Following on Lawchick's observation, I think that those outsiders (I can't immediately think of a better word) who contradict locals on questions about social norms are even more rude.

For some reason, this consistently happens when we discuss tipping.

And, to that point, as we have family in Puglia/Apullia, and visit often, let me add one thing for MartaD.

A cautionary note: it is an Apullian custom to serve a marvelously varied seafood antipasti-plural- multiple courses of small delicious dishes and each one served as one plate to be split and the waiter will keep them coming. Be forewarned, they are priced individually! This is especially true of small town seaside ristorante that are accustomed to the big appetites (and large wallets!) of tourists from other parts of Europe.

You are less likely to encounter this gentle 'scam' in Bari or Brindisi or other larger communities.

ok...for the record...at a local place we frequent (my other example was just at an expensive restaurant to shw that the prices were still very reasonable)...we usually only order a side (for my kid who *gasp* does not like pasta and orders grilled veggies and/or french fries or antipasto) and a pasta for me (becasue the potions are so huge I cannot eat any more for a "normal" night out and sometimes only a main dish for my husband (although sometimes he will have a pasta too - depends on what meat dish he orders) sometimes my husband and I share the ONE pasta and ONE side.

I have seen MANY Italians do this as well (as the place really DOES have huge portions!)...I even saw THREE young Italians (students) share ONE pasta dish once (and wine and coffee...but a liter of wine is 2.50euros and coffee would be about.70). No one looks at us funny or thinks it's rude...or...if they do, they do not show it to us ;-) and always manage to find us a seat, even on a busy night. It is a casul, local co-op restaurant though - Zerlina is right though that I would order more for a special meal out at a fancier place...but more becasue I'd like to try more different things. There really ARE cultural differences in different parts of Italy though as well...so I really would not want to generalize about other regions; what is acceptable in one place may be rude in another.

as for NJ...well...here's the deal..whether or not they actually ARE rude is totally irrelevant...what I MENT (and sorry...sometimes I ramble-type and am not clear)was that the Southern Italians, have been in MY experience, SO hospitable and friedly and helpful that, when I return to NJ after being in So. Italy for an extended time, people do SEEM to be rude to me...now...having lived in NJ, I can assure you that some actually ARE rude and some are NOT at all...but it certainly is a cultural contrast to me.

The real point I was trying to make was that Marta may be pleasantly surprised at how far her dollar will stretch in Puglia (compared to other parts of Italy) and will probably find she will just order whatever looks yummy on the menu without too much stress about the price :-)

Last October, my daughter and I shared meals in Florence and Rome and had no rude stares or rejections.

We usually ordered a minimum of 4 dishes, sometimes 2 appetizers and 2 entrees, sometimes 1 appetizer and 3 entrees. We simply stated "uno per due" and rec'd a smile and an extra plate. In Florence at what turned out to be our favorite meal of the trip, they brought us two clean plates at the beginning of the meal. Then brought out each dish we requested and we split the food ourselves. No raised eyebrows.

We also drank wine and water and usually ordered individual desserts if we ordered dessert at all.

Many of our guidebooks, including Rick Steves, state that sharing is not a problem.

Buon Viaggio!

Well, Rick Steves is about the last person on earth I'd look to for lessons in etiquette.

For those of you who think no one in the U.S. does this, you are completely mistaken. A lot of elderly people like to save money but most of all, just don't eat as much as younger people. It is very common for them to order one meal and ask for a 2nd plate. I've also seen parents and children do the same. I've NEVER seen a wait person act surprised or repulsed.

Well according to this post almost everyone in the US does it.

However, the question pertains to Europe, where almost no one does it (unless they are American it seems).

"Europe, where almost no one does it (unless they are American it seems)."

TOTALLY UNTRUE.

Sharing a few things (i.e. one person ordering a pasta nd one a main, meat dish and maybe sharing an antipasto between them) is dirrent than ordering one 3.50euro pasta and sitting for the entire evening (not that I haven't seen Italians DO just THAT).

(disclaimer: I can only speak for Ireland and Italy as those are the only places I have lived outside the US)

Ok I'm sorry, I'm TOTALLY wrong.

TOTALLY nuts here as usual.

