We never feel guilty about our trips.

Do people always tell their family about the trips they take?

We don't.

Plan as well as you can. Live as well as you can. Then you shall have no regrets.

All my friends also travel, maybe that's the difference.

stw - we don't either. It is just easier that way.

I have noticed that the people who are crass enough to say "Must be nice!" when I mention my traveling are the ones who belong to the country club with the outrageous fees, dock their boats at their summer homes, or drive to Biloxi frequently to gamble!

Go, enjoy, live YOUR life and live it abundantly.

I agree about not feeling guilty, but also not talking too much about trips to people who definitely can't afford to travel.

We have quite a few family members and friends who are living pretty close to the financial edge, so we just don't talk much about trips when we get together with them. We wait to talk about travel with friends and family who really are interested.

The one exception is my great-aunt - she is too frail to travel much now and doesn't have much money to spare anyway, but LOVES to hear about our trips. And she tells me to take all the trips we can because she and my uncle always waited until retirement for their travel, but they only had a few years of retirement before my uncle lost his eyesight, which ended travel for them for the most part.

I understand how you feel -- I have been feeling insanely guilty about our upcoming trip to Thailand, Laos and Cambodia. Every time I tell someone I get "the look" -- and frankly, I give myself "the look" internally a few times a day.
It's interesting as I rarely book as far ahead as I did this year, so I had paid for my tickets as Lehmans was crumbling and the bailout was being cobbled together. I live near NYC and know a lot of people affected directly by what has happened on Wall Street. Some of my customers lost jobs.
But -- I had planned the trip to visit a charity I have given small amounts to over the years -- and I had promised them and another charity $$ and a visit this year -- so how to say no? It puts it all in perspective for me that one of my pledges is going to employ computer teachers for a year, another will send a hospitality student to school for a term -- all for less than my property taxes are a month. I think the trip is going to give me some very real perspective -- I know how I felt after my first trip to Asia in 2000.
So, do I find myself saying things like "the flight is non-refundable" and "now I can't cancel the hotels" -- yes. Will I shop less on the trip? Undoubtedly. Will I soak it all up like a sponge to savor for a long time when I return? I think so.

I recommend that anyone who is feeling guilty about traveling go type in the name "Degas" into the search box and read the thread, "Live Forever". Here is someone, one of our own, who is facing some serious times...he says,

"I guess my point is to not delay or put off things. Live your dream. Don't wait. Take a little more risk. Go on that trip to Paris. Apply for that job in another city. Take up that new hobby. Pick up the phone and call an old friend or relative. Most of my regrets are about not having done something."

That really turned my attitude around!

My husband and I married 'late' - in our 40s, and we agreed that wanted the fabric of our lives to be woven with remembrances of a perfect sunrise, a beautiful walk in the mountains, a delectable meal, the small villages we've seen. We didn't want memories like "remember when we had the kitchen wallpapered". We've been true to our intentions and at 19 years this year, absolutely no regrets. Haven't been everywhere, but we've done pretty well. We think that people who choose to own a Hummer, or insanely expensive house, or who have too many children at the expense of travel are more than a little odd. At the moment we need gutters for our now 112 year old house and a few other things, but I'm turning 60 and intend to snorkle the Great Barrier Reef, so the hell with gutters. You own noone an explanation for how you spend your hard earned cash. What's that expression....dance like noone's watching..that's what I'm doing!

hah! oliverandharry--you are soooo right! My DH and I had a similar philosophy. We'd say, well what will it be this year? replace the old (chocolate brown shag) carpeting (or refurbish the bathroom--or whatever) or go to (Europe, Scandinavia, whatever) and 'go to' always won the day. Our Dear Son got an education about the world and believe me, he never ever says, "I wish our house had better carpets when I was growing up".

and zwho-- you don't owe anybody an explanation about your choices. Anyone who really knows and cares about you already understands, and why on earth do you care about what anyone else thinks? Knock it off. One thing I've learned in my long time on this earth is that NOBODY is thinking about you as much as you think they are. :-) Go. Have a good time.

In a word...no.

So many people, for so long, at so many times in my life, have questioned why I spend time and money traveling...I question their outlays of money, too.

