Irish wedding - correct attire advice please?
 

Hello fellow travellers.
My husband and I plus my son and his partner will be attending the wedding of my son's friend in July on a Friday afternoon. The wedding is in a church at 2pm followed by the reception at Farnham Estate Co. Cavan.
I have absolutely no idea what the correct attire will be for us and am also thinking we will have to sort out some sort of hire for my son who will be backpacking up to that point (and afterwards.)
How formal do ladies dress? Long dresses or cocktail length, hats or not? What style of suit for the gentleman? Any traditions we need to be aware of ?
Any help much appreciated :)

Why not ask your son's friend or, better, his parents? Unlikely to be long dresses at that time of day.

Dress at Irish weddings is usually moderately formal.

Women generally wear colourful dresses and top the outfit off with what is often described as a "wedding hat" or a fascinator. Some women purchase dresses that aren't really suitable for other purposes, but a good way to avoid that is to wear cocktail style with accessories like scarves to deliver the expected splash of colour.

Style of suit for men? Lounge or business suit. Your typical Irishman will simply don what he considers his best suit.

It should be possible for your son to hire a suit. Cavan is a relatively small town, so there might not be a good option there.

Thanks padraig, very helpful. He is currently trying to convince me to take his suit ( I will have a better luggage allowance!) and I will probably end up doing that I think.
I have asked the bride (our friend) for a few tips but she is pretty stressed with wedding arrangements so didn't want to bother her too much :)
I also have heard that these weddings can last for a day or two so looking forward to it!

The Farnham Estate could be a fairly formal affair.. As said the fellas have it easy just throw on the best suit and polish up a decent pair of brogues.. The women on the other hand can be 3 dresses in a day job.. Just make sure you are comfortable because as you have heard things can go on for a while.. Have you asked ur Sons friends mum for advice?

Rest the liver before you turn up, great advice above.

http://www.houseoffraser.co.uk/Tradi...efault,pg.html

This is a typical shop site that might be useful, or just google Wedding Guest Dress
As it is summer, you will see pretty lightweight dresses and hats or fascinations. After all, it's a grand excuse for young women especially to dress up.
If you are invited to the full thing, it will be a long day. First is the ceremony, followed by a long "breakfast" with speeches. My daughter-in-law being Irish had dozens of cousins. She narrowed the ceremony and meal down to aunts and uncles
After that comes the evening do, where many more guests arrive, mainly friends of the couple who are not family or. close friends or all those cousins
For that, you may want to have a relaxing bath or shower and change into something more comfortable for dancing

Hi Ozgirl,

The above advice sounds spot on. My cousin's husband is from a rather remote area of Galway, near Roscommon. Been there twice and it is lovely - "the real Ireland" according to her.

Last summer they attended a niece's wedding and agreed that all the women were dressed in their finest - all wore hats or fascinators much to her surprise.

No doubt, you will have a beautiful day!

Oh yes, do rest your liver, or alternatively drink lots so that you have built up a tolerance! :)

Irish friends of ours here in Australia recently hosted a wedding for one of their daughters. All of the female guests were expected to change into a different outfit for the reception, I don't know if that's normal or just a quirky thing they did.

The hat thing always amazed me At an American wedding you won;t see a single one. Or a suit - unless on the mother of the bride or groom and a casual wedding.

Our are usually later, with the wedding and reception usually at the same venue, with women in long gowns and men in dark suits or tuxes. But they they usually start at 5 or 6 pm.

We attended the wedding of the daughter of my wife's Cousin, in April of 2012.

Here's a link to the Trip Report and PIX:

http://ireland.activeboard.com/t4903...rt=newestFirst

Just realized that you are the SAME ozgirl from 2009!

Did you ever write a Trip Report? How did your trip work out?
In any event -- Glad you are returning to Ireland --
Sorry to had led you to yet ANOTHER of my Trip Reports .. ;-)

In Italy, you see the most varied styles of dress at a wedding. I was at a wedding last spring where one of the guests wore a cocktail dress and one of those fascinator hats, and another guest wore sweat pants and a poncho; the best man wore jeans. No Italian ever feels overdressed or underdressed!

Wow, thanks everyone for your very helpful replies.

