I guess I never expressly answered the question: How do you deal with relatives and friends who are jealous of your traveling? I don't tell them about it. Xman is right, "good friends" show interest in your interests, to a point. However, AS a "good friend" I won't make them feign interest once I realize they don't share that particular interest or are a little jealous.

getoverit <BR> <BR>thats precisely the point <BR> <BR>good friends do show an interest in your life even where it doesnt match up to their own interests, without having to fake it or without being jealous... <BR> <BR>i am not talking about having great long conversations about travel. but if a good friend new I had just got back from Africa or venice or wherever then I would be a little upset if they didnt even ask a simple question about whether i enjoyed it and briefly what i thought of it... <BR> <BR>thats all i would want <BR> <BR>i dont want or expect people to share my passions or talk at legth, just show a little interest in my life <BR> <BR>if they cant even do the bare minimum which is all i am looking for, they can take a hike... <BR> <BR>as i said, i am not into, cross-stitch etc, but many of my friends have a real passion for it, and because of that i am at least interested in what fairs they have been to, what projects they are working on, etc. <BR> <BR>support isnt just about supporting each other when in emotional distress - of course i dont need that kind of support! travel is my passion not something i do under duress... supporting friends in what they do is an ongiong thing, and doesnt have to be major major <BR> <BR>i obviously am not expressing what i mean since you seem to be completely misinterpreting it <BR> <BR>though maybe you're just baiting <BR> <BR>i know what i mean and i think a few others do, so with that, i give up

another twist on Denise's problem - how do you deal with colleagues who comment on your travels. I feel like this situation is even more uncomfortable in a work environment. I work at a job where I get 4 weeks of vacation. I am young, single and have no kids and am trying to you every vacation day to do all the traveling I can now. I don't tell people about my plans but inevitably it comes up in polite conversation when you need to inform people that you will be out of the office. I am not extravagent on my trips but the reactions of other people make me feel like I'm being extravagent. Has anyone had the same experience?

To XXX: <BR> <BR>I fit the same profile as you: single, travel a lot etc - but otherwise, no, i have not had the same experience re: traveling. I do occasionally get reactions/comments re: marathons, triathlons, especially this time of year, e.g. "why do you do that - are you crazy?" I simply don't worry about it. I travel, participate in sports, etc because I WANT to - not to get a reaction out of other people. <BR> <BR>

I used to think it was "travel envy" but now I really don't think it is. As I grow older I realize that I am the only person I know who has a true passion for travel. Most of our friends are off with their kids doing "kid things" and we, who are childless by choice, spend our time traveling. It would be wonderful if we had some friends that enjoyed travel the way we do but unfortunately that's not the case. It sure won't stop us from traveling! Hey, it's all about the choices we make. No one has a right to tell you that having kids is the right thing to do and traveling is wrong. It's all about what's right for you. If someone thinks you're selfish for wanting to travel instead of having children, that's their problem! <BR> <BR>Frankly, I think our friends and family don't ask about our trips because they have no frame of reference. Most people we know have never been outside the U.S. If you've never been to or even heard of the Black Forest for instance, how would you come up with an intelligent question to ask? The conversation will end quickly because the person you're talking to has nothing to contribute! It's likely that their idea of travel is going to the same place year after year after year! So, I guess if our trip was to Disneyworld, that would be another thing entirely. The topic would be endless! I'm sure it's because most people have either been, seen it on TV or can somehow make a connection with it. Now, tell that same person you're going to the Amalfi Coast and they'll probably change the subject. Go figure! <BR> <BR>Denise, you can talk to us about your trips here. We'll be excited for you. <BR> <BR>

O.K., let's take getoverit's message and change a few key words: <BR> <BR>Message: Why do you feel compelled to talk about your KIDS? Why do so many people feel that way, and are shocked, (SHOCKED, I say) to hear that others do NOT want to hear about their KIDS? As a rule, people are not interested in others' KIDS. It used to be a bad joke about the couple that invites others over to watch their KID'S slide show, yet that joke lives on!! Reproduce and enjoy. Discuss breeding with those who reciprocate, but otherwise keep it to yourself. This should be easy, unless you breed so you can show off to your "friends". (and get attention) If so, your money would be better spent on a new Lexus (and your "friends" will be much more impressed).

