American Hand-Holding
 

Having lived in Paris for the last 18 months, I've realized that the commonly-held notions of how to spot an American tourist are generally true: they're the ones with the brightly colored clothing, shorts, slightly (or more than slightly) overweight and speaking loudly. I've recently noticed another common trait that's actually quite quaint and charming, in my view. If you see a couple walking down the street holding hands, chances are they're Americans. Natives and non-American tourists don't seem to do this. Am I right about this, or way off-base?

So?

I live in Germany and see the natives holding hands all the time.

I live in Switzerland and Swiss couples of all ages hold hands. And let's end the nonsense that Americans are the only fat people in Europe please-it's simply not true.

TJ, <BR> <BR>Sorry. You're so far off base that you'll need a telescope to tell when the pitcher is looking your way. Most American tourists are too busy juggling Big Mac and camcorder to hold hands with anyone. <BR> <BR>I might understand your theory if you were living in a romantic spot like Birmingham or Hamburg, but Paris? Who'd want to hold hands there? <BR> <BR>Dave <BR>

TJ <BR>We are those Americans who hold hands, wear sneakers, and my husband wears his hat in September in Paris. I almost forgot to add that he is overweight. And you know what there are different reasons why people wear sneakers or hats or are overwheight. I will be holding his hand, wear sneakers, and feel sorry for you who do not understand that people are different. Seeing differences is what we most enjoy when travelling to many different countries. Embrace diversities. During last three months he gained 20 pounds but he is still alive and we are even able to travel. He was diagnosed with cancer about a year ago and we did not think that we will travel again. So he gained weight and for his comfort he wears sneakers and hat is necessary. So what? I am wearing sneakers to keep him company. We are staying in Paris with our friends and he is a fashion photographer who wears sneakers to work and we see many French people wearing them too. And not every one is slim, young, and wears black. Get sometimes on a metro #2 and travel all the way to Avon, then on metro #6 to Chevaleret and look around. Pay attention to diversities. I guess you see only what you chose to see. Life is so beautiful and so short, try to enjoy it and see beyond an exterior. So if you see in September and October an odd couple in 70s holding hands, wearing sneakers, a man who wears hat and is oveweight stop to say hello. You may be surprised to find out how much we love traveling and people and perhaps you can be our guest for dinner. By the way my husband was a successful lawyer and when we were young and slim we did not think everything will change. So TJ let me hold a hand of my husband as long as it is possible. Look deeper.

Thank you for your heartfelt post. I did not intend to offend; in fact, I was just making an observation. In fact, in my original post, I stated that I thought it was "quaint and charming" that Americans hold hands. Maybe I should clarify: I think that's a nice thing. A good thing. Keep on hand-holding. As to the other traits that I perhaps overgeneralized as typically American in my original post, you'll note that I didn't characterize these as "better" or "worse" than anybody else, just different. And, I agree, there's nothing wrong with differences.

As a student/reader of three or four years of posts like this one about Americans traveling abroad, this is the first time I've had this thought, to wit--It just occurred to me that everyone notices loud, aggressive or peculiarly dressed or fat Americans BECAUSE they are noticeable. DUH. But what about the Americans who are in Europe and being quiet and polite? I bet there are five or so (or more) of those compared to the obvious ones. Perception is everything. <BR> <BR>In reverse, this is what I've found. For the last several years when I've been in Europe, I will see a bunch of people and ASSUME they are Americans because of the way they are dressed. And then when they get within ear range, I hear that they are some other nationality. I think the world we are now living in is shattering a lot of stereotypes...and they would be shattered a whole lot faster if we'd quit throwing verbal stones at each other. <BR>Case in point. I was amazed to see the men's gymnastics team from China high five-ing and carrying on as if they were members of a US pro basketball team. Four years ago they were very restrained. See, the world is changing. <BR> <BR>TJ, I hope you and your survivor husband have a fabulous time in Europe. I know you will be enjoying every precious minute, and in comfort, too.

You go, Peggy! What a great post! It really points out how stupid all this talk is about how Americans look abroad. I hope your hubby is doing well and you have many years of traveling ahead!

Hey, KK, that's really great news that the Chinese are FI-nally learning to highfive and carry on like oversexed monkeys. <BR>I would have thought that a more welcome change would have been to find an American team being restrained in line with Chinese practice. <BR>I can see your point: the more the rest of the world changes to resemble us Americans, the better. YUKKK!

