Who pays for teenage son's friend?
Jun 23rd, 2004, 02:43 PM
#1
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Who pays for teenage son's friend?
Wondering how others have handled expenses of invited friends. Son's friend has asked to join us on a two week road trip. We will be going on a road trip to Grand Canyon & Vegas from Mi. How do you determine how much to ask him to bring? Should he carry his own money (he's 14)? Do we have to keep a journal of expenses for him? While it will be more fun for my son with someone to do things with I don't want to add the expenses of another person to our already tight budget. Thanks for you help!
Jun 23rd, 2004, 02:48 PM
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Since the young man has invited himself, he should be responsible for all of his own meals, lodging, activities.
If you choose to pay for something along the way, that's your option -- but you should not be _expected_ to carry any additional monetary burden.
How he handles his $$ should be the responsibility of his parents. One suggestion (from a "retired" parent of now-grown sons) -- make sure he has the money _with_ him. No guarantee that the parents would reimburse you after the fact...
If you choose to pay for something along the way, that's your option -- but you should not be _expected_ to carry any additional monetary burden.
How he handles his $$ should be the responsibility of his parents. One suggestion (from a "retired" parent of now-grown sons) -- make sure he has the money _with_ him. No guarantee that the parents would reimburse you after the fact...
Jun 23rd, 2004, 02:51 PM
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Speak to the parents. You'll need to anyway for his hospitalization card and 'permission to treat' letter, etc.
Tell them his expenses could be a couple hundred dollars plus his spending money. Then you pay for everything-so you are not splitting checks, etc.
Parents should be happy.
Tell them his expenses could be a couple hundred dollars plus his spending money. Then you pay for everything-so you are not splitting checks, etc.
Parents should be happy.
Jun 23rd, 2004, 02:52 PM
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I agree that he should be responsible for his meals and activities but even if he asked to join you, as a kid,you are essentially inviting him if you choose. You should be responsible for his lodging, unless of course he will require a separate room from your family.
Jun 23rd, 2004, 03:06 PM
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When we invited a friend of our then 14-year old son on a road trip a few years ago, we footed almost the entire bill (except for spending money), even though it meant an extra room for the boys. We thought it worth it just for the added enjoyment for our son in having his friend along. But, in our case, we did the inviting.
In your case, since your son's friend invited himself, speak to his parents; let them know he's welcome to come along, but make it clear what you expect them/him to pay for. You know that you will benefit by having him along, so that should be worth something to you in terms of meals, etc.
In your case, since your son's friend invited himself, speak to his parents; let them know he's welcome to come along, but make it clear what you expect them/him to pay for. You know that you will benefit by having him along, so that should be worth something to you in terms of meals, etc.
Jun 23rd, 2004, 03:24 PM
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I agree with DawnCt that I would pay for this young man's lodging if I allowed him to accompany my family. But I do think he should help pay for meals and admission to any museums, parks, etc. during the trip. Sounds like a lot of fun for your son to have a friend along!
Jun 24th, 2004, 05:59 AM
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I also like the idea of determinining what his expenses, including the sites that you want to visit will be so you don't have the awkwardness of saying at each meal and activity, "Johnny, your part of the bill is....". He should carry is own personal spending money for soda, snacks, tee shirts, etc but you should carry his expense money and get that ahead of time from the parents.
Jun 24th, 2004, 06:27 AM
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You really need to speak with his parents and explain that while you'd love to host their son, this trip wouldn't be possible if it weren't for the extremely tight budget you are on.
If you cannot afford to pay for the extra kids meals and activities, tell the parents. I know I would.
Good luck and I hope it works out for you!
If you cannot afford to pay for the extra kids meals and activities, tell the parents. I know I would.
Good luck and I hope it works out for you!
Jun 24th, 2004, 06:40 AM
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Below is my experience on this subject but first a question: If I take a niece or nephew on vacation and I invite them, is it different?
