Need your advice on wedding present
 

A young friend is getting married in Madrid soon. My husband and I are invited and will be there.

The couple prefers cash for their honeymoon.

Could you advice me on what you think is an appropriate amount for a present from both of us?

Thanks a bunch!

How can anybody answer this for you?

Are you the CEO of Microsoft? Do you play professional basketball? Are you an average folk? Are you using every last cent just to get to Madrid?

Give whatever you want.

If this was me...I'd give $100.

This is a totally unanswerable question. As SAPS said it entirely depends on your situation -- plus how close a friend, etc.

Give the equivalent of whatever you would give in the States . . . . . .

You could give what you would spend on a nice gift not on sale.

But I will be polite and keep my wedding gift thoughts to myself, as they contributed to a thread being pulled a few months ago! :@

Its a fair question. It is hard to know what to give for a destination wedding - when you have already paid to fly/stay/eat, etc.
I don't have an answer though.

I know that this is a sticky question and cannot thank you enough for helping me with it. I just want to do the right thing.

I am not a CEO or wealthy person. Just a regular traveler going to the wedding of good friends/business related daughter.

Hi E,

>The couple prefers cash for their honeymoon.<

I would send a nice card wishing them all the best and a check for $25.

I would then take the money that it would cost to attend their wedding and go on a trip of my own.

((I))

cash is very impersonal and they won't remember you unless the amount is quite large. A beautiful wedding gift is LLadro Kissing Doves

How can we answer that if we don't know where the reception is and how much it should take to "cover the plate"?

Kidding. Just kidding.

I agree this is an unanswerable question. There have been very active threads on the US board regarding what kind and value of wedding gifts. There were clear geographical/cultural/religious differences.

I agree with the advice - give what you would normally spend on a gift at a local wedding. Who knows if it's the "right" answer or not?

no way - dont give kissing doves.
If they want cash, just give a cash gift of what you can afford and WANT to give. If you dont want to give cash, ask where they are registered and buy something compatible with your budget.

Please don't give kissing doves - or any other "traditional" (to you) gift.

They asked for cash. That really is what they want. Chances are they will not be appreciative of kissing doves....or Paul Revere pewter bowls...or Tiffany vases...or whatever it is you like. They want $$$.

Hi all,

My Lady Wife and I have decided to go to Italy to get married again.

You are all invited.

Please send cash for our honeymoon.

((I))

ira: RSVP-ing. I'd LOVE to come -- As long as you pay my air/hotel :)

I would give a similar amount (in euro) of cash, as what you would have spent on a gift had you gone to this same couple's wedding in the U.S.

Ira,

I am delighted for you and your Lady Wife. I would love to come. I know you are a gentleman and your wife, of course, a lady, and would therefore be insulted by so crass a gift as money.
Just let us know the city and date. Best Wishes to you both!

hi there, epaulino
I noted your request re a wedding present for your young friend. I hope I can help: I bought an exceptional gold/silver Spanish fruit bowl whilst in Madrid from a large department store,and carried it home to Australia with my hand luggage.I hope the bowl will become an heirloom one day - the em was very expensive (also heavy), hence my carrying it on board the aircraft.
The brother now wants a similar product so I checked the bottom for the manufacturer's name and recently emailed to see if there is an Australian agent. Rec'd an interim reply and am hoping for definite news. The manufacturer at the back of the fruit bowl is:

David Marshall - Disenos, SA - Seville, Espana. Made in Spain.

ps...For info ... I do not have a financial interest in the company !!!

Don't give sheets. Bed sizes aren't the same in the U.S.A. and Spain.

I see they want money--a gift I hate to give.

How about a Be My Guest gift certificate from American Express that they can use at any restaurant that accepts the American Express card? Perhaps they will remember you treated them to a romantic meal.

Don't get them knick knacks if they've asked for cash! If these were my friends, I would give them anywhere from $100-$200 on an American Express gift card.

It sounds like they're sending invoices.

