eavesdropping in restaurant
 

I searched this site to see if this topic has been discussed, found nothing. This has been more of a problem in Paris than any other city, but I am sure it occurs everywhere. Many times at dinner, our neighbors fix their intrusive stares onto us to a point that is unsettling. I feel like handing our bill to them since they joined us for dinner! We are middle aged, not loud, don't smoke, are not rude to staff. I don't see anything that would make us so interesting!!! It has been so persistant on some occaisons that I have turned to the noisy person, gaze at them for awhile then say hello. The tables are so close in many places in Paris that we are sitting side by side with people who obviously have nothing to discuss between themselves. I would love some creative suggestions on turning gazes back to their "space"!

How about a Ferris Bueller moment? Just start discussing your SCORCHING CASE OF HERPES. See if they really are evesdropping?!

Stare back (like in that "love Lucy" episode).

Ask if you look like a celbrity.

Ask if they want your authograph.

Pretend you're on your cell phone saying: "I'll call you back, some idiots stare at me" - Idiot is an international word!

Follow each of their spoonfull with your eyes.

Are you sure they are looking AT you, not at something behind you?

Maybe you're a beautiful couple :)

Flutter your eyelashes and lick your lips then give a little wink, that should do it.

Seriously sometimes there is no place else to look when you are so close to another table. Cut them some slack, they are probably as uncomfortable as you are, after all you are looking at them too.

Just be grateful they are not staring at you and thinking, &quot;How can someone that good looking <b> smell </b> so badly?&quot;

Hi a,

How do you know that they are looking at you, unless you are looking at them?

((I))

I was looking back to see/
if you were looking back to see/
if I was looking back to see/
if you were looking back at me...

OR they are thinking &quot;shall I tell that woman that she has spinach in her teeth?&quot;

I have eaten in Parisian restaurants where the tables were so close it was almost impossible NOT to overhear the conversation. However, I can't imagine why this would happen more to you than to anyone else.

I suggest if you want a dinner strictly a deux you make sure you dine somewhere where you can have a bit more privacy.

Hi

they are struggling to guess what language you are speaking.

Peter

I know how you feel, but it's irritating at any restaurant and not only in Paris. Sure you know they're looking at you because you're looking at them. I think you probably looked up and caught them staring at you. Try staring back as that usually makes them uncomfortable.

I read this thread because I thought it was going to be about you eavesdropping in restaurants! I quite enjoy overhearing other people talking at dinner when I am in Paris and eating alone!!
Perhaps it was me...!!

Arriba, I think the problem is you, not them. These moments are some of the most memorable in my European travels. I smile back and start chatting with the people at my elbo. How can you not? What a way to meet the locals! Exchange thoughts on world politics. Get tips on after dinner spots. Show pictures of your kids. Share travel stories.

My 'creative suggestion' is: Gheesh, lighten up a little.

You are not alone - evidently you should not take the staring personally.

<u>http://troi.cc.rochester.edu/~tdip/quirky_things.htm</u>

You will also find that people stare at you a great deal, no matter how unremarkable you may be. Sit on the metro, and suddenly you'll find that someone either directly across from you or all the way across the car is simply staring directly at you, often for whole minutes on end. Even if you make a point of catching them in the act, they won't turn away in embarassment, the way you might expect in the U.S. They'll just keep looking. Deal with it.

Carley has a different take on the &quot;French stare.&quot; She writes: &quot;There is no reason why anyone should have to put up with the irritating French stare. If you simply raise your eyebrows a bit and look back, they are more than likely to turn to someone else who is not looking. For the French the stare is a means of intimidation and control. When you make it obvious that you can not be unnerved by their wandering eyes,the stares will cease. Though I have never actually done this, I have heard people say, 'tu veux ma photo?' (do you want my picture?)

They are Fodorites engaging in people-watching.

I'll probably get flamed for this - but are you Americans? Just a guess and I certainly might be wrong. I'm from the States too and even when we TRY to be a little more quiet, it seems that many Americans do have voices that carry more than some other accents.

On the tube in London when several folks are having quiet conversations, the only people you actually can hear are the two American women at the other end of the car discussing very intimate things - and they apparently don't have a clue anyone can overhear what they are saying.

And the last time I was in Paris I noticed the same thing - walking past outdoor cafes you can hear American voices all the way across the terrace.

Now this may very well not be what's happening in your case, but if it seems to happen over and over again it just might be that you are talking louder than you realize.

In (one of) her memoirs, On Reflection, actress Helen Hayes recounted a time when she felt she could not go out into the streets of New York City without enduring the rude stares of curious New Yorkers. She complained to her husband, playwright Charlie MacArthur, and went out with him in order to prove how much she was stared at.

Of course, no one gave her a second glance. MacArthur, a well-known practical joker, comforted his wife with the words, &quot;Don't worry Helen. I'll make them look.&quot; (or something like that!) He then proceeded to do a crazy little dance on the sidewalk, chanting:

Old Mother Witch
Lived in a Ditch
Picked up a Penny
And Thought She was Rich.

Now they were staring!

Creative suggestions? You could take a few sets of blinders with you when you go out and kindly hand them out to the people who are upsetting you so by staring. Or how about carrying a portable force-field that directs others' gazes &quot;back to their space&quot;?

I hear what you're saying, hopscotch. But some people are not comfortable with being stared at and cannot lighten up. It makes them self-conscious.

If I catch somebody's eye in a restaurant, I just smile.
Sometimes, they will smile back and then turn away. Sometimes they will talk.
Either way, it doesn't bother me.

What works for me is to stare them in the eyes (Parisians do not smile back) and then slowly scan downward and fixate upon their neck. Continue to stare and then mutter something to your partner and then both laugh. This usually stops them dead in their tracks.

