Sharing memories on Father's Day

Old Jun 19th, 2005, 04:15 PM
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jetset1
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Sharing memories on Father's Day

I remember how my dad and I would get up at sunrise while we were camping along the Calif. coastline, and go search the tidepools and beachcomb. The we'd get back to our campsite and start a big fire before my mom and younger sister were up.
I remember my dad playing catch with me in the backyard the year I was on a softball team and how he helped build my confidence. I remember how physically active he was all his life and the good example he set for my sister and I.
I remember all the times we sat outside at night looking at the stars and talking about the mysteries of the universe.
I wish he was still here, but the memories I have are enough to be thankful for. J.
 
Old Jun 19th, 2005, 06:45 PM
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Hi jetset1, you obviously had a wonderful dad. So did I. My fondest memories is of him taking me to all the beaches in CA as he grew up in Australia and consequently loved the ocean and beaches. He also loved to meander around old cemetaries and so we did that too, reading all the old gravestones, especially in the Gold Country and Nevada.

He wasn't into sports and basically hated politics. He loved people, and thanks to him I appreciate all different cultures. He also gave me an appreciation for museums and art. He was quite a guy and although I lost him in 1989 I still miss him. But like you I have a lot of memories that make me smile. Take good care and thanks for this thread.
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Old Jun 19th, 2005, 06:59 PM
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I had a really bad day My dad is gone almost 3 years and I miss him so very much. He was way too young. I spent most of the day holding back the tears and wishing he was around to see his wonderful family. I was blessed with a great dad, and the memories are always there, but today they hurt.

Thanks for this thread because I was feeling vey alone....
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Old Jun 19th, 2005, 07:11 PM
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Jetset1 - that was a lovley story.
I am lucky enough to have my dad he is a great dad 73 years old. I remember him teaching me how to fly a kite, shoot a b-b gun, take care of our new born hunting dog pups,(even though he stepped on one of their tails and broke it and she had a "crooked tail" the rest of her life.
He is working on a new career and I am so proud of him.
My DH is in transit from Indonesia - 38 hours - poor guy , his kids miss him terribly. Hug your loved ones!!
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Old Jun 19th, 2005, 07:13 PM
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I have found this Helen Keller quote to be more and more meaningful over the years, as I have missed my father and realized he is still with me in so many ways:

What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.
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Old Jun 19th, 2005, 07:14 PM
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Annabel and LoveItaly~ thanks for your thoughts. I losty my dear dad to lung cancer in 2001. He had quit smoking years before, but being of that generation, didn't get regular checkups which might have saved him. I am grateful that I was able to spend the last four months of his lfe by his side, and he was all there mentally.
My sister said she remembers my dad's hands. I miss the sound of his voice, but thank goodness I have a videotape with him on it. I was a daddy's girl, and I have two boys now, but my husband is a lot like my dad, and my 15 yr. old is Mr. Conservative, vanilla ice cream, just like my dad. They should have both lived 100 years ago. I guess being grateful to see my children carry on some of the same personality traits/quirks is a comfort too.
Annabel, I send a cyber hug to help you remember the good days, J.
 
Old Jun 19th, 2005, 07:14 PM
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Oh Annabel, I understand and am certain a lot of us do. I am so sorry dear one. My dad was in his 80's when I lost him but I still can get teary when I think of him. In fact I can't even hear Waltzing Matilda without getting teary as he always sang it (the unofficial national anthem of Australia).

Dear one, may I make a suggestion. I am sure your dad always wanted you to be happy and have a good life. Consequently know you are honoring his memory by taking good care of yourself and doing things that bring you joy. And as a friend said to me when I lost my DH "time does help even if you don't believe it right now". But Annabel, please allow yourself to cry when you feel the need. And allow yourself to grieve. That is part of the healing process. And be glad that you had a dad that you knew so well and that you do miss. Some people are not as blessed as we have been. My best wishes to you. Take care.
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Old Jun 19th, 2005, 07:24 PM
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annesherrod~ gosh, speaking of dogs, did my dad have a soft spot for animals! Over my growing up years, we had horses and dogs and cats, and my dad took care of a wounded owl, a moose calf(the mom did take it back), and various other critters.
In his later years, he adopted a couple mean dogs from shelters who had been mistreated. Of course, my family was warned not to get close or even make eye contact, very Mission Impossible, but we survived, lol.
One dog tore up the inside of his new pickup, but he justified it, and when he was gone, we looked at that chewed up steering wheel cover many times and laughed!
I only wish I had taken his recommendation and read more good literature. Moby Dick was his favorite and Shakespeare.
I remember many Sat. nights watching Carol Burnett or Mary Tyler Moore. He had a dry sense of humor, but liked the Dark Side comic and calendars, and about the only movie he enjoyed with me as an adult was Planes, Trains and Automobiles with Steve Martin. I bought him the movie with a note telling him how I'd always remember us enjoying that movie and him laughing so hard that he wasn't even making a noise. J.
 
