows was laughing and so was I. It was a lovely drive and not scary at all. If you take the bus try for the first row on the right; on the left for second choice. It's the best view.

However, you have to do what you're comfortable doing. A private driver will give you flexibility to come and go as you please.

I'm not familiar with the company you mention but I wouldn't pay up front.

>Marcello Maresca

We used his company - we didn't meet him, but one of his drivers drove us from the train station in Naples to Sorrento, and then another driver back to the Naples train station at the end of our stay in Sorrento. It was about 80 E I think, and they both were very nice. The first guy that picked us up, pointed out a lot of sights to us, though it was just a transfer.

Joelle

To theregoesminerva: I wish you a happy and safe journey to Italy. Just returnred from a wonderful first trip to Italy with the whole family. I can totally understand why you want to return!

I recommend you go, but do give some thought to safety as well. The main difference I noticed for women in Italy is that in Italy you will find that some men just don't keep their hands and arms to themselves...and that goes for women of all ages, because I am in my 40's and it happened to me whenever I was separated from my husband and son in Italy. It also happened to my daughters.

The problem is sometimes it may be flattering but there are times when it can feel distinctly threatening and you will need to be prepared to take care of yourself. I suggest you NOT go walking alone at night. My daughter and I had problems in Rome on the spanish steps at night when we were temporarily separated from my husband and my son...A man kept following us and literally trying to force us to take flowers by pressing them on our bodies...he kept getting his hands on us no matter what I did. I said No! firmly and even batted his hand away but he kept following us. He wouldn't go away until my husband chased him away.

So I think you should go to Italy but just give some thought to how you will protect yourself. (If I were travelling without my husband in Italy, I would want another woman with me or a small group, and I would avoid going out alone at night for sure; I would also read up on which areas were safer than others. I felt much safer in Siena, for example, than I did in rome, although I fell inlove with rome, it's a wonderful city.

Buon viaggio...






pl

One more thing...If you want another recommendation for a driver, I hired Giovanni Benvenuto for my family of 5 people on our 1st trip to Italy in June. He picked us up from our Sorrento hotel and took us on a full-day tour of Positano/amalfi coast/Praiano/Ravello, and it was beautiful and relaxing. He is reliable, prompt, and a young gentleman. His van, which had plenty of room for the 5 of us, was nice and newish, and air-conditioning worked well. Benvenuto is a family business.

Having met Giovanni, I would say you could just ask him where it's safe for a woman to go...he speaks English well and would be able to advise you on this.

Before I booked the tour, we communicated by e-mail and he answered my questions patiently. When I was ready to book he took my credit card number to guarantee the reservation, but didn't charge it until after the trip...Actually the charge hasn't showed up on my credit card bill yet...also he had a fair cancellation policy...

Anyway his web-site is www.benvenutolimos.com and e-mail is [email protected]

And by the way I had my 2 teenage daughters with me on this trip and I had my eye on Giovanni...he was a perfect gentleman. And I have a keen and practiced eye when it comes to my daughters! I recommend him without hesitation.