Fact: "Brazil now has the same rate of obesity as France and Italy, about 10%. . . although the U.S. remains number one, where about one-quarter of adults are obese." (AAP release, 7/3/00). <BR> <BR>Fact: "55% of the U.S population is overweight." (Worldwatch Institute, <BR>2000 annual report). <BR> <BR>Isn't there some way to turn overeating into an Olympic sport?

Hey Gore: <BR>I think you are missing a whole point here. Please read all the responses to TJ's statement. <BR>And Peggy good luck and hope you will take many trips together with your husband.

Dear Harzer, my point was that people are changing. Never said one thing about whether that was good or bad...which you will see if you reread my post. You seem to have read into it that I thought it was great nonAmericans were acting more like Americans. Au contraire, mon frere.

The thread here seems to be about stereotypes. Is it wrong to stereotype American tourists? Maybe. But sometimes it comes in handy. Here's a hypothetical. You're walking past a cafe in Paris. At one table is a 40-ish gentleman, slender, wearing a black turtleneck, black pants, black shoes, and smoking. At the other table is a 40-ish gentleman, overweight, wearing a bright polo shirt, shorts and sneakers. You're curious to know the outcome of Monday night's Cowboys-Redskins game. Whom do you approach first?

That's easy, Al. You assume the bright colored clothing guy is from Romania and the man dressed in black is a fodorite trying to fit into the Paris scene. So you go ask the guy smoking like a chimney trying to look tres cool about the game results. <BR>See, I am so much smarter than you are, Al. I've been telling you that for eight whole years.

Dear Peggy! You brought tears to my eyes as I read your posting! Thank you for putting life (back) into prospective! <BR> <BR>As I was reading, I thought to myself, "How lucky they are to be going to Paris with each other!" You're an inspiration! <BR> <BR>Beauty is in the eye of the beholder! You certainly shine! <BR> <BR>All the best to you -- continued good health and happiness. If I "see" you here in the States, walking hand-in-hand, I'll be certain to say HELLO!

Dear Peggy: You also brought tears to my eyes, and I hope some of the cynics in this forum pause long enough to get the point of your letter. <BR>I must say, and this may sound morbid, that when we plan a big trip, it is always in the back of my mind that we should do this now because who knows what will happen in the future. I arrived at that philosophy after watching my father "X" off each day on the calendar as he eagerly awaited his retirement. He planned to go to Sanibel Island to pick seashells, among many other things. He planned to retire in January, but he never made it--he collapsed at work in May and died a few days later without regaining consciousness. Ever since, when I am tempted to put off a trip to Hawaii or Europe for another year, I remind myself that we are not guaranteed that extra time. Every trip has been wonderful, and has meant all that much more as I realize that each of us is stockpiling family memories that will be ever more precious as the years go by. <BR>As for clothing--I spent a great deal of time organizing the packing for our recent month-long trip to Spain, and it worked very well. But, when I got to Spain, I realized it didn't matter who looked like a native or a tourist. That was by far the least of my concerns--I was really way too busy admiring the cathedrals and castles and museums to care what anybody was wearing.

Hillary, you never, ever approach men to ask about football scores. I mean, duh! You flash them your thong and your best shore leave smile, and there will be plenty of sports action soon enough. 'Nuff said about that, doll.

Maureen and Peggy THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. Yesterday the VP of my company pulled me into her office and dressed me down for taking my two week vacation (we leave for Greece October 5th) apparently, though I got approval in June and have not taken any time off all year, it makes my boss very angry that I am taking two weeks TOGETHER. She warned me that she does not want to see this repeated in the future, though the employee manual clearly states that I am entitled to two weeks after the first year. I was devastated, but your letters reminded me that no one ever lays on their death bed wishing they'd spent more time at work. <BR>We get one life.Thanks for reminding me, ahh time to print up some resumes.

Have any of you been to Hungary? They almost make love on the Metro and Buses. Just turn your head. I found that is what all the other folks do there. I go to other Counties to see the beauty and wonder of different parts of the world. Not to judge others. Judge not, be yea not judged. If we look around we could find fault with anything and everthing. Enjoy life it is too short. Thank you Peggy for your post. I am a home Health aide and I love my Job. But Nurses's look down at me. I don't care if they do. My patients LOVE me and I love them! <BR> Alice <BR>

Hey Thyra, that really sucks! It's bad enough that you only get 2 weeks!! Where will you be in Greece? We'll be in Santorini around the 5th. Forget about that ol' hag and have a good trip!

