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My daughter and I were on the way to NYC and talking to each other, having a good time. A miserable beeaaatch was sitting in front of me and kept turning around as if to say, "Shut the @%$ up!"
I was enjoying my teenager and we were not being loud, just talking about school and stuff. And my daughter does not say "like" and "really" all the time so I don't know what the problem was... anyhoo, I got tired of her tired $@% and pulled out this face spray I use when I feel all wrinkly and dried up. I pretended to start sniffing and suddenly fake sneezed as I sprayed the rosewater in the air above the seat.
It was so funny! We laughed until we cried.
Not sure which was better, that one or when we put a remote control fart machine in a 777 bulkhead pocket (next to the bathroom and the line that formed) and set it off at the best possible time.
It was so funny!

I'm going to go out on a limb and say the above was a facetious post. In which, very funny. Otherwise.......hmmmmmmm

Wellll, I remember the earthy couple who sat next to me on a flight from Seattle to Honolulu. Strange because I was on the aisle of the wide middle row, and no one else sat there except the three of us(she was right next to me). Blanket comes out before takeoff, he disappears under the blanket, and my husband starts laughing, which didn't help my poker faced attempt to appear oblivious. Unfortunatley for them, I was high maintenance, so I brought out the Hermes, and began to freshen the air surrounding us. They moved after a few minutes, but still, I felt like a voyeur in an amateur porn flick. Sorry if I offended anyone with this, it was just bizarre first thing in the morning before my coffee had kicked in,lol.

I'll tell a very short version of my friend's latest SW Airlines fiasco: Plane totally full. Friend by window. Guy takes the middle seat who is so large that he can't sit down without moving both armrests. Plane is delayed on the ground for an hour. It's hot. By the end of the flight, friend's pant leg is SOAKED with the guy's sweat.

I thought Southwest was now forcing the obese to buy 2 tickets for 2 seats! A mighty overdue policy I might add....what happened?

On the other hand . . . Many years ago Husband, 2YearOld and I fly USAir to Florida. We vacation for a few days and then Husband stays on for business. 2YearOld and I are to fly home. At the airport I find that 2YearOld and I are seated several rows apart. Staff says they cannot make seating changes, but I am welcome to ask my fellow passengers to switch. And, they add helpfully, I might trying giving 2YearOld chocolate ice cream and not quite wiping him clean afterwards to help make my case.

Return flight (overnight) from Kona to LAX, 757 with 3-3 configuration. I had the window seat. I have to meet friends in LA, so I need to sleep on the plane. The flight was maybe 1/2 full. A guy comes and sits in the center seat and starts talking to me. Sure enough, he is a nervous flyer. I suggested that he might want to take the aisle seat so we can both stretch out a little more, and he says he doesn't want to move. Ugh. So, I try to sleep with the idiot next to me jabbering away all night. Of course, I barely do, and I am worthless when I meet my friends in LA.

ChristieP -- you could have politely told him you didn't want to talk and would like to try to get some sleep and then turn away from him toward the window. If the flight was only 1/2 full and he didn't stop talking, YOU could have moved. That's what I would have considered doing.

AeroMexico, years ago, I think this counts. My husbands first flight, we were going to Cancun. In Atlanta, the plane is having mechanical probs so they put us up in a hotel with the vouchers, you know, for the night. After leaving the bar that night, we get into the elevator with 4 extremely intoxicated men and women. The girls were dressed like hookers, they were all totally sloshed, the men all over them. My DH and I made a comment about how they would feel in the morning.

Imagine our surprise when the next morning they were our pilots and flight attendants!
I'm surprised DH even got on the plane.

My return flight from Tampa on NW, a year ago in June. I had the aisle seat, and when I boarded the plane, an elderly gentleman was in the seat, and another man was in the window seat. I could tell the older man was somewhat ill, so I agreed to take the middle seat. He started throwing up before the plane was completely boarded. He was traveling to bury his newly-deceased wife in Detroit. I think the stress of the situation was just too much for him. He proceeded to throw up, mostly all over himself, throughout the entire flight. As you can imagine, the smell was terrible. The FA's were aware of the situation and were filling out incident reports, etc. The flight was so crowded I couldn't move.

