Help needed please.
 

How do you deal with people planting negative thoughts about India in kids heads?

That is the question, I have a upcoming trip to India with my kids planned, my kids are 7, 10 and 13 all girls. India has never been my first choice as a travel destination, but like all great accidents and researching various vacations around the world, India has climbed to the top of the list.

From reading and researching on the net I have become fascinated and obsessed with this country. And I think this country would be perfect to show my children, because of it's great diversity, culture and history and people.

Ok the problem now is that ever since I have told people about this trip, they have constantly been bringing up the negatives, especially to my girls, some of the things are bordering on racist or even down right racist.

For example telling the girls they will get kidnapped and sold into slavery, telling them that India is a disgusting country, everyone will be out to hurt/harm them and me and the only food will be disgusting, or that we will be killed by terrorist, because India is full of terrorist.

The problem now is that my daughters are scared to go to India, most of these comments have come from family, and even from friends who I have thought were educated.

What can I do? Everything I have read and heard and seen about India is amazing, I have been lurking on this site reading some great write up's about India, and a lot of you really do seem to love India.

Please help me, I know my kids will love India, but I am worried that all these negative comments etc are getting them scared, how do I get these negative thoughts out of their minds?

You all should be scared. India is a scary, dangerous country. I know because I've been there. It's funny though. All the people in India asked me how i handled living in such a scary, gun crazy country like America.

Seriously, tell your girls that these people are wrong, and that they will find it out when you get there. Do be up front about the dirt and poverty though. You will see lots of visibly poor and maimed people, but they are more to be pitied or ignored than feared. You might want to do some role playing in advance on dealing with touts and beggars.

One thing I would do is to make a donation to an Indian charity before you go. Tell the girls you want to make a difference in the society, not feel obligated to respond to each beggar's plea (which you definitely should not do. That can be scary when word gets out that you're giving away stuff, and a small mob can appear out of nowhere).

lcuy thanks, I have been showing the girls everything about India, including the poverty, dirt etc. My 13 year old is very mature for her age and when I was talking to her about the poverty she said well just like here then?

I know India's poverty is on a larger scale due to the sheer size of the population, the problem I have is that the girls now think that everyone in India is out to hurt them or that there are terrorist hiding around the corner to kidnap them etc.

It's very easy to scare kids and it seems a lot of these people have been trying their hardest to put the girls off and maybe hoping that the girls will force me to change our travel plans.

Why not read the kids some of the trip reports that make India sound so appealing and magical to you? That's how I convinced my husband to go to India when he was dead set against it. Now when his relatives sound off on how sorry we will be to go to India, he ignores them as he has read these reports and knows better.

Better hide dogster's trip reports...

I'm one of the ones who love India! It hadn't been high on my list either before I went - now it's fairly high on my list for a return. I never once felt in danger. I never felt threatened. Your daughters will definitely not be kidnapped. I know, though, that the difficulty is convincing THEM of that fact. Reassure them as much as possible. Relay the personal experiences of some of us here on the board, as dgunbug suggests. I bet if you found some statistics, they'd show that there are far more dangerous incidents in Western cities.

So while I don't believe safety is an issue, I do think they'll be in for some eye-opening -- and not totally pleasant -- experiences, which I think you should try to prepare them for.
Regarding the poverty, please dispel the notion your 13-year-old has that it's "like here". It's not like here. Your comment that India's poverty is on a larger scale due to the sheer size of the population is under-stating the issue. It's very sobering even for adults, so if your children are sensitive, it will definitely affect them.

That said, there are wonderful life-lessons to be learned about differences and similarities across cultural boundaries. Smiles are universal, and the locals will be as curious about your family as you are about them. The people are warm and friendly, the smiles sweet and genuine. Your children will be MAJOR "targets" for people wanting their picture - which they will probably love. If any of them are blonde, oh dear. :-) But just about any Westerner, regardless of skin/hair color (including the Asian Canadian who was with us), gets multiple requests for photos. My "dance card" for picture taking was full nearly every day. Even adolescent boys wanted me to pose with them for pictures, and I'm past 50. :-)

I'd suggest showing them some of the photos that go with some of the trip reports here (including mine!). :-) I'm guessing they might like this one of two obviously very poor girls beaming at having their picture taken. They ran over and asked me to take the photo and then giggled and giggled when I showed them the result: http://kbutler1122.zenfolio.com/p918...e684a#hcae684a

What's on your itinerary, by the way? Regardless, I do think your girls will love India - and good for you for exposing them to such a different - and wonderful - culture. Just prepare them a bit. It's very intense. Have they traveled elsewhere in Asia?

