single mom, son, & airport bathroom
 

I would love some advice, preferably from moms travelling alone w/ sons, or dads w/ daughters: My son is almost at the age where he is too old to go with me into the women's bathroom in airports (and thruway rest stops, too.)

But the bathrooms are huge, and...well, the stories are out there--everything from strangers exposing themselves to kids to much, much worse. I know they're unlikely to happen, but I don't want to be a "low probability" case.

We've travelled a lot together, and he's responsible as a 10-yr old who has travelled a lot can be. But he's still little, and cute, and a child. I think I can get away with his coming with me in the bathroom for about another 6 months...maybe.

What should I do? Do I keep him with me, and tell him to ignore the looks other women give me? (He uses his own "stall", then stands waiting for me at mine. If we're next to each other, and it's not crowded, sometimes he'll just wait 'til I'm done before he comes out.)

Some men have said I can wait just outside the bathroom for HIM, but I can't tell if there's any trouble unless he calls...
I'll use family bathrooms whenever these are available (LOVE those!!), but they're not always available.

I'm not a hypernervous type of mom...as I said, we travel a lot. I'm just careful. So we always manage to have a good, safe time.

Thanks.

At 10 I think you have to let him go in the men's room. Wait right outside the door with very specific instructions that he NOT TALK TO ANYONE. It's a tough time. I know, I have 2 boys.

Hi momtravel, I sure understand your concern and question. Didn't raise sons but when my grandsons and stepgrandson got to that age it was so difficult. I just bit the bullet and did as wliwl suggested. I reminded them each and every time to NOT speak to anyone. I stood outside the exterior door with my eye on my wristwatch. There was never a problem..if they hadn't come out in a reasonable time I always figured I would speak to the most decent looking fatherly or grandfatherly man I saw if an employee was around and ask them to go in and see if everything was alright. And if that wasn't possible guess I would have been calling out to them in a very loud voice. Again, there was never a problem thank goodness.

Some years ago there was a post here regarding this very problem and I was shocked how some women got really outraged about a young boy being brought into the ladies room. Silly in my opinion and all ladies rooms that I have ever seen have always had nothing but private stalls.

Best wishes to you.

Hi momtravel,

I understand as I have 2 sons, 11 and 14. I never particularly worried or cared what other women would think or say if I brought my son into the restroom with me....BUT, by the time they were around 10, they completely objected and insisted they could and should go into the men's room alone.

I also travel with them often, and many times I have just one of them with me so the "buddy" approach doesn't always work.

I would just wait outside the door. I've even been known to "yell" as they went in - a friendly..."Just let me know if you need anything." It embarrassed them a bit, but I felt like it warned those inside.

One time, I even marched into a men's room when it seemed too quiet and took too long. It was at a movie theatre restroom with no door (just a curve). Turns out the boys had gone into the lobby and I missed them coming out (they were together and I was still in the women's room). Anyway, I've never felt bad about walking in as safety comes first.

So, just wait outside, tell him to talk to no one, and never be afraid to check. Remember, we hear lots of scary stories and it is important to be careful and prepared, but actual bad situations are very rare.

I agree with other posters. A 10 year old is too old to go to the women's room. He needs to learn how to take care of himself. I would think a busy airport bathroom would be relatively safe. Plus, he's still young enough that he will listen to you and not be embarassed or feel you are talking down to him, which may happen in a couple of years. Seize the time!

As the mother of two boys I had to think this one over myself. Tell him to use the stalls if possible, and to scream his bloody head off if anyone does anything hinky. I still find myself waiting outside of the mens room for my youngest who is 18 wondering what is taking so long and dying to yell through the door for him!

I always used to give my son a whistle on a cord to wear around his neck so that he could make a noise if anyone approached him. We were told in a child safty course that in all probablity this would make a potential attacker flee. It's not a 100% guarantee but I felt a lot more confident using this approach.

Mary2Go..LOL re: you with your 18 yr old son! Do we ever stop worrying about our kids, even when they're young adults?
Momtravel, i agree with the others, while totally understanding. You don't sound hypernervous or hypersensitive--just normal, and wisely cautious. You've received great tips here.
Yes, stuff happens as you described, and in the most unlikely places, so that caution is necessary everywhere. One trip we had to Hawaii ended on a creepy note at the Dole Plantation maze. My daughter got lost, separated from her cousin who was supposed to be watching out for her and was instead flirting with girls. Well, at the end of a path leading to nowhere, my daughter encountered a sicko exposing himself, to her and any other little girl who happened to get trapped in the dead-end path. She spent 2 hours of our last day on Oahu, being interviewed by police and having to describe what she saw. Ugh. The only good thing was they said we might have to return to Honolulu, expenses paid, so she could testify against the guy. (Darn, didn't happen.)
So yes--no one wants to have their children experience that as part of their travel memories.

Wow - 10?

