Irritating Question
 

Has anyone else ran into this scenario- When you mention an upcoming or recent trip to Ireland, Germany, Italy or where ever, the person you are conversing with gives you the ol' blank stare and asks "Why? Do you have relatives there?"

Never faced THAT! <BR>A friend just called to my office telling me he will be off for one month driving from Switzerland through Italy down to Sicilie and stopping wherever they feel it would be nice! <BR>My answer: Wow, I'd love to join you! <BR>He said: No problem. <BR>I wished him a very nice trip and asked him to think of me when drinking a nice glass of red wine and eating a plate of pasta. He said: We'll do that, sure. <BR> <BR>But, unfortunately, I am still at my office!

When I would tell people I was going to Paris the first thing they would say is, <BR> <BR>Well, do you speak French?

We went to Costa Rica a few months ago. People asked us, aren't you afraid the natives will kidnap you and take you into the jungle? Seriously. More than one person asked this, and at least one was serious. My in-laws were also shocked that we bought food in grocery stores there. They asked, "how did you know what to buy?" Like we wouldn't recognize a loaf of bread because it was labeled in Spanish. <BR> <BR>I've found that every destination I've ever picked to travel to (Arizona, Paris, Mexico, etc) evokes the "why are you going there" response from someone.

I would guess that the reason people made those comments about Costa Rica is that that exact thing happened recently to several young women and they were murdered. Perhaps those people were concerned for you...

Anon: <BR> <BR>I got EXACTLY the same question when I said to friends, we were going to France!! As if the only reason for going out of the US of A is because of family connections!!! <BR> <BR>Kate

I usually get the blank stare followed by an "oh" when I say we are going to Europe. Interestingly enough, mostly from good (?) friends and relatives. And to make it even worse, since this upcoming trip is our 5th to France (different regions each time) I get the "France, were'nt you just there?" Jealous much?

My favorite is "It must be nice." Implying that I'm privileged and doing something extravagant.

Yes, anon, but mainly my co-workers, who tend not to travel much (though they are just as able to as I am), and generally only to USA or cruise destinations when they do. They have considered some of my trip destinations odd, especially Crete (I'm not Greek) and Sicily (I'm half Sicilian) BEFORE I went, and the latter inspired my least favorite question of all: "Are you sure it's safe?". But after I returned from Sicily last year and described my post-tour visit to the little town where half my roots are, even THEY got caught up in the enthusiasm. Now that I'm going to a genuinely unusual destination (Basilicata, where 1/4 of my roots are), which might actually merit a "Why there of all places?!" reaction, they seem to be accepting it all in stride with friendly curiosity. Progess.

Face it: many people have the intellectual curiosity of an oyster. They go to the same place every vacation. They have a tight circle of friends. They stick with the familiar, afraid to come out of their shell. We once shared a table on a cruise with a couple from Milwaukee. He ate the same thing every night: roast beef, mashed potatoes, bread, Jell-O. Day after day, night after night. His wife said that was all he would eat. In port, what did they do? Stayed aboard. You are cut from different cloth. Don't let the nerds throw you. They have their tiny world and you have your great, big one.

This not a question but a statement I hear from my Mother-in-law when we talk about travel, or my traveling...... she states: "Nothing in Europe interests me". Top that! HA! <BR>I am always struck speechless when she says that..... no witty retort, nada, nothing! <BR>Help! "Speechless in Atlanta" <BR>Judy ;-/

Anita - Oh, I love that one - people say that to me all the time. Oh, it must be nice. That one drives me insane. OR... ALONE? Why would you want to do that???

Anon: Talking about travel to Europe can be akin to bragging, even if unintentional. There probably is some envy involved, but tact would suggest keeping your exploits to yourself, if possible. Frankly, the fact that you are disappointed in the person's reaction suggests you were expecting a reaction. They may be intentionally disinterested, particularly if you appear eager to impress them with your exploits.

Well, I see there must be some differences between US citizen and Europeans. <BR> <BR>But it's probably just some jealousy that makes people react like this. <BR>One of my working colleagues left today for the States and I wished her a terrific trip. <BR>Never I would have thought about asking "why?" <BR>

Judy: got you beat! <BR>We live in NH. Whenever we go somewhere, my very own mother says, "why would you want to go anywhere else when NH is so beautiful?" <BR>

Funny you should ask. Whenever I told anyone I was going to Turkey, they would get bug eyed and gasp: "Oh my God, didn't you see Midnight Express?" I would answer yes, but I have no intention of trying to smuggle heroin out of the country. My friends, family and co-workers all want to know where I'm going on my annual treks but when I tell them, they just don't quite seem to understand the allure of Budapest, Prague, Krakow, Transylvania and other less popular destinations. They always tell me I'm so brave to go there. Wow, I had no idea!! That's why I like this forum. Fodorites get it.