Old Jun 19th, 2005, 07:31 PM
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Jetset1 - the memories are great aren't they?
We used to wath that movie - Planes, trains and Automobiles every Thanksgiving for years. A freind of mine was actually in it as an extra. but we woudl "force" all the family to watch it with us after our big turkey dinner. There are too many babies now who need to go to bed that we gave up that tradition!!
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Old Jun 19th, 2005, 07:43 PM
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I am so glad you posted this as I have been missing my Dad all day. He always loved sunrises and said that it was the best part of the day. One of my best memories is when we went to Hawaii with my husband, two kids, him and my Mom. We watched the sunrise together at Haleakala. I have a picture of us all huddled together with blankets around us. It was so beautiful and such a precious memory.

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Old Jun 19th, 2005, 08:18 PM
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My dad worked 2 jobs most of his life and on occasion 3 jobs. Because of that, I didn't get to share much with him when I was young. But I have made up for it since. He is 86 now and hurting like mad from every machine that ever "bit" him and all the Chicago winters on the salt trucks etc., but I see him all the time now, much more than when I lived in the same house as he did.

He is a very special person. He didn't have anything but oatmeal to eat until he was about 4 years old in Germany, because of WWI and the inflation afterwards, when there was absolutely no food. His first memories are all of his aunt and mother hiding in the mountain caves near his home and running next to 300 foot crevices. He never saw his own father until he was 7, as he was a prisoner of war and then went to the USA to try to find work for the family. My grandfather brought my dad here when he was 11, he came to America on a small, small ship and they put him into a first grade desk for school. He didn't fit. They had no German-English books and there was no bilingual program, and he caught up to 5th grade within 7 months. He graduated valedictorian of his high school class, yet never could go further in school, as he was supporting 3 other people by then.

My dad spoke German and therefore had great responsibility during WWII. He married my mother on a furlough and left 3 days later, not to see her for over a year. They will be married 60 years later this year. I was born 10 months after he came back from Italy. He has worked and worked- probably over 12 hours a day to get us a home and a good start and he did this until he was 71. He is shy and the most honest person I know. He is not a salesman, he hates to even talk on the phone. But he is like the "one good man" in the story of Sodom & Gomorah in the Bible. He is one of those people that have 1000 friends. He is a deacon of the Church and goes to Mass every morning at 7am. He eats like crazy and is thin, and he still bowls every Tuesday. The man must eat 6000 calories a day, not counting the beer.

He was a city garbage man for 20 years and the jazz singers, like Kiki would bring him out a beer as he was picking up and they were coming home. You can get off a plane in Hawaii or Belgium and someone comes up to us and says, "Hi, Lou!" It's amazing.

He was a optics lens grinder, he drew the names on the wagons (Red Riders) for Marshal Fields, and he is an artist.
So is my mother, and that is how they meet. She drew the map and he put in the calagraphy for a project. He does portraits like a photograph. And he has an IQ of about 160. He can beat most of his great grandkids at Trivial Pursuit. And he was at the last Cubs World Series. He is still waiting for next year. He was a terrific baseball player and I do remember him sliding into home once when I was about 3. He was bleeding, but they won, so he sure was happy.

My Dad brought me to his hometown Idar-Oberstein, when I was about 40. We found the stone basin and the church carved out of the Alps where he was baptized. When he tried to return to see his aunts and uncles after WWII- all the ones left alive hid. All they saw was an American GI, but his special Auntie recognized him and ran out to hug him. He is the only kid who survived from his mother's family of 9 siblings to have children. He lost 5 cousins in one night from diptheria. From his dad's side I have a second cousin and we stayed with them that trip. I still have the dollar bill we ripped in half and I'm going back to see Elke next year. She just retired.

