Why Does My Family Always Do This To Me?
 

They did it again! I asked my sister if she and her 2 little boys wanted to split a beach rental with me and my son. Now she says she invited my teenage niece to stay also. She says she'll call and tell her it was a mistake if it's not okay with me. Well, it's not okay with me. It's a very small condo and there won't be a bed for her. I don't want to put my son on the floor. It's not likely my niece will be traveling alone either.

So now I get to be the bad guy and say no to my very sweet niece. Does this normally happen when people split vacation rentals? I mean someone inviting more people w/o checking. How do you handle it?

Yes, it happens more than it should.
When I asked my husband how to avoid these problems, he said Don't do it. :)
I have found that it is rare when you include other people in your plans, that everything goes smoothly.
We quit doing that years ago when we had a beach house.
Good luck with things..

I think if your family always does this to you, you might reconsider offering to vacation with them.

Our family has opted to stay at motels when we vacation together and each family makes its own arrangements. That way, we are all independent of each other and can see each other as much (or as little) as we please.

I think you can tell your sister that there won't be a bed for your niece and your sister can decide which member of her family will sleep on the floor (or she can disinvite your niece.)

Kingfisherqueen, family often makes YOU the bad guy over these kinds of issues unless you are up front with a absolute numbers allowed type of "clause" before outings or vacations are barely initiated. IMHO, coming from a big family, it's just the way it needs to work.

And you happen to be doing this condo rental only once and didn't know that. You don't want to hear my past tales of who is coming to the lake house this time. My grandkids started to bring their cousins without asking. Not anymore.

I don't mind that they come or bring company, but I will decide who is to be asked first before they are asked- so that I have total numbers BEFORE the fact. That's just the way it works. That's why you have to have ground rules, IMHO, for even the simplest group rentals or weekend stays when you are the initiator.

People just assume too much because they are family- and talk before they think. The initiator and reality organizer most often has to be bad guy.
That's why it seldom becomes a cherished role.

If you <b>allow</b> your sister to make you the &quot;bad guy&quot; in this then you need major help.

Your sister is the person who made the &quot;unauthorized&quot; invite, not you. I would tell her in no uncertain terms that you expect her to apologize to your niece and to also make sure she knows that there is not enough room and that your sister made a mistake.

If you don't do this then why would anyone have any sympathy for you..time to take a stand and not be in any way, shape, or form passive aggressive.

Say definately not as we don't have the room but maybe she could make a day visit later.

&quot;Now she says she invited my teenage niece to stay also. She says she'll call and tell her it was a mistake if it's not okay with me.&quot;

Your sister has offered to make the call, so of course you should let her do the &quot;dirty work.&quot; I hope both of them learn a lesson about extending inviations.

Tell your sister that it is perfectly fine that she asked the teenage niece to stay.

Tell her you went ahead and booked the larger condo and how does she want to pay you for the additional $1000 the larger condo cost by cash or check?

I wonder how your niece feels. If I were her at her age I would feel like the unwanted black sheep of the family. I bet that your sister does not want her teenage daughter home alone (if there is not a father or grandparent around). I think that if you can not include all four of them and just three you should not invite any of them. Go ahead and blast me for saying this but I think You are being inconsiderate. I'm sure your sister has a completely different view of this situation.

Jorr, I'm afraid I didn't make myself clear enough. My niece belongs to one of my brothers. She's not my sister's daughter. Gosh, that would be inconsiderate and kind of mean.

Definitely nip it in the bud now! We had that happen once. The house had been reserved for a year, and when the time neared, family forgot about their exchange student. We were over the limit by one, but it worked out with the owners. Since the niece might have a companion, definitely nip it now so you are not scrambling at the last minute. I have learned that if you stay firm, but nice, it tends to stop these things. Once you allow yourself to get walked on...it sets a bad precedent.

I don't understand why people feel they have the authority &amp; right to invite people when they have been invited somewhere...Let her make the call, after all, it is her mistake. I'd probably have some reservations about extending invitations to her going forward as well. That is just plain inconsiderate.

You should ask Abby.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. It is the most popular and widely syndicated column in the world -- known for its uncommon common sense and youthful perspective.

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/

You wrote &quot;Why Does My Family <b>Always</b> Do This To Me?&quot; - why do you keep doing this to yourself?

Was she thinking the teenage niece would be a baby sitter?

Regardless, if you don't want the niece, let your sister do the dis-inviting, or let her know that finding sleeping accomodations for the girl are her responsibility. AND her transportation and supervision and pocket money and television needs and kitchen needs and clothing issues....

Dear Abby vs. Fodorites? Not even a contest. You guys are awesome.

I was just thinking the same thing. I wonder if your sister was thinking &quot;babysitter&quot;.

What about letting her bring a sleeping bag and sleeping on the floor (with or without a friend)? I guess I would just say, the more the merrier.

I am with Cat... I am pretty relaxed about this kind of stuff. We even have the great aerobeds that have sleeping bags attached.
Now the thing that bothers me is that you say the NIECE would also invite someone.
Now that is just a little too much extra invitin' if you ask me... and you did.
But, I have had 3 or 4 extra tag-a-longs and made some awesome memories.
I remember 20 years ago at a tiny lake house once, there were 8 adults and 11 children.
We made a pallet (sp?) on the floor and all the kids slept there... 6 adults fit in the 3 beds and 2 had to sleep in a car. But we had so much fun... being together.

I agree with catbert and TxTravelPro. Your kid (assuming he's under let's say 14) won't mind sleeping on the floor - with his cousins, it'll be like camping out (especially if you convey a sense of adventure when informing him). My kids love seeing their cousins, and all the &quot;roughing it&quot; that comes with it. And the niece will be the builtin babysitter!

P.S. My answer would be totally different if this were adults, or older teens, but it's different with kids.

I agree, since your sis issued the invite, she should take responsibility for the sleeping arrangements, or disinvite the sweet niece without mentioning your preference.

Good luck! You know your sis best.

What's the max. allowed in the condo?

I like gotravel's answer - more people = bigger place @ sis's additional expense. No guilt, no tears and plenty of room for all. She'll either go for it or clean up her act for next time.