We do what we can do within reason within our own budgets and within our own frames of desire. My desire is to travel as much as I can, experience as many things as I can, pack as much into my lifetime as is humanly possible.

If you want to stay home and watch the telly and knit, do it. Just don't tell me what I should do. I won't listen, anyway. I've always forged my own path in the world and it's certainly been at odds with the paths of others in my life, and I don't care. I gotta do it. Enough said.

zwho and everyone:


You know my attitude abut guilt and travel, Zwho...we discussed it when we all had breakfast together in L.A. To sum up, as you and Jerry were about to leave on a cruise, I said..."keep on travelin' friends..don't ever look back. "

The attitude spelled out so succinctly by my dear friend LoveItaly (above) says it all...it's your money and you can spend it any way you want to...put it in a tin can and bury it in the back yard, wallpaper the bathroom with it, take flying lessons or travel. Guilt, be damned!

OK everyone, one more time.."keep on travelin' and keep on
truckin' !!"

stu t.

This thread is bringing tears to my eyes!

OliverandHarry--"remember when we wallpapered the kitchen..." Exactly! Not much of a memory.

Great thread. Really does ring bells for people, as many of us have struggled with this.

My $.02--
1. Foreign travel is more "conspicuous consumption" to friends and family and co-workers than other things people may spend similar amounts of money on. You usually can't just quietly leave the country so it gives people more opportunity to have an opinion about your choices. In wealthy countries we are always making choices that could be second-guessed. We could all (not just foreign travelers) feel guilty about how much money we spend and waste when there are people in so much need. (Should we really go out to dinner or the movies? Maybe we should stay home and send that money to the homeless shelter...) It is an ancient dilemma, but I've come to peace with giving some of my money to charities and using some of it to travel.

2. People who don't travel don't understand why you want to do it and don't value it in the same way you do. I remember when I was about 22, I used National Geographic maps to basically wallpaper my room. A friend asked why I did that and my reply was that I liked to look at all the places I might go someday. He said he had no interest at all in traveling outside the US and I couldn't understand him any more than he could understand me.

3. For people who do want to travel, but don't think they can afford it and so seem sad or a tad judgmental when they hear of your plans....tell them you will be sincerely glad to use your traveling expertise to help them figure out a way to go somewhere, figure out budgets, etc. They probably won't take you up on it, but then you won't feel as guilty about you being able to go on a trip and them not.

4. Exposure to other cultures does have many personal growth elements, but also when more people think of themselves as citizens of the World rather than just of their Nation we will have a more progressive planet. Young people who have traveled will have a different focus when they take over governing this world...and that is one reason I'm so glad to have a new US president who is so comfortable traveling in the world and in other cultures.

5. I'm all in with the people who say "seize the day"...I've managed to travel a lot and have taken my family lots of places they've never been and wouldn't have gone without my juice...wonderful memories but now my husband is having some health issues which may curtail some of his traveling...He's always been a great, game traveler. I'm grateful for all the places we've gone together but now for a real guilt trip (!) I've lately started thinking about the possibilities of me traveling alone if he can't manage it at some point. Is that terrible? I actually really enjoyed traveling alone when I was young, but it somehow seems so disloyal to contemplate taking a trip without my husband that I know he would love. I have never talked to him about the possibility and we aren't there yet...but some trips I want to do will probably not realistically be possible for him. So do I not do them and accept the reality of our changed circumstance and plan travel that he can do, given a travel budget that is not unlimited? Anyway, this is where my guilt thoughts are falling in right now!

I'm under the impression economists are urging people to stimulate the economy by spending money. It's the people who aren't spending who should examine their consciences!

I am so thankful for this thread today. I may actually have tears in my eyes.

Hubby and I are in our early thirties and for the past 5 years, have traveled extensively, both within the States and overseas to many countries and continents. We LIVE for travel. I work in travel. I LIIIIIVE for travel. My family thinks we're nuts; they wonder where I came from, as they are happy sitting home. My friends scoff because they either don't understand or don't really get our priorities or can't figure it out for themselves.

I am thankful for this website, and for my colleagues, as we're all in the same boat.

