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Taking your child's friend with you on vacation...

Taking your child's friend with you on vacation...

Old Sep 12th, 2002, 06:32 PM
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Silly me I thought when you invited someone to be your "guest" you paid for them. They are not really a "guest" if they are paying their own way.

Actually when we do the friend thing we pay 100% for them. We are not rich but when our son then in turn goes along with another family they pay for him so really it works out!
Old Sep 12th, 2002, 06:38 PM
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a "guest" is someone who stays at your place without paying for the place(rent free) there is no requirement for the host to pay for the guest to get there.
to "host" someone on your vacation, you are giving them free lodging and food, if they want to be a "guest" they can pay to get there, other wise they are a "freeloader".
Old Sep 12th, 2002, 06:40 PM
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I think you should establish up front if the situation is "guest" or "invited to go along." Many families struggle to take that once a year a vacation. As the parent of an only child who keeps asking to take along a friend on our next vacation, I can understand the extra strain it puts on the parents. I've already approached the parents of the friend my son wants to invite, and they more than understand the circumstances. Just be honest and "up-front" from the beginning.
Old Sep 12th, 2002, 06:43 PM
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you can always ask if the friend would like to "join" you on the vacation. if "guest" implies free or paid. join may have more of a compromising ring to it. to the people that pay in full for their kid's friends...are we talking a couple hundred dollars or thousand? im interested to see where the jones' are these days!
Old Sep 12th, 2002, 06:49 PM
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This is so ridiculous. Ask (tell) the parents that your son/daughter would like their son/daughter to join your family on vacation. Tell them what the situation is (I'm rich, I'll pay for everything), (I'm comfortable, I'll pay for food and entertainment), I can only afford vacation for my own family (but will gladly take along your child if you can foot his/her bill). This does NOT have to be a problem.
Old Sep 12th, 2002, 07:03 PM
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Quitbeing is the most sensible person in this thread - its hard to understand what the debate is all about - if you follow her advice, I don't see how you can go wrong...no need to make a mountain out of a molehill.
Old Sep 13th, 2002, 05:39 AM
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Thanks all. I think everyone has provided helpful advice, but "quitbeing" I think took what most said and put it in a few sentences. Short and sweet. (okay, maybe not THAT sweet...)

What we will do is talk to the parents in advance (maybe 6 to 9 months) and tell them what we'll provide and what they need to provide.

FYI, I do agree that some family vacations should be just that. My daughter has traveled well with just the 3 of us, and is a great companion. However, I think this may be one time where taking a friend will benefit everyone. (especially if we end up staying some place out of the way, that will decrease her chances of hooking up with others her age)
Old Sep 13th, 2002, 05:53 AM
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This is one of the best questions I've seen asked in a while.

First, the scope/location of the trip does create a factor. Hawaii is not cheap, I am thinking. To expect you to pay for your child's friend's airfare seems a bit much. However, communication is the key here.

If your child's friend's parents are willing to talk openly about this, you can discuss the possibilities without fear of something unexpected happening. That way you can iron out all the details ahead of time.

I think it's great that you are considering this. When I was a kid (70s and early 80s), my parents never would have considered this because it was "family" time and my friends were not allowed. This was okay when I had a sister but when it was just us three and we went to Colonial Williamsburg, I would have loved to have been able to invite a friend.
Old Sep 13th, 2002, 07:00 AM
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A couple of people mentioned medical releases for children and I just wanted to give anyone who could use it some sample language. Anytime we go anywhere overnight (a weekend at the lake even) with someone else's child, I draw it up and have the parents sign in front of a notary. I'll do it as a following message in case the space limits cut me off here (to be continued)
Old Sep 13th, 2002, 07:05 AM
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I, PARENT(SSNxxx) mother/father of CHILD (SSNxxx) give my permission for CHILD'S DOCTOR and phone, PREFERED HOSPITAL, or any other physicial or health care facility to provide medical services for my child:

CHILD's NAME (again) Child's DOB and Allergies (or no known allergies) Blood type (if known)

PARENT's NAME(S) and all phone numbers
Address. Insurance type, group number and Member number.