Dear Peggy: <BR>Thank you for your post. Because of your message my husband and I decided to go to Lisbon this November instead of waiting until 2001 as we originally planned. <BR> <BR>Thyra <BR>Tell your boss that what she is doing is illeagl, then quit. Good luck.

Coucou Thyra, <BR> <BR>Stories like that make me think I'll never return Stateside. Returning to work tanned and chilled will be your revenge ! <BR> <BR>And here I thought this thread was about bad American travelers needing hand-holding -- just a reminder, Europe isn't a museum: people live and work here, & aren't exhibits to comment about (a workmate just had a good whinge about an American couple saying, 'Hey honey, look how she's eating, isn't that quaint?!' WITHIN earshot . . . ) A-bloody-mazing, really! <BR> <BR>Have a good weekend!

Thyra--Don't quit...yet. Wait until you're in the middle of a big project, and your boss's butt is on the line, but she's depending heavily on you. Just when you're to the crucial point--walk out the door.

By the way, what you're boss is doing is not illegal. Stupid, yes, and not conducive to a productive work place, but not illegal.

Dear Thyra, as they say...you GO, girl! Enjoy your trip as we know you can (because of your previous wonderful postings) and then look astutely for some other place when you return. Trouble is, of course, out there are so many icky people like your bad boss. <BR>My husband has a boss like that and it used to worry him, but how he's used to it and just takes it as part of the going-away-to-Europe routine. <BR>Blow it off her attempts to bring iyou down and let us know how your trip went upon your return! Cheers, kk

KK, Alice, Ann, Tracy et al, thanks for the wonderful words, they really helped smooth over an extremely trying week. My husband's company encourages full vacations because of their belief (correct, in my opinion) that vacation time increases moral and productivity. All of your good vibes must have had an impact because a client offered me a job the next day. But I have to wait to take them up on it until I get back from Greece. Paige, we'll be in Santorini on the 7th... Happy travels to all.

Thyra: I think the boss may have been a bit jealous. (Vacations, for a reasonable length of time, are encouraged where I work -- yeah!!) <BR> <BR>Back to the original question -- spouse and I hold hands often and almost everywhere; I get a really secure feeling from it. A few years ago Valentine's Day fell on a weekend and we were vacationing in Monterey, Calif. EVERYWHERE you went there were couples -- of all ages -- holding hands. Seemed like love, truly, was in the air! <BR>

Hand...touching hand...reaching out

For those who thinks holding hands is more than not being able to be alone

For

to Peggy <BR>what a wonderful letter. I hope you see everything you want to see. I wish you luck.

Pete and I nearly always hold hands if we are walking together.... <BR> <BR>We just like it... <BR> <BR>(Also I think with my propensity to wander into the road without noticing the traffic prompts Pete to hold on to me to "look after his interests") <BR> <BR>Even when we are just going shopping (not the supermarket) or walking to the local restaurant we hold hands, so why not on holiday. <BR> <BR>For the poster who assumes this must be because we are too scared to face the world alone, what utter tosh. <BR> <BR>I have travelled on holidays on my own (out of choice) and had the most fantastic time... <BR> <BR>I still travel alone for work and I have no issues about eating out alone. Those who do (and it is a natural thing in this world full of couples and social groups) are probably more worried about what other peoples perception of them will be than the actual experience. <BR> <BR>It is actually quite nice to sit and enjoy a good meal, watching the world or reading a book or magazine, eating at your own pace and savouring the food. <BR> <BR>Thats not to say that on a longer trip it isnt nice to intersperse such meals with evenings in company... <BR> <BR>We hold hands because we like to - not to show anyone else anything but because we like to... <BR> <BR>To assume holding hands is a sign of fear, or inability to be an individual is at best woefully misguided and at worse a patronising and insulting attitude. <BR> <BR>Kavey

Hand holding Americans cannot match the amusement I get out of watching the floor grappling French. They seem unabashed about holding not only hands but other parts of the anatomy. <BR> <BR>My general impression from reading other posts is that Harzer's idea of holding hands is to stick the other person's fingers in his mouth and chomp down. That must be a quaintly German custom, one that the Skinheads seem to carry to the extreme right.