I know it's not nice, but neither is staring ;)

perhaps you had toilet paper trailing from your skirt..

;-)

Muck

Hi Janis,

&gt;...you can hear American voices all the way across the terrace.&lt;

May I suggest that it is because you are an American (or United Statesian as another thread would have it)?

Since your ear is attuned to American English, it stands out above all other sounds.

((I))

I read that the Parisians stare if they admire you, your clothes, your jewelry, etc. I guess that can be true in many cases, but I'm sure many stare because they are critical. A long stare as moxie describes sounds like an effective cure for their stares.

This thread reminded me of some sage advice in Sandra Gustafson's &quot;Great Eats Paris&quot; book.

&quot;The French can spot Americans in any dining establishment without looking: they are the ones with the loud, booming voices that seem to carry out into the street. If you want to blend in and not look like a green tourist, keep your voice down.&quot;

Woody

ira: I'm sure there is a bit of that (my ear being attuned to American voices) - but in general -- and I DO mean this as a generalization - Americans do talk louder than many other nationalities.

I lived outside of the US for several years and am pretty attuned to many/most accents.

I am not the first one who has noticed this - look at the quote from Woody/Sandra G. It is not that we are trying to be rude - but many Americans are loud and demonstrative w/o even being aware.

My point was that staring once or twice - it's just probably a rude diner(s). But if it happens again and again - arriba may be doing something to cause it. But heck - I don't think we yet know if the OP is American so this may not apply at all.

.

Hopscotch
You are my kind of voyageur!
Arriba: The proximity of tables in France and Italy has on occasion led to some very interesting encounters. If you want to learn if the starer is friend or foe I suggest you raise your glass in salute to the person and gauge the reaction. If they smile and do the same it may be just enough to acknowlegde their presence. Sometimes they are just daydreaming. Rudeness on your part only can make it worse.

Maybe the loud, booming American voice aren't all our fault. I don't know if this is an American thing, but there are so many restaurants that I have gone to and will never return because it is so loud in them that I have to shout at my table mates all through the meal. It seems the &quot;new decor&quot; is, high industrial ceilings, concrete, hardwood, or tile floors, concrete walls and loud &quot;background&quot; music. So we are maybe all used to screaming at each other over our meal? (:

Crefloors I agree with you. SF especially has such noisy restaurants that the SF Chronical includes the noise factor in their ratings. It is irritating to not be able to hold a decent and quiet conversation while dining.

It seems whenever I go someplace in Europe, I notice Germans, Russians and OTHER EUROPEANS with the loudest voices, and getting the looks-I think some of the information contained in those books/guides talking about American travelers' behavior overseas is rather outdated, and way overly-generalized, to say the least.

And Arriba-this happens to me frequently as well, but not just in Paris, other places in Europe, and many times in the US. It's odd-many times with women, who aren't being purposely nasty, I think, but, just STARING AT ME. Did no one teach these people any manners, I think constantly to myself? And I have a number of techniques to deal with it, some of which have been mentioned here, the direct haughty stare back, mumbling something, and then speaking to your companion and looking back at them, and oh yes, if you're by yourself, and you happen to have a newspaper, (this works partic. well if you are the recipient of the cold and sometimes, rather malevolent stare on a metro, but equally well with the cold stare at the table) - throw up your newspaper in front of your face and start reading it holding it up with both hands! This works like a dream-you can feel the stare burning through-and how they know you've cut them off them without saying a word!

I need to try your second suggestion, Spygirl. I'll walk with a newspaper for sure. Otherwise, I'll reciprocate by staring and see if I can outstare the offender.

Thanks to all who posted. I don't mind people glancing or looking around the room, who doesn't do that? What has really annoyed me is a neighbor craning his neck to face me(he was seated beside me), never averting his gaze and TOTALLY ingnoring his companion! I always wonder what the neglected dinner partner is thinking while being ignored! We have struck up conversations with people seated near us and have received some very good restaurant tips like that, so it is not that we are being overly sensitive.
I like the suggestion to raise a glass and smile and watch the result!

Oh, in that case, arriba, I would have talked to the neglected companion while pointedly ignoring the starer - LOL! :)

I've never noticed any tendency of French people to stare. Then again, I don't spend my time looking at them to see if they are staring at me.

Americans are definitely louder than the locals. They can be recognized by how loudly they are talking even _before_ one recognizes the language, so it's not a matter of having one's ear attuned to a particular language. You can often hear Americans on the street from twenty feet away, whereas it's hard to hear what French people are saying unless you are right next to them. Sometimes in restaurants it's easier for me to hear Americans four tables away than it is to hear the French person sitting at my own table.

Hi arriba,

I thinnk that you had two people out on a date that wasn't working out, or a couple that has been married too long.

I suggest that they weren't staring at you, but had withdrwan into themselves and were simply staring blankly at nothing in particular.

I was born in Brazil, and live in Denver where Spanish abounds alongside English, and I've managed to learn enough Spanish that I now call my Portuguese &quot;Sportuguese&quot;.

However, I was in a grocery store and heard a language, but hadn't heard Portuguese in so long in public, I had to listen for a minute to nail it for sure. I found myself watching the woman for a moment, and she caught me. Redhanded.

I busted into Portuguese and asked if she was from Brazil. She laughed, and we had a great time talking for a few minutes. She just arrived in Denver from a city near mine in Brazil. She sure was thrilled to hear her own language out of a stranger. She probably got a false sense of thinking there are people like me wandering around America who speak Portguese all though time though, LOL.

Relax, sometimes people stare at you because they're just trying to verify the language. If you get the sense that it's rude, I'd take up the Ferris Bueller &quot;Scorching CASE OF HERPES&quot; and see where it get you, but you might find a lot MORE people are listening than you thought! LOL

Good luck,

Jules