texans are friendly unless you try to live there as an outsider.

are people STILL talking about red states vs. blue states? i heard about that during the election (i don't live in the US) and i can't believe it stuck. is there really a big cultural difference in a state that is 45-55 one way vs a state that is 55-45 the other way? this is a product of media hype that does not deserve a place in common usage. i'm not at all trying to start a political discussion...just a comment on this silly concept of red vs blue.

walkinaround, Those are called purple states. And there are a lot of red states and blue states. And you can tell the difference when you're in one or the other. Even in a blue state with a red governor. :-)

I've been told by travelers, tourists and especially out of country visitors that Chicago seems to have the most Civic Pride of any place they've visited. Not as much friendly, but people willing to answer almost any question if it's about a community issue, especially a building or a project etc. I don't know if that doesn't relate to just downtown, myself, because that's really all the visitor sees.

Alabama is very friendly, OK is too. And MN has a definite community cohesiveness that is really evident quickly. In fact, when I think about it, the person with the most community spirit in actions and in example in my life was born near Hibbing.

I've lived in New York (upstate), Michigan, Illinois, Maryland, Hawaii and Ohio, and Midwesterners are generally the friendliest, nicest people I've met. It was actually shocking to visit here when I lived in Maryland since people would strike up conversations with you while you were just waiting to cross the street!

As far as Hawaii, and this could be because we were mainlanders, we realized after living there that Hawaiians are generally pleasant, but will not go out of their way to be nice to you and take a long time to really warm up to you. My husband rode his bike to work, and was once hit by a car running a stop sign at a slow speed. My husband wasn't hurt, but the driver just flashed a shaka and drove off. A neighbor of ours (again, another mainlander) actually moved because he got sick of the rudeness.

Living here in rural Minnesota it is very common for people passing in the opposite direction on a two lane road to wave. You always wave back. I have had visitors from metroplitan areas who think this is very odd. Waving at strangers. I almost always wave. If you don't wave or wave back you are considered a bit stuck up. It took me awhile to get used to this again after being gone so long living in San Antonio while I was in the army.

My vote would go to Virginia and Tennessee for friendliness and courtesy. Mississippi and Louisiana are friendly, too, but more on the surface friendliness. It can be harder to make real friends in places where people are mostly involved with their extended families and don't really take time for those who are not family members.

If you want a smile and are in a strange place, go to Starbucks. The people who work in Starbucks are friendly all over the world, or at least that has been my experience, based on non-extensive research.

Without a doubt NY is the friendliest state.

When a stop light turns green and I may not be paying attention, I always get a friendly reminder from the person behind me.

On Sundays when I'm going for a slow 30mph drive along a 55mph back road with a long line of cars behind me, everybody who passes me waves.

In the city when I'm lost and blocking several lanes of traffic while looking at my map, so many people ask me what my problem is. Very nice.

that's funny,ipod robbie.

ipod robbie, sounds like the same friendly people we get to meet and greet on or near the Chicago expressway systems.

Canada!

jamierin: I didn't realize we had incorporated the state of Canada! Learn something every day!...but being from the friendly state of Alabama, let me be the 1st to welcome you 'in'!!lol

Belle

Most are except for people East of New York.. Those people in the New England states are just down right nasty.

New Hampshire

venusfan: Maybe so...I've not been there (Boston), but one of my dear friends is from there (yes, she now lives in the SOUTH!), and I just love her outgoing, friendly and humorous personality!!

Belle

ipod_robbie, LOL. Do they wave with just one finger?

venusfan, Isn't the Atlantic Ocean east of New York?

Belle, only a very few people know that Canada was anexed as the 51st state. We just haven't announced it yet. Its a surprise! We did it to put an end to "The Canada Quiz".

Not by state, but here's a way I've been able to judge a friendly place. I'm a Cathlic. During the sign of peace, how many people do you shake hands with? Some places it's just a few, some places it's absolutely everyone within reach -- and then you wave at some a little farther away. The second approach seems to abound in friendlier areas.

Of course that should have been "Catholic." My display has become a tiny font and I have to do a lot more previewing.

Elizabeth
I'm Lutheran and we do this peace, handshaking thing also and I hate it. I feel like, "ok, on cue, everyone be friendly...." I rebel, and only respond to those who come to me to not be rude.

elizabeth_reed: Exuse this observation, but ...it sounds like you just described a politician (of any party!).

