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Laurie-my husband and I did the long distance thing for nearly 3 years, and that starting in 1989, before e-mail and cheap overseas phone calls (used to cost me about 50 cents per minute to the UK, compared with about 5 cents today).
If you both really want it to work, it will. It's hard and lonely and expensive, but it's definitely worth it. But I would definitely recommend doing an intensive Italian course if you're considering moving to Italy. It will be difficult for you to get a job without any Italian, and you'll be completely dependant on your boyfriend--not the best way to start out. BTW, my parents thought I was nuts, too. |
Um, Laurie? December is only 3 months from now, not 6! Don't make it harder than it already is! :)
Karen |
Happy Aniversary. I am now in Firenze for a month (1 week down)to see if the romance (he Moroccan living in Firenze, me American) was more than a blip on the map. We met in April 04. I admire you for doing the long distance relationship for so long.
It was good to come across this post. How did you decide where to live?? |
Re. phone costs, try Skype! If you both have Internet, it's absolutely free. Or you can call from the Internet to a phone very cheaply to most places. No, I don't work for them - I'm just very relieved that my teenage daughter's long-distance romance isn't costing me regular phone rates...
best regards, Deirdré Straughan http://www.straughan.com |
Laurie, I couldn't agree more with Ann41 about things working out if you both want them too. On those communications expenses - does he also have a computer? If so, make sure both of you have a "full duplex" sound card (around $30 us) and a cheap microphone ($10) or headset ($20+). Download the free Microsoft Netmeeting teleconferencing software and read the instructions. This program also allows webcam attachment, but I don't wanna know nuttin about that. :) When my (now) wife and I have been married now for 4 and a half years and were long distance for a good while as we worked on visa. She's Australian though, not native European (but does have Irish citizenship) so I guess we're disqualified here! Anyway, we were able to talk for hours on end to get through this period without it costing another cent because of this setup. Honestly, looking back, it may have been the best way of all to know for sure that we would always have things to talk about. |
Yes, I married my European girl friend 17 years ago. And by an outstanding coincidence, she married her European boyfriend ;-)
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Hi everyone,
I am overwhelmed by the response to this post...thank you all for sharing your experiences. It's nice to hear so many success stories about blended families, cultures, etc. dln - I am from Belmont, Mass...where were you married? kismet - I'm Ann Marie and I hope we both have long happy marriages! Roontoo - good for you, elopements are so romantic! SandyBrit - you are an inspiration! Even though we've only been married 2 years, traveling back and forth to Italy is already a challenged. My in-laws are older and not able to come to Vegas and my husband has in internal clock that tells him he must go to Italy at least every 4-6 months! Queenie - I know what you mean about United Nations...two of my husband's cousins also married foreign women and we have the best time together at holidays... Laurie - I'm going to email you so we can talk about this more.... GSteed - what a great outlook you have! Ann41 - good advice for Laurie I_jackson - I'm glad you responded. Wow you're right in the middle of it! Hope it's going well so far, is there a chance to stay longer than a month? The story of how we ended up in Vegas is a long one, I'm just happy we both like it here because I couldn't handle another move! Clifton - we use Netmeeting to talk to friends and family every day. Thanks for pointing it out to people. Again, thanks everyone. It's great to "meet" so many nice people. |
No, I didn't. Mrs. Fly wouldn't let me.
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I didn't marry my Italian...but he still has a place in my heart. We are still great friends, even though now we're both married to others.
Hoping if fate has its way, we'll end up as senior citizens together someday! Congratulations & Happy Anniversary!! |
Who said romance is dead? -:)
Thanks, Gelato lover for the pep talk. However, I'm afraid my husband (a CT Yankee whose family has been here since the 1630's)* might object!! * As the grandaughter of immigrants he's "exotic" enough for me! |
Happy belated anniversary!
My 4 month marriage to an Englishman (English boy, more like it!) didn't "take" :(, but he got a green card, then I got the English version of one, and got to live a number of years in England, so I don't feel too bad about it. The good news is that while I was living there, my girlfriend came for a visit and ended up marrying a friend of mine. Like me, they moved back to L.A. and they have been happily married for 18 years. :) |
Happy Anniversary/Belated anniversary everyone!
