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Subject: Dumb Tourist Questions Date: Sat, 28 Jul 2001 09:03:21 -0400 Dumb Questions (as asked by tourists to Banff National Park) Yes, they're ALL TRUE as heard at the information desks manned by Parks Canada staff! 1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing"signs? 2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose? 3. Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?" Park Information Staff: " 'Elk' " Tourist: "Oh". 4. Are the bears with collars tame? 5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose? 6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent? 7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos? 8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you tell me what it was? 9. Are there birds in Canada? 10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada? 11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin? 12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper? 13. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan? 14. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario? 15. Which is the way to the Columbia Ricefields? 16. How far is Banff from Canada? 17. What's the best way to see Canada in a day? 18. Do they search you at the B.C. border? 19. When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money to British pounds? 20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don't they? 21. Are there phones in Banff? 22. So it's eight kilometers away... is that in miles? 23. We're on the decibel system you know. 24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost?? 25. Is that two kilometers by foot or by car? 26. Don't you Canadians know anything? 27. Where do you put the animals at night? 28. Tourist: "How do you get your lakes so blue?" Park staff: "We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom". Tourist: "Oh!" ...... "Some world views are spacious And some are merely spaced."

Those comments above are good ones. I have no trouble believing that they really happened. My favorite "tenderfoot" story concerns a woman who was hiking to a back country chalet in Yoho. The chalet supplies all that you need in the way of food and sleeping accommodations. Yet, she had heard that the chalet was in a wilderness area. The most direct route to the chalet from the Takkakaw Falls parking area is about 8 K. Despite everything, she was prepared!! I think her pack weighed 40 pounds. (I know because she had so much trouble going up the hill on the final leg of the journey that I carried it for her.) She had enough clothes stuffed in it to last a month. She had food and other supplies. But the crowing glory of her possessions was a large cast iron fry pan.

While on a trip to London my friend and I decided to ask each guide what was the dumbest question they had ever been asked. They had some pretty funny stuff but the one that we loved most was "What relation is the Queen Mother to the Queen". Just one more - While on tour of Buckingham Palace you can see a small lake in the gardens of the Palace. One tourist asked the guard "if it was the English Channel".

True story: A friend of mine told guests his home was built in the 1830's. They asked if he was the original owner!

I am from Canada, and I once had a tourist stop me on the street- this was in summer time. Said she was disappointed because she did not see a polar bear walking around. I mentioned to her that if she really wanted to see a polar bear to go to our local zoo.

These U.S. tourist are everywhere, aren't they?

I don't think anyone was targeting American tourists - just tourists in general. :)

Or shall I say, misinformed tourists. ;)

Well, one that could cause someone's blood to get a little overheated is this question asked in the visitor center in Quebec City: How do I get back to Canada? Not all dumb questions are funny.

Bob Brown, You are an insightful, sane and welcome addition to any (Fodor) forum.I've wanted to thank you before but your Quebec remark was the one that really promped this...