Wedding gifts?
Jun 15th, 2005, 03:54 AM
#1
Wedding gifts?
What do you give as a wedding gift in your area for a backyard reception?
I haven't been to a wedding in several years. In NJ, we had sit down dinners and buffets and everyone gave checks/cash. I live in the south now where gifts are more appropriate and food is questionable.
So, what do you spend/give? This is a neighbor's daughter.
I haven't been to a wedding in several years. In NJ, we had sit down dinners and buffets and everyone gave checks/cash. I live in the south now where gifts are more appropriate and food is questionable.
So, what do you spend/give? This is a neighbor's daughter.
Jun 15th, 2005, 04:12 AM
#2
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Is the bride registered at a department store (possibly Macy's or Dillard's since you're in the south)? Many brides are registered at Target, too. If she is, you can look up what she is registered for at the store (some stores have it online) and see what hasn't been purchased yet. You can also choose something in your price range.
Hope that helps!
Hope that helps!
Jun 15th, 2005, 04:23 AM
#3
I will ask the mother if she has registered anywhere. The quandry is how much do people spend these days? Just sending out an opinion poll on what would you spend in your town for a neighbor's daughter? (The family is moving away right after the wedding. The mother of the bride and I are friendly.)
Thanks.
Thanks.
Jun 15th, 2005, 04:25 AM
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The location of the reception would not determine the price of my gift but rather how well I knew her or her parents. I would go with the registry mentioned above or give a check which, I think, is always appreciated.
Jun 15th, 2005, 04:32 AM
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I can tell you that as a bride (two years come August!), I really appreciated the Target gift cards we received. In our first few months, we depended on them to set up our new household. They really helped a lot because we could buy what we needed.
How much you want to spend is a tricky business? If you are very close friends with the mother of the bride, you'd probably want to spend more. If you're not all that close, less is fine. Somewhere in the $25-50 range?
How much you want to spend is a tricky business? If you are very close friends with the mother of the bride, you'd probably want to spend more. If you're not all that close, less is fine. Somewhere in the $25-50 range?
Jun 15th, 2005, 05:01 AM
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Well, I agree with that the reception location would not impact my choice of gift in any way. I always send the gift before the wedding. (And by the way, I don't understand the "food is questionable" comment at all).
atlswan's comments about Target gift cards and price range sound good. I find it interesting that you shared that in NJ everyone gave checks/cash. I was shocked at my first big Italian wedding (in San Francisco) where so many gave money. That was simply "not done" where/ when I grew up. But, most of my young relatives ask for cash or gift cards for presents and it's a great idea for a young couple starting out.
If they are registered for china or crystal at a local store, buying a piece of their pattern in your price range is a great option.
I usually send a gift from Tiffany's. Recently received the nicest thank you note and the bride said opening the packaging was almost as much fun as receiving the gift. If I were to take a token gift to a the actual reception I may take crystal coasters or similar. But, again, most brides appreciate receiving the gifts before the wedding - especially if the family is moving away right after.
atlswan's comments about Target gift cards and price range sound good. I find it interesting that you shared that in NJ everyone gave checks/cash. I was shocked at my first big Italian wedding (in San Francisco) where so many gave money. That was simply "not done" where/ when I grew up. But, most of my young relatives ask for cash or gift cards for presents and it's a great idea for a young couple starting out.
If they are registered for china or crystal at a local store, buying a piece of their pattern in your price range is a great option.
I usually send a gift from Tiffany's. Recently received the nicest thank you note and the bride said opening the packaging was almost as much fun as receiving the gift. If I were to take a token gift to a the actual reception I may take crystal coasters or similar. But, again, most brides appreciate receiving the gifts before the wedding - especially if the family is moving away right after.
Jun 15th, 2005, 06:59 AM
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I must be attending different weddings than many of you and apparently it's cost me ;-) I've been raised with the unwritten 'cover your plate' rule and plenty of weddings I've attended are black tie seated dinners in pricey hotels...
That being said, when we got married last year (semiformal, not in a hotel), there was a big difference in the gifts from the Northerners v. Southerners. Don't get mad at what I will say next, but we noticed that the Northerners, as a rule, were MUCH more generous and and almost always gave cash. The Southerners gave more modest gifts from the registry.