Several years ago our son was invited on a trip with a friend to Pigeon Forge and area. I think he was about 10-11 years old. We gave the parents an agreed upon amount (I think it was $200). There were no extra rooms needed as it was just the 2 boys. My son also had some pocket money for souveniers, etc. but mostly it came from the money we had provided. There was no splitting of the checks. When they got back, I asked several times if I had covered it financially and was assured that all was square.
I believe there would be a difference at age 14 but mostly in how much cash the teen would carry on his own.
Several years ago our son was invited on a trip with a friend to Pigeon Forge and area. I think he was about 10-11 years old. We gave the parents an agreed upon amount (I think it was $200). There were no extra rooms needed as it was just the 2 boys. My son also had some pocket money for souveniers, etc. but mostly it came from the money we had provided. There was no splitting of the checks. When they got back, I asked several times if I had covered it financially and was assured that all was square.
I believe there would be a difference at age 14 but mostly in how much cash the teen would carry on his own.
Jun 24th, 2004, 07:20 AM
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The "Johnny, your part of the bill is...." thing could be really uncomfortable for him and everyone else if done day after day - would make him feel like an outsider/poor relative.
If you'd really like to have him come along but really don't have the extra funds for him in your budget, tell his family that and then try to guestimate a per diem for food (I'm guessing $15-25) plus 1/2 of whatever you're spending per night for your son (if in a second room, 1/2 the rate for the room; if in the same room with you, 1/4 of the rate) and maybe collect some or all at end of the trip (in case there are unexpected changes), but have him bring along a per diem for incidentals ($10/day or...?). If you know you'll be paying admission fees to sights, figure that into the food/lodging perdiem, maybe.
Because he's going to make the trip a LOT more fun for your son (and more memorable), I'd err on the generous side -- in other words, underestimate what the friend "cost" you because his company is going to be worth a lot. You could even tell him and his parents that you'll pay for X or Y major expense (tickets to something) as your gift to him.
If you'd really like to have him come along but really don't have the extra funds for him in your budget, tell his family that and then try to guestimate a per diem for food (I'm guessing $15-25) plus 1/2 of whatever you're spending per night for your son (if in a second room, 1/2 the rate for the room; if in the same room with you, 1/4 of the rate) and maybe collect some or all at end of the trip (in case there are unexpected changes), but have him bring along a per diem for incidentals ($10/day or...?). If you know you'll be paying admission fees to sights, figure that into the food/lodging perdiem, maybe.
Because he's going to make the trip a LOT more fun for your son (and more memorable), I'd err on the generous side -- in other words, underestimate what the friend "cost" you because his company is going to be worth a lot. You could even tell him and his parents that you'll pay for X or Y major expense (tickets to something) as your gift to him.
Jun 24th, 2004, 07:26 AM
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Wouldn't charge him 1/4 of room if you're all 4 in the same room; you would have had to pay the same amount even if he weren't with you.
Otherwise, not a bad idea to estimate ahead of time what it might cost per day to have him along. An easy way to come up with a flat rate to cover the whole trip, which is the kindest to everyone.
Otherwise, not a bad idea to estimate ahead of time what it might cost per day to have him along. An easy way to come up with a flat rate to cover the whole trip, which is the kindest to everyone.
Jun 24th, 2004, 07:29 AM
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ITA with being upfront immediately about expenses. Years back, we took a friend for my daughter on two different vacations. Although we did the inviting, we immediately told the girl's parents we would pay for everything except personal spending money and a phone card. We also explained pretty much what we planned on doing on vacation and if certain clothes were required (i.e, a dressier outfit for a couple of dinners). This worked out well.
In your case, since the boy invited himself and I would expect him to pay for food, personal expenses and any long distance phone calls he might want to make to his parents. IMO, you should take care of lodging. I don't know if I would take care of the boy's money, the friend we took along was much younger than 14 and she handled her own cash. Of course, the parents could also give you a lump amount now and in that case, I would keep a journal of any additional expenses.