I got married in Madrid many years ago: no envelopes w/cash & maybe a card, just things like the Lladro that heyjudigreeneyes mentioned. Cash was considered gauche! (i.e., not appropriate), although my Mother threw a reception for us when we returned to N.Y., and envelopes with cards and cash were all we got. I guess that makes it a difference between two cultures.

It depends on your economic status: If it were me, I wouldn't spend the money to go to the wedding; instead I would send a card with one or two hundred Euros and our regrets for not being able to attend the wedding. If you do spend several thousand dollars for the trip and your stay, that won't be considered ... you will probably be expected to come up with an equal amount.

I'd suggest making a nice donation to a worthy charity in their honor.

If you must give them something, I'd say a dollar three eighty would be a good amount ;)

epaulino,
Is your friend a Madrid resident? Is the couple planning to stay in Spain? If so, rather than cash, I would give a gift certificate from El Corte Inglés for 100 euros-50 euros per person, if you feel comfortable with that.

The reason I suggest this is that we do this for our business associates and friends in Spain-for weddings, for thank yous, for special anniversaries, etc.
While they may say they prefer cash, if they can the gift certificate for a whole host of needs, for honeymoon (planned thru Viajes El C. I. of course), for household items for their new home, for clothing, for furniture, for the supermarket, for anything under the sun.
And El Corte Inglés has a handy bridal registry, lista de bodas,. Thus, they could use the gift certificate for something they may have already registered for. You know well that there are a multitude of ways one can use an El Corte Inglés gift certificate!
Just a thought....

should read "they can USE the gift certificate..."

Here it is normal to ask for cash..some even open a bank account for you to put the money :) Yes, it's not very romantic, but if you think on it..a wedding is expensive !! :)
I don't think you will "cover the plate" with less than 50 euros /person.
And even 50 is very ..tight :)

I gave dear Spanish friend's son a nice Nambi (sp?) decorative platter. (They probably had to pay duty.?) I have never seen it displayed in his house. She gave our daughter 200E. Guess who wished she had given $$$? Gave them cash or gift certificate to ECI with memorable card.

Typo: GIVE them cash or gift certificate to ECI.

wedding gifts.. money.. i hate it when we are asked for money for gifts.

i, too , think it is absolutely rude, and sooo many spanish youth are now doing it.(not necessarily the ones who are in desperate need, either,.. but lawyers, bankers, etc.. )

i am not even going to say how much i would consider normal for a good friend ( i would hope NOT to be invited to anyone who was not a GOOD friend), but.. kenderina is absolutely correct..

I can't think of a worse gift for most young couples I know than a pair of Lladro Kissing Doves, unless possibly it would be anything in silver. Goodwill would appreciate the gift the week after the wedding. Sorry, just telling it like it is.

And the winner of the most useless wedding present of all time is......a pair of Lladro Kissing Doves.

IMO I think it's bad taste to ask for anything for your wedding in particular...that includes Bridal Registries - which i think is the epitomy of rudeness - but if the wedding couple have asked for something in particular then I guess you have to abide by it.

Epaulino,

way too many answers here ... if you go against their wishes, please forget about the Lladro ideas. Unless you know they really like it, it is more possible that they will find it tacky.

Find out with them if they have a registry (Lista de bodas) at El Corte Ingles. You select something from their list, but it is like a credit line they get for the whole amount, and there are lots of advantages there.

If not, money is normal here. The usual amount is around 100 Euros for each person, so in your case it would be 200.

If you are thinking of a voucher, go for Maribel´s idea and get a Corte Ingles one. Much more useful than the American Express mentioned previously.

Cova

I've been to plenty of weddings where the couple said they'd prefer cash to a wedding present. Most young couples these days have everything they need, may well have been living together for years and don't have any real need for crockery, bedlinens, etc. as they won't be "setting up house" for the first time after the wedding.