Bob, I am the same Ozgirl and had already read your trip report in anticipation - thank you! ;)
And no, I never got around to doing a trip report and really wished I had because I am still trying to remember a particular pub we stopped at near the Burren to tell my son about - before the days of ipads and blogs I wrote a diary but cannot find the one for that trip anywhere. Our trip was 'grand' though!
I have had a bit more info from the bride, apparently she wanted the wedding to be fairly informal (by Irish standards) but the groom's family have other ideas...
The wedding will be at 2 and then there is sparkling wine and sandwiches at the reception place which is then followed by dinner at 6 - not sure whether this indicates a costume change in between or not? Reading above comments, maybe? I will clarify that.
Colour sounds like the go as well as the fascinator - how fascinating!
We will be spending the previous 4 weeks in SW England so might have to go shopping in Exeter or Bath or somewhere sizeable - DH is groaning.
Lastly, we live in a wine region so the liver is conditioned or should that be de-conditioned?? lol

I'd be very reluctant to accept most of the advice you're getting here.

You appear to live somewhere where the etiquette and dress code for every wedding is identical. Personally, I'd kill myself at the thought - and that certainly isn't the case in the British Isles.

I've not attended, or even seen a wedding in years where anyone wore a fascinator, for example (for women it's hats or no hats: in the civilised parts of the British Isles, fascinators are strictly for Z-list celebs at the bits of major horse race meetings paparazzi congregate around). Nor have I been to an Irish wedding where anyone except the bride planned to change clothes during the wedding day.

There's been just one common dress code: men wear lounge suits and ties, unless there's a different request, and except for the bridal party, who almost always wear something showier and more formal. Every other aspect of dress codes (including the codes for peripheral events, like any pre- or post- wedding get together) differ from wedding to wedding, and impact different guests differently

It's the job of the bridal party to communicate to the guests they've caused to be invited what the code for that guest is going to be. If you've been invited at the bride's request, ask her.

All those arrangements she's making are to ensure her guests enjoy themselves. If she's too busy to reply, she's certainly not worth flying round the world for.

Flanneruk, I wasn't giving advice, I just recounted a recent experience. Of course it's up to the bridal party to give guidelines.

What does the invitation say?

If it's "Lounge suit", your husband has his answer & I'd wear a cocktail length dress with a jacket or wrap.

2pm in summer - I might wear a hat ( because I love & often wear them), and would remove it for the reception.

If it's "Formal", your husband may want to tux up, even though only waiters should be seen in then before 6. He probably won't want to - but you might cajole him into it (lol).

If it's formal, I'd lose the hat & wear a cocktail length dress/ suit that could morph into " after 5". Take a jacket/ wrap. You don't want to freeze in air conditioned reception.

Apropos the 2nd outfit - I'd ask the MOB or bride for guidance. The only weddings I've been to that required changes were Greek Orthodox & had quite a lull between wedding & reception.

It's a bit trickier when you don't know the family/ies, of course.

Have fun & remember unless you wear stubbies & thongs or dripping diamonds & cerise ostrich feathers - no one will remember what you wear. They will remember what charming guests you were.

The nice thing about weddings is that all those attending are of different ages, backgrounds and expectations. So even if most of the men are wearing lounge suits, there will be some without ties, or wearing more casual jackets, or white linen with a panama hat, or whatever.

Where women seldom get the opportunity to really dress up, then a wedding is the time to buy a smarter, more flamboyant dress, a hat or a fascinator (by no means confined to Flanner's z-list celebs).

As the day wears one, the more onerous of these clothes are discarded. Nothing unseemly - just jackets, ties, hats and high-heeled shoes.

You leave when you cannot keep up, or are beginning to feel that your are embarrassing the other guests.

My experience is of English weddings. I have never witnessed a fight at a wedding, but there are sometimes tears.

Only ever seen a tux on small page boys, let's face it weddings are for women to go fancy not men.

What ever you do remember bow ties are for waiters and weird professors

Thank you Bokhara for your advice, unfortunately that info is missing from the invite but obviously would be forthcoming with a direct request I am sure :)

"You appear to live somewhere where the etiquette and dress code for every wedding is identical. Personally, I'd kill myself at the thought - and that certainly isn't the case in the British Isles."

Personally Flanneruk I find that a little offensive. Of course there are weddings and weddings in all countries, I was merely looking for some broad advice as well as comments about cultural differences that may be applicable and interesting.