I'm so sick and tired of feeling bad (either by hearing "must be nice!", or "rough life", or just my own self-inflicted guilt) for working my ass off and playing just as hard, in the form of travel.

So thank you, to all of you.

Where is it written that we all must be miserable? Who has decreed that to be accepted in society we must all agree to have 2.5 children, live in cookie cutter houses, work at jobs we dislike and never vacation. Everyone who has commented on this thread has had it said to them at least once: "must be nice!" And I would offer there is only one appropriate response to that: "Yes, it is."

Just keep in mind that there's a difference between being guilt-tripped and feeling guilty. You can't control the former -- people will always try to makes themselves feel better by implying that you're just a lucky duck -- but you can control the latter by not taking it to heart! If travel is a priority in your life, then you're the only person who needs to understand what you've done to earn that privilege, whether that means scrimping, making sacrifices, or simply working your butt off.

BostonGal - you said the words right out of my mouth! Except for the fact that I don't work in the travel industry (but I'd love to!).

I am always planning that next trip or the one after, or trying to fit another one in between! I'm addicted and I can't stop. Thankfully I know I'm not alone!

I don't feel guilty that I travel a lot compared to friends and family, but at the same time I feel like I can't talk about it much. Some people get snippy with me like I'm bragging if I even mention I am going somewhere. Recently, I returned from a long weekend getaway and my co-workers never even acknowledged I was gone (there are only 4 of us in the office and they all knew I'd been planning this trip for a long time). So I just keep my travel plans to myself and hang out here on Fodors!

Folks might find this item amusing...I cut this out from some magazine a few years ago (don't know which one):

"No Place Like Roam"
Some people just can't stay put. They're only happy when heading away from home to exotic distant lands. Constantly fantasizing about the next adventure, their pulse begins to race the minute they book a plane ticket. Tension builds as they await departure, worried that something will delay their plane. Not until takeoff do these travel buffs feel truly at ease. It's not just a passion, say doctors; it's a disease.

Travel junkies are actually suffering from an impulse-control disorder called DROMOMANIA, says Dr. Thomas Stuttaford in the London Times. Like shoplifters and arsonists, who also suffer from impulse-control disorders, they feel a buildup of pressure that can only be relieved when their hunger for foreign lands is sated. Once back home, they can tolerate daily routines for awhile. But soon, "their eye will be caught by a gaudy travel poster, and the cycle will be repeated."

You must go! Please do not feel guilty for enjoying life!

I suspect you're not feeling guilty so much as uneasy. It is hard to go 'against the flow' as it were.

Suppose you had just lost your job but all your friends were going travelling, exclaiming "but life is short -- come on, you'll find a job when you get back!" Now, how would you feel about going travelling? True, you'd have the approval of your friends if you went, but would it have met the majority of your criteria for the best possible decision?

Why is it that every decision must be reduced down to right/wrong or good/evil or even just 'deserving of guilt/not deserving of guilt'? Few decisions in life are that straightforward, so if you're looking for total acceptance and no qualms, I think this is where you are raising the bar unreasonably high for yourself. Most times, the best you can hope for is the best possible decision as measured by the criteria that YOU have decided are important. Presumably the opinion of your friends, or for that matter people here at Fodor's, constitutes one factor to be considered in your decisions, but one hopes it is not the only factor.

My husband, who never has been without in his life, always worries about the cost of trips and everything else. I never do.

I always say, no one ever says on their deathbed, "I wish I traveled LESS."

I have been around a lot of dying people and they often shared how glad they were they took that "one last trip" before they got cancer.

gruezi

I sometimes feel guilty about traveling. I'm 22 year old college student who is also an only child. The last part usually sends up the flags for everyone and I start hearing all sorts of remarks. My parents aren't rich by any means, but there are no monetary problems in our family and they are responsible with what they do with their money. Right away after they got married they started investing for their future and the future of their children, which only ended up being one.

I was fortunate enough to study in Galway, Ireland last summer and then go on a tour with my parents. My friends all commented on me going abroad and how I was spoiled and have an easy life. I still work and respect money and and pay for most of my own things. But I don't make enough money to afford trips.

This summer I'll be teaching in Latvia and traveling to Lithuania and Ireland. My parents are paying for my flights and my tour in Ireland while I'll once again pay for any extra expenses that I may want to incur.

