Drunk Mom's Travel Limericks
 

I've never started a thread before, but it seemed like a good idea to break the limericks subthread off from the "I Was Drunk..." thread, since it's taking on a life of its own. <BR> <BR>Here are two weak attempts to start it out. Surely *you* can do better! <BR> <BR>Got a layover at CDG <BR>And was wondering what I could see <BR>In an hour and a half. <BR>Can I beat a fast path <BR>Through the major museums of Paris? <BR> <BR>Just got back from my third trip to Flanders <BR>Where the mighty Scheldt river meanders. <BR>The chocolates were swell <BR>The dioxins as well <BR>In the chickens, the eggs, and the ganders. <BR> <BR>

<BR> <BR>We're off for a visit to Skopje <BR>Our friends think we must have myopia <BR>For there was a war <BR>[It's only next door] <BR>So Skopje's not a utopia <BR>

An old man devoted to Fodor's <BR>Read postings without his decoders; <BR>He encountered a howler <BR>Scripted by fowler <BR>And thus found the source of the odor.

Once upon the Fodors Forum <BR>"Europe" posters lost decorum <BR>As threads started to digress <BR>All used a fake email address <BR>To compose nonsense galorum. <BR> <BR>

I wish I knew how to travel alone <BR>instead of in two's, or by fours. <BR>The kids are asleep, and my ankles are sore <BR>so now I sit reading Fodor's. <BR> <BR>

Dear Fodors: <BR> <BR>We've three hours to see all of Rome, <BR>(including a glimpse of the dome) <BR>We're so tightly slotted <BR>There's minutes allotted <BR>To take in the old catacomb. <BR> <BR>To Florence with haste we will scamper <BR>With no space to waste in our hamper <BR>No where will we roam <BR>Without washclothes from home <BR>Our motto: "ourselves we do pamper." <BR> <BR>We wanted to try some Nutella <BR>We read it was so "muy bella" <BR>In Hagen's famed Copen <BR>A jar we did open <BR>One taste and in love we did fella. <BR> <BR>The British, they drive on the left <BR>At dodging their taxis we're deft <BR>My drunk mom, one night, <BR>She looked to the right <BR>And made her poor family bereft <BR>

Hmmm, how about Haiku? (5-7-5) <BR> <BR>2 screaming children <BR>Into the overhead bin <BR>No one hears their screams <BR> <BR>Pedestals for feet, <BR>what is this hole in the ground? <BR>I must be in France. <BR> <BR>The menu says "ris". <BR>Hey, this doesn't look like rice! <BR>It tastes like sweetbreads.

As I pack 'midst pre-trip hurly burly <BR>I wonder "Should I dress comfy or girly?" <BR>I want to look right <BR>As I'm seeing the sights <BR>Or someone might give me a swirly.

<BR>We're headed off to see Rome <BR>To see the Basilica's dome <BR>so where should I stay? <BR>my fears to allay <BR>where none of the gypsies call home? <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR>There's not even room for my feet <BR>In this uncomfortable airline seat <BR>I don't mean to be rude <BR>but this airplane food <BR>Even makes sweetbreads a treat!

Why do those French seem so mad? <BR>I wore the best windsuit I had. <BR>Why won’t they seat me <BR>And serve pre-dinner coffee? <BR>And why does their cheese smell so bad? <BR> <BR>I’m heading to Europe and terrified. <BR>Reading this forum has me stupefied. <BR>Good grief! <BR>Everyone’s a thief! <BR>The Gypsies have certainly been vilified. <BR> <BR>My goodness this seat is small. <BR>Sure glad I’m not 7 feet tall. <BR>But this I will bare <BR>For a Supersaver fare. <BR>I’ll just get drunk and have a ball. <BR>

In Vienna I stopped for some strudell <BR>It's crust was as limp as a noodle <BR>We waited an hour <BR>The filling was sour <BR>And the pie wasn't fit for my poodle <BR> <BR>In Prague I ordered a schnitzel of veal <BR>With potatoes and slaw, what a meal <BR>I paused with my fork <BR>When told it was pork <BR>For my Rabbi I do think would appeal <BR> <BR>In Paris I yearned for some wine <BR>The Bordeaux we selected was quite fine <BR>After 15 more glasses <BR>We fell on our asses <BR>And couldn't even walk a straight line <BR> <BR>In London we sampled some chips <BR>Along with some stout a few sips <BR>When it comes to their cooking <BR>The English are looking <BR>For someone to give them some tips <BR> <BR>In Athens we wanted souvlaki <BR>But food on a stick seemed quite tacky <BR>Our tour from Contiki <BR>Enjoyed the Tatziki <BR>But the grease made a stain on my Khakis <BR>

I seem to have had a mishap <BR>We took off and I took a nap <BR>Now London is thataway <BR>I'm in Piscataway! <BR>I think that I need a new map. <BR> <BR> <BR>At PR Abate's a pro <BR>But RomanHomes had to eat crow <BR>There are no more vestiges <BR>Of spurious messages <BR>Allowing him his horn to blow <BR> <BR> <BR>

My sneakers have treated me well <BR>On trips in the past, truth to tell <BR>But I hear that their whiteness <BR>Will ward off politeness <BR>Though they're clean and they don't even smell. <BR> <BR>"Learn the language," they say, and I've tried <BR>To speak French and Italian with pride. <BR>But I lost all my daring when <BR>faced with Hungarian. <BR>And in Budapest I was tongue-tied. <BR> <BR>When I studied in Scotland I ate <BR>A haggis arrayed on a plate. <BR>So I'm not quite a rube, <BR>But Haggis-in-Tube(TM) <BR>Doesn't sound like it was worth the wait. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR>

C'mon... this one *can't* be dead. You're too creative a bunch of people :) <BR>

For Tony: <BR> <BR>In France, I know what I want. <BR>The waiter I’ll purposely taunt. <BR>I’ll boldly say, <BR>“Monsieur, si vous plait, <BR>A sausage, egg and cheese croissant. <BR>

And for Elvira: <BR> <BR>I’m worn out in old gay Paris. <BR>I’ve seen all that there is to see. <BR>I think I’ll sit down <BR>At the best café in town <BR>And order an $8 iced tea. <BR>

In the morning I get ready in two seconds flat; <BR>My companion takes hours and hours longer than that. <BR>But I sure did get even; <BR>and now he is grievin'; <BR>playing peek-a-boo with a two year old brat. <BR>

This-a-way, that-a-way, <BR>London, Piscataway, <BR>If Neal's map is old <BR>May I be so bold <BR>To suggest the same to our dear CIA?

there once was a man from Nantucket <BR>who figured that fin'lly his luck it <BR>had run out and so <BR>he decided to go <BR>to Thailand, specifically Phuket. <BR> <BR>

Speaking of croissants: <BR> <BR>You might know not to say Edinburrow <BR>If your education was thorough <BR>And if you're a touris' <BR>You can learn to say Culross, <BR>And Kirkcudbright and Hawick you will purr-o. <BR> <BR> <BR>(That's more or less "Curris," "Kirkcoobree" and "Hoyk" -- pardon my bad phoneticization.)