Oh you mongrel, what a wonderful balm to the economic crisis, bushfire disaster and aborted travel plans.

I will be 'hanging on the lips of the speaker' all the way!
And I so hope you will visit your special family with the 'tummy sick' mum, the bright photographer little tyke, and the sad, sad demise of older brother.

Thanks for the therapy, dogs rule!

To watch Indian television you'd think the population was out dancing in the streets at the triumph of 'Slumdog Millionaire'.

Alas - it ain't so. Kolkata appears to be unmoved. Too busy being Kolkata. The greatest show on earth continues unabated. I wander out - but I'm now a local. Cruising thru - visible and occasionally invisible, lost and then occasionally found.

I've just come back from a tea-party in a cupboard somewhere deep in the New Market.

'Hey! Come, come.'

Jimmy's come in all shapes and sizes but they are all in their early twenties with a fine career in finance ahead of them.

'I have something, quick, quick, come!'

Before I know it I'm in the cupboard. Jimmy #1 has passed me to Jimmy #2 who has taken me to Jimmy #3's shop. Jimmy #4 is waiting in the cupboard. He's just back from Afghanisthan. He wanted to show me his duty-free merchandise.

Enough charas to have me arrested for 500 years is piled on the floor in front of me, together with a description of provenance. Apparently the charas oil is scraped from the skin of Afghani virgins after a few naked laps through the ganja fields. I bet you didn't know that.

Charas, like Jimmy, comes in all shapes and sizes. It's just as well I've left childish habits behind. I might have been tempted.

So the old hippy stumbled back to the Oberoi. I came the long way round, via Sudder Street. I have to report that security is obviously just for the 5 star tourist; backpackers can be gunned down with impunity. Given the look of some of them today I'd say that mightn't be a bad idea.

The Fairlawn hasn't been closed by the health authorities yet.

I chatted to the concierge. What is this Maha Shivaratri? Where is it? Can I go see? Vrooomph, I'm in a yellow taxi heading I truly know not where. I'm dumped somewhere in front of a tiny temple in the middle of the road. There's a tiny crowd at the tiny temple. They are thronging to something but I can't really see. A tiny crowd in India can throng along with the best of them. 10 rupees, a smile and a bit of wiggling got me a front row perch - but there was nothing much to see. Just a line of hungry ladies pouring milk over Shiva's willy.

My word, Shiva's dick gets a lot of attention in India.

I wish I was Shiva.

Google 'lingham' if you're confused.

In Maheshwar they call it 'Shiv-ling' - short for Shiva Lingham. I like 'Shivling' very much. Men have been naming their genitalia for thousands of years. Maybe Shiva started the fashion.

My mother christened mine. Alas, it's been so long now, I've forgotten his name.

The jet-lag that has laid me so low is lifting. I'd built in this 6 day stop as my way of adjusting slowly. I'm sure glad I did. This time it has floored me. Slowly, slowly, I emerge from the fog - not just of fatigue but of all the psychological oddities that come with it. Paranoia, forgetfullness, random dyslexia on names, dates and places - confusion. Remember, I'm on my own - I ain't got anybody to snap me out of it. Gotta be a self-starter. Well, finally I've started. I appear to have regained what little sanity is left to me.

Tonight, dinner at Aheli, if I can make it till 7.00 p.m. My stomach is still stressed. It's more a time for scrambled eggs and tomato soup than West Bengali haute cuisine. But Aheli is a big time fave. I'm not sure how long I can hold out till I sink into that thali.

But Jimmy and the cupboard might have led me astray.

Get thee behind me, Jimmy.

Damn - too late.

I'll just have a little lie down.

I do apologise for all this banality. I'll try to conjure up something profound tomorrow. Or not. Plans have been made.

www.calcuttawalks.com

I'm off with Ifte. Again. For those now utterly confused, I can only refer you to 'Dogster: Bumbling thru Kolkata' - which may, or may not, have this URL:

http://www.fodors.com/community/asia...ru-kolkata.cfm

Stories like those are what this blog will eventually become. You're getting the mongrel version.

Ifte's instructions for tomorrow are simple: 'You know what I like - take me anywhere you want.' That'll be a test for the young sausage. After his previous experiences with me he suggested I lead the tour and he follow - but I demurred. That would be silly.

They are quite an outfit, these lads. New breed Indian youth, get up and GO. It's great to see. Just like it was great to see 'Slumdog' win. Same same. All the energy of India, all the energy of youth, the future bright and beaming.

