San Francisco save for older gay teenager?
 

After being a reader for a long time its time to ask some questions of my own.

My family is planning a trip to the West Coast this summer. We are 5 people, my husband, my daughter and my 19 yo son and his 20 yo boyfriend.

The boys would like to visit San Francisco for a couple of days and see the gay neighbourhoods on their own, while we probably hang out in the more touristy areas like Fisherman's Wharf.

They are street smart enough but as a mother and being responsible for another child I guess I need some assurance.

Thanks
Helga

First off, good for you for taking your son's boyfriend on a trip with you.

I think the Castro/Mission is perfectly safe, but I have a suggestion. When you get to SF, take the street car to the Castro with the whole family. It's a fun ride and it ends up at the Castro. Once you see the giant rainbow flag, you know you're there. Spend a few minutes walking around with the guys, which will make you feel better about them being alone without you and it will allow you to get a better sense of where they are.

The Castro and Mission are perfectly safe neighborhoods day and night and you probably don't have anything to worry about. Truthfully, it's a lot of stores, the surrounding residential neighborhood, bars and restaurants. Pretty tame stuff.

I'm not quite certain what your question is because I'm not certain what your "fear" is that he wouldn't be "safe".

We go to the opera in SF and there are gay couples there all the time - doesn't bother anyone, least of all themselves, that they're gay. It's their business.

We go to the Castro District (gay area of SF) for lunch or dinner sometimes and it's perfectly safe. Lots of gay couples walking around enjoying the sunshine - same as us heterosexuals.

As with touring anywhere in the world, one has to take the normal precautions.

Sorry I can't help you any more because I've never had a negative experience with a gay person in SF.

Sure, we'll save SF for your teenager, be he gay or straight...it's saved just for him. B-)

Thanks for your replies.

Mike, thank you very much for your thoughtful answer. That sounds like a very good solution.

easytraveler, thank you also for your answer. I might not have chosen the right words to express what i wanted to say as English is not my first language. Still it makes me feel better and my son and I will be able to kind of calm down boyfriends mother who isn't to thrilled about the trip.

Thanks again.
Helga

You can go to a movie at Castro while the boys explore the neighborhood

http://www.castrotheatre.com/p-list.html

This movie theater shows only specials like international film festival, or silent movies.

So Helga, where are you coming from?

FainaAgain, thank you for the link, the theatre looks promising. My daughter is a film buff and I think she'd enjoy that.

BeachBoi, we are German but live in Ireland. Not many big cities on the Emerald Isle.

Thanks again
Helga

Why is boyfriend's mother nervous about the trip - could be a lot of reasons, none of which have anything to do with gay issues. Are you traveling from outside of US? We have had teen visitors from 3 different countries in Europe and all their parents thought everyone in US walked around carrying a gun shooting at things, for example. Or perhaps it is the drugs/alcohol thing people associate with US young people.

Helga, here is for your daughter, this is Pacific Film Archive

http://www.bampfa.berkeley.edu/filmseries/

Berkeley is a city across the bay, with the famous university. You can get there by BART - underground train, like metro.

Make sure your son has the hotel's address and phone number, so he can call you if he's late getting back, or if he needs to take taxi (give him cash).

Gail, we are traveling from Ireland. Compared to any place in Ireland San Francisco is a big city. I don't know how well traveled the young man is but its very far away from home for all of us.

I'm sure there are some cliche's about the US involved, same as for many travelers coming to Europe it seems from reading posts on the Europe board.

I don't know if the gay issue is a big concern for her but it will be part of the trip and it is important to the boys.

Nevertheless she is a mother as I am so I understand her to a certain point.

Thanks for all the replies, we all are looking forward to our holidays.

Helga - as the parent of a 17 and 21 year old who have traveled some on their own, I can identify with the worries of the boyfriend's parents - I guess it is just a Mom thing.

I am sure it will make them feel better if you ask her son to call her at pre-determined intervals. Perhaps when you arrive and then once more during your trip. If any of you travelling together have a cell phone that works in US that would also make them feel more comfortable. And make sure they have an itinerary about where you will be staying. These are all things that make me worry a little less when my kids travel.

Faina, thanks again. I appreciate your help in finding something my daughter will enjoy while her brother is following his interests.

As this could be our last family holiday I hope everybody will enjoy it and can find something special for themselves.

I don't worry about me and DH as I read plenty of posts about San Francisco and the West Coast already.

Thanks again
Helga

Gail, you are correct its a mother thing. The boyfriends parents were also worried when the boys traveled around our native Germany last summer.

The points you and Faina mention about having the hotel address as well as phones which will work in the US are very thoughtful. We will also make sure we leave an itinerary so people know where we are at certain days.

Phone calls are planned already also, not only to let them know we are fine but also to make them jealous when we describe the beauty of the areas we will be traveling in.

Thanks again
Helga

"also to make them jealous when we describe the beauty of the areas we will be traveling in" - this is the best part of every trip :))

MikeT's suggestion is exactly right, in my opinion. You should all go and see the Castro, then let them stay on their own. I'm a little unclear however on how many places a 19 and 20 year old can go. They may end up disappointed.

You can help his mother feel better by telling her

1) the boys cannot go into any bars (Gay or otherwise) since the drinking age is 21 and pretty strictly enforced. Not just that they can't drink - they cannot even enter a bar.

2) She may have seen videos of some of the more - shall we say "flamboyant" - San Francisco Gay parades and festivals. Most gays in SF are just middle class worker bees like everyone else.

You said "this summer", would it be the last weekend of June by any chance? Just realized, you might be here on time for the huge annual parade in SF.

Faina, seems we are on the same wave length. :)

Patrick, the boys are aware of that. My son said they would like to soak up the atmosphere and history of San Francisco's gay area. Still I will mention it to them just in case.

Thanks again
Helga

"I'm a little unclear however on how many places a 19 and 20 year old can go. They may end up disappointed."

This is true. OTOH, they can still go into restaurants, cafes, get coffee, go into stores, walk through the residential area nearby. If you are 19 and gay and have never been a place like the Castro, just walking around and seeing other gay men can be fun and liberating.