Hi Denise <BR>First of all, the way you and your husband choose to spend your money is a very private matter. You need to politely tell your MIL that it is none of her business. Secondly, the decision to have children is also a very private matter. This is your second chance to tell your MIL to mind her own business. It sounds as though she feels that she needs a grandchild to fulfill the part of her life that has an obvious void. Thirdly, a gift is something "you" choose to buy someone. I would cease buying her any gifts and she will get the message loud and clear. Fourth, your husband is wrapped around his mother's pinky and only he can undo this but with some of your help. It sounds like you and your husband need to tell your MIL to get a life and to mind her own business. I finally had to tell my MIL not to complain to her son (my husband) every time she calls him. I reminded her that she is the only one left counting the number of years she has been divorced. If I were your husband, I would definitely not take her on any more trips since she is obviously very unappreciative. Finally, the best people to share your travel experiences with are the people on this site and others who share your passion. <BR>Live your dreams!!! <BR>Linda

An example....no frame of reference: <BR>Last week a work colleague saw my office for the first time. She looked shocked. "What's this?" she asked. "Do you have a thing about old buildings?" <BR>She was looking at all the photo montages that fill my room, mementos of my precious European trips. I don't think she's ever been out of the southwest US. She's a lovely person, but felt out of her depth. I pointed out photos from Berlin, Prague, the Cotswolds, and so on. And then she got quiet. Hey, to each his own, I say. At least we have each other, here on Fodors. I don't expect everyone to share my passions, just a few do nicely.

If you perceive that friends or relatives are jealous of your travels and this bothers you (which is only human), than simply ask them why. Have a real conversation. Go deep. Conflicts/problems start with wrong assumptions which leads to misunderstanding which leads to conflict which leads to .....

Someone please help me out here - does ANYONE detect the arrogance in these posts? <BR> <BR>I'm starting to see a pattern here. In this thread, and similar ones, i hear direct remarks as well as implications that overseas travel is a reflection of being more adventurous, sophisticated, educated, cultured, wealthly, etc. Yet, virtually all of the people complaining state that no one is interested in their trips claim that they do not know anyone else who as been overseas. What does that say about the circles they live/work in? Hmm.

Holly, <BR> <BR>What it says to me is that while my husband and I are spending our hard earned money on trips, our friends are saving money for their kids college fund! <BR> <BR>But since you mention it, quite frankly I do think that those of us who have a desire to travel have greater interest in culture, architecture, and history than someone who doesn't travel. Am I saying that makes me a better person, NO! Am I smarter....NO! Am I a better person for liking these things...NO!!!

Okay, I'm not going to help things cool down here. Maybe it's the heat.... <BR> <BR>When I moved to a small midwestern town, all anyone talked about was kids, school, real estate, and cooking. If I even brought up something as controversial as a movie, they looked as if I'd revealed my hysterectomy scar. The men could talk politics, but not the women. The worst thing anyone could say about something (a book, a dress, a work of art, a way of life) was that it was "different." <BR> <BR>If I so much as whispered anything about a trip to Europe I'd taken 20 years earlier, I got a lot of "gentle" put-downs and reminders that not everyone can travel and not everyone thinks Europe is a place to visit. I learned to "adapt" -- when in (irony) Rome.... but it drove me crazy, and when I got a chance to move back to a more open, sophisticated community, it was like learning to breathe deeply again. <BR> <BR>Robin: you should definitely be saving for your kids' education, lest they have narrow horizons, too. BUT, do I think you are a richer person for having traveled? Yes. Not more moral or with an automatically increased IQ, but certainly more informed and certainly with an "elastic" outlook that can expand to include other ways of looking at things. <BR> <BR>What this thread is about is a certain tyranny of the narrow that is threatened by the "different." Jealousy is part of it, but you know very well that if some of these people had money, they wouldn't use it to broaden their minds, just their behinds. <BR> <BR>Yep, this is a snobbery on my part, but don't overlook the "reverse snobbery" I'm criticising -- esp. if that reverse snobbery's aim is to keep people from learning, experiencing, exploring.