I don't think I've ever given/spent less than $75 as a single guest (w/o a date) or $150 as a couple on a wedding that I attended. If I don't go and am not close with the bride or groom/family, then I may just send a token gift in the $25-35 range.
Personally, I think you should spend what you can comfortably. I've felt pressure to give bigger gifts than my teacher salary would bear...
That being said, when we got married last year (semiformal, not in a hotel), there was a big difference in the gifts from the Northerners v. Southerners. Don't get mad at what I will say next, but we noticed that the Northerners, as a rule, were MUCH more generous and and almost always gave cash. The Southerners gave more modest gifts from the registry.
I don't think I've ever given/spent less than $75 as a single guest (w/o a date) or $150 as a couple on a wedding that I attended. If I don't go and am not close with the bride or groom/family, then I may just send a token gift in the $25-35 range.
Personally, I think you should spend what you can comfortably. I've felt pressure to give bigger gifts than my teacher salary would bear...
Jun 15th, 2005, 07:11 AM
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I have never liked that 'cover your plate' rule. I have friends that got married at the Waldorf at $300 a head. I was no way giving them a $600 wedding gift. It is not my responsibility to subsidize their lavish affair. Then another friend announced that when she got married, not only did she expect that guests would cover their plate, but also give a generous gift on top of that. Amazes me sometimes what goes through peoples heads. Weddings are not a fundraising event. If you have to rely on guest gifts to cover it, perhaps you should elope. But, I digress.....
My cash gifts for weddings range from $200 - $450 for 2 of us (I live in NYC), depending upon the relationship & whether or not I am attending--NOT the amount they spent on the wedding.
However, when I went solo to a wedding in Wisconsin 20 years ago and gave a check for $100, my friend was reluctant to accept. Seems her family covered their plates--$25 a head, with $50 being more than generous. I had insulted by 'out doing' her family, without even realizing it.
So, depending on how many in your party are attending, I would go with about $25 per person towards a gift card. If you are solo, how about a gorgeous wedding album to put all the candid photos in?
My cash gifts for weddings range from $200 - $450 for 2 of us (I live in NYC), depending upon the relationship & whether or not I am attending--NOT the amount they spent on the wedding.
However, when I went solo to a wedding in Wisconsin 20 years ago and gave a check for $100, my friend was reluctant to accept. Seems her family covered their plates--$25 a head, with $50 being more than generous. I had insulted by 'out doing' her family, without even realizing it.
So, depending on how many in your party are attending, I would go with about $25 per person towards a gift card. If you are solo, how about a gorgeous wedding album to put all the candid photos in?
Jun 15th, 2005, 07:25 AM
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This is a very interesting thread, because it does point out there are evidently differences between North and South.
My grandmothers would have a conniption fit if they knew I gave cash as a wedding gift. That is simply "not done" in their book. To them it would be the ultimate in crassness. I still have a difficult time giving money - well, I don't/ can't. I have a hard time giving gift cards now - but do because I know they are appreciated.
Neither have I ever followed an unwritten "cover your plate" rule. Maybe that is what the reference to bad food was about?
In another wedding thread I wondered about cultural differences. The majority of the Southern weddings I've attended (including my own) was a church wedding with a reception followed in a church building. Rarely does that include a sit-down dinner - which means that the "cover your plate" costs would be much less than a lavish restaurant or hotel reception. I can't imagine giving over $100 in cash (still can't imagine giving cash
.
So very interesting. My mother's signature gift was a pewter Paul Revere bowl - no matter where the wedding or reception is held. I send the same Tiffany gift to most brides - again no matter what type of wedding or reception.
This has truly been an enlightening thread for me. No offense taken OWJ, but I would have probably very much been considered a cheapskate if I had given you a wedding gift...and would have had no idea!
My grandmothers would have a conniption fit if they knew I gave cash as a wedding gift. That is simply "not done" in their book. To them it would be the ultimate in crassness. I still have a difficult time giving money - well, I don't/ can't. I have a hard time giving gift cards now - but do because I know they are appreciated.
Neither have I ever followed an unwritten "cover your plate" rule. Maybe that is what the reference to bad food was about?
