Fearless Pandas
 

Ignoring all travel warnings and common sense, the pandas are venturing forth tomorrow evening to the darkest environs of Needham. Visas are in place, we've had our shots and we've read the very thin guide book. Excitement does not quite capture our feelings.

While we are sure that Karen's food will be delicious, we are somewhat concerned that Bob may have an opportunity during the serving process to alter the chemical make-up of said victuals. Consequently, we are bringing a taster to avoid any unpleasantries.

Beth and I have been reviewing our very few conversation options. Religion, politics and reality are out. They don't seem to be Red Sox fans. Our hope is that we can confine the discussions to our ill-conceived upcoming Bali adventure.

Any thoughts or tips would be appreceiated.

Pandas step in where angels fear to tred.

Greetings from Bangkok airport - Jeane and I send our sympathies but know you will survive. Say "Hi" to B&K.

Maybe the Yankees possibilities for 2008 or McCain's chances to beat the democrats' candidate would be appropriate topics for discussion.

So, this Bali trip does NOT include BKK as well?

(p.s.... "HI" Craig and Jeanne, good to hear you are out of harms way... have a safe flight home)

No BKK, but we are going to Singapore for two days.

Craig-Bob knows less about baseball than he does politics. Unbelievable.

we also are trying to think of what to talk about...the possibilities are quite thin: panda, panda likes, BO and HC, how wonderful cambridge is, gpanda, panda food, are tall people superior, lawsuits that screw humanity, more panda thoughts...get the jist...

they are coming here at 5, with any luck we will see the back of them by 5:05....we have prepared doggie bags to eat from on the slay ride back to cambridge...

Don't forget to cover the virtues of the ROS, the Gallery Cafe, massages and of course, the latest Speedo styles...

Bob this might help in your preparation for this evening:

A Giant Panda's diet is almost entirely 95% bamboo. Occasionally, they may also eat other grasses, rodents, fish, or fawns. Do you have enough rodents for a 220lb panda?

Giant Pandas usually sit upright with their hind legs stretched out in front of them or lay on their backs. While crunching on bamboo, this position allows their forepaws to be free so they can manipulate the bamboo however they want to. Watch them paws as they will scratch your furniture!

Hope you guys have a great time, wish Muffin and I were there to enjoy the laughs.....

Pandas are omniverous, but we're too slow to actually catch any animals. We are faster than most bamboo. Hence, our diet is somewhat limited.

Actually, one does not have a conversation with bob. One merely brings up a topic and listens for 15 or 20 minutes to his ridiculous thoughts on the subject. For those paying close attention, I remiond you of my 2006 report. In this report, I deyailed a 1/2 hour cab ride down Sukhumvit to thew JT outlet. Bopb was in front, Beth, Karen and I in the back. For the entire time, Bob and the cab driver carried on a heated discussion. Unfortunately, the cab driver didn't speak English and Bob did not speak Thai, After about 10 minutes, B, K and I were absolutely howling with laughter. It was unbelievable. Neither understood anything the other was sayiong, but they continued on undaunted. So, my strategy tomorrow is to pretend I don't speak Needhamese.

Bob
Just make sure the trained gecko (or is that the gecko-in-training) (for guen) doesn't get snatched by you-know-who. Although geckos are no doubt considerably faster than bamboo!
Have fun! Wish I could be there...
Carol

You are indeed, fearless. I would caution you that Needhamites are not known for organic gardening. So watch out for the pesticides on your bamboo! Also, I'm not sure about Needhamites positions on gun control, so if you wander into other yards in search of more bamboo...

The magazine Organic Gardening is regarded as pornography in Needham. It's sold in brown paper bags.

I'm pretty sure what the POB's position is on gun control. He would view the phrase as an oxymoron if he knew what that word meant.

Fearless. We go where no Panda has gone before us. An intrepid excusion into the vapidity of Needham. Sort of like being without oxygen for an extended period of time.

I can't wait for your "trip report" Andy!
Have fun, you two (four).

we have found a local farmer who will grind his food to baby food consistency....i hope he has taken his usual lomitol to preserve our antique rugs...panda poo....does anyone have a panda diaper available for lease??

we do not have organic gardening here, we have sewers...

if i knew all those big words, i would be a fake attorney also..

LOL!

Faint heart n'er fair Panda won.

