Special plane tips from Muffin
 

I am going to share my many tips I have learned regarding flying. You will all find these handy tips helpful but I am gearing these especially towards women.

1. Choose with great care the special flying outfit. You must look the part when flying so you can hold your head high and strut your stuff with grace and elegance as we all know only new outfits do.

2. Select a special plane riding book that CANNOT be looked at or started under any circumstances until you have ARRIVED at the airport. Choose a wonderfully enjoyable book for yourself. I would advise steering away from books that contain plane crashes. I know this from prior experience when I started a bit of a commotion when I screamed during light turbulence...whoops..!

3. Moisturize extra well since the air is dry on the plane.

4. Eat, but eat only light portions the last thing you need is a full belly. You need to arrive at your destination ready to move. Drink lots of water but no cocktails..if you know what I mean sweet cheeks! Vomiting on the plane is reserved for only the most non-fabulous people.

5. The final most important thing is to have fun. Enjoy yourself so you can regale your friends with stories of your wonderful airplane trip! Also don't forget to do a couple of yoga poses in the restroom to stretch out for your arrival. You will probably find yourself in the restroom many times if you are drinking enough water.

As you leave the plane scan your area for any lost baggage while maintaing a good forward gait so not to look lost but important and special. If you see anybody you know though and I implore you to jump up and down and make like they are the most special friend in the world.

Happy flying ***smooch***

YIIIIIIPPPPPPPIIIIIIEEEE!!!!!!!!!

MUFFINS BACK!

I SHOULD BE TYPING A VERY IMPORTANT REPORT AT THIS MOMENT BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE I AM TOOOOO EXCITED TO LEARN FROM MUFFIN! YEA MUFFIN :D I'M JUST SHOUTING WITH JOY :D

Thanks. ***smooch*** ((a)) ((b))

I can't help it; I'm sorry for making this post, but do you really think muffin is this... um.. shall we say eccentric or does anyone think this person is just trying to crack us up? Have you noticed that she/he never comments on your sarcasm. I can't seem to locate the posting, but does she/he say what those drugs were she/he was trying to protect in flight?

In a word, this teenager/aging housewife/gender-challenged male in an unhappy relationship/starved for attention dork is a terrorist.

Could somebody tell me how to use the emoticons..well or whatever you call them? I think they would bring a great deal of depth to my helpful hints..***smooch***

I'm not sure we want to give away any of our secrets. ((a)) ((b))

Muffin,

Being an officer and a gentleman I would never do anything to denigrate your station in life, but are you by chance familiar with the Sweet Potato Queens?

My tips for the female corporate traveler who is totally OVER trying to impress people on planes.
1. Wear something comfy. This is what Juicy Couture is made for!
2. Be sure your laptop battery is fully charged. Movie or work, you'll have time to do one or both.
3. Take at least 24oz bottled water
4. Take a pair of socks to wear in flight
5. Bose headphones ~ again, check battery prior to departure
6. If you have a few good recent magazines, take them to share. People really appreciate it and it's a great way to recycle magazines!
7. Establish yourself as a frequent flyer with one airline for upgrades. When they are not available you atleast have the opportunity to get on the plane before everyone takes all the overhead space.
8. Have chapstick, facial mist, antibacterial handWIPES and breath mints/gum handy. I add hand lotion because I cannot stand my hands to be dried out.
9. Store your smaller carry-on under the seat in front of you to leave more room in overhead bins
10. Take snacks for the flight, unless you are in 1st class
11. I travel A LOT and I have something I call a pill-fold. I have 10 different medications in the thing, at least. I have pepto-bismal, ibuprofen, aspirin, tylenol, antacid, flu/cold medicine, allergy medicine, beano, lactaid and imodium ad. I am ready for just about anything and it takes very little room.
Hmmm... maybe I will be able to think of other things.
Anyone have any other helpful ideas?

jeez... what logical advice. Refreshing!

Yoga in the airplane bathroom? This makes me wonder if The Muffster has been on an airplane recently. There isn't enough room in there to change your mind.

Is this becoming a trend?
A Muffin Moment each day to keep us on our toes?

Hiya there, Mz. Scarlett! A Muffin Moment every day sounds just delightful to me. I did find the hotel tips a bit more useful than the plane tips. But fiddle-dee-dee, there is always tomorrow, as no one knows better than ScarlettO. ((F))

Yes, darlin, but my eyeballs are still sore from attempting to scour the hotel bathroom @-)

Is thhis muffin toasted? :)

"Yoga in the airplane bathroom?"