In another wedding thread I wondered about cultural differences. The majority of the Southern weddings I've attended (including my own) was a church wedding with a reception followed in a church building. Rarely does that include a sit-down dinner - which means that the "cover your plate" costs would be much less than a lavish restaurant or hotel reception. I can't imagine giving over $100 in cash (still can't imagine giving cash
.So very interesting. My mother's signature gift was a pewter Paul Revere bowl - no matter where the wedding or reception is held. I send the same Tiffany gift to most brides - again no matter what type of wedding or reception.
This has truly been an enlightening thread for me. No offense taken OWJ, but I would have probably very much been considered a cheapskate if I had given you a wedding gift...and would have had no idea!
Jun 15th, 2005, 07:38 AM
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Live in New York.
Had a southerm wedding (wife is from Alabama/New Orleans).
A real "southern" wedding punks anything from the north. We got few cash gifts (we didn't need it..I'm a lawyer and she's a doctor and its weird getting "cash" gifts from people living off social security) but everyone got us something from the registry...average gift was about $150 with the obvious standard deviation....some was a little more, some was a little less.
And one last thing, southern women are completely more attractive in every way. Go visit Smith College than visit Auburn University and tell me which university's women look better. I've lived in NY for 7 years and have yet to see a "local" that even comes close to my wife...in intelligence or in looks.
Had a southerm wedding (wife is from Alabama/New Orleans).
A real "southern" wedding punks anything from the north. We got few cash gifts (we didn't need it..I'm a lawyer and she's a doctor and its weird getting "cash" gifts from people living off social security) but everyone got us something from the registry...average gift was about $150 with the obvious standard deviation....some was a little more, some was a little less.
And one last thing, southern women are completely more attractive in every way. Go visit Smith College than visit Auburn University and tell me which university's women look better. I've lived in NY for 7 years and have yet to see a "local" that even comes close to my wife...in intelligence or in looks.
Jun 15th, 2005, 07:59 AM
#13
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I was so offended when I learned of the "cover your plate" rule. I overheard a soon to be bride at work complaining about some of the gifts as they did not "cover the plate". I was an invited guest to this wedding. While we did not attend as we were on vacation ourselves at the time of the wedding, we had chosen an amount of money to then convert into the currency of the country to which they were travelling for their honeymoon. Overhearing this conversation made what seemd like such a great and thoughtful gift a bit pale by the expected amount of money to be spent on gifts.
I (gotta rant a bit here) also rather taken back by the $$ today spent between showers and wedding gifts. Lately I have gone to bridal showers where the gifts are from the actual bridal registry. Whatever happened to linen tea towels and wooden spoons?
I've also been invited to lingerie and other special items showers where I might show up with a lovely irish linen hanky for the bride's wedding day and there have been gifts that included everything from edible panties to porn videos. Swear to god!
So..in answer to your question, I try to come up with a gift that I think reflects both me and the intended couple. I've never given cash and, for the most part, try not to shop from the registry. I don't think the venue for the reception makes any difference on the amount of $$ spent.
I (gotta rant a bit here) also rather taken back by the $$ today spent between showers and wedding gifts. Lately I have gone to bridal showers where the gifts are from the actual bridal registry. Whatever happened to linen tea towels and wooden spoons?
I've also been invited to lingerie and other special items showers where I might show up with a lovely irish linen hanky for the bride's wedding day and there have been gifts that included everything from edible panties to porn videos. Swear to god!
So..in answer to your question, I try to come up with a gift that I think reflects both me and the intended couple. I've never given cash and, for the most part, try not to shop from the registry. I don't think the venue for the reception makes any difference on the amount of $$ spent.
Jun 15th, 2005, 08:05 AM
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We live in the Boston area and cash gifts are much more common here as well. I'd say that at least 80 percent of our wedding guests gave us cash. We usually give or spend $100-$150 for weddings of cousins or casual friends, which is pretty much what we received at our own wedding. For close friends and relatives, $200 or more, depending.
Jun 15th, 2005, 08:07 AM
#16
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Gosh, when I got married I was just happy to have my guests there to celebrate with us. Never really thought about whether or not they brought a gift and I certainly didn't take into consideration how much the gift cost or whether it came from my registry. My only problem was when I had two of a few items and I felt bad exchanging one of them for something else that we could use.