My friend is definitely worth travelling half way around the world for and is not "too busy to reply" - I just thought I would be considerate and see what I could glean from the normally helpful Fodor's forum first.

You might avoid classing Ireland as part of the British Isles whilst in Cavan Not all of Ulster is British ;) (some will argue the geographical term (but there are some things at the bottom of the lakes that didn't grow there naturally))

I would share some photos of Irish wedding attire but the only pictures on this laptop are from a Gypsy wedding in Knock and might not be considered the norm.

We'll have to agree to disagree, Bilboburgler.

Clip on bow ties may be only for waiters & page-boys, but the men in my family all wear dinner suits & hand tied bow ties when the occasion warrants. If a man can tie his shoe laces, he can tie a tie!

I think it's a very poor show when a woman goes to the trouble of dressing properly & appropriately for an outing & her escort turns up looking as if he's going to the football or cleaning out the garage.

Most men grizzle about being made to dress up - and then spend the night admiring their image in mirrors & windows & lapping up the compliments.

Unless the invitation states "Formal", then go for the default. In Ireland that is a business/lounge suit for men. I'm not fluent in the language of women's attire, but women generally wear dresses at knee-length (give or take about 25cm or 10 inches); a splash of colour, either in the dress or in the accessories, is usual; hats or fascinators are the norm. It's not very common for guests to change their outfits during the day.

[Formal for an Irish wedding is a frock coat (not a tux) for men; full length gowns for ladies (there are no women in the formal world) with stoles and jewels. Sometimes the wedding party, those who will be seated at the top table, dress formally and the guests are not expected to.]

Very often the guests at a wedding book accommodation at the venue. Hotels often do special packages for them. Having a room gives you a place to escape if you need an hour's rest, and certainly avoids any concerns about drinking and driving.

For a formal wedding in England a "tux" or what we call a dinner jacket would be an enormous faux pas. I assume it's the same in Ireland.
You'd wear morning dress. I've been to a wedding where the men in the immediate family wore morning dress or kilts. The other men wore lounge suits with ties and buttonholes.
Buy a pretty dress and a hat if you like to wear them and have fun.

As Padraig said, the people on the top table were dressed more formally than the rest of us.

Wedding photographers put up extensive galleries of the weddings they shoot. You can look up Irish wedding photographers on line and go through their portfolios. Usually you need to scroll through a few pictures to get the actual wedding reception with many photos of the guests. But you can see with your own eyes that some women wear fascinators, some do not, some men dress formally (and take off jackets and ties at the reception), etc etc

Here is just one example

http://abacaphotography.blogspot.it/...remony-in.html

If you google "wedding photographer" + the name of the Irish county where the wedding will take place you can probably zero in even more on the local style

Quite honestly, somebody asked about an Irish wedding and received advice from a genuine Irishman who no doubt has attended many.

Goodness knows why lots of other people have to recount weddings they have attended where people wore floor-skimming mink, evening dress or tattered jeans and started the proceedings at 6.

This is a trad Irish wedding starting in a church at 2.
I hope the OP has garnered the genuine advice and will have a great time and take loads of pictures.

Somebody pointed out that you get all ages at these things. I went to one where they had a ceilidh for the evening do. That got everyone on the floor from children to grannies.

some more photos

http://www.obrienphotographic.com/pr...berofthumbs=12

What an odd group of answers!

Almost everyone is correct except flanneruk, though he is certainly correct in the broadest sense, and nytraveler, who is correct only in the narrowest sense.

They are forgiven because they usually offer really good answers, but I can assure you that the wedding customs she describes for the US apply mostly to people who live on the coasts, and primarily to Jewish people and those with no religious affiliations.. The vast majority of weddings in the US take place in churches with a reception to follow at all sorts of venues, from the church basement to fabulous country clubs or hotels.

Flanner is generally correct that one does see all sorts of things at weddings in the British Isles, but it is bad advice since there are in fact expectations about what people wear and it is one of the places where the usual Fodor's advice to wear what you you are comfortable in because no one will notice is wrong, wrong, wrong. Everyone will notice, and they will be commenting on the pictures long after you and I are dead.