I should move over to the US Board and give advice to people.....though, on second thoughts, I know too much since I lived there for a while.

Though I could advise people on the basis of how things are done in Europe....
"My mammy and my Aunt go out for dinner all the time in Dublin and never tip more than 5%...there is NO WAY you should tip more than that in NY or in the Red Hills of Dakota. Waitstaff may be unhappy, but after all, you're the customer and there is no law to say you have to tip.If they don't like it then they should find another job. "

How'd ya like them apples?

um. ok. wow. have no clue where that all cam from.
I'm so sorry you seem very upset.

I really was only pointing out that the OP should not feel bad about sharing dishes if there's too much food to order/eat 3 or 4 courses herself....that I have done it myself and seen it done many times in Europe (and, in particular, that specific area of Italy), etc.

"though, on second thoughts, I know too much since I lived there for a while."

ok. now you've totally lost me here. As I have said before, I am a homeowner and part-time resident in that (general) area of So.Italy - I certainly was not speaking from a few days vacation (although, even if I was - who cares? I think it's nice to hear other peoples observations about a place or custom - even if they only spend a day there and it's just a general first impression)....and...as for giving advise to someone coming to the US...why wouldn't I? I have learned SO much from this board and have asked all kinds of questions of my own (!) why would I not give my opinion to someone if they asked about a US region I happen to live in?

"you're the customer and there is no law to say you have to tip.If they don't like it then they should find another job. "

ok. once again, I am completely lost here too; sorry to be totally clueless...I don't see the relevance. (BTW, I DO have strong feelings about tipping...you do it according to the custom of the country you are in. i.e. I TIP in NY. I do NOT TIP in So.Italy. that's that. not my decision to say what is right or wrong.)

I, honestly was trying to be helpful and had no clue that the tone of this thread was getting so heated.

-

May I offend everybody on both sides of the issue here by saying that most Italians will put up with most American requests since Americans overspend anyway? ;)

I'm sorry CasaDelCipresso, it was not directed at you entirely...except for the TOTALLY bit - which I took exception to.

It was directed at posters who give advice about, for example, American habits, when the thread is about what to do in Italy.

Wow- I can not believe how snotty some people are here.
-also what is the problem with Rick Steves? I happen to like his guide books.

Lawchick- Well, most of us can't really ask an Italian about certain little things like that, so how are we to know beforehand? It's not like we're doing something that is sooo horrible that we could get arrested. It's just a little faux- p aux(however you spell it) that i'm sure could be easily overlooked, and definately won't get them kicked out.

And why should two people buy two meals when one or both aren't hungry enough to eat both of them? Wouldn't that cost the restaurant more, since you're wasting an entire dish? Just because a couple walk into a restaurant doesn't mean that BOTH are hungry enough to eat an entire meal.

"In spite of what people here say, I bet that the waiters snigger when they return to the kitchen."

MissPrism, waiters EVERYWHERE do that, whether the customers are local or tourists. Making fun of customers when you go back to the kitchen is a time-honored tradition deeply, deeply cherished by wait staff around the world.

To repeat for Caladrius:

Author: schuler
Date: 04/03/2008, 07:47 am
Smetz: It's a different culture. They don't base their income on the amount of tables turned in one day. Dinner usually consists of one seat per guest per evening. Maybe two. No more. That's why sharing meals, etc. is frowned upon: it doesn't bring the necessary income to keep the restaurant running.

I'm throwing in the towel on this one.

Believe what you want:

Share your meals, wearing your jeans and your crocs, don't ask for the bill, pay with some dollars or travellers cheques, then try to phone home using strange cell phones! ;)

Lawchick: Frustrating, isn't it? They should give the waiter a 15% tip too. That always makes the waiter happy.

I think that there has to be a distinction made between sharing, as in ordering various courses and tasting back and forth between two diners, and sharing, as in ordering ONE course for two people.

I certainly want to sample as many different dishes as possible, so my partner and I often each order several courses and let each other taste..I see nothing wrong with this if done fairly discretely.

What I don't get is the penny pinching aspect that shines through some of the posts above. Walking into a restaurant and ordering one main course/secondo for two people is not done in the US, either, as should be fairly obvious..