Another take on the "bless your heart" phrase - often used at the tail end of a disparaging remark, rather like a linguistic antidote that lets a "fine, gentle southerner" get away with saying something downright mean and ornery - e.g., "he is just a totally useless idiot, bless his heart" or "she's nothing but a two-bit trollop, bless her heart"

CAPH52 - it happens in the city too. I was running errands today (yay for I-Go car sharing so poor carless souls like me can go to Costco on occasion) and I was waved into to more than one traffic line, and on one occasion even allowed to turn left. For all the honking, we really are quite civilized ;)

I love the nuances of the southern phrase "bless your heart" I think I'll start using it to confuse my friends.

I think there are some distinctions being completely lost here, all in the name of being "politically incorrect." For the record, that term was coined when a political analyst was astounded that a candidate would make ethnic jokes about Latinos, almost 20% of the vote in his district -- "flat stupid" as a Southerner would say. Now people are disparaging the very idea of sparing people from negative stereotypes, and I've heard so many really offensive comments that begin with "not to be politically incorrect, but ..."

And there's certainly a difference between calling a lion a kitty cat or a missile a "peacemaker," and considering all Southerners "mouth-breathin' Gomers" or all Northerners "rude sumbeetches."

Also for the record, I've lived for 22 years in the Northeast, 13 years in the mid-Atlantic, 8 years in the Midwest, and the most recent 12 years in the South. So although what I'm about to say may qualify as generalization, it's based on experience, not stereotypes I've picked up from the media or other people.

My experience is that Southerners are more conscious of regional differences and more ready to be annoyed at outsiders than others, but that's partly because the South has kept its rural character and being Southern as part of its self-definition and pride.

In the rural Midwest, as others have noted, you'll hear the same kinds of complaints and comments about outsiders, but "outsiders" aren't defined as "Yankees" or "Northerners," just outsiders -- usually "yuppies."

When I'm up north (specifically the Northeast), I note that people spend much less time talking about all those people who aren't Northerners -- which is certainly a form of provincialism, of course -- recently it's more about Red vs. Blue states if anything. But it really does rankle when I hear their condescending comments and jokes about the South that follow from the usual stereotypes, and usually from people who've never been to the South.

And where do those negative Southern stereotypes come from? From "Andy Griffith" and Southern humor literature and joke-y lists like these, often written by Southerners themselves, usually with love and pride. But surprise surprise, when TV comedy writers want to indicate a character isn't quite brilliant or lacks sophistication, a Southern accent is now often what they use -- and voila, the "Gomer" image.

The divisiveness in the US has worsened markedly in recent decades, and it pains me to hear either Northerners or Southerners "traffic in" observations that just deepens the sense of difference, especially when the chips on shoulders seem to be getting heavier and heavier.

As for Shakespeare, he was a great writer but not above using cultural difference to "code" something (like the Southern accent to indicate a dullard) about incidental characters -- but what made him great was the richness in his main characters like Iago and Shylock that transcended stereotyping and delved into individuality.

OK, time to end the morning lecture -- I'm worn out and probably put everyone else back to sleep. Peace.

Cassandra,

I just want to say that was an extremely insightful and well-written post. I share most - if not all - of your sentiments.

The problem for me as a Southerner is a (perceived) lack of empathy people have for us as our region becomes inundated with people moving here.

I live in Raleigh, and we have been on every "Top Ten" places list you can think of. We've seen tens of thousands of people move into the area every year and badly tax our infrastructure.

I'm from Wilmington, NC - which has seen a 20% increase in population since 2000. It's almost impossible to get around town without a major hassle now.

I've made many 1000's of posts on fodors.com, and 99% of them (I hope) are helpful and non-judgemental.

I have to say, though, that it is extremely irritating to me to have people expect for we who live here to find all of this recent growth "enlightening" and be appreciative, when we are essentially watching the lifestyle we have enjoyed disappear under a glut of incoming crowds. How pompous is it to think that an influx of a certain geographic group of people will "improve" things?

I recently got into a fracas with another poster because I took offense to a comment she made about a part of this state she found too "rural." She protested vociferously (a little TOO much if you ask me) that she did not mean it in a bad way. Maybe she didn't, but something about her comments irked my liver. It was like, here we go again, someone who will move here and whine about the heat and lack of "culture."

If people who come here or are making comments might try a little harder to see things from our point of view, (bless their hearts) we would ALL be able to get along better.

Amen Diana. Very nicely put.

Everything is a Coke, unless its an RC. If its pop, you're from the MW, if its soda, you're from way up North.

Seamus, I've heard people say things like "what a two-faced litty (bleep), bless his/her heart" I guess with a little bit of sugar, even the bitter sounds sweet.

Diana.. I wasn't aware Raleigh was on the top 10 of anything anymore... Typically, the lists I've read in the last few years, it isn't even the best place in NC. I think you can have some peace of mind... most folks are figuring it out - and moving elsewhere.

