How do you splt the bill?
 

Three couples will be traveling together within Italy for 2 weeks in October. We would like some practical ideas on how to split the bill at meals. One person eats very little and another doesn't drink alcohol. When we go out together at home we divide the bill three ways. I know people say that it will all even out in the end, but I am afraid it may create hard feelings. We are good friends and want to make things fair. How have you done it?

IMO
Each couple should get their own checks and pay for themselves.

Save friendships :)

Appoint a comptroller who keeps common funds for all common expenses. Put in 200E each at first and have that person pay. Actually, I would find 6 jobs to assign. There is the primary driver, the navigator and map keeper, the historian, the librarian---you get the idea. Nobody gets a free ride and keeps everyone involved. Guess which job I always had.

Ditto dandj. It's a no-brainer.

Thanks for the input. Often wait staff are put out if a group asks for separate checks. What is the general feeling in Italy? We don't want the Ugly American label.

Separate checks are not a problem so long as you make it clear when ordering your meal. It can be a lot of bother for staff if you leave it to the end before asking.

We go out with 2 other couples a lot and always split the bill 3 ways. Of course, we all know each other and basically we all drink alcohol (a lot) and all basically eat about the same (also a lot.) Nothing stands out such as you mention, eating very little and not drinking alcohol.

after dividing, round down the share of the 2 who eat/drink less (maybe to the nearest 5 or 10 euros) and round up for everyone else.

Author: dandj
Date: 09/03/2007, 04:25 pm
IMO
Each couple should get their own checks and pay for themselves.

IMO, and being in the restaurant business, get a calculator and figure it out, you will be way more welcome if you are NOT asking for separate checks, UNLESS, you sit separately!!!!!

Each couple pays for their meals but have a common fund for wine etc., unless there is a "heavy" drinker.

I'm with you rpowell. Sometimes I am hesitant to ask for separate checks, even in the USA. We did it once in Venice (about 5 couples) & no problem - white tablecloth restaurant at lunch. But don't know if that is the case everywhere in Italy.

My husband & I do not drink alcohol & often only drink water with our meals. We also do not usually order the expensive items on a menu. I never liked it on those many business trips when the bills were "equally" divided & I helped to pay for others' booze. So, DH & I don't equally divide checks with our friends (we sometimes choose to "treat" our friends, but that is another issue).

Also consider that on your trip, there may be occasions when some folks are not very hungry, so they probably will not want to pay equal share?

I suggest that someone, maybe the non-drinker, accept this assignment. Keeping in mind that the check may not itemize the orders, the Check Chief can write down the menu price of each person/couple's order. Or, just the order of the "odd" couple - if the other 2 couples are fairly equal in food & drinks. Then when the check arrives, the Check Chief rounds up to the nearest euro for each couple (the excess can be a tip), collects, and counts to be sure total is adequate. After counting all of the money, the Check Chief can advise if each couple needs to put in more for tip (if each couple desire to leave more tip).

I salute all of you for addressing this issue in advance. It always seems so strange to me when people will discuss some very personal info, but are so hesitant to talk about money!

Have you talked about not always staying together? We found that helpful. It is important for everyone to know that he/she will not be "attached to the hip" of the group for every waking moment; acknowledge that "own space/interests" is allowed.

Have a great trip, Julie

Hit "post" too early.
Another option is to have each couple take turns buying bottles of wine for the table.

If you can't get separate checks for some reason, use a pencil and paper to add up what each couple owes. Shouldn't take more than one or two minutes, even without a calculator or an Excel spreadsheet.

If your totals are usually significantly unequal, then agree now to have separate bills. It will save bad feelings later. That's what we did. ((*))

Each couple figures out what they owe & put in that amount... either by everyone having cash or by one person using a credit card and the other two paying them their portion.

Easy enough to jot down approximately what the costs of your own entrees and beverages are and pony up that amount for the check.

I do not think spliting 3 ways is fair especially when someone does not drink alcohol. I will NOT "even out in the end" in that scenario. As a big wine drinker, this would make me very uncomfortable, knowing someone who does not drink was getting stuck paying for part of my wine!!!

If that's too complicated, how about rotating who pays, 1 couple gets the entire bill one time, the next/the next. If you eat a similarly priced places every day, that method would have things working out fairly in the end.

When we travel with friends who tend to eat/drink as we do - then we just split the bill. But when we have traveled with friends who drink/eat less - then usually we agree ahead of time to split the dinner bills (it's just easier) and then DH and I "treat" them to a couple of lunches or a snacks or whatever during the trip to make up the difference. Do we come out even....maybe not exactly, but it's close enough to make everyone happy.

My experience in Italy is that restaurants do not like to/will not split bills. Just estimate how much everyone should kick in when the bill arrives.

