It's not just we Americans. My Italian former mother-in-law loved to travel, and would return from her annual trip abroad full of enthusiasm for all the sights she had seen and things she had done. However, she would invariably announce that the English (or Danes, or Spanish, or French) had no idea how to cook because she couldn't get a decent plate of pasta anywhere! No one in her family could ever convince her that pasta was not the focal point of dining in other countries.

Not quit the "funniest turist" but rather closemindness: <BR> <BR>I live in San Francisco now, but I'm originally from Kiev, Ukraine (former Soviet Union). More often then not, when I meet new people and tell them that I'm originally from Russia (I even don't try saying that I'm from the Ukraine as they are not often sure if it's in Africa or South America) they are responding with something like: <BR>"Wow! At I've met a Russian guy before, his name is ... he's from Moscow. You probably know him!" Every time I try to come up with not very insulting joke to answer this... <BR> <BR>Another one. <BR>I was once sceduling a training course over the phone. The training office was somewhere in the East coast of the US but the courses were offered all over the country. The representative asked me where I live (San Francisco) and offered a location closes to me: Seattle. I mentioned that Seattle is about 2 hour flight from where I am, and got alternative location: Los Angeles. This was closer, just an hour flight. The last pick was Oakland, which is about 15 miles from SF just on the other side of the bay.

YS, if you'd like to come to the first SF Bay Area Fodorite Get Together on July 26 in SF, send me an e-mail and I'll fill you in on the details. We have 14 people definitely coming. Please join us.

A funny group of tourists I ran into a couple years ago was a group of English in Las Vegas. We were outside the Treasure Island Casino watching the mock pirate ship fight performance. In this street show, <BR>The British flagship is supposed to be the dasterdly, evil enemy. However,(and rather naturally, I suppose)the English group was very loudly cheering the "enemy" on, making nasty - but really funny - comments about the Americans, etc. It gave the show a different twist and made it more fun.

Funny/gross department: <BR>My wife and I stayed at a lovely small <I>Pousada</I> in the Alentejo region of Portugal - http://www.pousadas.pt/01pousadas/40...aio/index.html a couple of years ago. There were only a few rooms, most of which were occupied by a large group of Londoners, who behaved rather boisterously during and after dinner, with lots of wine and beer and cigarettes, followed by more loud and raucous partying in the elegant wee lounge. Although this property was rather more laid back than most Pousadas, which in our experience are terminally stuffy, we could still sense that the staff was a little put off by these folks, who were somewhat rude with the young waitstaff in addition to being sort of crude. <BR> <BR>One of the women came to the lounge in a gold-lame jumpsuit and ordered another drink (she was plainly already pretty relaxed) and when it was delivered she placed it on the coffee table in front of the sofas where she and her pals were sitting, then she slid the drink over, slipped off her shoes, and put her bare feet up on the same table. She fumbled in her handbag for a minute and came up with a pair of toenail clippers, with which she proceeded to cut and clean her toenails, all ten, placing the clippings in the ashtray on the table. The conversation proceeded apace except at our table across the room. The bar waitress stood watching like she had just seen a UFO beam these people down, the possibility of which I’m not ruling out. <BR>

We were in a VERY nice, formal restaurant in Paris. There was a group across the room, of about 10 people or so. Appeared to be an expense account meal; there were two French gentlemen, plus three American couples. The group was rather loud but otherwise behaving themselves. Until the waiter began walking around the table, placing at each person's place at the table another roll from the basket he was holding. One of the American "gentlemen" picked up the roll that had just been deposited on his plate, and put it back in the waiter's basket, with the comment (in English of course), "I don't want that."

My mother & I went out east (PEI, etc) in Canada (from Toronto) for a week long driving holiday. We stayed in B&Bs along the way. At one B&B, we spent the evening visiting with the owners and another couple staying ther eas well. The other couple were very quiet. My mother, myself and the owners started talking about Americans and how loud and obnoxious they are, how you can always spot an Amercian a mile off (can you see where this is going?!). Finally, we turned to the other couple, and to include them in the conversation, I asked "so where are you from?", the answer was Boston. We headed off to bed pretty quick!

HI--I was with a tour group at Pompeii and a woman in the group asked the guide if the scaffolding holding up a building was original. Half the group groaned, the other half took a step away from her and the guide just stood there with his mouth open.

As we approached the Lion monument in Lucerne, our tour guide gave a wonderful history lesson regarding the monument and said what a "moving experience" it is for some to view it. When we finally arrived, this one fellow kept walking around saying "I can't see it move" and he was really disappointed when he found out that it wasn't going to move.