I suppose if you are a New Age traveler coming from Glastonbury, you can be happy that you are lightening up the proceedings just as if you wear your morning coat, the one you took out of your closet, not the one you rented from MossBros, you can be happy knowing that you are adding tone. For most men, a lounge or business suit is perfect, and for women, it is a great time to dress extravagantly. Hats, go for it! As big as you can find for a hat, as silly as you can imagine for a fascinator!

Many women sacrifice themselves for The Look with painful shoes and lots of highly engineered corsetry. You need not go this far, but you will want to look somewhere on the fabulous spectrum! It is a joyful day.

I drove past our local church just a half-hour ago as people were arriving for a wedding. It might have been a good opportunity for me to update my perceptions (it's about a month since I was last at a wedding).

But there was a delectable your woman in a very short dress trying to get out of a high vehicle without showing even more of her shapely legs, and that's all I saw.

I could say that I don't know how "young" morphed into "your", but I'm sure you have it figured out: my mind was elsewhere, on the street outside the church.

At the ONE Irish wedding that we attended, men not in the wedding party wore suits and sport coats. Women wore cocktail dresses at (mostly) age-appropriate lengths -- ranging from Mini, to floor length.

If this is a 'Traditional' Irish wedding, there MAY very well be other activities on days before and after the wedding day, but I can't speak to the accuracy of this observation relative to the wedding you are attending.

At 'OUR' wedding, the night before and the night after, there were gatherings/parties and the men dressed casually, whilst the 'women dressed up'. Padraig's couture observations are 'Spot On' with MY experience.

Two other caveats --

Be sure to find out what COLOR the bride's Mother is wearing (and possibly, the Groom's mother)-- I BELIEVE it is considered improper to 'Compete' ;-)

Securing lodging AT the venue is an EXCELLENT idea, as well! 'OUR' wedding was at 1 PM. Dinner was at 5. We 'crashed' between 3:30 and 4:30 AM -- but, I'm TOLD that many of the guests enjoyed a lovely BREAKFAST! :-)

Bob

Since most of the weddings I have been to seem to end up in a field with a giant tent over us I would advise a little thought to foot wear, wear high heels but take a simple flat, taking wellies is overkill and only sensible if you are so advised.

Still stand by the Tux and bow tie, I spent much of my youth attending does with both black and white bow ties and can promise you there are events where they make sense but not an Irish Wedding. I'd also avoid cravats.

If they must wear bows, do it in the evening but don't be surprised if they are asked to carry around a tray ;-)

I'm going to pass over kilts because there is just too much politics/BS involved but I have been to one in Ireland where they were de rigueur.

Hello everyone, I'm glad that this discussion has produced both diversity and humour!

Tony2phones, the reference to the British Isles was from flanneruk - of course one would not make that mistake in Cavan lol!
Do you know Farnham Estate? We are staying there for a few nights in the Walled Garden cottages so hope its nice.

MissPrism, thanks for the link to House of Fraser, I actually love the first dress that comes up, including the hairstyle and the fascinator - food for thought. (She does have about 20 years on me though.)

Sandralist, great idea with the Irish wedding links, thank you.
Love the discourse on the bow ties, I shall do a count on the day. Ackislander thanks for your sensible comments, of course we are not the important ones on the day and I'm sure it will be sensational whatever we wear.
Padraig, great advice and KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD ;)

Farnham is lovely. Bring your swimsuit, the pool is fab... Lots of woodland to walk in etc. It's considered a fairly swanky hotel so if in doubt dress up not down (but not a tux, if a tux was in order the invitation would say "black tie").

Don't worry about changing outfits. The only person I've ever seen do that is the bride. For the women, you can't go wrong with a dress. A bit of colour as mentioned previously would go down well. If you are not a dress person then a skirt/jacket matching suit for the older lady would also be OK. Women tend to dress up more than men at these affairs, and at the end of the day nobody minds how the "foreign visitors" dress because we all appreciate they have travelled half way across the world and our customs are different, so we expect you to look odd anyway :-)

enjoy

Greetings and Best Wishes!

I read this with complete enjoyment! What great fun!

We are planning a wedding in Scotland and I am trying to ascertain what of this applies to a Scottish wedding.

In particular, in America, a Lounge Suit is something that was worn in the 70's, always in polyester, often in Robins Egg Blue or other pastel colors! If my crazy family read this thread, I am afraid they would be scouring the web to find just those exact suits to pull a good one on me!