Thanks for bringing this thread to the top (I hadn't seen it before) in light of the hand-"grasping" comment by someone in another recent thread. <BR> <BR>I've always enjoyed holding hands, whether at home or on vacation, and I love seeing couples of any age do the same. I don't assume that they're "clingy", or incapable of being apart from one another (though I suppose that could be the case for some people). Instead, I assume they simply like touching, as I do. <BR> <BR>Do Americans tend to hold hands more than Europeans? Interesting question, never considered that before. Can't say I haven't noticed a lot of hand-holding in, for example, France, but I <I>have</I> noticed a lot of embracing and kissing, which I also love seeing (one of the reasons I love France!.) <BR> <BR>"In France they kiss on Main Street" -- Joni Mitchell <BR> <BR>A question for people who've traveled in conservative Islamic countries: it it OK for men and women to hold hands in public? <BR> <BR>

Interesting. I noticed, just back from Paris, that American couples tended to walk man in front/woman behind or the reverse, but seldom together, while the Parisian couples walked together, often touching. I used speech, clothing and accessories to distinguish: jeans vs trousers/skirts, maps & cameras vs grocery bags/dogs/carkeys. (American men in jeans/shorts/t-shirts/ <BR>shirttails out - grow up fellas!) Older Americans seldom hold hands here; why would they abroad? Young Americans have their hands all over each other. Saw that occasionally in Paris with natives and foreigners, mostly among the tattooed/pierced set. What I liked was older French women with make-up and dressed very smartly, including high heels, not at all like American women who seem to want to look as unfeminine as possible. Of course, there was that sad female tourist, dressed smartly, with that bleak look around her eyes, accompanied by her sweaty slug of a husband with his ratty, rumpled t-shirt, shorts scooting up between his thighs, 100 lbs overweight, huffing and puffing alongside her, eating something. On the other hand, he may be very good to her, so who's to say?

For Shanna: Regarding your theory that "older Americans seldom hold hands," my husband and I are American, we've been married for 30 years and we hold hands here, there and everywhere! This is the first time I've thought about why, and I realize that it isn't something conscious or planned. When we get out of the car, store, etc., he just leans his right hand out and I take it. Thinking now about how nice that feels brings tears to my eyes. As for "American couples--he walks in front, her behind..." I don't know of ANYONE to whom that applies. My husband would laugh so hard if I told him that there was an impression that American women were somehow subservient. That's the LAST way anyone would describe me!

To MaureenGP who said it might seem morbid but always wants to travel "now" just in case...I don't think you are morbid at all! If more of us behaved like life was temporary and fleeting (which it is), maybe we'd really LIVE more. Your father dying made you realize our time limited here; I went through the same thing when a relative died rather young. Let it teach you a lesson; go ahead and take that vacation - live now, not later!! <BR> <BR>Marlena

Peggy-YOU are my hero!! YOU I would travel with!! YOU are a "real person"! <BR>YOU are wonderful!!! Honestly, I've felt the same way but have not expressed it as well as you. <BR>If anyone sees me in Paris I'm the one having fun, laughing, shopping, trying new food, trying to say as many French words as I can, and not minding what you are doing, or what you are wearing and I'm certainly not using my precious time to wonder if you are American or not! <BR>Patti <BR>

God, the American bashing continues to go unababted. <BR> <BR>I get along with most everyone, until they start copping some attitude with me. Then I rip em a new, well, you know. <BR> <BR>I remember once while sitting at this bar in a town in Germany. Some large bus driver came into the bar, saw that I was hopelessly American, and started ripping me, Americans, Mom's apple pie. You Americans this. You Americans that. You all think you own the damn,\world, which we probably could but hey that's another story for another day. , but anyway, BLAH BLAH BLAH, YADA YADA YADA. I finaly said: Hey buddy, I don't give a rat's bleep what you think about Americans, about me, about anything in this life. Not now, NOT EVER <BR> <BR>I knew he wouldn't going to start anything with me since he was fat and out of shape. <BR> <BR>And I also told him to save that "you Americans" speach for another day and another set of American ears. <BR> <BR>Another war breaks out and this galoot would beg for Americans to visit Europe again. <BR> <BR>Hey I have always gotten along with most Germans and SWiss. I have talked with them in bars about various subjects. We have drank beer together and gotten along great.I can and do get along with most everyone, but this constant American bashing gets me, especially when it's done by other Americans. <BR> <BR>I don't know if this is yet another long line in trollers, but who gives a flyin flip whether American couples hold hands or not. EYAAIII YAAAIIIII.