Sure I feel a little guilty for doing all this traveling, but then I realize that I'm young, the experience will look good for future employers, and I am fortunate enough to be recommended for this experience and have the funds available to do this.

It's your life, more than likely you'll regret not going if you let others talk you out of traveling. If they say anything bad about you traveling just tell them to join you and worry about the consequences when you get back. It may be a once in a lifetime event, so go for it.

DH and I were able to travel in the US, Canada and Mexico for many years, but with children and aging, ill parents, we were not able to travel elsewhere.
In 2003, after being a caregiver for my mom, and before that his mom, and having children who were finally adults, I took my first trip to Europe with friends. DH was thrilled I was going, I'd been pretty much confined to to my house for about 3 years. So, off I went and had a wonderful time. I've been every year since on the girl's trip, and DH and I have gone to Europe every other year. We still travel in the US, as our grandchildren are far flung.
These trips are not extravagant things, we plan carefully and use points and miles for the trips DH and I take. The girl trips are budget trips as well, shared rooms, not terribly expensive hotels, off-peak times.
There is a commercial for some tropical resort that has a song "some people wait a lifetime, for a moment like this." Every time I hear it I feel sad. So many people do wait, and then never get to go. Health, death, divorce, whatever, things happen and travel isn't always possible. It doesn't matter to some people that they've never left "home," never enjoyed a new culture, challenged themselves to get along in new places, tried all the food and experiences that are out there. But it sure does to me, and DH. Being fairly close to retirement age, we know that there are likely limited years when we'll be able to travel like we do now. We don't want the regrets of trips not taken, time not spent together.
We don't flaunt our trips, we don't take money from things we need, we do things for our children and grandchildren. And I have never spent one second feeling guilty.
I do most certainly feel bad for those in terrible financial circumstances. It could happen to us, too.
But I do not feel guilty.

I don't feel guilty. How one chooses to spend their money is their business. If others want to be jealous, that is their business, too.

That being said, I also don't see the need to dress up leisure travel as something it isn't. Most of us ain't saving babies by hopping on that plane to Paris. I'm not doing anybody but myself (and maybe the wife) any favors by traveling to Japan. And I'm not going to bother worrying about whether I live a financially prudent life (I probably don't), and somehow deserve a few indulgences. I simply don't need any justification for a trip other than, "I want to".

I don't even justify my trips to my husband...and he's the money maker.

<i>I always say, no one ever says on their deathbed, &quot;I wish I traveled LESS.&quot;</i>

I know some consultants that would disagree with you.:)

Having just returned from a 12 day trip to Spain at the end of December, I WAS feeling a bit guilty. Then I read this great article from the Wall Street Journal:

http://sbk.online.wsj.com/article/SB...564937427.html

Good perspective on what we each CHOOSE to spend our time and money on.

I agree that if you can afford to go and you love to travel, don't feel guilty. If anyone asks you are doing your part to stimulate the economy.

For years I never went anywhere because I had two kids and they came first. Now it's all about me! Not really, but I do love to travel.

We all have things that we are willing to spend money on. Some gamble, some go out to eat every night-we like to travel.

Have fun!

No guilt here...can't afford a trip since fall of '07 {retail sucks right now} but I certainly can't begrudge those who are doing just what I would had I the means. Bon Voyage and take lots of pictures!

No guilt here. I am taking my first cruise (with many friends and family) for my birthday this spring and my sister and I are going to Japan in the fall. All booked and paid for. Plus DH and I will have a few trips to the States in between.

We have worked very hard to stay out of debt and we don't live a frivolous lifestyle. Should I feel guilty for that? As many have said here...everybody has their priorities. Mine just happens to be travel, while for some of my friends it's keeping up with the Joneses. Nothing wrong with that...just different preferences.