One more thing: tell the "well-meaning" people to butt out (perhaps more politely than that). It's really not their place to put a damper on this trip for YOUR daughters. They need a little education about India, as well, but even more of an education about manners.

The "they" in my last sentence referred to the well-meaning friends/family, not your daughters!

My daughter had no interest in going, but i told her, "trust me?" At least once a day, i heard,'Oh, i can't wait to show THIS to my friends!" about some photo she too, or "Wait til i tell them how wrong they were!" when we were in some fabulous moment (and tere wer MANY of those).
There are two fantastic trip on another site called Indiamike(which i strongly recommend you perusing in any case)--i will try to dig it up and send it to you. There might be ideas in that for how the Dad prepared his kids.
BTW, WHAT area are you going to? If you ahve a choice, it moight be better to start in Kerala.

Wow guys thanks for all the message and support, I have been reading getting my 13 year old to read a lot of your trip reports and I think slowly she is coming back around.

I have showed the kids documentary's on India, read them articles and showed them video clips on the net as well. I think the main problems is that after so many negative comments and people saying some completely ridiculous things, and remember these kids are still young and impressionable.

It is taking a lot of effort on my part to convince them, the sad thing is that when I was planning the trip all the kids were involved in it as well, and were really looking forward to it,with great excitement.

But as soon as we told other people of our plans then the negativity started, it makes it worse when the comments are coming from grandparents and close friends and family.

I have showed the 13 year old this site and all the great post and comments on India, I have told them yes India is different and prepared them as best as I can for the in your face poverty etc.

It seems I am fighting a bit of a loosing cause here, because every time I think I have won them over again, someone comes up with "you are white girls, they will kidnap you" or "Indians can't be trusted, they all want something from you or to hurt you".

I am just so angry and frustrated, I am thinking of just canceling the trip, I want my children to experience all of India, to show them a great country and wonderful people, but I don't think they are going to enjoy it now, last night my middle daughter said she didn't want to go.

althom1122 I showed my daughters your website and they loved the photos and were saying how beautiful India is, but then their grandparents got hold of them and it was down hill again.

Maybe I should just tell everyone the the trip is off, that way the comments will stop and we can sneak out of the country?

althom1122 we have a easy paced itinerary, going to Delhi for 2 days, Agra for 2 days, Mumbai as well, I have some close friends in Mumbai and we have a place to stay with their family's.

We have 2 months, yes I am pulling them out of school, I think India hands on is going to be a better learning experience, than sitting in a class room and not having things come alive. Going to Kolkata as well, Kerala too, but most of the traveling is going to be with my Indian friends and their family.

Spending a week in Mumbai, my 13 year old is fascinated by Bollywood and one of my friends is very close to a couple of Bollywood stars. But at the moment I am getting a bit down with all this negativity coming our way.

Everyone is saying we showed go to Europe, as India is "not safe" and like I mentioned the girls are still young and impressionable and tend to believe anything, like most children I suppose.

Cali I mentioned to my daughters that I had read you went with your daughter and had a great time.

With friends and family like this, I'd MOVE my kids to India.

No need to lie. Just call these people when you daughters are not in range, and tell them you don't appreciate all the negativity, especially from people who haven't been there.

Remind them that
a) it is not nice to scare children unnecessarily, 2) When the kids see that none of these horrid things happen, they will never trust the grandparents "advice' again, and
3)That some of their comments sound very bigoted, and you will not tolerate that with your girls.

And when you have done this, go tell your girls to trust that you would never take them if you thought they were at risk.

I went to India three times with one of my attractive daughters, another time with her equally attractive younger sister, and no one ever did anything inappropriate.

lcuy I have read your reports and you and your daughters seemed to have had a great time, I am printing out your reports for my 13 year old, if that's ok with you?

The problem with all these comments that it is very subtle, but if you mention it often enough, especially to kids they start believing it.