What has happened to people in this day and age with expecting a household full of gifts, paid honeymoons, shower after shower, etc. when they are typically already settled down by the time they marry? Is there no shame? What about just being happy about the event and the people they share it with? Gifts should only be an added little bonus in my opinion.
What has happened to people in this day and age with expecting a household full of gifts, paid honeymoons, shower after shower, etc. when they are typically already settled down by the time they marry? Is there no shame? What about just being happy about the event and the people they share it with? Gifts should only be an added little bonus in my opinion.
Jun 15th, 2005, 08:14 AM
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This is such an interesting thread (at least to me) as it reflects just how different areas of our country are!
I grew up in the west (primarily Idaho and Montana) and the average cost of a wedding here is around $6,000 to $7,000. The average wedding gift is about $35 to $50. Most weddings are in a church or in the mountains with an outdoor picnic/buffet style reception. Weddings are pretty informal for the most part.
I went to college in the midwest and noticed that the weddings I attended there cost a couple thousand more and bigger gifts were expected. Most weddings I attended were in a church with a reception at a country club. A bit more formal than in the west.
I've never heard of the cover your plate rule before today. But if I ever attend a wedding in the east or south I
guess I know what's expected!
So interesting!
I grew up in the west (primarily Idaho and Montana) and the average cost of a wedding here is around $6,000 to $7,000. The average wedding gift is about $35 to $50. Most weddings are in a church or in the mountains with an outdoor picnic/buffet style reception. Weddings are pretty informal for the most part.
I went to college in the midwest and noticed that the weddings I attended there cost a couple thousand more and bigger gifts were expected. Most weddings I attended were in a church with a reception at a country club. A bit more formal than in the west.
I've never heard of the cover your plate rule before today. But if I ever attend a wedding in the east or south I
guess I know what's expected!
So interesting!
Jun 15th, 2005, 08:14 AM
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NY Jet - War Eagle!! As second and third generation Auburn women, we are so glad to see that you have discovered what my daughter and her friends keep on their sorority door at AU..."it takes an Auburn girl to win a fella's heart...when you want the best looking girl...Auburn's the place where you gotta go! Girls will be girls - north, south, east, and west - but Auburn girls will always rate the best. To any man who reads this and truly wants to know....If you have an Auburn girl, you should never let her go!!"
As to the real gist of this thread, we are in the midst of planning a wedding and I have actually apologized to several close friends for inviting them to showers and the wedding b/c I am embarassed about the number of gifts they have sent. It shouldn't be about the $$$ but about the sincere desire to wish the couple much love and happiness and to surround them with the support of family and friends as they embark on their life together. You can't put a price on that!! The gift is, in actuality, inconsequential.
Girlonthego - think of something that would either have been a godsend when you started out or something that might have some special meaning to your relationship - and send that.
As to the real gist of this thread, we are in the midst of planning a wedding and I have actually apologized to several close friends for inviting them to showers and the wedding b/c I am embarassed about the number of gifts they have sent. It shouldn't be about the $$$ but about the sincere desire to wish the couple much love and happiness and to surround them with the support of family and friends as they embark on their life together. You can't put a price on that!! The gift is, in actuality, inconsequential.
Girlonthego - think of something that would either have been a godsend when you started out or something that might have some special meaning to your relationship - and send that.
Jun 15th, 2005, 08:23 AM
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ausc59: I think you're right about the gifts being inconsequential. I know for my husband and I, the wedding was about having so many people that we loved in one place.
I remember looking out over the people during our wedding ceremony and seeing family and friends that have known me since I was a baby, school friends, college friends, friends from work, and just feeling overwhelmed with support and love.
And that's better than any gift we received!
I remember looking out over the people during our wedding ceremony and seeing family and friends that have known me since I was a baby, school friends, college friends, friends from work, and just feeling overwhelmed with support and love.
And that's better than any gift we received!
Jun 15th, 2005, 08:26 AM
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This is a very interesting thread. I had no idea there were differences between Northern and Southern weddings. I am in a "blended" marriage. My family was used to giving gifts, often from the registry. My husband's family was used to cash/check gifts. I must say the cash/check option is so easy but I would never follow it outside of my husband's family. By the way, I live on the West Coast.
A side note: my mother says when she was getting married (mid 1950s) a $5 gift was very common.
A side note: my mother says when she was getting married (mid 1950s) a $5 gift was very common.