Marilyn, it's called the pee pose... not to be confused with the tree pose :-D

Yes, TX, I can add a Muffin-esque flying tip: Never drink a carbonated soda before flying.

I never gave this a second thought, until one three hour flight I spent doubled over in pain, certain that an ovary was in the process of exploding. Truly, it felt like a 7cm contraction that wouldn't end.

The flight attendant explained that it was most likely a gas pocket reacting to the change in cabin pressure. Evidently they often experience the same.

Since then it's only water or OJ for me in flight. Plus I take both a GaxX and a Sudafed before boarding! :)

Muff~Thanks ever so for such good advice. Your whole attitude brought back an old ad for a particular airline wity a smiling stew saying "Fly me!".
It's a damned shame the skies aren't so friendly anymore.
**SMOOCH**

I fervently hope that the true Muffin is never revealed. I am having a wonderful time picturing a life for her. Foreign - judging by her weird choice of words, under 30 - judging by her definite naiveity, independently wealthy - what job would match her qualifications, more than a little dumb - obviously. She is better than any sitcom. I will be crushed if she is ever revealed to be a 50 yr. old male CPA from Little Rock who drives a Saturn and belongs to the Rotary Club.

dcespedes, of course! You are absolutely right! In fact, that is the one yoga pose I have mastered to perfection.

shaz, you don't want to overthink our little muffin or you'll spoil her. *smooch* to all my fodorfriends!

Adding to the Muffin Moment, please don't fart on the plane.

Shae, of course muffin is on drugs. Isn't everyone?

the pee pose ensures buns and thighs of steel so you look good in the leather pants.

Dreamer2's story brings to mind an adventure that happened to a friend of mine when she took GasX thinking that it would keep her from being socially, shall we say, unacceptable. However, the purpose of GasX is to prevent big gas bubbles from hurting you because you are unable to pass them. It aids the process rather than stopping it.
Oh, heck, it's a long story - you had to be there. (Good thing we weren't, actually.)
Muffin - don't give your dog GasX, is all I can suggest.

TxTravelPro : The brain fart which allowed the contradiction in your #7 and #9 must be from lack of use of your beano from your pillfold. Break the seal, sweetie. Bottoms up!!

I am now picturing a large balding guy with hair on his back, hunched over a computer keyboard, typing away at his "muffin chronicles"...now and then stopping to relieve his build up of gas, scratch a moment and then back to giggling over his postings.
Tomorrow morning he will be back in his shiny suit and selling Saturns! not driving one :D

rex skidmore, muffin won't be wearing a <b>blacktie</b> though, will she?

Go Travel:
I wasn't deciding IF he/she was on drugs...just which kind or which combination. We all may benefit from a little trip to muffinland :)

Message: &gt;&gt;I am now picturing a large balding guy with hair on his back, hunched over a computer keyboard, typing away at his &quot;muffin chronicles&quot;...now and then stopping to relieve his build up of gas, scratch a moment and then back to giggling over his postings.&lt;&lt;

Scarlett, you forgot the beer belly, cheap stogie and the holey tank top t-shirt... ;-)

Lee Ann

I personally picture Muffin as a mid life Mrs. Thurston Howell III.

These threads crack me up!Clearly Muffin has alot more time on her hands to come up with these than most of us. I still can;t wait to see Muffin start a photo link,especially 10 minutes after arrival in Aruba with the leather pants on....Make sure you get a few other tourist's expressions in the shot!

My muffins visions: Robin Williams, Bird Cage...Dustin Hoffman, Tootsie.....Mel Gibson, What Women Want.....you get the picture.

Surely muffin is most like Dame Edna, in oh so many ways?

That's it!!! Marilyn, I have that same image of muffin :D

*smooch*, possums!

&quot;Special plane tips from Muffin&quot;, eh? Methinks Muffin rides the special bus to transgender school.

Besides the fact that her posts remind me of ThinGorjus on the Euro board, I picture her as Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde

Flying High Again.

Slow night Rex?

Muffin has a true understanding of living....if everyone was like Muffin there would be no anger in tis world....I completely understand Muffin and think it's refreshing to see someome else that understands the how important it is to look good, smell good, feel good and to have all appreciate all the nice pretty comfy things around us,

Muffin is pink fluffy clouds...the person you want to sit next to on a plane.

Hey Muffin..I need a good book to read for a long flight. What would you recommend?

I just love this one.

Shouldn't this thread be moved to the airline forum? :*

oh how I miss muffin.

where is that post of muffin's about wearing leather pants on the airplane. a classic.