As I understand it from one poster, a Lounge Suit is a Business Suit, just not a Tuxedo?
Would a Lounge Suit include nicely tailored slacks and a Sport Jacket-defined by me as one that is cut beautifully but likely in a linen, silk blend or wool-not Polyester?

Perhaps to ensure the party is properly attired, and since the Groom is Scottish, I think we may have a kilt made for him of his clan and perhaps rent a kilt for the rest of the group? Men in Kilts and Women in Fascinators! Now this sounds like fun, not terribly PG but fun!

Sorry to highjack your thread, I was just curious if weddings are approached similarly in Scotland as they are in Ireland. As I am Irish, I do want some Irish customs anyway, so I shall follow your thread with great interest!

Thanks for the great read! I am sure you will be lovely and loved by all.

Best,
Gigi

MissPrism, I love those hats, I always have to look at the lovely Kate in her hats and wish we wore them here in the states besides Derby Day. Ozgirl, I would do a nice dress with jacket that can be taken off for the evening reception for a different look. Have a wonderful time.

In the US weddings are rarely in the morning.

An early wedding would be 2 pm - and I don;t think I've been to one before 5 pm in several years.

Depending on the couple and their theme - you may see all types of different dress. (maybe even jeans and best cowboy boots)

But for a traditional wedding in the NorthEast the bridesmaids (adult sisters or friends of the bride) wear long gown that usually match and the groomsmen (adult friends of the groom) wear matching tuxedos. I have never seen "tails" on anyone at a wedding. Women may wear cocktail dresses - but unless the wedding is outdoors (and even if it is) they usually wear long dresses and most men wear tuxes (or try escape with a dark suit). Generally the wedding is 5 to 6 pm, there is a cocktail hour (if wedding and reception are at the same venue) or an hour in between is the wedding is in a church or temple and the reception in a different place.

But more and more there are weddings with more than one officient - due to differing religions of the bride and groom - and they take place in a country club or major hotel ballroom.

I have been to several Scottish weddings, including that of my own daughter.

They have all followed this pattern:

Wedding in church
Meal
Ceilidh (Scottish dance)

There may be other patterns.

The wedding is open to anyone who wants to come in since the church is a public place. Curious people, mostly little old ladies, will come in and sit in the back. If the church is in a busy area, a small crowd will form outside to watch the departure of the bride and groom.

The meal and ceilidh together comprise what would be a reception in the US. Family and close friends go to the meal. Neighbors, work friends, etc come to the ceilidh. There are lots of toasts and speeches at the meal. The cake has been cut at the beginning of the ceilidh, there are champagne toasts, then usually a cash bar. Everyone learns the dances in school, so they all dance, from 12 year old girls in their first grownup dress to grannies. The ceilidh will end as early as 1 AM but may go on longer, much longer.

Men who have Scottish dress will wear it. Most Scots middle class men do own it. Should American men rent it? Some do, I wouldn't and haven't. The women wear beautiful suits or dresses and, yes, big hats or silly hats. Many do change to a twirly skirt and dancing shoes for the ceilidh since you can't dance a Dashing White Sergeants in spike heels.

American weddings are not relevant here, but I can report that until air conditioning became universal, wedding in the American South were held in the evening, and men did wear tails. But probably not in our time.

Hello all, I had thought my thread was done and dusted, good to see some more discussion :)

I saw a dress the other day that I thought would be perfect so I bought it! Ladies, it is somewhat similar to the first dress in MissPrism's House of Fraser link but slightly more Audrey Hepburnish with a boat collar and a bit more sleeve which I think will be better for a 50+ ;)

It has the requisite floral print and I have a jacket that will 'do' if needed. Will decide on a fascinator when I am in the UK prior to wedding if I can find one cheap and transportable enough!

Littlejane, we are staying on in Farnham for a few days afterward and apart from horse riding, have no set plans there - any suggestions?

Gigipaints - love your description of the Lounge suit, best wishes on your day, I am sure it will be beautiful!

I think you will enjoy Farnham. The town is not large but has an attractive center and lots of attractive shops. I think it has good trains to London at commuting times.

If you have a car, Jane Austen's house in just down the car, Winchester not much further. Stately homes? No problem!