I am just fed up, all the excitement, the planning etc seems to have gone down the drain. I have read so many trip reports on here and all of you are so sincere in your love for India the good and bad.

I have tried to get some of the family to read these reports but they want nothing to do with it, they have made their mind up about India.

All this is getting me down as well, but I am still talking to the girls and showing them photos, especially some of the photos taken by you guys, but it's all getting so hard.

Jillian -- You are the girls' parent -- not these other people, so you get to make the decision. Ignore what everyone is saying and just forge ahead. The girls will not be disappointed. I took my daughter twice to india and it changed her life. She ended up moving back to Mumbai, by HERSELF, and I had no worries about her. Kids need to learn how to be street-wise, and no doubt your girls will see things in India that they have never seen before, but it will be an amazing cultural and life-changing experience for them. Don't miss this opportunity. You and they will regret it later if you do not go. Bad things can happen anywhere you go -- and even if you don't go anywhere, they can happen close to home. Just do it!!!!

Thanks travelaw, it's just so upsetting.

travelaw--your daughter was a college senior when she went to India, wasn't she? Lcuy and CaliNurse, your daughters were in college too, right? I think India viewed through the eyes of 7, 10 and 13 year olds will be quite different.

Jillian, I wish your girls could meet my nieces in India (around similar ages) they would have so much in common.

The rubbish told to your daughters about India would be the same if you were planning to visit any other country that ignorant people didn't know anything about.

My family is Hindu as are most Indians, but I'm still amazed at the number of people I encounter who think Indian women have to walk 3 steps behind their husbands (they don't), that marriages are forced (they aren't), or that women must cover their head and face (they don't). India is not a Muslim country. Even Muslim women who live in India do not need to cover up unless their family insists. The Indian government does NOT impose dress requirements, although by nature Indians dress conservatively.

There is an ever increasing middle class that didn't used to exist. You will now find massive, beautiful western style malls and office complexes. The education standards are higher than here in the US and English is widely spoken.

Take your daughters to the mall. They will see other Indian teenagers wearing jeans and all the same styles that your daughters are familiar with shopping for all the same things your daughters like to shop for. Go to McDonald's and enjoy a spicy McDonald's Indian style sandwich with fries and soda. You daughters will figure out quickly what really goes on in India.

Have a great trip!

Jaya thanks for the post, I am going to show it to my oldest and read it to the other two. I am so over the comments and constant negativity, this too from people who I thought were educated and open minded.

By the way does anyone know if CaliNurse has posted a trip report? I would love to read her report as well, I have become obsessive about India, can;t get enough of it and a lot of you have to be blamed for that.

We started traveling with our daughters when they were babies By the time they were 13 they'd been several times to Japan (too expensive), Europe (too cold in the spring) Korea (too third world), to Mexico (too dangerous), Australia (too far), and Thailand (too dirty). Not once did they see it the way the state Department does. We were having too much fun! They were in college by the time we went to India, but believe me, it was their choice to head there!

Hey guys I have just stumbled onto a live stream of India's Republic Day parade like From New Delhi, been watching it and just for the parade I can see the amazing diversity of the country.

I did not know today was such a massive event in India's history, amazing and still watching it live on NDTV.com I think it is.

There is a massive crowd there and it looks amazing, I wish I was in India already.

Hi Jillian.

I have been very naughty and not posted trip reports from either of two latest trips (the first was before there was an internet--or desktop computers!) to India. (I did post one from St John, USVI, yrs ago--so i'm not completely hopeless!) However, i would be glad to write here the places i've been to in India, and once you decide a route, will gladly answer questinos. And I have photos which Daughter says she'll help me figure out how to post, one of these days.

Marija, you are right --my daughter turned 22 on our first "together" trip to India.

My point to Jill was not about dtr's age, but that she had heard and worried over many negatives also , e.g. " Ewwww...how can you go THERE?" and was amazed at how different it actually was. Or things were similar, but the reality was different when you are right there. This holds true no matter what the age. And of course, along with the glorious stuff, there will be "ewwww" moments!! Lcuy's and Althom's advice in this respect is excellent--it will not all be "pretty" but there are ways you can prepare the girls.