I felt badly for the guy and told him it was okay when he (repeatedly) apoligized, and offered him gum and candy. I was surprised that the airline let him fly, and also somewhat surprised that there was no offer of compensation to those of us who had a front row view of the situation.

The staff knew full well that this man was ill before the plane took off--I just think they should have taken him off the flight. Fortunately I'm not that paranoid about getting sick. The guy next to me (window seat) said at baggage claim, "You have a strong stomach, are you a nurse?" I told him no, but I'd bartended for years. That's good training for watching people puke!

jbmonts, for what it is worth, the flight crew now has the "12 hour Rule". They cannot drink alcohol within 12 hours of any flight or risk losing their job.

They can be randomly breathalized at the request of anyone but routinely done so by the airline.

I was flying NWA from Detroit to Manchester, NH, one day when the plane actually caught on fire. The A/C units went in flames about 10 minutes after take-off, and they had to, obviously, turn around for an emergency landing.

We were stuck at the airport for four hours, they tried to put the passengers back on the original plane that caught fire (smoke was visible, smelled in the cabin) and only gave us a $5 coupon for airport restaurants.

I will never, ever, ever fly NWA again.

These are too funny! I too remember the old thread. I dont remember the airline or where we were going but my young daughter was in the window seat when a bare foot came through the seat and rested itself on the armrest! That is apparently how they were going to stretch out! My husband rolled up an inflight magazine and swatted the offending appendage into retreat. Unbelievable! Then on a adults only anniversary trip to Miami and then cruise my husband and I were seated next to an unaccompanied minor who was flying to visit Grandpa in Miami. His parents decided to fill his backpack with candy and the lad proceeded to bounce off proverbial walls! The passengers in the seat in front of us kept turning around and giving us dirty looks. We did explain he was not our kid. FA's kind of expected us to take care of him I think.

And then there's the serial farter....

TxTravelPro: OK, I can't resist. Where can I buy a remote control fart machine?

Donna

Fart machines can be found on eBay, Spencer Gifts or Kaybee Toys (in many malls)and at stores that sell magic tricks/supplies.
They are great fun. I have never seen a simple little toy bring more adults to tears from laughing so hard.
Juvenile? Yep, but what the heck.

I just re-read this thread. Had never read it completely before. Realized "Suzie" must have been sitting behind me last week. For the 1st 30 minutes, she continually pounded the back of my seat with her feet. "Dad" was next to her and "Mom" was across the aisle, but obviously didn't notice or care. I never said anything, only relined my seat back as far as it would go. After half an hour, the pounding stopped. Shortly, the FA started up the aisle from the back with the drink cart. Just before she got to my row, there was a slight bump, the sound of the ice cube bag falling to the floor, and a quiet "Oh, shit!" The FA had rolled over "Suzie's" shoes, that were sitting out in the aisle.

By the way, mlarson and dbenya, I love the doll and the chocolate baby ideas. Those are priceless!

Donna

Regarding lightfoot's "foot" story. Made me think about a man on the train from Vancouver to Seattle last week. I was walking to the dining car to get a hot dog, and passed by this obese gentleman, stretched out on four seats. Actually, he was sitting on two seats, and his legs (with pants rolled half-way up) and bare feet were on two other seats. Didn't do much for my appetite!

Donna

The next time a child kicks you or your seat. Reach around and GRAB the kids leg. HOLD IT and tell the brat that you will not let go until he/she quits kicking. Continue to do this. One of two things will happen. (A) Mom will have a fit which will allow you to ask her to control the brat! (As my friend once told a parent, "If you could control her, I wouldn't have to" (B) the child will be traumatized and behave for a few minutes.