Please explain the 'sign of peace'. Being a teenager in the 60's, I associate that with the Hippy 'Peace Movement'! lol!

Belle

At a point in the Mass, the priest turns around to the parishioners and says to give each other the sign of peace. It is just a simple handshake with a "peace be with you" spoken at the same time. The whole sequence only lasts about a minute.

But as elizabeth r says it is done at different levels, different places.

At my lake in IN they used to have a Mass on boats and regardless of it getting dicey, everyone was shaking everyone else's hand. This got quite funny at times.

In some congregations people will even go across the aisles and two pews up to shake a loner's hand.

We also all hold hands when saying the Our Father- in rows and sometimes one person will go into the aisle to connect two rows, that's what she means.

My mother-in-law goes and sits where the fewest people can "bother" her with the handshakes. All she sees is germs. Now that is not friendly.

JJ5
I don't see germs, I just hate when someone TELLS me to be friendly. I socialize before service and after service because I want to, not because someone tells me to. Maybe this is how your MIL feels also.

No, not at all. She won't hug relatives either. She calls the wine chalice that multiples drink out of the "Aids" cup. Now that is ridiculous. And I like her very much. She's admits that she is germophobic. Or calls it that, but it is deeper. She won't go into an airplane or elevator because she doesn't want to be that close to people-not because of the height/ claustrophic space etc. She doesn't particularly like people to "know" her either, she'd rather remain a stranger.

For instance, she doesn't like to take the time to say hello to neighbors or converse with a service person. Her mother died when she was born- and she was raised by a working father with a litany of "baby" sitters. I really love her- but do understand that she shies away from any closeness or friendliness. Her introvertness coupled with too many good-byes maybe. But everyone is definitely NOT naturally friendly.

She sees it as being "forced" to react.

cd, I don't think it is meant as an imperative command. In a better system and in smaller numbers you wouldn't feel a stranger enough to even think that defensively.

Oh, I get it! Our Protestant churches do the same thing to welcome one another, display friendship to one another!

Belle

I think the offering a good wishes time is really forced. I'm catholic and feel awkward during that time because it seems like compelled niceness.

I'm chuckling at the comments from you Lutherans and Catholics (I'm Lutheran, too) about the passing of peace as being forced friendliness. As if you're not friendly to begin with?? Honestly, if you really feel that way, you need to find a different church!

The wave by rural drivers amuses me. It's common where I grew up, and I saw it again for the first time in a long time when I was just in rural TX. At first it struck me as odd, but quickly turned into an amusing way to pass the time - would the next car wave or not? I think it's easy to tell who's local and who's not just by whether or not they wave, and I don't really consider it an act of friendliness, but rather an almost involuntary ritual.

As for friendly states, I don't know that there's such a huge difference across the board, but there is a huge difference amongst individuals. Here in MN there are many "Minnesota nice" people that would give you the impression that we are the friendliest state when you're visiting, but it can also be quite superficial and disappear if you decide to move here. As with most places, it seems there are the "locals" who were born there, and everyone else.

I don't think there's any such thing as a friendly or unfriendly state. Everywhere you go you will find good and bad, and people will treat you the way you treat them. I think it's best not to make judgements based on just a few observations.

The Weasel: I agree! The "Minnesota Nice" thing is a superficial thing. We say hello and smile but don't go ANY further! I live in a small town in southern Minnesota. Have lived here for ten years and have many good friends here...but I will never be "From Here."
I have been struck by the go-out-of-your way kindness of people in both Texas and Germany and France as opposed to the friendly hello on the street that stops there.

The Catholic/Lutheran slant is funny! When I was a shy kid I used to purposely drop my mass leaflet during the "sign of peace" handshake at our Catholic church to avoid it!!

I have found people to be friendly in every state and also some not friendly in every state. Most of the time I think you get back what you give - if you are friendly, most people will be friendly back and vice versa. We have lived in many states and have made many friends over the years and they will remain friends even tho we live miles away now. We now live in Southern Ca and have found most people in CA are also very nice and friendly. It's very different than when we lived in the Midwest due to all the fences, etc. but you can meet people and become friends just like anywhere else. I find if we join groups when we move we quickly beocme friends with many people and fit in right away. My husband and I are both from the Midwest and miss our midwest roots but have been lucky enough to meet lots of other nice people all over the country. Happy Holidays Everyone!!

This question as posted by the OP has different people taking entirely different meanings concerning the abstract of friendliness.