I am sending a link to a discussion of travel in India with kids, from the amazing Indiamike forum. Since you love absorbing eveything about India, this is the place for you. Thousands of contributors , and a very warm, welcoming, nonjudgmental group. ANY thing you can think of will have been answered and discussed on Indiamike.

http://www.indiamike.com/india-artic...dia-with-kids/

Dhans the author of this and related articles (he has two detailed trip reports about travel with his young kids) first told me on IM about Faith Pandian, a travel planner whose help he used for a part of a trip.

I love Faith's website ( indianpanorama.in ) Check her photo gallery and "newsletter" and itineraries for photos.
She has a young son with whom she travels in India--i think there are some photos on that website.
There are a bunch of other travel planners who are highly recommended on this forum, and i suspect most have children, which might help with ideas for yours!

Good for you, recognizing that sometimes the best school is outside the classroom!! The kids would enjoy seeing schools in the countryside, meeting the kids there. And if they are animal lovers...elephants galore!

Mostly, Jillian, do NOT give up your dream for you and your daughters!!!

Thanks Cali would have loved to read your trip reports as well, I am going to have a look at the link you posted.

Like I have mentioned I have 8 weeks in India and we are planning to take it nice and slow, there is so much to do and see in India.

I am sure even two months will not be enough, Cali I am trying to hard to stay positive and talk to the girls, but I feel like it's a battle I am not going to win.

The closer we get to going the more nasty the comments are getting, I have had arguments with my family only to be told I am a bad mother for taking my children to such a dangerous place.

Is this true what they are saying that India is so dangerous and people are out to hurt you? I am starting to believe it as well and it's scary, so unhappy right now.

I certainly agree that India is neither scary nor dangerous. I do wonder whether there's more going on. You said you're taking your daughters out of school for two months. Being seperated from their friends may be a scary prospect for the girls and contribute to their concerns about going to India. Do you have a plan for making sure they keep up with their classwork so they won't be behind when they return?

Are your family and friends reacting negatively just because you're going to India or are they reacting negatively to you taking off with the girls for two months during the school year? Would they think this was a great trip if you were going to Europe?

You mention traveling with an Indian friend. Do they have kids similar in age? Is this traveling really going to happen or are you responding to a casual invitation to come to India and we'll show you around?

I wonder if there are other reasons people are discouraging you from taking this trip?

Marija- very good points. I also don't see any mention of a husband or travel partner so I'm wondering if the motivations to get away for so long may be different that just wanting to explore India.

Jillian, From your comments it doesn't appear that you have done a lot of foreign travel with your daughters before this. Perhaps you need to rethink this trip. Two months is a long time in to be out of school, and a long time in India.

On any long trip, no matter where you go, "road fatigue", homesickness and even run-of-the-mill illness can set you back. It is usually temporary, but can be a real issue especially if you are the sole "guide/comforter/fixer " for your group. I would be much more worried about those than kidnappings.

Maybe if you scale it back to a "Vacation" (two or three weeks) instead of an extended voyage (eight weeks during the school year), you would not be getting such negative feedback.

Marija and Lcuy, VERYwise questions/comments/perceptions.

Jillian, you have asked this many times now, and had many answers:

"Is this true what they are saying that India is so dangerous and people are out to hurt you? I am starting to believe it as well and it's scary, so unhappy right now."

What country are you in Jillian? There is absolutely no info on your Fodors profile.

I too am starting to read between the lines things that are unstated, to the point where i wonder about motivation not just for this trip, but for writing on Fodors.

Have you stated your concerns elsewhere, on other Forums?

Some of what you say your family is saying, are so wild (being sold into slavery"--perhaps we'd understand this paranoia more if you could say where you are, and where your family is.

We can help with India travel, but we cannot help with family therapy.

Marija to answer your questions first and they are all good questions, let me try and answer them.

1: Yes I do have plans for them to still do homework etc, as we are going to go for 2 months, I am also getting a tutor in India for the girls. But they will also have the greatest teacher and that is to be immersed in a culture like India's.

2: They are reacting this way because it is India, if this was Europe they would have no problems with it at all. In fact they have been encouraging me to take the girls to Europe instead of India.

3: My friends in India also have kids, similar ages to my daughters, she is my closest friend and moved back to India a few years ago, like I have said a few times India was never high up on my list. The more I researched other destinations across the world, the more India seemed to creep up on me.