Whatever you decide, find a solution before the trip starts to prevent any hard feelings during vacation. This shouldn't be an issue if all three couples are good friends.

In a group of 6, one person will usually have a 'head for numbers'. My husband is like that. He can look at a menu while people are ordering and basically knows what everyone owes. (It's a weird 'gift', I know.) With our friends and family, people just hand him the bill and tell him to tell them what they owe. He takes care of paying the bill, leaving tip and returns anything where someone overpaid. Would someone in your group take this responsibility? (It's usually the same person who calculates the exchange rate - sometimes annoyingly - everywhere you go.)

We never divide the bill evenly because, thus far, we don't seem to eat with anyone that has similar tastes - one couple order every course, plus cocktails, wine with dinner and a brandy after; another eat progressively bigger meals during the day from very small breakfasts to gigantic dinners, another couple do the opposite, one woman we travel with eats one meals a day, but likes to sit with us when we eat; a single guy eats nothing but meat (seriously!) and drinks pots and pots of chamomile tea. After reading the answers to your post, I'm thinking I may be on the look out for a new set of friends where everyone eats the same as we do!

Although we also ask for separate bills in Canada and U.S. if we are with people who like it better that way, I wouldn't do that in Italy. However, I could see where it would get tricky if everybody wants to use credit cards to pay for meals. We never do.

Let us know what you figure out and how it works. It may help someone else with a similar problem.

Asking the waiter to split the bill, trying to do the math at the table after having wine for dinner, having each couple estimate what they owe and put it in-- all seem cumbersome, unpleasant and fraught with error potential.

I think it might be best to keep a running tab, that you settle up whenever it suits you. Maybe have each couple take turns paying the entire bill for group outings. Keep all the receipts, keep a tally, and add up who has spent how much and who owes who at the end. That method has worked for us. It will be clean, documented, and less prone to create ill-feelings.
:)>-

I have heard of math phobia, but I never thought of adding up a few numbers as cumbersome, unpleasant, or fraught with error potential.

Be prepared to carry cash for meals and do the math. It takes very little effort for the mathematically minded to calculate the cost for each couple but as others have suggested do this when you order (not at the end after a few bottles of wine!)

If agreed beforehand then this should avoid any hard feelings.

I really like bob's idea to assign each person a job.

Separate checks are extremely common in France and most definitely in Paris, where apartments are often too small to invite your friends for a dinner party -- so Parisian friends eat out very often and each person or couple pays for his own items. As a courtesy to the waiter, it is a good idea to mention this right from the start when ordering -- then he will note the items separately. If a bottle of wine is ordered, generally one person offers to pay for it. "Vous mettez ça sur ma note."

I think dandj's suggestion is the simplest of all. Just order one couple at a time and ask the waiter to consider each one as a separate order. It is no more work for the waiter than if you were sitting at three different tables. Anything else is going to create a headache or hard feelings.

RPOWELL...I understand your position all too well. I've experienced many business meals in Italy where most would order $50 worth of food and wine and there I sit with my $7 pizza margarita and water...hell no I'm not splitting up the check evenly, especially when this is every night on a one or two week business trip...but I digress here.

Your friendship with the other couple (and keeping that running smoothly during your trip) is much more important than what a few waiters think. Just be polite, ask for two checks and then tip them well for their time.

If you get separate checks, how do you split the cost of a bottle of wine? I personally would go with the idea of one person serving as the trip's accountant, or each couple keeping a tab to settle up with others. In our experience, it kills the buzz at the end of the dinner when you have to do math and make sure no one gets short-changed. And when people are supposed to chip in what they owe at the end of dinner, in our experience the kitty always comes up short, and someone ends up paying the extra just to get it settled.
:)>-

A lot of people (particularly Americans) are mathematically illiterate. The idea that they can't add IN THEIR HEADS a few numbers together in a few seconds is really bizarre. I never go out with people who are too mathematically challenged that they can't do that and need to pull out paper and pencil or a calculator and think the whole idea is so cumbersome. That's really too much. I always find it interesting the people on Fodors who can't add to make others they go out with split the check rather than each person paying what they really owe. I don't go out with any friends (single or couples) who do that. I find it an offensive idea myself, and would be annoyed at anyone who said let's just split the check when I went out with them just because they couldn't add.

Well that's good Christina...don't think I'd like going out w/ you either.

How do you split the cost of a bottle of wine? YOu look at the cost and divide it by 2 or 3 in your head, what else, and put it that amount. This is really not astrophysics. People do not have to figure this out in their head to the penny, you round numbers, it's not really difficult (ie, 11.74 is $12; a $20 bottle of wine used by 2 couples is $10 per couple, etc.), as you also have a round some for the tip.