To "parents should": You post is interesting and could be applied to any subject, and my point would still ring true: If you are a true friend, you should not beat your uninterested friends over the head with subjects they don't care about. If you truly enjoy something (and not just doing it to impress others or make them jealous) that simple pleasure is enough. If your "friends" only want to talk about children, and you only want to talk about travel, I do not see what you have in common. Having said that, although it wasn't my beef, to compare the whimsy of travel to the miracle of children reveals a true lack of depth. Still each person should be sensitive to another's interests. Ironically, to apply the original poster's philosophy to other posts on this thread regarding children, one would have to conclude that those who complain about people who talk about their children are actually jealous of their parent-friends. Somehow, I doubt that is the case. Yet, since the subject is travel, these same people jump to defend the original poster's philosophy.

I can't say I think I am superior for traveling and enjoying it. I do think it has given me something that my non-traveling friends don't have, but I am sure they have things I don't as well. Personally, I really don't like hunting, but most of my family loves it. I at least try to show some interest in their hobbies by asking questions, but I don't criticize their hobbies when talking to them (and as I have said, they don't criticize mine either). People just like different things, and they don't all have to have obvious benefits. For example, a lot of people like to collect things (I am one of them). Other than possibly serving as decor, these items can take up a lot of space and cost a lot of money. In fact, I changed my priorities a few years ago and shifted most of the money spent on collecting to travel and photography. I decided I preferred to do rather than have.

Of course, if all you can talk about is travel and/or your children, then you don't make for a very exciting dinner guest. GEEZ, I live in the midwest, and I like to talk travel, AND children, AND any number of subjects. Part of being a good conversationalist is being able to find mutually interesting subjects and discussing them intelligently. Just because a topic doesn't interest me, doesn't make me any less of a person or "jealous". Different strokes for different folks. However, if someone MUST beat me over the head with his or her professional accomplishments, recent luxury purchases, perhaps even travel (I'm not interested in every location that someone may have traveled to) or similar topics, then that person is a boor (and a bore). Frankly, what has been described as being a "friend" here sounds a lot like being a boor. Perhaps some of you need new friends?!

Holly - <BR> <BR>I agree - the arrogance is unbelieveable. It never occurred to me that traveling overseas should give me such a sense of self-importance.

In answer to the original question - tell them exactly how uniquely cultured and adventurous, then hit them over the head with their cross-stitch.

oops - "how uniquely cultured and adventurous you are"

jealous, schmealous

Living and working in the Washington, D.C., area, I've found that my friends and acquaintances just about all travel or if they don't, they wish they could. One way to meet people with similar interests is to study a language. I have been studying Italian for two years and have made several good friends. Not surprisingly, just about all of my classmates travel to Italy regularly. I bet if you studied French you'd meet lots of folks who travel to France a lot. I realize that DC offers classes and events not found in smaller U.S. cities, but maybe if you look, you'll find something near you, perhaps community college adult ed.

The same way I deal with malcontents on this board, I ignore them.

It is sad when friends and family make hurtful remarks about your travels. Assuming that you are a responsible adult and pay your bills, how you spend your money and leisure time is up to you. Possibly your friends and family are jealous of your adventurous spirit. I have found travelling throughout Europe much less expensive and much easier than travelling throughout the USA (and I live in the USA). Believe it or not, it is cheaper for me to fly from Boston to London for a 4 day weekend to go to the theatre, than it is for me to make the same trip to New York. Suggest that your family and friends start looking into some trips abroad. <BR> <BR>Also, stop letting your MIL interfere. Cut the umbilical cord, stop making telephone calls while you are on vacation and stop spending the time shopping for the appropriate gift. Don't feed into you MIL's jealousies. You're supposed to be on vacation enjoying yourself, not feeling guilty.

After years of my family's comments about begin ssssoooo rich as to travel and wanting all our vacations to be spent with them, I simply quit telling them about our travels. Just because they are family, does not mean you share everything with them. They do live 1200 miles away, so that helps. <BR> <BR>My husband's family and our friends are happy for us and politely listen to the stories.

For me, jealousy usually works the other way. Sure, I travel alot more than my friends. That's because I don't have a wife to buy a house with, or kids to save tuition for, or a satisfying career to work long hours on advancing. <BR> <BR>I'd gladly trade all my future travels in for the right mother-in-law ("right" referring of course to who she's the mother of!)