I have been doing nothing but research on India for at least the last 9 months and the more I discover the more I want to get there. Initially my girls were very excited, I even got them to help me plan this trip as then they would enjoy it more etc.

lcuy I understand what you are saying, but my girls are well versed in travel, although only to the UK, which was about a 5 week trip during their school holidays.

I know the UK is nothing like India far from it, they have also had road trips with me and my husband around Australia and they were long trips as well and yes my husband is coming as well. But like a man he is no help in dealing with the family, he seems to think we should not tell them our plans etc, because of these reasons.

Cali I am in Australia, the problem is most of the family has never traveled, most of the things they do know about India seem to be from the western press, which in my opinions is very negative towards India.

My family is from a small town with the typical small town thinking, like I said I have done a lot of research, I have read so many trip reports from different points of view and nothing I have come across has raised alarms.

I understand there is a lot of poverty, dirty, pollution, population etc, but I also know there is also a lot of positives that out weigh the bad.

I am speaking to the girls and so is their father, he is like me never wanted to go to India, but the more he talked to some of his Indian friends and the more research he did, the more and more excited we have gotten.

I think we just need to keep the kids away from the more serious negative stuff being said, the good thing is that the girls have loved the photos, videos about India.

We have been taking them to Indian restaurants just as a prep and they are loving the Indian food, my oldest loves Bollywood and well which kid does not like monkeys, elephants etc. And don't worry I have also told them about the poverty, we have shown them and spoken to them about what they might see and prepare them the best we can.

I talk to my friend on skype quite often and the girls also get on and have a chat with her kids, good thing about the internet is that with a web cam the girls can even see the views from my friends house.

I hope I have answered some questions, I appreciate you guys taking the time to read and ask these questions as well, if there is anything more please feel free to ask.

And so no this is not just a casual trip planned at the last minute. India has sneaked up on us, I am amazed just through your trip reports and photos with this country and culture.

Hey!

Thoughts about India may be scary, it is never a one-sided thing :) People in India are hospitable and nice, too! And you have a lot to see and good places to stay in.

The biggest proof of India being a credible country is the fact that a lot of industry groups like the Tatas aare known for their ethical handling and business ways :)
Do give India a try!

You could start with showing this BBC documentary & Michael Wood's journey & the sequel(its just a tip of the iceberg),to your kids & specially to the 'detractors':)
Don't miss the opportunity.Don't regret.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EK0hM...eature=related

Show the following Movies related to India, which will give clear picture to your daughters.

Indian Movies:

HUM DIL DE CHUKE SANAM, TAAL, PARDES, LAMHE, FANAA, NAMASTE LONDON, DIL CHAHTA HAI

This will give and Idea also and the look and feel. They will be eager to see India.

Regards,



Amit Kesari

Thanks for your reply, Jillian. Guess you're not a hothead pulling her kids out of school in pursuit of some Indian boyfriend or guru. If that were the case, it would be easy to understand why your family and friends are eager to discourage you, spouting whatever nonsense they think of to give you pause.

Let's face the truth. Most people, not just rural Australians, think of India as a yucky vacation destination--poverty, filth, strange customs. Our friends and family didn't envy our vacation in India--they thought it was another bit of evidence that we are crazy. When you say you're going to Paris everyone wants to come along. When you say you're going to India, after some awkward questions, the topic shifts, even when you're talking to seasoned, well educated travelers.

You've made up your mind that you want to go to India. Just do it. Take this as an opportunity to talk to your girls about prejudice, about drawing conclusions based on rumor and not fact. It's never too early to teach children to be informed consumers of information. Whether it's the ridiculous claims about magical products they see on TV, or claims about kidnappings in India, discuss the factual basis for these claims, or lack thereof. Have the girls discuss their concerns with your friend who is on the ground in India. They're old enough to know that someone who is living in India knows more about India than folks in rural Australia.

It's natural that the girls are scared about this unglamorous- to- their friends adventure. Are they hiding their real fears behind the false claims they report?

I'll be waiting to read about your trip. Hope India meets your high expectations.

Thanks Marija, we had a nice long talk to the girls last night, discussing the exact same things you have touched on. I told them it is not fair to judge anyone or anything on things people say.

