Ally

Well, I've never been accused of having 'bad etiquette' before. I like Leona's explanation much better, thank you very much!
THAT I can understand and agree with.

Cats_Do_Dance

Leona you explained it best of all!

Barbara

Ally, I didn't accuse you of anything. I replied to your question: "is it an age thing"? It is not.

Leona, Cats_Do_Dance and I all have the same opinion and clearly we are on the same page.

Lee4

My husband and I are in our 30's and like many others on this thread, we pay our own way when going out with friends. It's been this way as long as I can remember--I guess since high school and college, it's been common to go out with friends but everyone went dutch (unless on a date).

When we're invited to someone else's home to eat, we offer to bring something and often do if the hostess agrees. When we host friends at our house, we usually provide all the food and drinks, although there are some friends where it's common for them to bring dessert (and vice versa when I go their house). I can't even remember a time when the question of "what can I bring?" hasn't been discussed. I really don't think this is unusual at all.

As for AnnaR and the original discussion, she and her family were put in a delicate situation b/c they did not invite the 14 year old friend along--he invited himself. I still feel like they were under no obligation to pay for his part of the trip. Actually, I think his parents should have been upset with him for inviting himself and should have put a stop to that right away. It's too bad that some parents don't stop rude behaviors--even if the child doesn't realize it's rude/bad manners, the parents should and should teach their children what's appropriate and what's not.

shaz60

I am glad that AnnaR's problem was resolved so conveniently. I realize that this child invited himself however the person in charge can certainly say "I'm sorry, we won't be able to have you with us this trip". If there is a requirement to bring everyone along, I will definitely start hanging out with some higher end traveling companions. In regards to "invite"-get-together questions, we have a couple who we usually go out with. They came over last weekend and said, "C'mon let's go to the North End and get some dinner." They paid. We went for drinks afterward and took turns paying. The last time we went out to eat, we wanted to go to a certain restaurant and asked them along. We paid. This is casual and not set in stone but it works for us and them. We have gone out with another couple to a place where they don't provide separate checks. They wanted to split the bill down to who had the blue cheese dressing (35 cents extra). We don't go out with them anymore but instead invite them over for cards and munchies because we are uncomfortable operating that way. I guess I believe that whoever opens their mouth first, should put their foot.....er....wallet in it.

shaz60

One more comment on the invite thing. When it comes to our children, who range from early twenties to preteens, the exact reverse correlary is true. My husband is affectionately ? referred to as "the Wallet". Here's the conversation - Daughter 1 - "Want to go get some pizza or something?" Daughter 2 - "Sure let's call the other kids" Daughter 1 - "Well if we're all going let's invite Mom and the Wallet."

Cats_Do_Dance

>>>If there is a requirement to bring everyone along, I will definitely start hanging out with some higher end traveling companions.<<<<

Hmmmmmmm. Maybe, just maybe? Nah!

ITA that AnnaR was put in a very delicate position. Following the restaurant line of reason, it was as if AnnaR and her husband were enjoying an evening out, their neighbor spotted them and said neighbor suddenly sat down and started ordering. I'm sure if that happened to any of us, we would be in shock before reason took over. AnnaR probably wanted to be polite and didn't know what to do. Luckily for her, the boy didn't want to come. But if the boy had insisted, AnnaR was well within her rights to decline the - I don't know what to call it - request?

questionmotives

Ally, Cat & Lee, you all seem to have the same set of expectations that we do about socializing. Perhaps it's not just age, but region as well? I'm originally from California and things just operated that way as long as I can remember. Maybe it's just more casual and informal in some areas of the country than others -- let's get together for dinner kind of thing, not will you be my guest for dinner. I like it this way, we get to see and do things with friends much more often, even if it's just chips and DVD watching, lol.

Rosemary1

I didn't take a look at this thread until today and I read a lot but not all of it.

Doesn't anyone else feel (after the amount of response here) a little disappointed that the kid isn't going afterall?

I'm certainly glad it all worked out, but geesh, tons of advice for a 1 sentence note saying basically, oh never mind, he's not going?

I'm rather glad I didn't read it until today, and even more glad I didn't bother offering advice had I read it to begin with.

Just curious.

Happy Travels!

cfc

It's not AnnaR's fault the kid changed his mind ... and at least she let us know how the story came out! Lord knows, kids change their mind all the time. And even if he had a little "help" changing his mind from his parents or Anna's son, it's just as well he didn't go if he was iffy on the idea to begin with. In the meantime, I think it's an interesting sort of question and one of the few I've rarely seen before on this forum.

kikahead

Nope, in fact I think it is great that she decided to let us know what was happening at all. I would much rather see tons of advice given that is not able to be used in a situation then not to know the result.

jacketwatch

No sweat. She could have have predicted this and it was nice of her to let people in on that, very considerate in fact.

jacketwatch

Sorry, I meant she could NOT have predicted this.

Cats_Do_Dance

I think this thread was a wonderful example of the type of travel questions a message board is so valuable for. Fodors guide books don't hold the answers for this sort of travel information. The Fodors boards do.

A quick search on "travel companions" shows the importance of everybody being on the same page on vacation. I'm happy for AnnaR and her family that things worked out the way it did. I can't imagine the bad feelings that might had occured AnnaR felt an obligation to help pay for this boy expenses only to watch the boy be miserable most of the trip.

Lee4

I agree with Cats Do Dance--this is a great topic for this board and actually very helpful. Whether we're talking travel or everyday life, the question of money (and how it's being spent) always comes up. I think the input given on this topic is helpful for lots of fodorites!

questionmotives--I've lived in the South all of my life and just figured that paying our own way was a "Southern" thing. I guess y'all in California do the dutch thing too! I wondered if some of this was generational--whenever my grandparents went to dinner with us, my grandfather always wanted to pay (maybe that was b/c we were newlyweds??).

Rosemary1

I didn't mean to sound so harsh. I was just frustrated after all the replies that the kid flaked out. Though I'm sure it's for the best!

Happy Travels!