Spring Vacation: inviting kid's friends?
 

Just looking for a bit of advice.<BR>Planning a trip to Myrtle Beach this Spring. Considering allowing my 2 teenage sons to each bring a friend along. We'll be driving.<BR>While on vacation, we like to eat dinner out every night (o.k. maybe we'll have pizza delivered one night, but I'm definitely NOT cooking!) We budget $100.00 for dinner each night for the 4 of us. <BR>My question is: how does one extend an invitation to a guest when I'm not willing to pay for their dinner meals? I'll have a ton of breakfast & lunch food & snacks for them all in the condo. <BR>But, dinner out w/2 additional teens could add another $50. per night to my budget. <BR>If anyone has brought friends of their children along on vacation, I would be interested in hearing did you foot the bill for all expenses? <BR>Thank you!!<BR>

unfortunatly, i think it there is no polite way to ask for money. if you can't afford to feed them all the time, don't invite them. on the other hand, most decent parents would offer (IF they can afford it) to give you $100 or so to help with the expenses. but, that's a gamble. as said don't invite if you can't afford it. another option if your boys REALLY want their friends to come, tell them you will eat in 2 night (saving $150-$200) but they have to prepare, cook & clean EVERYTHING which would give you that bit extra to pay for your guests food.

Agree with x. Either be willing to pay for everyone, or don't invite them. I agree that most people will send spending money with the kids, but even then I'd have a hard time sitting down with my family, perusing the check after dinner and saying "Brad your dinner came to $22.00 and Jack yours is $ 24.00".<BR><BR>If you insist on inviting them and don't want to pay, give YOUR kids some money then send them all off to a restaurant on their own, so the boys will all divide the bill, but if you are eating out with all the kids, there is no way to have just the friends pay without being very, very tacky.

There was a lengthy thread about this subject a little while ago and I was surprised at the number of people who though that if you invite kids friends you are somehow obliged to pay for them too. <BR>Personally, when I send my kids with friends, they always go with plenty of cash and therefore don't abuse the invitation. Even if the host family pays for everything, they know enough to atleast treat their hosts to one meal or something to say "thanks"<BR>Anyway, I always talk to the parent FIRST and clearly explain the situation. We'd love to have so and so along IF he/she can afford to bring $X per day for meals/admissions and spending money. A clear understanding up front can help avoid resentment on your part later.

My daughter would bring a friend along when we had a condo in Winter Park, Florida and we paid for all meals. The parents of her friends paid for their airfare, theme park tickets, and gave them spending money. As mom2 stated, we discussed all arrangements beforehand. It can be awkward, but it will prevent anger and resentment later on.

This issue was certainly exhausted in a thread some time ago and as the last poster said, the general consensus was that if an invite is extended, then the inviter should take care of the child. I do not agree. How a responsible parent could even think about sending his/her child away on vacation with a friend/family without money to sustain him/herself is beyond me. That cannot be the action a parent who cares about their child and is grateful to the friend/family for the invite. You should not even have to say anything to the parent about equipping their child with money - it should go without saying! While the parent is helping his child to pack for the trip, he should provide him with a reasonable allowance to ensure that he can take care of himself as necessary.

I was not aware that this topic had recently been discussed.<BR>Does anyone know what topic I should search for, so that I can read the thread myself?<BR>The whole reason for me asking this question is because I would, indeed feel "tacky" asking parents for money, or trying to divide up a dinner bill. <BR>Sorry to repost a question recently asked. I know that gets annoying. Tricia

It SHOULD go with out saying but unfortunately, based on numerous posters, it often does not. What I can't understand is, when exactly do these parents teach their kids to "pay their own way" in life in general? Mooching is never an attractive trait.<BR>To those who think its tacky, I think sending your kid along for a free ride is the definition of tacky.

Tricia: One of the responses in the other thread suggested that the teens themselves bring the subject up with their friends. Less embarrasing. (And I can't remember the title of that thread or I'd bring it up for you.)

If you know the kids well enough to invite them for a week, then I hope you know the parents well enough to discuss this with them. - as well as discussing several other issues related to taking custody of someone else's kids for a week. (such as curfews, how much freedom they get, etc.) I would not leave it to the kids to discuss - as uncomfortable as it is to bring it up with the parents, I would not want the info to be filtered thru a bunch of kids.<BR><BR>We have brought extra kids with us on several vacations, always kids we know well, and consequently know their parents reasonably well. In every case, it was the guests' parents who first brought up the subject of cost - but if they had not, I would.<BR><BR>We have always paid for most meals - except when kids go off on their own and eat whatever kids eat when alone. However, as strange as it may seem, when my kids have gone with other families, I expect to pay my kids own way and offer or send them with money. Often the offer is refused, especially if we have hosted their kid.<BR><BR>Sorry for being so wordy, but I do not think there is a correct answer, just an understanding that needs to be worked out parent to parent.<BR><BR>Have a good trip - we find bringing extra kids is often a great idea - as long as it is the right kid.

The title is "Taking your child's friend with you on vacation". It was topped for you.

There is no way in h*** I would take kids who were not my own on vacation. Anything happened to them your ass would be sued, not to mention the aggravation....

Tricia, are you paying for their hotel or accomodations? I'd say it's fine to ask their parents to pay for their food. Just be honest, tell them they are more than welcome, you will pay for accomodations but it's not in your budget to pay for the evening meals. Tell them you will need X amount of $$ for meals. And if they want souveniers, that would be extra. <BR><BR>I think this is reasonable. As a parent, in no way would I be upset or offended if my child was offered to go on a trip but I was asked to pay for her meals. <BR><BR>One bit of advice - if the parents say okay, they need to give YOU the money, otherwise you may never see it. This I know from experience.