I felt guilty when I went to the Virgin Islands in November, but worse than that I felt nervous the world was going to collapse while I was there and I wouldn't be able to get home. I did not enjoy myself as much as I should have for that reason. That is a waste!! If you are going to go, make sure you can leave your negative feelings behind. There's no point spending the money if you can't relax and enjoy it. Also as far as telling other people... who cares what they think? You are not taking them with you, so their opinion doesn't really matter. IMHO

I wouldn't feel guilty. In fact I think those who stay home should be the guilty ones. To think they're wasting valuable paid vacation time to sit at home and do the same thing that they do any other day. What kind of vacation is that. Vacation time should be spent on vacation.
I am also a firm believer and try very hard to live by the rule &quot;never turn down an opportunity that you may regret one day.&quot; This mainly after not going on a trip that was going to take me to New Orleans and New York before Katrina and the fall of the great Twin Towers. I missed out on two places that I will never be able to see again in all its glory. Though I can't complain too much because I went on a fantastic father/daughter trip instead, but you get the point.
And if all else fails, think about how you're actually helping the economy by spending your money. Your helping others to keep food on their table.
Happy traveling (and vacationing!)

No matter what you do/don't do, there will always be someone to try to hand you the guilt card. But if you turn the guilt card over to the side facing them you will see it reads 'jealous'. We just renovated 2 baths, have done nothing but replace a faucet since we built in '80. We are the last on the street upgrade. Yet at least 3 remarked that they wished they could afford to redo their baths. ?????

As was said, everyone chooses what to spend their money on, but those who are unsure/unhappy/insecure with their lives &amp; choices want you and me do do the same thing and thereby validate their choices. Years ago a co-worker was making my guy feel guilty b/c I didn't have a fur coat. (We did attend numerous formal functions at the time.) I said I'd rather have a new motorcycle. I got new Suzuki!!!

No, I don't feel guilty. I had not traveled to Europe and Asia until I retired from 34 years of teaching. 6 trips to Europe and 3 to Asia since then plus Mexico, Costa Rica and Caribbean Islands. I plan to go on a Mexican Rivera in 2 weeks and a cruise out of Rome to the Eastern Mediterranean in Sept. I usually take one of my adult children with me. I tell them I am spending their money in this way. They do not seem to mind, and I feel it has definitely broadened their views of the world.
My car is old, and I could use new carpet in my house,but I had rather spend the money traveling before I am not able to do so.

I do not feel guilty about any of my trips and I have no problem telling anyone about my upcoming travels. I'm single, have a good job and have no dependents. My house payment is absurdly low and my cats will never want a car and will never want to go to college.

If you have 6 months of expenses saved (just in case that job disappears), can afford to take a vacation without tapping those emergency funds, and pay your bills in full and on time there should be no guilt. But, if you live above your means, like many of us have been doing for quite some time and have equity loans and credit card debt, then you shouldn't go. I hear from everyone that instead of travel, I should replace my 12 year old car and I, too need gutters on my house. I don't have a plasma TV (horrors!!) and I take my lunch to work and eat out rarely. My husband and I max out my Roth IRA and a 401K every year. (so we can travel even more when we are old!!)

We are off to South America this year - and I'm hoping to squeeze in a Zambian safari, too if I can scrape together the cash. We don't make a lot of money, but without travel, our lives would be so empty. So we make sacrifices that others will not make - instant gratification, you know. It's all about priorities. Maybe you feel a tinge of guilt because you have been responsible with your money and your friends and family have not.

Good points, christabir, if you come home to a pile of bills you can't pay or are ready to get evicted then I would say don't travel until you save up some money. But if you are stable financially, as much as anyone can be in these times, I say try to shake off the guilt and go.

You also can save and save and fret and then something may happen physically and then you really can't travel so the question would be moot. I have seen this happen too many times, people who either wait too long or just live an old trip over and over instead of going on a new one.

I suggest just think of yourself as a woman of the world and that you are visiting part of your domain.

I had a sister who always wanted to visit Paris - we live in the United States. Her husband was going to take her for their 25 wedding anniverary. She past away from cancer two weeks before the anniversary.

I am taking my daughter whos name is BRITTAIN to Britain for graduation partly because we have talked about this since she was born AND for my sister.

Life is a gift!!

I'm a single mother who teaches ( meaning POOR) but I have taken on a second job - we do without and have done what i needed to take this trip.

I have told people- too excited not but and EVERYONE has been thrilled for us.

Hope everyone finds a way to travel - safe and happy trips to you us all!!