I don't have many people in my life who don't share my love of travel - both my family and my husband's are frequent and great travelers, so it's more common for me to hear "How GREAT you're going to wherever" than to hear complaints. People who seem to be jealous or negative aout our travels are people I just don't want to deal with, and I don't - though I can't recall any in recent years, except some friends of friends who thought we were mad to take off for London for a 4-day weekend in November of 1999. Well - TOO BAD! We had a smashing time, thank you. <BR>I think my family has had enough years of me to know that there is nothing they could possibly do to deter my travel obsession (heck, they STARTED it - my dad was a headmaster with summers off, and we took 3-month trips all over the US and Canada when I was a kid). We don't have friends or family, though, who disapprove of our travel, as some of you seem to have. We've got people who think we're nuts to have bought a house in France and go back to the same place over and over again, and people who think we should rent a RecV and "tour America" - (over my dead body) - but we don't have anyone on either side of the family who complains about our travel lifestyle. Lucky us. They all want to come visit us in France, though, and that's another story.

Why care what anyone else, even relatives or friends, thinks of your travels? My hubby and I are happy travelers. We don't need a pat on the head to make our choices more valid, nor does the disapproval or jealousy of others spoil our plans.

Get a new husband to travel with and maybe the new one will have better friends and a really cool mother! <BR>Or, live with what you've got, don't ask strangers for advice,and talk about it with your husband..although if you have been living this way for 8 years, it might be too late.

You thrive attention, otherwise why would you complain on a forum about not getting attention from your friends, or not the type of attention you like from MIL? Travel for your own joy and satisfaction, that way you won't need to get any from your friends. About the MIL, she sounds like a meddling witch to me, don't give her the power, if your husband is allowing her to have that much power, you need a new beau.

Oh whoever mentioned Sex & the City has the same exact picture in mind as I do (re:MIL) <BR> <BR>Frustrated with friends, ask them why they are not interested, and maybe you will find out whether or not you need to find new ones or how to correct the situation.

I understand where the orginal poster here is coming from. For myself a big part of the enjoyment of any major trip I take is to relive it in a way through looking at my photos and from relaying to my friends some the the funny or enjoyable events or places from the trip. I find it hard to beleive these people here who write that it doesn't matter to them if any of their friends are interested in their long trips and don't want to know anything about it. Isn't part of our love for travel also the love of sharing our enjoyment with the people we are close to? It certainly is for me.

The shoe is on the other foot as far as hubby and I are concerned. We wish (not jealous) that we could travel like all of retired friends can. We manage to take one big trip a year and several long weekends. Jealous is a very strong word. Why can't people just be happy for other people? <BR>

Why this infectious assumption that people who have other interests than you are jealous? Does anyone taking this position realize its implications when talking about YOUR lack of interest in other people's hobbies?

ttt

Jaba: Perhaps the original poster and some of these people need to be BETTER friends to their friends (by not expecting their friends to endure their travel stories or bragging).

I confess, there's one friend I handle very poorly in this instance. After a recent three-day weekend with my husband, I said, "Oh we shopped, had really good food and just enjoyed lounging around in the hotel."<BR><BR>She gets extremely jealous of loving togetherness like we share. She and her husband treat each other badly -- he's got a housekeeper, she's got a big diamond and house. (Again, to each his/her own.)<BR>

My family could care less, they don't travel out of the country. I respect their choice. Some friends have a better financial situation and can travel several times a year. I envy them but am not jealous. My walls are covered with framed gift posters from all over France, or photographes I have taken. These may prompt a request to hear about an area. If not I don't bring it up.

W O W...I am counting my blessings that my friends and family are very supportive of my love of travel. In fact, the last trip I took was to Brazil with my mother, sister, aunt, cousin & 2 friends. Sure not everyone I know is into travel, just like I'm not into cars or sports. But I try not to demean others hobbies, and I hope they do the same. <BR><BR>PS: I've made it a rule to NEVER talk about my travels at work. Talking about your latest trip is like talking about your salary...people think they would like to know, but they REALLY don't want to.

Topped for Windy et al. Starts about jealousy but covers the range...

Tell the people who can appreciate your travels and don't tell the people who can't.<BR>And remember there will always be those who have an &quot;one-upsmanship&quot; attitude about everything rather than just keeping quiet and letting someone else &quot;shine.&quot;

Thanks for topping this for me, Cassandra.<BR><BR>Windy