My Dad is the one person who picks up the slack in any job left by the "smart and charming" guy- who is always talking. He doesn't talk, he just does. Guys like my Dad made Chicago. He hates politics. He was demoted to a terrible job over not buying votes and rigging polling place machines once, for over two years. My father is an honest man.

I wish everyone could have the role model that this man puts into life- everyday of his life. He took care of his own mother until she was 99 and after two jobs went to a hospital every day for more than 2 years as my Grandfather wasted from strokes- just to hold his hand.

When I was young with 2 kids and lost my husband, for 4 years after that he would show up with Fannie Mae candy on my birthday, January 11- regardless of the blizzard or ice storm. One time I couldn't even recognize him from the ice on his face. He didn't even come in, just kissed me, gave me the candy and started the long drive home in the ruts.

God gave me a wonderful father, who gave me the gift of knowing who I am. Now I have to give him back some of that strength.
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Old Jun 19th, 2005, 08:33 PM
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JJ5~Thank you for sharing.You have an amazing father, and your love for him is overwhelming, given the life he had and the bond you shared.
I was truly touched by your story and it will end this day on a special high note in tribute to the wonderful dads, past and present, in our lives.
 
Old Jun 19th, 2005, 08:45 PM
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Well~I belong to the group of folks who grew up with a Dad who drank too much and was violent a great deal of the time. I've had a great deal of therapy to deal with the trauma and am a far happier person today because of this.
My memories are not particularly good ones. I do ,however, know some Dads who are lovely and this lightens my load. Every time I see or hear a great Dad in action it gives me pause!
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Old Jun 19th, 2005, 08:51 PM
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Amen!
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Old Jun 19th, 2005, 09:10 PM
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Oh PamSF, when I last posted your post was not here. I am sorry that you did not have a supportive and carying father. That is awful, especially IMHO for a daughter. It is stories like yours that cause me to appreciate my dad more and more. I just wish I hadn't argued and made a fuss when he told me "no" at certain times. And I sure wish I had thanked him more for all his dedication and hard work etc. But I spent the last day of his life with him and he thanked me (still cannot believe he thanked me) for everything.

PamSF, from reading all your post over these past months (24 I think?) you obviously are a wonderful person inspite of the lack of support that you needed growing up. Many hugs to you.
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Old Jun 20th, 2005, 06:17 AM
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PamSF, what does not kill you makes you stronger. I only know that many like your father were hurt and didn't know how to nuture. Many, many parents only do what they know how to do.

Even with my father being such a strong role model, nuturing wasn't in the picture. It was all about work and duty.
Everything was. Also parents did not "owe" their kids like today, it was the other way around. Parents were the ones who were entitled. I wasn't even allowed to drive, and had to run away and live off air to get a year of college in when I was 17. I graduated from H.S. at 16. But I never dwell on the negative. They did what they knew how to do. They couldn't put their minds into a world of their child's tomorrow. Neither could your dad. He isn't blameless, but he just couldn't.

And you couldn't be what you are without all the lessons you've learned, both negative and positive. Right now my father won't wear his teeth, and is very very cranky, angry about the state of the world and the "choices" people see for themselves, all 99% selfish. He is very mean- but life has done that to him. Love and family love especially, like freedom, isn't all free. We have to fill in the empty half of the circle ourselves by knowing better.
And this is the story of family, every family. You can't pick them and you do the best that you can.

This has become the age of the girls' education and empowerment. But boys really need attention. They need to learn how to be fathers and that takes knocks and good tests of responsability in their young years. On Father's Day and every day, I think of the girls especially who have had no fathers. Girls need a father image or they never can please enough. My poor daughter lost her father when she was very small and is always trying to fill that spot. But my Dad has given her a good idea of what a man is supposed to be- so she is just now at almost 40 getting a good center to her own identity.
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Old Jun 20th, 2005, 06:25 AM
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Thank you for your kindness. Amen to that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. That which doesn't kill you can also give you great empathy, a sharp wit, great appreciation for lasting bonds and a desire to help others live better lives in the wake of family violence.
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