Very fun to read this thread and see all the romances that beat the odds and sometimes the idiosyncrasies of cultural differences! Laurie, I think the key to a long distance relationship surviving is that someone has to be willing to move. Of course, with visa/greencard issues, that gets a bit tough. I've spent my entire adult life in long distance relationships...years with a guy from New Jersey (sorry...nice state, but I couldn't adapt being from California and would not move), and now over a year and a half with someone from Australia (so not from Europe, as asked in the initial post- but I did meet him while we were both in Europe). I really do understand where you are coming from. My guy comes back to visit in November...I last saw him in May. So I too, will go six months. There's no way around it...it freaking sucks. Sometimes the ache is just overwhelming. Other days, it's just a dull ache that you function through. Feel free to email me if you'd like. My email address is [email protected]. From a few posts here, I'm thinking we should start a support group!!! My Aussie was selected in the initial stage of the US. Diversity (greencard) lotto, and we are now waiting for his interview. If this were to go through, we would be very very fortunate. I'm also lucky that he is willing to move for me (many times I think women are more flexible in that arena...but I am not because I do take care of my parents to an extent). Will it be forever? I don't know...but I'd like to have stories like the many I've read here. At least we both are willing to give it a shot. Also, dln had a good recommendation...skype apparently works very well and is a great way to communicate for free. Also check out calling cards. I pay less than 4 cents a minute to Australia. If you're gonna do long distance, being in the age of technology really really helps!!! |
Hmmm well I did cross the North South divide when I selected my husband - North South LONDON that is! :D Met him at uni up in the midlands, married on graduation, celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary on the 3rd.
A long distance relationship between London and Coventry was hard enough (coz he graduated before me and got a job back down in London) - so hats off to those of you who succeeded across the Atlantic! :D |
Oops, sorry...reread, and realized that it was Deirdre Straughan, not dln who had the Skype suggestion. Regardless who it came from, it's a good suggestion!
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Happy anniversary to Gelato and mclaurie.
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gelato lover, we were married in Sudbury at the Wayside Inn, the old coaching house between Boston and Worcester. I met my husband at MIT in Cambridge. As soon as he married me, he took me away to Atlanta. I still miss New England all these years later but at least I still have two sisters who live there.
SandyBrit, our firstborn's name is Alexander Stephen Robert, which in and of themselves aren't pure English names, but having two middles names is. We ran into trouble with our son's initials at the DMV when we went to get his licence to drive. When Alex put his name down, the computer translated the "S.R." middle initials as "Sr." which is an entirely different thing. It took half an hour of submitting and resubmitting his application before it dawned on everyone where the problem was! He ended up dropping the Robert and got his licence. Our daughter is Philippa Anne Deirdre (the Deirdre being my first name), which is an extremely common set of names in the UK. You wouldn't believe the looks that name gets! Like "What? You named your girl a BOY's name?" or "Her name is PhilipAY?" etc. etc. I thought everyone read Agatha Christie, P.D. James and all those other great English authors--they always have a character named Philippa. But I guess not. Oh the fun things that happen when you marry a <i>foreigner!</i> |
Gellato Lover,
No chance of staying longer right now, at this time I have a very supportive boss, but that is because I am keeping up with email, but there are little opportunities for someone in my field in Italy. I am taking Italian classes while here, but I worry about what I would do for work. The boyfriend is understanding and not opposed to moving, but like you and others have said, the time apart and time differences are very hard. So glad that it turned out well for you and I am keeping an open mind and open heart. |
Dln, trying being an American named Deirdre! I have only met one person in the world who could pronounce both my names at first glance. I'm determined to make this name famous so that everyone will be forced to spell and pronounce it correctly. <wink>
best regards, Deirdré Straughan http://www.straughan.com |
You are not unuaual at all in Ireland Deirdre! They can spell and pronounce it....unlike Siobhan in America....That is why I have a different first name. Siobhan was in the running but no one could pronounce it or spell it! Good thing they passed on Grainne as well :-)
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dln - Your children have lovely names and what a story about the DMV. My older brother has and my sister had the middle double names. My own name was daily mispronounced (American version) so quickly learned to live with Sandy. When we named our first son, Colin we thought that would be easy enough. How wrong we were. Years ago it was not at all common in the US and people had no idea and usually pronounced it the way Colin Powell, Secretary of State does.
I agree that we can work the little cultural differences out and create a new life together but like you I still very much miss where I grew up. Regards. Sandy |
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