<BR>From my family every time:"Going alone again? Why not go with a nice tour company?". Never fail! <BR>

Wow.. after reading all these, I must be lucky!! <BR> <BR>I'm from Australia and whenever I tell someone that I'm going to europe the response is usually that they know this other person who's been or going AND/OR wish I could go too. <BR> <BR>Occassionaly I get the "why?" question and my response is usually "you have to go to find out - and you won't regret it!". :)

Good topic, Anon. <BR> <BR>Everyone at work thinks I'm "crazy" for vacationing in Europe. I get all kinds of questions, ranging from "don't you get tired of going every year" (only my 6th trip this year) to "you're going to Europe? do you speak the language?" <BR> <BR>Last week, I had to bite my tongue when a co-worker asked me where I was going and I told him. His response, "You mean the country that makes the light bulbs?" ... he confused Slovania with Sylvania.

Sorry, but I hate typos ... I meant, of course, Slovenia.

I am glad this subject came up. Sometimes I feel like I am on an island. Hardly any of my friends or family ever travel out of the country or seem interested in doing so. I always get the "It must be nice" or "There are a lot of things to see in the states". They could all save too if they wanted to bad enough. The only time I can really discuss travel is with a couple of friends on the internet that share my love for travel and on this site. It is really sad because I can't even get my husband interested in going overseas. I am taking my son and daughter to London next month; hopefully to pass on my love of travel to them.

I too especially dislike the comment, "It must be nice." The comment is usually made by someone who could do the same if they chose to. My response, sometimes to myself, is "yes, we can do it now, but couldn't at your age," or, "well it must be nice that you can ski all winter, or can stay at home with your kids, have the newest in electronic equipment or cars..." We all spend our money differently.

To Alsoanon, <BR> If I just got back from a trip, I would want to talk about it. I'm not bragging, but that's what's going on in my life at that time, and that's what I care about. I guess when I do talk to someone about my trip I expect them to be a little excited too. Whenever someone I know goes on a trip, I know that I sincerely want to know all about it and see their pictures too! It gives me ideas for what I want to see next. I'm not trying to impress them at all, but if they were my friends, I would hope they would show some excitement for something I really liked.

My parents never travel, have never really travelled and never will travel to Europe. Therefore, most of the snide remarks come from my mother, who loves the "Must be nice" line. Or, she'll say, "Do you guys ever think of anything but travel?" Honestly, as if travel was so dirty. I do continue to get a chuckle when I think of a former co-worker. I told her we were going to Amsterdam and she asked, "Are you driving?"

Vanessa: I feel exactly like you do! I am not bragging either, but it is a BIG part of my life! <BR>Oh well, I guess this is why I come HERE so often! <BR>Judy ;-/

This happens to me a lot. Whenever I am telling anyone that i am going to Germany. They look at me as if i am going to some sort of Nazi convention.

Funny, I get the opposite line. (Though I do get "must be nice" all the time, too. Arrrgh!) I -do- go to Europe to visit family on a regular basis, and I always get the speeches oh how it's so heartless of me to drag my 3 year old around all those churches! We go into European churches for the same reason we do it here, to worship. When we go to Europe we go to see people, not places, and very few Americans I know seem able to understand that concept. That my family happen to live in very beautiful places is a nice bonus, but that is not my motivation for spending time with people I love.

I usually get "again?" "Why?" I often find myself justifying how I can afford it, lest they think I'm bragging or independently wealthy or something equally silly, so I follow up my latest plans with something like "I know, I'll be eating catfood when I'm 70..." <BR> <BR>We have dear friends that could travel anywhere, but don't. The husband makes comments about how "there's enough to see right here in the good old USA--why would you want to go to other countries." Kind of funny, actually, because we also travell all over the states, whereas this couple doesn't! I've tried explaining to friends who ask that we love more than just exploring different cultures, foods, etc. (the "travel is broadening" explanation gets lots of blank stares from those who don't try it). So now I explain that we've gone as far back in our American history as we can: Been to Williamsburg about 25 times, done Plymouth Rock, Jamestown, etc. Now we are simply going overseas to enjoy seeing things that are older/ancient. So much more history in the world than we can experience here. Touching the walls of the Colliseum, exploring Edinburgh castle, etc. etc. (Geez, look who I'm talking to!) Anyway, now I just where this silly, colorful vest that has different cities on it the day before I take off (and only that day--like a talisman) and everyone knows I'm going again!

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I got married in Italy and the two things that EVERY person asked me were: <BR> <BR>1. "Is your husband Italian?" <BR> <BR>2. "Wow your parents must be LOADED!" <BR> <BR>then when I tell them that no, my husband is not Italian, and no I am not Italian (though my heart is...) They still give me a puzzle look like I am some bizzare person, granted I am a little eccentric, but not bizzare. And no, my parents are not loaded, I had a budget that is half of what most people pay for a wedding in the U.S. I just planned everything myself, researched A LOT, and spent my money wisely. <BR> <BR>There are a lot of conventional people in the world, and that is great for them, I am just not one of them!

One time, somebody asked me why I would want to travel to a country where they don't speak English. (Ok, she's obviously never going to travel to most locations outside the U.S.) <BR> <BR>My parents, who took me and my brother on wonderful family vacations throughout the U.S. when we were kids, keep asking when we're going to take our vacations in the U.S. (we take some here, but go to Europe whenever we can). I finally realized the diplomatic, and truthful, response: because I like experiencing how others live. <BR> <BR>The only time I've had people be surprised that I was visiting a specific location was when my mother & I travelled to Ireland, some years back. The Irish were truly amazed that we Americans were visiting their beautiful country, though we did not have Irish ancestry!