I did not take friendliness in the OP's sense to mean the ability to make or keep friends during any habitation in a state. I took it to mean friendliness as openingly responding to strangers, travelers, by-passers etc. Just a look or stance can offset stranger approach. For instance, most people on a subway hold themselves in a stance that "blocks" out the most people contact, even eye contact.

And I have traveled in more than 2/3rds of the states over 5 decades. In my experience the common treatment / acknowledging/ welcoming input from strangers is absolutely not the same. A smile or any acknowledgement is not returned the same. Studies have been done in suburban malls, gas stations, city corners, country stores etc. which all reflect vast differences.

Making and keeping friends over time is something totally different.

And I do think your own actions or appearance do make somewhat of a difference anywhere. But I have asked a question or direction in many different states and have gotten totally different kinds of reactions. Some of them were distinctly unfriendly. They certainly were not all the same. In one place I have literally been repeatedly walked over like I was a traffic cone.

And beachbum, I do agree with you.

I find it very common for the Church I know well (Catholic)that we are huge in numbers and oftentimes feel strangers without any first name basis connections or personal warmth in our own parishes. We wouldn't feel forced or shy if they were there.

Oh, Weasel - the infamous "Minnesota Nice!!"

My cousin, (an Iowan by birth) who's lived in the Twin Cities for about 15 years calls is "Minnesota Ice."

My DH (also an Iowan, like me, by birth), calls it "bulls**t."

But we we all spoiled growing up by drivers who waved at anything on wheels, I guess. :-)

Ek-scuse tipos, pleese. I'm into my coctail hour.

Re: the Church and friendliness.
I remember when our church did not have this handshake of peace. We (and Catholic's and other liturgical churches) were called the "frozen chosen". It has only been in the past decade that our church started the handshake of peace. It is designed to show friendliness, especially to strangers. I just don't like programmed friendliness.
JJ5: Your MIL is a challenge! :-) She has built a fence for protection. It the way she has survived.

JJ5 - I've noticed this about Catholic churches, too. I recently joined a local Methodist church and I have gotten to know more people in the 2 short years I've been there than in the 16 years I went to my Catholic church in the town I grew up in!

I had joined the local Catholic church when we moved here. I met zero people and not one person approached me. I truly felt like an outsider. I didn't realize it could be different until I started attending services at my current church.

Oh yes, karens. And this is true regardless of where you roam in the WORLD, not just the USA.

You will recognize your Mass, but oftentimes not know a single person's name, except for those who came in the car with you. There may be 600 or 700 at any of 5 Masses in my parish, with standing room only.

There are now parish groups in our area that make it their business to be like a "Welcome, Wagon" and to visit all new parishioners. You would be shocked at the number of Catholics that don't want to answer the door bell. Really!

And we NEVER ask for money either.

JJ5 I'm laughing here. I hope I don't sound like I'm bashing, but your comments reminded me of another experience with my local Catholic church. Like I said, I met no one by joining, and, truth be told, I didn't attend very regularly (understatement). Then I was asked to be godmother to my son's baby, so I had to get a paper from my local church. The priest refused. He said I was a bad person (NOT just a bad Catholic, but a bad person) for not attending mass regularly. Well, gee, that made me want to just go attend attend mass every week! And the priest pointed out how my neighbors were really GOOD people b/c they attended mass every week. I totally withdrew.

About a month later, the good person, my neighbor, stopped by to ask for a donation for $3,000 (!) The church was adding a new addition to their school (that my boys did not attend) and thought it appropriate for all members (even the bad ones, I guess) to donate this sum of money. In addition to regular giving, of course.

Sigh.

You didn't finish the story, karen! Did you cough up the $3K? No offense intended, but it appears some churches are still selling indulgences of one form or another.

cd, I think the passing of the peace actually goes back to the church of Acts. Like a lot of other stuff, we've made it ritual, and social, and completely different from its intended purpose. LOL at "chosen frozen". But, unfortunately, you and JJ5 are right. By my observations over the past few years, most Church happens outside the confines of the service.

Not at all an unusual story. You don't want to hear my post-divorce one. I would have been treated better if I had killed some one. Now in 2005, it's better, but only in format, as they have "support" groups- but not in actual personal reality or judgment, IMHO.

Large, large entities with such wealth and power have a very hard time relating to the personal. And the hierarchy is exceptionally flawed. We need another John XXIII, among many other things.