However, the sooner you discuss the finances involved with this trip with the boy's parents, the better off you'll be, IMNSHO. I think the longer you put off this matter, the more the boy's family might start to believe you're picking up the entire tab. Once that mindset gets into play, it might be very hard telling them "No, here's your share."
I also totally agree that if having an extra person along really puts a cramp in your already tight budget, the best thing to do is be honest and tell the boy thanks, we'll keep you in mind for next year, but this year, it's impossible.
Good Luck!
In your case, since the boy invited himself and I would expect him to pay for food, personal expenses and any long distance phone calls he might want to make to his parents. IMO, you should take care of lodging. I don't know if I would take care of the boy's money, the friend we took along was much younger than 14 and she handled her own cash. Of course, the parents could also give you a lump amount now and in that case, I would keep a journal of any additional expenses.
However, the sooner you discuss the finances involved with this trip with the boy's parents, the better off you'll be, IMNSHO. I think the longer you put off this matter, the more the boy's family might start to believe you're picking up the entire tab. Once that mindset gets into play, it might be very hard telling them "No, here's your share."
I also totally agree that if having an extra person along really puts a cramp in your already tight budget, the best thing to do is be honest and tell the boy thanks, we'll keep you in mind for next year, but this year, it's impossible.
Good Luck!
Jun 24th, 2004, 07:34 AM
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Another idea - The parents could give you the food and activity money, and you deduct the amount each time some is needed. If there is any left at the end of the trip, give it back to them. They can give their son a certain amount to carry himself for incedentals like gifts.
There is no harm in telling the parents that you'd love to have their some come with, but that you are on a tight budget.
I recently returned from a very short trip with my daughter and 3 of her friends. It was clear that I'd pay for the room but they had to pay for their own food and shopping. Otherwise, I could never afford it.
There is no harm in telling the parents that you'd love to have their some come with, but that you are on a tight budget.
I recently returned from a very short trip with my daughter and 3 of her friends. It was clear that I'd pay for the room but they had to pay for their own food and shopping. Otherwise, I could never afford it.
Jun 24th, 2004, 07:48 AM
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After I posted my reply above and have been reading others, I got to thinking. A common thread here is for you to approach the boys parents. What occurs to me is......
Why haven't this boys parents contacted you? If he was my kid, I would have been on top of this immediately. It is time for everybody to have hot dogs and pop in the back yard and chat. Perhaps they have already done this, in which case I withdraw my objection.
Why haven't this boys parents contacted you? If he was my kid, I would have been on top of this immediately. It is time for everybody to have hot dogs and pop in the back yard and chat. Perhaps they have already done this, in which case I withdraw my objection.
Jun 24th, 2004, 08:11 AM
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Great point, Placeu2! There is the possiblity the son's friend simply thinks this is a neat vacation and asked himself along with even informing his parents! OR maybe the boy told his parents he was invited and the parents believe this is an all expense trip.
Yeap, it's time for both sets of parents to sit down and talk (and likewise, forgive me if this has already occured and both sides are simply trying to get a handle on finances).
Yeap, it's time for both sets of parents to sit down and talk (and likewise, forgive me if this has already occured and both sides are simply trying to get a handle on finances).
Jun 24th, 2004, 08:14 AM
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We are taking a friend of our daughter's along with us on our trip to California in July. I have asked her mom for $50/day to cover her food and a small part of her lodging expenses. We are getting the girls their own room, which we wouldn't do if it was just the 3 of us. But that is our choice, and I'm not asking them to pay for half of the room cost. She will provide her own spending money. I think it would be a big hassle to discuss money every time we eat or go to an attraction. Yes, we are spending more than we would without her, but our daughter will have a lot more fun with her along, so it will be worth it! 
Jun 24th, 2004, 08:20 AM
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Placeu2 brings up an interesting point regarding nieces/nephews. Who pays for what? We invite our niece to spend time with us in the summer, and we've paid for everything, except for things she bought for herself with her own spending money.