Into the valley of Death rode the six hundred Pandas
Bankers to the right of them....

Hell hath no fury like a Panda scorned.

Does anyone at all remember any poetic lines about Bankers? I think not.

ok, i got one:

bankers pain, and turn pale
when they hear the phrase
the check is in the mail.

btw, whats for dinner besides bamboo?

Bankers are by nature pale and need nothing to turn as such.

Apparently, there will be some rodents as well. Not a surprise that the rat population of Needham is high.

I suspect the food will be excellent. Bob and Karen had dessert at our house last time and they were too well mannered to report the Cambridge-induced anguish. I will return the courtesy and refrain from any snide reporting. Unless Bob does or says something really ridiculous. There's a 50/50 chance of this so keep your fingers crossed.

you know how people report airline food to be 'mystery meat'??

we have managed to find panda food that is trully mystery meat...its a new cross of tofu, fish bones and beef intestines....marinated and grilled it is quite fantastic...we have decided to serve it as tartare....
for the dessert, it will not be the lovely, delicious italian pie that beth served to us, but rather a very special pudding made from 6 dozen whole lemons...we call it 'tart pudding'...

can't decide on the wine....grapeless i think....

stand by for andy's report after he returns from the needham hospital...we have asked dr neardeath to be there to treat andy...beth is from stronger stock and will need no treatment...

Bob, I'm worried about your new bamboo floors. If the Panda doesn't have enough to eat he may attack the floors. Watch out!

And don't forget that most chopstick and toothpicks are made from Bamboo!

we have laced all bamboo in the house with foolproof poisons...

i doubt he uses a tooth pick....i suspect he just rips a leg off a priceless antique chair

KAREN----"get rid of the china and silver and anything of value..." "put out the paper plates, plastic utensils and folding chairs...."

"and don't wear the large tiara.."

When I awoke this momentous morning, I note the snow. Therefore, for proper vening garb, I'm breaking out the fur-lioed speedo.

Is that because there's no fur behind the speedos?

Andy-- how is it possible NOT to talk politics these days. :-). Somehow I suspect you'll survive the evening. :-)

Hanuman-the fur is strategically placed.

Gloria-we actually have our Bali trip with B and K to plan. Unless the dollar has further plummeted, we may be able to avoid politics. Also note, I don't discuss politics with my cat either.

meow

YOU HAVE A CAT!!!!!

Is there some way to video tape this panda/banker dinner and put it on utube so we can all enjoy the banter?

Have a great time! Don't eat too much...

Carol

A banker and panda together...
Not sure their two spouses can weather!
With pieces of rope,
These two wives, we hope,
The panda and banker to tether.

(a pathetic attempt, I know)

A very wierd cat. , Go to www,devonrex.com to get a picture.

Carol, the Limerick was actually quite good.

Does anyone else think that in the etrnal dog/cat controversy, that Bob is a snake person?

Isn't Bob a gecko person? I thought he was training one (of many) for guen.

i have gheckos which i feed to the snakes, and right after swallowing, the cat eats the snake which is followed by the dog (pit bull) eating the tiny cat...followed by hors d'oeuvres on a silver platter...

Andy
That's quite a cat you've got there. I followed the link, not knowing what to expect. I assume you take it to court with you, to give you an edge in tricky cases...
Carol

carol...they don't give him tricky cases....he is also down to only one judge in MA who will allow him in his/her court room....and that is the crossdressing judge in the bankrupcy federal court...

i wonder if that judge likes speedos??

Carol-these cats are unbelievable. My brother got two and loved them. We got one and my son and his wife were so taken with her they got two. Somehow, they retain kitten-like playfulness into adulthood. Beth is completely smitten.

Bob, the judges are mostly bored with their jobs. Most cases are frightenlingly similar. I bring a degree of levity that they sem to enjoy. It's the only way to keep their attention. Think Groucho goes to court.

We've packed our bags, fed the cats and prepared for our foray into the wilds of Needham. If you don't hear from me in the next 24 hours, send out a search and rescue team. I'll be leaving a trail of bread crumbs so we can find our way back. I've attached a transponder to my leg.

we have locked the doors, called out the national guard, pulled all the drapes and allerted the neighbors--only those with shot guns....but this is the burbs, so thay all have shot guns to keep undesirables away....

we will have them shower before we offer them a drink....