I have no problem at all with young boys in the ladies room, but 10 seems a bit much to me (for his sake). Thinking of my nephews -- 2, 6, 10 and 11 -- only the 2-year-old would stand for it. The 11-year-old is 5"7" and already hitting puberty. I know he'd scream bloody murder if, last year, his mom had still been taking him into the ladies. The 6-year-old has been going "on his own" (with mom waiting outside) for a year.

I think staking out the men's room door and all the advice about him making noise -- a lot of it -- or you barging in if it takes too long is prudent and probably enough.

momtravel,

I am not trying to be mean, I just think that at ten years old your son has been too old to go into the ladies room for at least a couple of years now. you may be doing him an injustice with the embarrassment that he is probably feeling. And I an sure the other ladies in there aren't very happy about it.
Restrooms in airports are pretty safe. At ten he can handle it on his own.

I hope that I haven't offended but I needed to say it. 8-)

I also have 2 sons. If your son doesn't mind going into the ladies room, I wouldn't care what other people think. I'm not sure why anyone would mind. It's not like your out in open using the bathroom. Your behind a stall. My 10 year old son refuses to go in to the ladies room. I wait right outside the mens room. I mean right outside. Almost have one foot in the door LOL. I give him just enough time to do his business. If he's not out, I push the door open to yell his name. I have even gone in a couple of times. Hopefully Family bathrooms will start to become more popular.

My son is 7.5 and he definitely does not go into the mens room alone , and quite frankly if someone was bothered by this ..... well , they'd get over it . Safety comes first , obviously 10 is a bit older , so just see what your comfort level is like in each place . There was a horrible story a couple of years ago about a boy ( around 9 ) at a campground , the mom waited outside the door , he seemed to be taking a while , and someone had stabbed him. THAT is scary . Not common , Thank God . But strange things do happen.

Momtravel, the bottom line is, do whatever you think is best for your son. If he doesn't mind going in to the ladies room with you. Don't worry what other people think. Why would any women out there care if you took your son into the bathroom. As long he is SAFE that's all that matters.

I only have girls. I am very sympathetic with your situation. At 10, unless he is on the small side, I would send him in a busy bathroom and wait outside. If it is a quiet bathroom, I would take him in the ladies room.
I was just in NY and there was a man pushing his wife in a wheel chair into the Radio City bathroom. He was worried how far he could take her in without being rude. I said take her all the way to the stall if she needs your help getting in and out of the wheelchair. Everyone is in a stall so who could you offend? He took her to the stall area and left and an attendent helped her.
I have also had boys in my group on field trips. One time we were at Mount Vernon which has public bathrooms outside. It was so deserted like and I stood by the doorway and yelled into the boys (all about 9 years old) that we were waiting, to hurry up, and to wash hands. I yelled every minute or so to let someone know there was a mom that was not afraid of coming in!
Do what is best for you.

Please, for his sake do not bring him into the women's bathroom at the age of 10.

Like the previous posters, I have stood outside the men's bathroom and yelled inside. Once, at the airport, I asked a gentlemen, on his way out, if he had noticed if there was small boy inside. He laughed and mentioned there was a kid who had been washing his hands for 5 minutes and offered to tell him his mother was waiting for him.

Althouth nerve-racking, giving him a bit more independence will be good for both of you.

I'm all for protection of kids, but I have to take the side of 10 being WAY beyond the age of appropriateness for a boy to be using the women's facilities.

I was puzzled by the OP's comment that she knew she could 'get away' with it for 6 more months. I think it's already a few years overdue.

Camp outside the men's room, heck you go INTO the men's room yourself if you feel the need, let him know it's OK to shout to you since you'll be waiting at the door, etc.

This is such a problem now, with single parent families, both for mothers of sons & fathers of daughters. I have seen a few "family" bathrooms here & there and hopefully, the trend will continue.

10 is too old for a boy to be in a ladies' room. I actually had an argument with a guest in a hotel's ladies' room, with her son who looked about 10 or 11. She felt that there was nothing wrong with it.

I took my 7 year old grandson into the ladies room at a college football game. I was comfortable doing that.

However, there comes a time that he will need to go to the men's room alone. I would worry at age 10 that I was frightening him too much and that I was not expressing enough confidence in him.

However, you can be sure that until he is an adult's size I will be waiting outside the door.

Here's a problem I encounter alot. What if I have to go the bathroom? I'm with my 10 year old son at the movies ... or a Major League ballpark ... or whatever. He doesn't want to get up and go with me and stand outside the door. But I always feel funny walking off and leaving him in a dark movie theatre or in a sea of mad baseball fans. Doesn't bother him though.

As someone who does not have children, I truly don't care if a parent brings a child into the BR - kids got to go sometimes too. It is after all, up to the parent and no one else, to decide what's right for their personal situation.

Why anyone would make a scene in front of a poor kid and make them uncomfortable is just bad manners and probably not change the situation.

I believe strangers should keep op to themselves unless one sees an emergency situation or is asked. I do hope that this trend of voicing unwanted op in public places will vanish.

Just my 2 cents;
peace;
cybor