Of course, the gift is up to the one who gives it, but people do have a tendency to give what *they* would like to receive rather than what the recipients actually *want* (and what a waste of money to give somebody an expensive wedding gift that they don't even like or need).

They are trying to get together the money for their honeymoon - why not contribute to a trip of a lifetime for them! So yes, give cash, in an envelope with a nice card. The amount is up to you (personally I wouldn't give more than 100 euros unless they were very close friends or family).

Alternatively, you could find out where they are going on their trip and see whether you could pay for something specific on their trip - a restaurant dinner, a night in a hotel...

Hanl,

Friends of my sister used this idea to assemble a "wedding register" for their honeymoon in Australia. They made a whole list of things to do on the honeymoon and you could then "give" them a specific item. E.g. "flight Sydney-Melbourne", or "Scuba diving at the Grand Barrier Reef". Of course you're still giving cash, but somehow they can remember with each part of their trip who gave it to them.

In general, most young couples do indeed have everything yet, so I really don't mind giving cash, rather than something useless they don't need.

I recently talked about amounts with a Spanish friend, and was surprised that even young people who don't earn a lot of money yet are more or less expected to give 100 €/person, while in Belgium I give 50 to 60€ and my parents around 80€/person.

Epaulino:

Your hosts will be extremely honored to have you at the wedding. How nice that you are going! You will have a wonderful, culturally enlightening time.

Give them 100+ Euros (50 Euro per person is the minimum) and in your wedding card, invite them to stay at your home when they come to visit your country. Now that's a personal gift they will really appreciate!

Friend or relative? How old are they? What have they done for you? Non-relatives will usually give a gift while blood relatives will give money. Usually, money gifts are based on what the couple or their family have given to others. Do you expect them to attend a wedding of one of yours?

Stardust; that's a great idea, must remember that! Also, I didn't know about Amex gift certificates, learn something useful here all the time.

I would probably give 100 Euro for a wedding (and doesn't this just show what the Euro has done to us; it used to be 100 guilders, which is about half)

As everyone has said, this totally depends on you, but in the big book of etiquette (ie: my mother), there are essentially 2 factors: budget and ties/closeness. For example, my closest friends and family can count on a beautiful gift or a decent sum of money, but my boss' kids will get a lovely card with all my best wishes and $100. I try to give the same gift if I travel that I would give if staying home because just because I have to relocate for the ceremony does not mean that their gift should suffer. I think that between the two of you, a nice card and 200€ would be a lovely contribution. I would give it in cash, though. I think that GCs are way more gauche than cash.

if money for the honeymoon, there ARE registries for that, but stardust's idea is great.

in fact, if you knew where they were going, you could do your research here for some nice tips and organize a littel travel package, two sleep masks, a mini bottle of champagne and teeny box of chocolate truffles to drink in the airport before security. ( plus the cash)

I recently got married to a French lady (in France) and we also asked for cash for our honeymoon as is the tradition (which I honestly found a bit mercernary). People gave what they could afford, meaning that not everyone gave, but we were so happy having our families and friends there to be with us for our wedding (who had forked out for travel etc.) that the existence of gifts (let alone the amount) was totally unimportant.

My advice is, if you can give, do, if you can't, don't.

The question not asked or answered.....Are either the Bride or Groom Spanish? If they are American...and your paying your way there....they obviously can afford whatever they want.. so I would think that considering YOUR expenses $100.00 would be fine..If one of them is Spanish...well, that's another story.. the exchange rate for Euros is brutal..If they are living in Spain a gift certificate would be fine.. I too think it's crass to ask for $$ for their honeymoon.. When you stop to think of the airfare, the hotel and the general expense of going to the wedding....Sent them the $$ and go on a lovely vacation.. Now, if the parents of the bride and groom or one of them is very wealthy...perhaps they willbe picking up the hotel bill and all the expenses.. You said you prefer going...well, since it's considered a "destination wedding"... I would not go crazy about the amount..I'd like to read more...about the circumstances..