How come I don't get that feeling in Australia? How come I look at British youth and want to weep? Am I truly that old, that curmudgeonly, that out of touch? Probably.

Jimmy and his entreprenurial brothers have more spirit than the lot of 'em. It's a pity they're career criminals. But then, so was Bernie Madoff. Same same.

Somehow, I'd rather have Jimmy than Bernie as my Slumdog Billionaire.

Oh, HOW you do make me homesick for India. And I never thought I would be. Travel on!

Do you think that there's a school or training program for Jimmys? Is the Dogster the ongoing guest lecturer?

lol gpanda - I've met so many of them I'm an expert. I'm just back, reeling, from another foray in the streets. I'm not sure this one is publishable. Things are getting quite extreme.

I'm slumdogging it. Tomorrow I'll make some feeble attempt to get out of the gutter. But then, do you REALLY want a tourist description of the Victoria Memorial? Probably not.

I've just realised I've been to Kolkata five times and I still haven't looked at the Victoria Memorial - nor paid ANY attention to the Raj. Which must say something.

Ignorance is bliss. Pig-ignorance is better.

dogster - glad the fog is lifting (is another one descending?)

I thought the security would be only 5-star deep, but of course, it's usually the 5-stars that get bombed - although Mumbai train station got hit badly too. For some reason that didn't get the press attention the hotels did...

"The Fairlawn hasn't been closed by the health authorities yet. " Lol. In Kolkata?? I'd stay there again, it was a fun place on a lively street, just skip the meals, most likely.

Don't get stuck in any cupboards.

I'm following along on your Calcutta walks even before you get the Jimmy to go along.

Professor Dogster will be lecturing on the art of Jimmyhood. Graduate students can take a seminar on the similarities and differences between Jimmy's and Sancho Panza. For extra credit, Dr. Watson and Archie Goodwin will be considered.

Can't you just hear the Dogster:

Elemental, my Dear Jimmy.

Dogster- That blond and red "charas" was a favorite of mine back in the day...those days are light-years behind me! Thai-stick was another, ironically, lol.

Glad you have had a "suitable" reception Doggie. Maybe you left Oz with a bit of something extra - or acquired it on the plane - maybe its not all normal jet lag. Anyway hope you get right on top of it soon and back in full "Dogster" mode. Really looking forward to hearing more as usual.

Don't go to that Victoria Memorial - why spoil your near perfect record of not visiting any of the normal sights.

lol Mary - yup, it does seem like I avoid the obvious, doesn't it? If I do that stuff, I tend not to write about it... not because these things are not worthy, but I just can't think of anything to say that hasn't been said before, I guess. Indian tourist sites, like everywhere, tend to be arid, dead things of great beauty. All you can do is attempt to look at them - that's if you can shake off the plague of touts surrounding you. As we all know, sometimes the touts destroy the site.

I like my temples to be LIVING things. I've discovered a real antipathy for those archeological sites where you look at a piece of crumbling masonry of little aesthetic note while a guide drones on about history that you neither care about, nor listen to. Of course, WITHOUT the guide, the place is even more dreary.

I show my ignorance here, I guess - but, hey, what's new? What I'm looking for is beauty - not history. I can't take history IN when I'm traveling - but I can appreciate beauty.

'...in the eye of the beholder' - they say. The more I stay in India the more the scales fall from my increasingly bloodshot eyes; layer after layer after layer - leading to peace, I hope, through the tumult. I'm starting to see.

Or NOT see, as the case may be. I don't see the filth, smell the urine, hear the shouting, I don't see the poverty, the beggars and the touts - what I SEE is pure spirit, pure life-force, pure energy.

India hasn't changed. The change is in me.

So, here I am in Kolkata, walking down familiar streets with unfamiliar confidence. There must be a walk, a look, an attitude that I've acquired; it's no longer a drama starring me.

Having said that, having tempted fate, I'll wait till this afternoon's catastrophy befalls me, whatever it happens to be. Because the other thing I've learnt about India is that I don't know ANYTHING at all.

Your way of seeing sounds good to me - stick with it and well, grow with it too.

you do so much better than do i....i rarely have more than two managers greet me, and no associates

What is the latest catastrophe??? I can't wait to hear-the energy of India is in your writing.

Thank you for stating the extremely obvious, shubhransu.

Now how about you stop using this forum to flog your crap travel agency, eh?

lmao