The first time she stayed with us, however, her parents asked us to keep her. Since we already had an out-of-town trip planned, we took her along. We didn't mind this (it was fun having her along), but I did think it was odd that her parents never offered to pay for anything or give us any money to use for her. Again, they were the ones who asked us to keep her (and were told we'd had a trip planned that we couldn't cancel b/c of priceline)
For the past few years, we've invited her stay with us and we pay for everything--and expect to. We usually stay in town so it's not like we're spending huge amounts of money. Her parents still don't send money with her or offer to give us money for any of her expenses (and I'm sure they have no reason to since we've never mentioned it). It's somewhat odd to me b/c my parents always left money with an adult if I were staying somewhere without them, especially if they knew any outings were planned that had admission fees. This isn't my "side" of the family, so I don't feel it's my place to address this (and I also know that it's not a financial hardship on us and I love having her with us). One other adult sibling in the family has mentioned the cost involved, though, and won't be keeping the niece this year b/c of that.
The first time she stayed with us, however, her parents asked us to keep her. Since we already had an out-of-town trip planned, we took her along. We didn't mind this (it was fun having her along), but I did think it was odd that her parents never offered to pay for anything or give us any money to use for her. Again, they were the ones who asked us to keep her (and were told we'd had a trip planned that we couldn't cancel b/c of priceline)
For the past few years, we've invited her stay with us and we pay for everything--and expect to. We usually stay in town so it's not like we're spending huge amounts of money. Her parents still don't send money with her or offer to give us money for any of her expenses (and I'm sure they have no reason to since we've never mentioned it). It's somewhat odd to me b/c my parents always left money with an adult if I were staying somewhere without them, especially if they knew any outings were planned that had admission fees. This isn't my "side" of the family, so I don't feel it's my place to address this (and I also know that it's not a financial hardship on us and I love having her with us). One other adult sibling in the family has mentioned the cost involved, though, and won't be keeping the niece this year b/c of that.
Jun 24th, 2004, 08:33 AM
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Thaks so much for all the suggestions. I don't plan on asking for lodging expenses but certainly need activities money. Last year my son and I did water rafting and a helicoper ride over Mt Rushmore, and food and snacks can get expensive! I planned on speaking with the parents but I wasn't sure on how to come up with a figure to suggest for 2 weeks. $50 a day might be about right, some days would be more some less and I do anticipate having to pay for some. Like someone said it's worth it to have someone for my son. I didn't go on that helicopter ride for me! ^0^
Jun 24th, 2004, 08:36 AM
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Lee4, this is exactly why we immediately brought up the subject of money when we took a friend to join my daughter on vacation. We were footing the bill, but we wanted to make this clear from the beginning. I think people have a very hard time discussing money, period, and when it isn't little resentments at times can build. One family might think "Why are they asking us for money, THEY have enough to pay for it". At other times, the family on tight budget can be thinking to themselves of all the things they could be doing if they weren't shelling out cash for this other person. Better to put your cards on the tables ASAP so that both sides know what the deal is.
I also truly, truly believe that - while it might be nice for AnnaR's son to have a friend with him - if AnnaR's family really can't afford an extra person, a simple thanks, but no thanks is totally acceptable for them to say.
I also truly, truly believe that - while it might be nice for AnnaR's son to have a friend with him - if AnnaR's family really can't afford an extra person, a simple thanks, but no thanks is totally acceptable for them to say.
Jun 24th, 2004, 08:45 AM
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AnnaR - glad you're happy to have a friend along with your son! I hope I didn't sound harsh when I suggested if it was too much for you, to nix the idea. I just believe sometimes we can find ourselves in a bind moneywise and that it's okay to "Just Say No".
I also think this has been a wonderful discussion for all on how DO you handle money issues when bringing an extra person under different circumstances (inviting the person yourself vs the person asking to come along for the ride).
Have fun on your vacation!
I also think this has been a wonderful discussion for all on how DO you handle money issues when bringing an extra person under different circumstances (inviting the person yourself vs the person asking to come along for the ride).
Have fun on your vacation!