Maybe it's just me, but I can't imagine asking another parent to please send money along for all their expenses. I myself would talk to the parents taking my child and tell them I want to cover my child's expenses. Also, if you are concerned about expenses so much, I would buy alot of food and let the boys eat at the condo--pizza, burgers, etc, while you and your husband go to a nice restaurant. Maybe take all of them one or two nights. Just tell your sons that IF they want to take friends, this is the price they have to pay.

The way I see it , is if you invite someone on a trip with you then you are doing just that inviting to take them on your trip. I wouldn't invite someone to dinner and then expect them to pay. My parents always let us each bring a friend on trips, one of these trips was to Myrtle beach, and they always paid for everything. I'm sure your kids would be happy to stay back at the condo and eat chips/sand. and junk while you too had a dinner out. They are teenagers after all. Offer them the old pizza, which I'm sure they'd be happy to live on for the week, and some other alternatives. Plan one or two nights where you all go out to eat.

Uh, Ms Dontbecheap, I do beleive inviting someone out to dinner is somewhat different from an invitation for a trip! Please! What a comparison!! If you invite a friend to go on a trip with you, would you foot the entire bill?? If so, I need to find someone like you to hitch onto as a friend! If you invite her to dinner, of course that would be a different story - its one night as opposed to several days. We are not being cheap here - it is what makes sense and what is PRACTICAL and REASONABLE in this day and age!

A parent would be crazy to feel insulted by you mentioning bringing money for their own dinner....after all you're providing the gasoline, lodging, snacks, breakfast etc. Don't be afraid to just be upfront about it. No one will feel offended.

This is for people who find nothing wrong with sending their children off with their friend's family vacation.<BR><BR>What is wrong with you? In the best case scenario the friend's parents are looking for someone to entertain their child so they can go have a good time. Worst case is they are child molesters with a free week's access to your child. Even worse, they may have no responsibility at all & will subject your child and theirs to unsafe situations.<BR><BR>Vacations are for families not friends. In your casen Tricia, why do your two sons need to take friends when they should be happy enjoying a vacation with each other and their parents?<BR><BR>In the best possible outcome of a vacation such as this, with everyone having a most wonderful time the friends who go on this vacation will resent their own parents for not providing such an experience.

but what if child's friend's parents can't afford it? by inviting friend, you've put his/her parents in awkward spot. friend is all pumped to go on vacation, but oops.....mom and dad can't afford it, so mom and dad are the bad guys.<BR><BR>so if you're gonna invite them, be prepared to pay. if, as others have said, parents of friend are responsible (and can afford it) they'll certainly raise the issue and/or send money along. but don't expect it.

You are so right Gene. If you read my post carefully, you will see that I wrote I was "considering" letting my kids know they could take a friend along w/us.<BR>I must confess, after speaking w/my 16 year old, he's says he's not even sure he would want a friend to come along! Says he may not want him around the entire week (and this is his best friend). My other son, who's 13, would really enjoy a friend along. But, then this would cut into some time spent just w/Dad. Dad's not thrilled about the whole bringing friends along idea, so, that puts an end to it.<BR>My brother allows his older teen son to bring a friend along. When I was a kid, each of us would get to take a turn bringing a friend (there were 5 of us ~as if my parents needed one more :)). I was just wondering what other people in this world did. Just wanted to be the "gatherer of information" before presenting the idea to my family. Thanks for the opinions everyone, and sorry if I wasted your time.

I also remember reading the previous thread on this issue, and without going back & re-reading it, I never got the impression that the concensus was that you had to be prepared to pay for your guests. I thought there was quite a bit of discussion on both sides. I'm one of the people who feel tlhat it's perfectly acceptable to ask for the guest's parents to contribute their share of the expenses, so long as it's done properly. After all, you are not only providing the majority of the expenses, but you're also taking on the responsibility of chaperoning an underage child, which is not always easy. <BR><BR>As I had mentioned on the other thread on this topic, I think it's best to talk to the parents first. If the kids discuss it first, then you run the risk of the friend getting all excited about going, and then the parents are placed in an awkward position if they don't want their child to go due to economic or other reasons. <BR><BR>I also think that 'butwhatif' raises a good point, but don't necessarily agree with his/her conclusion. Hopefully, you know your child's friend's family at least well enough to have some idea if this would be a real financial burden to them. In that case, you can decide beforehand whether you're willing to pay for everything, or not invite that friend. But that doesn't mean should therefore always be prepared to pay in all cases. <BR><BR>Even if you don't know what the parents' financial situation is, I still think it's okay to ask. First of all, as already mentioned, I would be asking the parents first, so that if they can't afford it, they can say no before their child gets all excited about going. This also works well in the scenario where the parents just don't feel comfortable about their child going on vacation with another family. Secondly, you just might be surprised to find out that even if they have limited financial means, they're still happy to send their kid with money. If they can't afford to take a family vacation of their own, they might decide that being able to provide a vacation for their child for the cost of a few meals out is a good alternative. And thirdly, I strongly disagree with the statement that if the parents are responsible and can afford it, they'll send money. The parents may seem to be responsible about many things, but we've always been amazed how the ones with the most money are the ones who assume they don't have to give a dime. And the last thing you want to do is spend your vacation resenting the parents and taking it out on the kids.<BR><BR>

i think asking the parent to provide anything other then their kids "spending" money for souveniers, extra treats like chips, etc. is putting them in a bad spot, as mentioned by "butwhatif". you have no idea what type of financial worries that family may be going through and it would embarrass them to have to say no due to funds.

Are people really embarassed to decline an invitation like that due to lack of funds? You either have money to do something or you don't. People have different income levels, financial situations, and priorities about where money should be spent. I don't see that as a big deal.