The funniest tourists I came across were the Italians who I met in the airport in Paris. They REEKED of smoke, alcohol and BO! They had just returned from Las Vegas. They were so loud and noisy the entire section watched them. I could not help but be amused by the bizarre dress as well. <BR>They all said Vegas was their favorite travel destination... <BR>

my bad: a couple years ago my friend & i were leaving a local mexican restuarant and he politely said "buenas noches"; jokingly i corrected him and said "it's buenas nachos". he quickly turned around and said loudly "buenas nachos". everyone got a good laugh. <BR>...years go by and i've been helping him with spanish (correctly). <BR>one night in Costa Rica we jump into a cab (after a few biers) and he says again very loudly "buenas nachos" ... still kills us every time. <BR>

I have one... <BR>A few years ago I was at the Louvre admiring the Venus de Milo, considered to be an ideal of Hellenistic beauty, no? Enter the pair with white tennis shoes and a Yankees baseball cap. The woman "hmmm'd", and said the statue "looked familiar", but, couldn't quite place it. The cap clad man responded with, hmm, "don't know who she is, but, she sure 's got a big nose"! Needless to say, I quietly disappeared... :)

For scigirl. My friend Charley really did say that about bread in Paris. <BR>But I did eat bread in the restaurants, with cheese!! <BR>After I stuffed myself with all of the other stuff at the bakery, who had room for cheese!! <BR>And the next time I go to Paris, <BR>I hope that strong draft blowing off of <BR>Boulevard Montparnasse will not sweep me into La Brioche Doree. It is expensive to get out of that place. It takes at least one strawberry tart and a slice of something or other. <BR>

The outrageous tourist incident I recall the most <BR>happened some 10+ years back in the People's Republic of China. Back then the only way most people could visit China was on a tour, so I went on one of the very few tours I have ever been on. <BR>There were a small handful of us under 30 on the tour and we would hang out together. Every day though at some point one of us would be approached by these 3 elderly Texan women who were also on the tour and would be asked what the time was. On a warm day after a few weeks went by I noticed that 2 of the short sleeve wearing women wore watches...and I noticed this as they stopped our conversation to inquire yet again about the time. So I asked why they kept asking us the time when I saw they all had watches. One woman spoke up and said "oh, but we need to know the local time so we won't be late to meet the bus". I said "why not look at your own watch?" and another Texan spoke up and said "but our watches are set to Texas time". I asked why as we had been in China well over 2 weeks by that point and the reply was "that way we will know what time it is at home if we want to call our families". So I asked how often they call their families and the response was "oh, we haven't called them as it would be far too expensive, but we might later so we have to keep our watches on Texas time".

I was having dinner in a nice restaurant in Toronto with the guy I was seeing at the time, who happens to be black. (I'm not.) Some out-of-towners, apparently from the southern US (by their accents) were getting louder and louder with each bottle of wine. Finally they started a racist rant, using the N-word and various other lovely expressions. I was mortified; my date said "Don't worry about it!" On the way out - we left before they did - he went over to their table and put a "looney" (a Canadian $1 coin) on their table and said "Thanks for the entertainment!" The waitstaff, who had been as uncomfortable as I was, all cheered.

I can't think of any good tourist stories from Europe....my husband and I were in Costa Rica hiking on a path in the woods. We came across a small group of British tourists stopped along the way. Their guide was pointing to a howler monkey perched high up in a tree above us. My husband turned on the video camera to take some good monkey-footage. At the very moment he turned the camera on, one of the Brits exclaimed, "Oh dear! I've lost my glaaahses!" The next several minutes involved the whole group searching the ground for this woman's spectacles. Every time we watch the tape we start laughing, the picture is a monkey just hanging out enjoying his life in the tree, but the soundtrack is this ridiculous crew exclaiming and bantering about the missing glasses. By the way, they did find them, which is also on the tape.

I've been looking for this thread on and off for a few months, believe it or not. I was especially looking to re-read Ger's tourist-on-the-conveyor belt story and StCirq's peasant-at-the-well story. Found them!

The worst tourist story I have is from Italy. My husband I were in Sorrento eating lunch at a trattoria there. A cruise ship had docked that day and the restaurant across the way was full of cruise shippers in for the day. This old man in a New York-type accent was arguing with the waiter "Just give me a pepperoni pizza! This is Italy for God's sake, what do you mean you don't have a pepperoni pizza?! Just bring me the G-D pizza, for cryin' out loud". I don't know what they served him but he didn't seem to like it and then he tried to pay in American Dollars.

I was coming home from Paris onetime nonstop on American Airlines to Dallas Fort Worth. There were two French gentlemen sitting behind me. They were on their way to Las Vegas. Both of them were dressed very Elvis like. Anyway we had a good chat in French ( i know just a little)since they did not speak English. Anyway in the center section of the plane there was a group of at least 10 ladies. I am not joking..they were all wearing gold lame berets and "I love Paris" tshirts with gold lame tennis shoes to match. They were on their way back to California. Well one of them who was sitting on the aisle looked at me and said "This is American Airlines and since this is an American carrier these men need to speak English". I looked at the old bag and smiled and called her something in French that I cannot repeat. There were quite a few French people on board. Everyone started to laugh. She had no idea.

Why do I have the uncomfortable feeling that we are 'laughing' not so much at people's indiscretion and rudeness, but at their ignorance and sometimes even at their social class?