Rules of the Sidewalk
 

Christmas is the busiest time in Manhattan, here are some helpful hints. (I have posted these before.)

For NY’ers and Tourists
• WALK TO THE RIGHT, even if you are English, from OZ, or a leftist.
• Do not stop short.
• Do not do pirouettes in the middle of the street when lost.
• Do not walk five across the street as if you are playing Ringo Leevio or Red Rover, Red Rover let Fred Come Over.
• Drink your coffee at the coffee shop. The street is not a cocktail party or your cubicle, so do not hold your drink in front of you.

Here is a real get real data plan
SHUT UP!!! Now we know publicly how petty and inane you are privately.
• Take one ear bud and stick it up your behind, so you will have stereo
• If you must take a call from The President or have a shuffle music emergency, why don’t you stand in the middle of the sidewalk to block traffic.
• Do not pace the sidewalk, you are not home in your jammies and slippers.
• Watch where you are going. You are on the phone, not us.

Just NY’ers
• Do not run, jog, or elbow your down the street between the walkers
• Do not ride your bike down the sidewalk. I know bikers think they are elevated live forms but pedestrians may disagree. And now it is illegal for anyone over the age of 12 to do so.
• Half the bikers do not know the rules, the other half ignore them. Let’s try and change that percentage.
• Sunday fathers-do not use your child’s stroller as a battering ram. If you are mad that you are divorced or stuck with the kids, take it on yourself not us.
• Dog walkers-try not to have the entire 20 foot lead extend across the sidewalk. Someone is going to step on your Chihuahua.

Tourists
• Look at the map either at the curb or next to a building not on a corner, the middle of the sidewalk, by garbage cans already blocking the street, or on the subway steps.
• If you must window shop do it by the windows and not from the middle of the sidewalk with binoculars.
• Jay-walking is a NYC sport. If you are going to wait for a light, get out of the way of those who want to break the law.
• If you are going to look up assign a designated seeing-eye tourist so others can pass.

Actually jay-walking is a contact sport.

Jaywalking doesn't exist in NYC because the crossing lights are merely suggestions. Anyone in NYC who stops at a Don't Walk sign when no cross-traffic is present deserves getting knocked over.

- Don't pretend you're on the phone to get the attention off you when you screw up something.

Its probably universal.

A couple of notes for tourists with luggage:

When you are pulling luggage you MUST walk indian file - do NOT walk 2 people side by side - since when combined with your bags (most people seem to be trying to manage 2 wheelies each) you are blocking the entire sidewalk

Be aware that there are MANY gratings in the sidewalk (for air in andout of hte subways). If you try to walk on them with your luggage the wheels can easily get stuck - and you are now ready for the 5 o'clock news.

When crossing the street wait for a fresh green light. You can;t get up much speed pulling all that luggage - and if you are caught in the middle of the street when the light changes the traffic will not wait for you/your luggage - they will drive around you - again you are ready for the 5 o'clock news. (Yes, locals will cross even when the light is turning red - but they can run to the other side - you can't.)

I thought I read something about the city considering a higher level of jaywalking enforcement. This can't be true, can it?

I know they tried a crackdown early in 2014 but I am not sure if that continued. That is like taking away a Constitutional Right from a NY'er.

IMDone, great list!! Hilarious!

Thanks JoJo

Boy do I remember the 'jay walking' when we visited NYC, and you could sure tell we were tourists: waiting promptly on the sidewalk for the light to change to green. What were all these people doing...crossing the street on a red light...the horror! We sure looked like tourists. For the first day only, after that we jumped right in, I mean off, the curb and crossed the street on the red light. Felt like such a law breaker. Had a hard time explaining to the kids it was okay to do it in NYC but not at home!

I would add to the NY/stroller line - think before you buy a $2000 SUS (sport utility stroller) that blocks 1/2 the sidewalk. Your kids are not all that important.

Next rule: Stepping on the heels of the person in front of you will not make the people in front of that person move any faster.

Gail
The following is a true story. We know a women who used to brag about luxury stroller which could open cans and sing arias. One afternoon her nanny is walking the baby and a building collapses and the million dollar stroller saved the baby's life. She's was on the front page of the newspaper and the Mayor came to the hospital.

The irony was too evident.

No matter how madly in love you are, refrain from holding hands

This made me laugh. Drives me nuts that people don't stay to the right - unfortunately it's usually the locals. Tourists just suddenly stop. And I cringe having to get to work in the rain; it's as if suddenly everyone forgets how to walk. And don't get me started on golf umbrellas.

absolutkz

What do you think of golf umbrellas?

That they belong on a golf course and not in the middle of Times Square taking out eyes within a 3 foot radius or tucked under your arm and sticking out 4 feet behind you.

Thank you. If golf was a sport, you would not first learn it when you were 65.

Do not walk and text at the same time- I will run you down.

Indian file??

Single file - one after another. Did yuo never see Last of the Mohicans????

Indian file? OMG, your inner dinosaur is showing.

Indian files are now used by call centers.

What does Last of the Mohicans have to do with anything? This is weird.

Hilarious.

A modified version should be posted for each major city: Paris, London, Rome, etc.

Thank you Pintxos, royalties gratefully accepted.

The other day, I was walking down 45th St when I was blocked by four nannies (?), teacher's aides (?) or kidnappers, each wheeling gigantic "strollers" that held four, and in one case FIVE children. I think they should be banned under an anti-child-pollution ordinance.

They have strollers these days that are part of the program of the Defense Department where they sell tanks and armored cars to local police.

Those "egg carton" transporters are very handy for multiple kids in day car or pre-school. But they definitely don;t belong on 45th St.

And I have been run into a couple of times by frenzied moms pushing the tank strollers. One hit my ankle so hard it started to bleed. When I complained she told me I should get out of her way (we were walking at a good pace - apparently she wanted to job - which is for the park -not city streets).

So we're anti- tourists, lovers, people with children, people with umbrellas and texters. I don't think I know anybody that doesn't fit into at least one of those categories.

We forgot to include elderly people with their walkers.

Today I saw a new one -- a woman talking over Skype or FaceTime while walking down the street and taking an apparent selfie. Unfortunately, she did not fall down and break her neck (as far as I know).

To me, this does not bode well.

This is too funny! I walk from GCT to Lincoln Center everyday, the morning is great as I get into the city at 7:20 while most of the tourists are asleep and I actually get 5th Ave to myself, but the evening walk back has been horrendous, I think I've taken out at least a dozen or more tourists in the past week or so! Most of the time I feel like a salmon swimming upstream :)

Thank you. Please do not kill too many tourists, they are good for the local economy.

<<Half the bikers do not know the rules, the other half ignore them. Let’s try and change that percentage.>>

Won't help. In my city it's 25% who don't know the rules, and 75% who ignore them, but the result is the same.

These rules should apply in any city not matter the size and grocery stores. I work in a small town that encourages riding your bike. My handbag has been knocked off my arm twice but a bike rider that like to ride on the sidewalk next to the buildings at 30 miles per hour.