A Joke
 

Since this takes place in Rome, I think that it is travel related.

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David. Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the
beggar sitting behind the cross.

A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but no makes any offering to the beggar behind the Star of David.

The priest is filled with compassion for the beggar behind the Star of David and tells him "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country, this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a 'Star of David' in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite."

The beggar behind the 'Star of David' listens to the priest and turns to the beggar with the cross, saying "Moishe,
look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing."

((I))

ira, good thread to lift our spirits. I'll join in. Again, keeping it travel related!

A Texas panhandle rancher and his wife were bickering while holidaying in France. They were still hardly speaking to each other after being seated in a fancy French restaurant for dinner.

When the waiter arrived, the rancher said, "I'll have a big, thick porterhouse steak."

The waiter replied, "Monsieur...what about ze mad cow?"

To which the rancher replied, "She'll have a salad."

Happy travels, y'all!

ira and kopp, I needed a good laugh so thanks!

Now that I've finished laughing...

Two men were playing golf in Scotland (to keep it travel related), one fell over and died on the 9th hole.
Finally, the other man shows up at the clubhouse with his friend's body. The people at the club exclaim,"oh Bill, you poor thing. However did you get his body back here?"

Bill says, "it was horrible. All day, it was hit the ball, drag Fred, hit the ball, drag Fred."

I picked this one off the Internet 6 years ago; it is probably safe to revive it.

A South African, an Aussie and a Londoner were sitting in a pub having a pint of beer. The South African grabs his beer, downs it, tosses his glass into the air, draws a handgun and shoots the glass in mid- air. He grins to the other two, puts the gun down on the bar and shouts "In Souff Efrika ve hef zo many glassez ve never drink out of ze zame glass tvice."

The Aussie then downs his beer throws his glass into the air, grabs the gun off the bar, shoots the glass, puts the gun back on the bar and belches. "Ay mate, in Oz we have so much bloody saaand which makes glaaass reeeally cheap so we too never drink out of the same glaaass twice."

The Londoner looks at the two of them, finishes his beer, puts the glass down on the bar, picks up the gun, shoots both the Aussie and the South African and says, "In London we have so many bloody South Africans and Aussies that
we never have to drink with the same one twice."

I'm sure some have heard this one, but here goes:

A crowded Air Canada flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I am sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but, I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed.

He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone, "May I have your attention please," she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Air Canada agent, gritted his teeth and swore "F*** You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that too!"

I think kopps' and l84sky's were actually funny, but I think jokes about religion and race are not usually funny. I think Ira's is relatively benign, but the last one by Ron has gone over the edge into pretty offensive. I suggest this train of jokes be ended.

A recently engaged couple are visiting the man's parents in Mexico City. This is the first time the woman is meeting her fiance's family and she is very nervous.

They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her
nervousness and the re-fried beans. The gas pains are almost making
her eyes water.

Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and
lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the
poof.

Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her fiance's father
looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair,
and said in a rather stern voice, "Paco!".

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her
face.

A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer
rrriiip.

The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Darn it Paco!" Once
again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!".

A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she
didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle
blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and
yelled, "Darn it Paco, get away from her, before she sh*** on you!"

A Scots gentleman comes to New York to see a few of his old American friends. There is a bet made about who could drink whom under the table. The night of the big event, all the gentlemen dress up spiffy. For the Scot, the kilt, the jacket, the dirk, etc.
Off they go..one by one all fall under the table except the Scot.
Winner of the bet, he proceeds to walk back to his hotel through Central Park. Well! Wouldn't ya know it? He has to take a quick pee. Not feeling all THAT perky, he leans his head against the tree trunk and proceeds. Done, he stumbles a few more steps and passes out in the flowers by the walk.
About dawn the next morning, one of the ladies who lives around Central Park is walking her dandy little toy poodle...the one with the blue ribbon in its topknot. She sees the Scot and gets curious: Exactly what do Scotsmen wear under their kilts?"
A few hours later, the Scot wakes up groggy...has to yet pee again, finds a tree, lifts his kilt and sees a blue ribbon wrapped around him.
"Ack Laddie...I dunno know where've ya beeeeen, or what ya've beeeen doooin...but ya won firrrrst prrrrize!"

SuzieC: :D

A beautiful blonde took a seat in the first class section of a flight to Texas. The flight attendant says,

"Excuse me miss, you'll have to go to the coach section and take your seat."

The blonde says "Oh no! I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to Texas!"

The attendant tried to reason with her but the blonde kept repeating,

"I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to Texas!"

Finally the pilot came out after learning about the problem. He whispered something in her ear which caused her to jump out of her seat and go back to the coach section. When asked what he said he replied,

"I told her that if she wanted to go to Texas she'd better go back to her assigned seat. I explained that the first class section was going to New Mexico."

Well done, all, thank you.

Ira, you are indeed a gentleman, thank you.

SPEAKING IN TONGUES

A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.

"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two Americans just stare at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No
response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely frustrated. The first American turns to the second and says,
"Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."

"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."

Hi, Christina, I am sorry you were offended by my joke. I have no trouble that you did not find it funny, but it is not racist. All three characters are members of the same race, they just happen to be from different countries.

Ah humor. It's funny how every joke seems to make fun of something or somebody. If it didn't, it wouldn't be a joke, would it. So no matter what the joke is, if someone doesn't appreciate the fact that it is meant in good fun -- then they are offended.

Some people will hear a joke about a blonde and think nothing about it, but change the blond to a Polish person and it becomes offensive to some people. Change it to a "parapalegic" and others will gasp in horror at the same joke. Maybe it was just as offensive to a blond, but some things seem to be more politically incorrect than others these days. Meanwhile some Polish people or blondes would laugh off those jokes because they realize they are based on perceived stereotypes which really can be funny -- whether they are real or only perceived stereotypes. Other Polish people or blondes would be absolutely outraged that they are being "made fun of".


Take the jokes above. I'm sure that my aunt who is sometimes referred to as a fat cow would be horribly offended. And some French might even be offended that they are made fun of with that accent. I'm sure some Jewish people could be upset with the way they are being "stereotyped" in ira's first joke. Others would laugh because they recognize the humor in it. Some people have a sense of humor, some don't.

And to a woman whose husband died last week of a heart attack while playing golf -- that "drag Fred" joke would be considered the rudest most horrible joke in the world.

Hey who isn't made fun of in some joke or another? Lighten up folks, it's called humor.

Three individuals of unknown gender and no particular race walked into an establishment of uncertain purpose.

No one said anything and nothing of particular interest happened.

Now there's a politically-correct knee-slapper, for ya!

>Three individuals of unknown gender and no particular race walked ...<

As a physically challenged person who has to use a wheelchair, I am offended by your insensitivity.

((I))

"Three individuals of unknown gender and no particular race...met!"

Oh, and I forgot the travel part. It was "somewhere".

>Three individuals of unknown gender and no particular race walked into an establishment of uncertain purpose.<

I'm anti-establishment, so I'm offended too. :)

That's OK. I'm anti-purpose.