I am really glad that this doesn't just happen to me. I get all the same reactions as everyone else but an additional one. " You won't have money you need at retirement if you spend it now." But I figure I should be traveling now (mid forties) because I might not be able to do it later. I even had my boss tell me I should not go to Northern Ireland a couple years ago because it was so dangerous. He was surprised I made it back. Another reason I like to be a Fodorite.

This one was pretty funny. While tossing around ideas for our next Euro-jaunt... a co-worker of mine said "why the heck would you want to go all the way over there, when they have all that slimy euro-trash... you can see everything in VEGAS" nealy fell off my chair... culture anyone????

I stopped by a travel agency a few weeks back to pick up some info on the Caribbean. While I was there, I asked the travel agent if she could give me some information on Europe, Italy in particular. She replied by saying that she didn't know much about Europe, as it had never interested her... <BR> <BR>Ummm, maybe consider a career change?

My wife and I have been going to Europe 2 or 3 times a year for the past 10 years. We quickly learned that some people simply do not like to travel, and also, that some people are simply jealous of the fact that we are able to do the traveling that we do. Initially some would put us on the defensive: "Why are you going there", "Haven't you already been there", "You haven't even seen the U.S.", "You see one old church, you've seen them all", "I don't think that I would want to go there", "It must be nice to be able to afford it". Eventually, as time went on, I started to give answers like the following: "I must be pretty dumb to want to go there"; I forgot that I have already been to Florence twice"; "I'm unable to get around the U.S."; "You're right, all churches are the same"; Yes, I am rich"; etc. We also stopped telling people that we were going away unless they asked, and actually showed interest. <BR>Eventually, many of the dumb questions stopped.

I've heard all the responses. I stop mentioning it. Sometimes the only ones who knows I've gone is my boss and the cat. However, I've gleaned from a variety of threads that a traveler seems to be a person who is inventing him/herself - that is, one with a sense of what type of person s/he wants to be and how they want to live. I'd be interested in knowing how many posters have asked themselves, "Once I'm gone, what will I have hoped to have done?" Not necessarily "be a good person," "save the world for democracy," or "find a cure for cancer" but what will have been the nature of my life. Where have I challenged myself, what have I learned, how did I grow? Stay-at-homers, lovely people though they may be, seem, to me, to be defined by family and place, not by their own imagination. I once worked with a woman in Mississippi who lived and worked in the same town in which she, and many ancestors, had been born. She visited a friend in Texas and cut the two-week trip short by ten days: "I was so uncomfortable there. I never saw anyone I knew!" My solo travels baffled her. She loves the familiar; I love the unknown - or maybe I am the unknown. And by the way, I have relatives all over the U.S. and many times find myself in the same city: I NEVER VISIT THEM! We just have nothing to talk about. Diff'rent strokes. Interesting thread.

I live near Washington, D.C., and people in the metro area do a lot of international travel. So I don't ever face a situation where people don't comprehend why we would want to travel. Instead, other people travel and tell me about their trips, and I sit there trying not to say, "Must be nice." <BR> <BR>Some day it will be my turn.

I told my Marvelous Marin County foot doctor that I needed to be able to walk since I was going on vacation to Rome. He said: Why are you going there? Is your wife Italian? Do you have relatives there?" <BR>I have a friend who used to take in foreign exchange students. She and hubby for years had an open invitation to come stay in Rome, France and Spain. Just pay airfare. They would never go. Just go to thier time share at Lake Tahoe every year and visit their daughter in New Jersey. Strange! <BR>Once I got: Why would you ever wan't to go to Germany? There's nothing to see there is there?" <BR>And remember when: " I really think it's better to see America first." To which I would reply: "Why? I've already done that. Been seeing it all my life." <BR>All of these remarks make great conversation stoppers. What can you say to these people? <BR> <BR>Gerry

Hey Shanna-I don't visit relatives either! Just because you happen to share a few genes doesn't mean you automatically know somebody!

I guess a lot of the time it depends on the tone of the response. "It must be nice" might be a slightly clumsy way of saying, "How nice..." <BR> <BR>I love hearing about what other people do, especially if it is something that I'm unlikely to do, say travel to Africa or stay in a really expensive hotel. I get to enjoy their experience vicariously. <BR> <BR>However, when someone says "there are a lot of places to visit nearer home" I don't feel compelled to debate with them; they are perfectly right. Imagination is key, whether you travel in your own back yard or to Europe or Antarctica, or wherever. <BR> <BR>Sometimes it is simply lack of knowledge or experience that inspires people's answers. The "you must be rich" answer is likely to come from someone who is still operating on the pre-World War II reality of travel overseas generally being only for the well-to-do. We are all lucky here that we live in an era of mass travel, with deregulated airfare prices, etc. etc. So my response to this is, "do you really think so?" or some similar equivalent answer.