I guess it depends on whether or not you want to be incredibly stressed out on your trip.
Look, I get it. You want to go somewhere unique. But traveling is stressful enough. Do you really want to add to your stress by choosing a place that is going to be one thousand million times more strenuous and/or difficult to get to? No, of course not. Go easy on yourself. You deserve it. You’ve been through a lot. Take a trip! But maybe take a trip to somewhere slightly less stress-inducing than these places.
WHERE: New Zealand
Ah, New Zealand. What a lovely place. But, hey, uh, what’s this? Oh, nothing, just Baldwin Street–the world’s actual steepest street. It’s 350 meters long and for around every 2.86 meters traveled horizontally, it rises one whole meter–which sounds terrible. Sure, it’s cool looking because all the houses are slanted, but the catch is that you have to use your presumably strong legs to basically climb a street vertically. Hm, no, thanks. I will stick to regular, horizontal walking, somewhere else in New Zealand.
This Thing Called a "Moaning Cavern"
A moaning cavern? It moans? Okay, yeah, no thank you. This is strange for many reasons, one being the actual noise that occurs sounds like a ghost I don’t want to meet, and another being the word “moaning” in the actual title of the place–this is uncomfortable. That word makes me uncomfortable.
The Bell Witch Cave
Man, come on. Witches are not fun in the first place, but the “Bell Witch?” She uses a bell? Bells are the worst! Hear me out: Have you ever been in a quiet place and then just heard a bell? This isn’t fun–it’s not fun at all. Bells are fine if they’re supposed to be there–like in a piece of music, or say, a handbell choir–but one bell where bells should not be (a cave, for example)? Not okay. Hard pass.
This Hotel at the Edge of the Grand Canyon
Can’t you just look at the Grand Canyon? No? You have to sleep right on the edge of it? You must do that, hm? Okay, fine. But this place is haunted. This place is haunted as hell and apparently figures “dance amongst the rocks.” Do you like seeing that? Do you like seeing dancing ghosts as you try to sleep? If the answer is yes, then you should stay here. As for me, I’m fine. I’m fine with not seeing those.
Catwaba Murder Hole
So, you are interested in going somewhere called a Murder Hole, are you? What’re you, insane? This place literally is called two of the worst words. It combines both “murder” and “hole,” and these are two things that are bad on their own (murder is dying and hole is something you can fall into, therefore murder hole is: something you fall into and die. I’m assuming*).
*Author’s Note: This writer’s assumptions are almost always wrong.
*Editor’s Note: “Author’s Note” is not a typo. The above note is actually from the writer, not me. For the record, I, the editor, also always assume her assumptions are wrong, as well.
The Great Wall of China
Pass. Too long. The wall is too long. Too hard. No thanks. Very pretty. But, no, I don’t think so.
You have to take a plane, then a helicopter, and then a dogsled to get here. Look, it’s lovely. But, good lord. Too much effort. What part of Greenland can I just take one plane to? Oh, most of the other places? Great. I will do that.
There’s a church built on top of an extremely tall rock and it is breathtaking as hell. I mean look at this! Who wouldn’t want to go there? Oh, it’s 40 meters tall and requires climbing a 131-foot ladder to get up there? Okay, me. I don’t want to go there. I’m not climbing up that long ladder. I’m sure the ladder is sturdy and trustworthy! But here’s the thing: I’m not. I’m not sturdy or trustworthy. I’ll fall right off of that thing. I will visit a church closer to the ground while looking at a picture of this one.
Leaning Tower of Pisa
You know what, I’m just going to say it: One day this thing is going to fall the hell down, and I do not want to be there for that. Buildings are not supposed to lean. I don’t care how famous they are.
Book a Hotel
Dering Wood aka The Screaming Woods
WHERE: Great Britain
Jesus Christ, now you want to go somewhere called “The Screaming Woods?” You are too much for me. You know what doesn’t scream? Most other woods. Blah blah, this place holds the title of Britain’s “most haunted village” and there’s a legend of a guy getting stabbed with a sword, and, you know what, you are on your own with this one–I’m out of here.
The Whole City of San Francisco
Man, this whole place is steep hills that are also streets. You gotta park your car on a steep street, you gotta walk up a steep street. I’m tired! Leave me alone! I don’t want to do this!
The Doorway to Hell
The Karakum desert is home to the doorway to hell. No, but like, it’s actually called that. It’s a natural gas crater that has been burning for over 40 years, and it’s… well, look at it. It’s cool. So, if you are looking to visit hell, the doorway is here, but I’m sure you can find an easier route than traveling all the way to Turkmenistan. It’s nice, though. Soothing, really. Really, just like looking in a mirror. No? Just me?
Tiger’s Nest Monastery
Hot dang, this place is beautiful! Look at it. It’s (arguably? Let’s argue about this) the most incredible Buddhist monastery in the whole world. Imagine the views out of this place! Can’t you just see it? Okay, so now imagine making a 3000-foot climb to get to those views. Dang. Another thing that I have to climb? Wait, but there’s more! It’s ALSO a climb through extremely narrow passageways and unstable bridges. Also, it’s perched atop a cliff. How’s it staying up there????
Listen, I don’t know anything about how buildings are made, but it’s my belief that if something is sitting on a cliff, it might someday just fall off of it. I also know that cliffs are up high and if something (or someone [me]) falls off of one, they’ll … well, they’ll die. I don’t want to do that!
This Tree That Is Parasitically Growing Out of Another Tree
What is this. This tree (trees????) is causing me so much emotional distress. This is a fully grown cherry tree growing directly out of AND ON TOP OF an also fully grown mulberry tree. This isn’t totally uncommon, but usually the parasitic trees are small and DON’T LIVE THIS LONG. So, I guess my question is: The HELL is this? Its countryside location isn’t hard to get to or anything–this tree is just really stressing me out.
This place is home to a lightning storm that occurs every single night. This is literally always happening nightly here. And nobody knows why. Nobody knows why there are nightly lightning storms. Scientists thought they knew and then they were like, “Nevermind. We don’t know. Could be the shape of the mountains combined with … methane … and a bunch of other things. Whatever. Anyways, see ya.”
Any Street With Vehicles on It in Ho Chi Minh City
Rush hour in Ho Chi Minh is always, and most people zip around on motorbikes. Frankly, the motorbike traffic here is downright frightening, and everybody seems to follow by one rule and one rule alone: do whatever you want, whenever you want (just don’t hit anybody). The red lights here don’t even mean you have to stop–they’re just a suggestion.
I was told recently by a friend who traveled to Vietnam that you are instructed to cross the street by “just closing your eyes and start walking at a steady pace” because then the motorcyclists can “judge where you’ll be.” Hmm, no. I don’t think so, no. You know what? I’m never going anywhere again, actually.
WHERE: The Sea
Honestly I get that cruise ships are nice and meant to be stress-free and luxurious, blah, blah, blah. It’s the people who stress me out on the cruise ships. There are too many of them on there with me. Do not want to be stuck at sea on a large boat, even if it is a rich one, with that many people. The fact is, you are still at sea (unpredictable, very deep) and you are stuck there with many people. If I’m going to be in a large building with that many people, I want to be able to leave it whenever I please (i.e. on land). Goodbye.