Signed this ___ day of ______, 2002 by PARENT.

The foregoing instrument was personally acknowledged before me this __ day of ____, 2002 by PARENTS.

Notary public for STATE
My commission expires _________
Old Sep 13th, 2002, 07:07 AM
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Whoops - in the opening sentence that should be "any other PHYSICIAN or health care facility" Sorry 'bout that!
Old Sep 13th, 2002, 07:53 AM
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Common - Go hitchhike in the corner.

Think about it.
Old Sep 13th, 2002, 12:32 PM
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I think this is another example of overindulging children, even when we can't afford it.

Look, if you can't afford to pay for the friend, don't even ask. Your daughter should feel lucky that she is going to Hawaii at all, and needs to learn that she doesn't always get to have her cake and eat it too. Now if you were very well off, and it was no problem to pay for the friend then I would say no problem, but negotiating the finances of taking a child on vacation is just, well, messy and just a bit tacky.

When we bring friends to dinners, movies, amusement parks, etc., we pay, and the friends generally reciprocate. It all evens out in the end, but I wouldn't dream of asking, or having my child ask if the friend wanted to come without having every intention of paying.

A friend's son went to the Galapagos this summer with his best friend. The family paid for everything as this was a Bar Mitzvah gift for the child whose family took everyone, his bringing a friend along was part of his gift.
Old Sep 13th, 2002, 01:28 PM
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MakeItAFamilyTrip I totally agree. If you cannot afford to pay the childs way, do not ask.
Old Sep 14th, 2002, 03:27 PM
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When the oldest son left for the military, our youngest requested his best friend travel with us, and he did. His mother sent two days worth of clothing, no spending money and it was a nine day trip. The next trip was to Canada, and after Sept 11, I wrote a detailed list of everything I expected him to bring, (mailed it to his mother one month before we left,) including birth certificate, shot records, insurance card, parent permission for needed medical treatment, numbers where she could be reached in case of emergency, types of clothing and toileteries needed. I also sent her our itinerary, names and locations of hotels and family members we would be staying at, along with their telephone numbers. Anytime any child travels with me over a long distance I will do this, and suggest and request all of the above and a phone card, spending money, and disposable cameras. I laid down the ground rules before we left home and we had a great time. I think if you are willing to take the responsiblity of someone else's child to Hawaii, they should at least buy the airline ticket.
Old Sep 14th, 2002, 03:36 PM
Miss Manners
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I NEVER let my kids discuss plans like that with another child . We're the parents..and we are in charge. I call the parents FIRST. I hate surprises and I resent when other kids tell my children their plans and it's okay if they come, too. Nope...You need to talk to the parents first..don't let your kids invite the other child first.Call the parents. It's respectful.That is tacky not to..and not the way Miss Manners would handle it. Sorry dear.
Old Sep 14th, 2002, 03:37 PM
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This isn't a movie or dinner out! An expensive item like an airline ticket should of course be paid by the kid's own family! The opportunity to travel, chaperoning, and the incidental expenses, are generously covered by the hosts.
Old Sep 14th, 2002, 03:52 PM
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To Makeitafamilytrip AND Hillary: What planet do you come from???? I think that paying for your child's friend to join you on vacation is "overindulging."
Do you have children, or an only child? Don't assume that this family doesn't spend a lot of quality time with their daughter. Generally, parents of an only child spend significantly more time with their child; after all, the child doesn't have siblings to spend time with. I spend a lot of time with my only child - even on vacation - but he's at an age where he doesn't want to play in the pool with his parents. He's (unfortunately) never experienced a vacation with a brother or sister (even if they don't get along, at least they're not alone).

Bring friends to dinners, movies, amusement parks - and paying for it...sounds to me like you are the "overindulgent" ones.

Old Oct 1st, 2002, 08:23 AM
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