I agree that people should only pay for what they eat...and not pay for other's food.

I disagree that it's easy to do in your head. For very basic meals you are right...but late at night, when you don't speak the language and you're tired it just doesn't seem to be as easy as you imply. I'm relaxing here...don't want homework :)

I worked with a guy who had a notice to the other participants at the meal. He said "We're going to split this bill and each of us will pay a portion. Knowing your going to pay a full share, enjoy and have a good meal. I plan on eating everything I want, we're going to have wine and some drinks after the meal. Now, order your meal."

I always loved the face of the other participants. This was in Spain and the meal can be ruined if we're arguing about the bill.

Blackduff

Have the wine by glass.

One more small item about bills.

I was in a bar with two other people. I drank a glass of wine, one of the others had wine too. The third person ordered a Coke.

The person with the Coke mentioned that he hates to subsidize alcohol. He's religious and this was against his principles. I asked the waiter how much it costs for the glass of wine and how much does it cost for the Coke. Of course, the Coke was more expensive.

So, sharing a meal sometimes cost more if one or two are drinking Cokes.

Blackduff

Blackduff

Wow...who died and made him king? I'd hand him the $$ for what I ate and walk out the door.

I'm always amazed at the attitude that I can sit and eat all I want and you're going to pay for it. Of course as a non drinking vegetarian this would screw me every time. Silly idea.

That's uncharacteristically offensive of you, Christina, to say that Americans are math-illiterates. I run my own business, have managed corporate multi-millions, and can do math just fine. I"ll bet most posters can easily do math in their head.

BUT, that's not the point-- because doing math at the dinner table is inappropriate and a sure party-killer when three couples simply want to relax and enjoy a meal together,
:)>-

How is it a party killer to say, 'Right that's 20 Euro's each for the non-drinkers and 25 for those who had booze'.

To be honest, as a rule we usually split the bill equally and don't quibble over who had the most expensive starter, who didn't have coffee etc etc - BUT if there was a big discrepancy, due to some people having pricy wine, cocktails etc versus non-drinkers, I don't think any of my friends would object to an unequal split. And as Christine says, one mathematically adept person doing a quick tot up in their head shouldn't start World War III !
8-)

I'm shocked that it's a big deal for someone to 'quietly' figure out the bill and let everyone know what they owe. I'm not suggesting a free for all where everyone is arguing, grabbing for the bill, moaning, shaking their fists, threatening to beat someone up. It's - 'Susan, you and Bill owe $30, Mike and Anna, $25.' That takes, what?, 10 seconds tops. Seems a fairly fragile group 'mood' if it can be ruined by nothing more than that.

After reading some of the earlier responses, I'm glad I hang out with the group I do, we may not eat the same way but we are a lot more relaxed about what really matters in life.

Now, I do agree, it's a party-killer to actually pay some of the exorbitant prices restaurants charge but that's enough matter. In my world, what you eat or drink, you pay for.

I suspect most of the people who want to split the bill are a) the ones with the most money who can't fathom that other people may not have the same amount to throw about or who are so deeply in debt they don't care or b) the ones who eat and drink the most. It would be interesting to hear from the people who regularly have to subsidize others and honestly don't mind.

One problem with figuring out how much each couple owes at the table is when each wants to pay with a credit card. How do you hand 3 CC's to the waiter, and say, this one is charged $43, this one $55, and this one $62.66 (since the total bill usually ends in cents)?

Should one CC be submitted, and the rest pay cash to the main CC? Is that fair?

If the bill is not split evenly, then it seems to me that separate bills are more understandable to the waiter. ((*))

There are now two threads perpetuating the myth that its not possible to split one bill across several credit cards - or that it's not 'acceptable/common' outside the US.

We do it all the time in the UK (whether the bill is being divided equally or not!) and I've done it in every European country I've visted with no problems at all.

RickMav

You are right...if it can be done in 10 seconds then I'm happy to do it. The problem for me is that it always seems more complicated than that. The bill for 4 comes with a list of about 15 items on it usually in some type of shorthand that seems to make no sense (especially since it's in a foreign language) and we all have to huddle around the bill for a while just to figure out who got what and how much it costs.

When we dine with my brother & sister-in-law, we laugh about who uses the credit card! We both have cards with travel points. The funeral director even agreed to let us split the bill for our Mom's funeral! Believe me, she would have gotten (& I believe she did) a big kick out of that! :-)

So, credit card use among friends would be easy for us - take turns while mentally approximating equal share.

To us - non-drinkers/inexpensive eaters, it is not a big deal to mentally figure how much we owe for a meal. Unless we are "treating", we never agree to divide the bill - we would always lose.

Julie