Especially when these people haven't even been there, what is helping is the beautiful photos that a lot of you have taken and also so many great photos on the internet about India.

Also the oldest loves Bollywood and I have shown here a couple of Bollywood movies, we have tried to explain the things they will see in India, from the awesome, to the good, to the bad.

My girls are smart cookies, yesterday went very well, the middle child has Indian friends at school and she asked them a few questions and she came home smiling and asking me questions about India.

I told here that so many people travel to India with the children and they all come back happy and better for the experience. I think we are going to keep talking to them and trying to be honest with them.

I am sure they will love it once they are away from the negative comments etc, my 13 year old knows how to research, and she has been reading up on India at the library, on the net and the more she finds out for herself the more exicted she is getting.

With all due respect, I think you are now OVER planning this trip! One would think you're going to Mars.

No not over planning just making sure.

My first trip out of the country was at the age of 19; I went to the (then) USSR. As a citizen of the US, I had a lot of folks try with the scary stories ("Oh, they're going to keep you there" {RIght. Who would want to?} and so forth.) It was wonderful and amazingly educational, and the experience vs. expectations stood me in good stead when I went to India some twenty years later. I will say that after three weeks I was a bit more ready for home than I generally am on a trip, as there's such a sensory overload, but I'd go back in a minute. Oh, and I was traveling alone and independently. Here's my trip report if you need yet one more (there are pictures linked, too) to show your girls how fascinating India is: http://www.fodors.com/community/asia...rip-report.cfm

Hi,
I just wanted to respond as I have had the same questions and comments about me taking my 21 year old daughter to India. When people ask "why would you go to India?" I just answer "because we want to!!" end of subject!!!!

We have always traveled (they have been to Europe, Asia, etc) with our children and although we stay at nicer hotels and see the highlights of each country we always venture to the areas where it is not so great. We stayed in San Diego and went across the border to Tiajuana (back when it was safe) and went to the part of the city that was not so great. There were women sitting on the sidewalks selling dolls, trinkets, etc. and they had newborn babies lying on the sidewalk behind them. My daughter's eyes were like saucers wondering what was going on - which we explained.

This is a good opportunity for your children to see that not all children live like them and that we all have to do our part to make life a little better for other children. I like the idea of making a donation before you go so they can see what they can do to help.

We are spending one night in Karauli at the Bhanwar Vilas Palace - this family runs a school which we will be visiting! This is what our trip is about - we will be seeing the highlights but also want to see the everyday life in India. You are fortunate to know people there as it will make your trip much easier.

I think you just need to tell your children that everywhere you go you have to be aware - it's just not India - it's any country you visit. Seriously, I feel much safer going to India than my last trip to London!!!

Amy, i said it when first reading, and say it again:thanks for your great TR, and for referring to it again, so others may see it.
I too have not been to Rajasthan, and am almost embarrassed by that. Rajasthan. Fourth trip is in planning stages and guess what? Still no Rajasthan! Want to go, but it never seems to fit in.

Thanks Amy, lipgirl, I have read your trip report and so have my oldest daughter and she loved it. It was a great report, we are leaving in just under two weeks.

The girls are starting to get excited again and have already started packing, I think the help from this site and reading and looking at all the many beautiful photos has convinced my 13 year old.

The other two are just excited to see monkey, cows, elephants, camels etc. Thanks for all the positive comments from everyone on here, it has made talking to the girls a lot easier.

My friend in India was also a big help along with her family and children, I have told my daughters that every country has problems and you should not judge people or place on rumors and innuendo.

We are looking forward to traveling around Mother India and to show my girls the how great this country is, it has to be easily one of the greatest multicultural countries on Earth.

I will try to blog on here, as I have read so many amazing trip reports from all of you, although I doubt highly I can hold a candle to your writings.

I hope that this gets to you before you leave. Two years ago my dh 73 and I 62 spent a month in Northern India. We have traveled all over the world, and this was my all time favorite. I hope that the girls will always remember it. It is colorful, vastly differently culture. I did not read the whole blog, but I hope that you can spare the extra and go a bit upscale. The only crowded place that I would be aware and hold hands is Deli. Oh... monkeys are NOT your friends.
Micarda