Fodor's Travel Talk Forums - Hotel brochure-isms

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Hotel brochure-isms

Charming ambience: Not newly renovated Old-World charm: Never renovated Historic: Dilapidated Understated elegance: Spartanly furnished Evokes another era: Shared bath Cosmopolitan: Little English spoken Private: An hour from where you want to be Warm hospitality: No air-conditioning Cozy atmosphere: No lobby Overlooks ocean: Long walk down to beach Climate-controlled room: The window opens. (Andrew Harper)

Florence, bonjour! J'adore :-)

Thanks or the break. Very funny. Evokes another era: no internet connections, CNN or frigobar. Features double-paned windows: noisy beyond belief. Secluded: Can't find it in broad daylight without a Global Positioning System. Access to gym: half-way across town and you have to pay a hefty membership fee. Dormered rooms: Can't stand up if you are over 5'5". Popular hotel: All the down-scale tour groups stop here. Unfortunately, I have stayed in all of the above.

Oh yes! And then there's: Easy auto access - at intersection of two major highways Perfect for families - bathrooms smell like dirty diapers Artfully decorated breakfast room - a cellar closet painted purple Convenient to many restaurants - above an all-night Indian restaurant Friendly and helpful owners -- M. will ogle the wife and daughters and Mme. will talk your ear off.

Family-owned and run - whole different meaning in Sicily Outdoor activities - upper-body workout swatting the mosquitoes coming off the stagnant water in the "swimming pool" Nearby shops and markets - one roadside stand selling questionable mushrooms, and a bait shop Child-friendly - the sinkholes have been covered with cardboard and "Mr. Neighbor" has been returned to the correctional facility Colorful locals - noisy drunks on shore leave Lively festivals - the townsfolk throw a parade for the drunks on shore leave Close to airports - landing gear has knocked off the chimney more than a few times Close to public transportation - the subway stop is in our basement

Cheers you guys, way too funny, but sadly I think we have all stayed in places with a few of these "charming features"!

This reminds me of when we bought our house ........ do you think the people who write hotel brochures moonlight as real estate agents?

Hi All! I love this thread! A couple of more: Bucolic, pastoral retreat: you will never find us, it doesn't matter how many maps, compasses or local people you query Rustic: no running water, has never been renovated & never will be if we have anything to do with it Antique furnishings: that stick of a settee will break into kindling if more than 50 lbs. of pressure comes near it Fireplaces: because we have no central heating Caveat, traveler! BC

Ohmigosh: This all reminds me of the brochure text from the first house we rented in Tuscany, a honeymoon trip we dreamed of for five years after the wedding, until we had both time and money to take it. Once we'd booked the house (six months before the trip), we'd pore over the highly detailed and lyrical description of the property like it was poetry. I think I had it memorized. When we got to the house, I needed all my powers of self-control not to burst into tears while the owner showed us around. Once he left, I cried. I was naive; now I know all about brochure-isms! And I can laugh about them....

THE HOTEL ANCHOVY A stone's throw from the world famous champs d'elysees, the arc d'triumph, the eiffel tower and the naughty temptations of Place Pigalle stands the intimate yet sophisticated gathering place of "people in the know" the newly renovated Hotel Anvhovy. Our 38 spacious rooms with fully marbeled toilets en suite will satisfy your dreams of the best that paris has to offer. Our fully stocked bar guided by the deft hands of our talented barman Marcel will create apertifs to meet your every desire. A lavish breakfast is served in our charming exposed beams basement restaurant with a complete menu of rolls. croissants, delicious jams and jellies and beverages of your choice from evey part of the world. At the Anchovy you will truly find a "home away from home" where your every need will be fullilled by our friendly and courteous staff whose only wish is to make your stay a memorable and pleasant experience. Our concierge staff will be happy to provide theater and railroad tickets, restaurant reservations.museum passes--absolutely nothing you require is beyond their capacty to provide you with perfect smiling service that is the hallmark of the famous Hotel Anhcovy where such famous celebrities as Mischa Auer, Nigel Bruce and Fatty Arbuckle spent many a happy hour. Rates: 300ff double 245 single.

ttt....again! This one is good! Any more out there??

Limited Room Service: whatever is left from the breakfast buffet

"Sunny Locale" You're going to bake like a roasting chicken, as we have no awnings, no fans, and don't even ask about A/C "Breezy Terraces" The winds are similar to hurricane gusts, or conversely, see "Sunny Locale" above, as natural breezes will be as close as you get to A/C

If you can admit to the guilty pleasure of watching the movie "European Vactation" you'll remember Chevy Chase standing in his matchbox size Paris hotel room saying with all innocence, "Gee, Honey, the room doesn't look at all like this picture in the brochure."