"I wasn't aware Raleigh was on the top 10 of anything anymore"

Guess you need to do more reading Julie... (Glad I-40 west worked out well for you.)

Raleigh/Durham is ranked the 4th "best city for singles" (Forbes)

Raleigh/Durham is listed among the 9 leading "biotechnology centers" in the US (Brookings Institute)

Raleigh is ranked the #2 Best Place to Live and Work (Employment Review)

Raleigh is ranked #4 in the Metropolitan New Economy Index Also ranked: #1 for degrees granted in science and engineering #1 for academic R&D funding #5 for access to venture capital #3 for access to high-tech jobs (Progressive Policy Institute)

Raleigh is ranked #8 Most Wired City Also ranked: #3 for percentage of households using the Net, #4 for broadband use and interest (Yahoo! Internet Life)

Raleigh is ranked #1 " Best Place to Live-Southern Region;" (Money)

Raleigh is ranked #3 Liveliest City for the Elderly (Modern Maturity)

Raleigh is ranked #3 " Best City in the Nation for Entrepreneurship" (Entrepreneur)

Raleigh is ranked #4 Best City to Start and Grow a Company;" (Inc.)

RTP is the largest research park in the United States

Source: http://www.nceita.org/resources/nctechstats.asp

(But what do Forbes, Money, and Inc. know - bless their hearts...)

Julie_Colorado,

If only that were true. The area keeps getting high rankings for best place to have a business, best place to raise a family, best place for singles, etc. I wish the chambers of commerce would stop submitting answers.

I'm not sure when you left, but the area is growing faster than we can handle it. Usually 2,000 to 3,000 new student each year in the Wake County schools. Buildings can't handle the growth and there is talk of forcing all kids on a year-round schedule where there would be different sessions so the schools could handle more students without trailers. Also talking about 2 different class days (morning schools roughly 7-12 and then afternoon school 1-6). Wake County is having the most growth, but Johnston County (Clayton, Smithfield) is one of the fastest growing counties in the state because the homes are more 'affordable' than Wake County or if you want some land with the house. FV is now considered an acceptable drive to downtown Raleigh or RTP.

When homes in Mebane (west of Hillsborough) are in the $280,000s (golf course community) you know growth is out of hand.

Oh Diana... bless yer heart...

Oh, and by the way, what Money had to say was 34th in the country... (most recent survey which I read the day I got it)... Perhaps hasn't hit TV or radio yet... but stay tuned...

More info for you Julie. (Let me know when I should stop...) You are just the sweetest thing to want to know all of this. ((k))

Raleigh Ranks Right On Top
RALEIGH, N.C. (June 2005) -- North Carolina’s Capital City area certainly makes the grade when it comes to positive accolades. Over the past five years, numerous third parties have praised Raleigh for its quality of life, excellent education, entertainment options and business climate. After all, Raleigh embodies, “City Life, Carolina Style.” Among Raleigh’s most notable accolades:

Meeting
#20 Expo's Top 25 Bargain Destinations Expo, July/August 2004
#3 Cost-Effective Location for Corporate Meetings GetThere, December 2003
#10 Successful Meetings 10 to Watch Successful Meetings, December 2003

Lifestyle
# 4Best City for Singles Forbes Magazine, July 2005
#17 Best Place for Running in the United States Runners World, July 2005
#8 Places for Wireless Connections Intel, June 2005
Five Star Quality of Life Metro (Raleigh-Cary) Expansion Management, April 2005
Top 50 Five Star City for Quality of Life (Raleigh-Cary) Expansion Management, March 2005
#4 Best City for Dating (Raleigh-Durham, NC) Sperling's Best Places, May 2004
#4 City That Rocks Esquire Magazine, April 2004
Hottest Town in the East (Cary, NC) Money Magazine, January 2004
#6 Most Fun City Cranium, January 2004
#1 College Town (Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill) – Tier II USA TODAY, August 2003
#10 Lowest Rents-CBD Expansion Management, August 2003
#1 Best Place to Live MSN House & Home, July 2003
#1 Best Place to Live & Work Employment Review Magazine, June 2003
#9 Best City for Singles Forbes Magazine, June 2003
#3 Best Place to Reinvent Your Life AARP Magazine, May/June 2003
#10 Low-Stress City (Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill, NC) Sperlings Best Places, 2003
Top 20 Best Urban Trails (Raleigh's Umstead Park) Runner's World, October 2001
#4 Healthiest Metro Area in the US Demographics Daily, June 2001
#2 Best Place to Live and Work Employment Review, June 2001

Education
#2 Most Educated City US Census Bureau-American Community
Survey, 2003 (Released April 2005)
#2 Best Public Education System (Raleigh-Cary) Expansion Management, April 2005
#2 Most Educated City US Census Bureau-American Community
Survey, 2002 (Released May 2004)
#6 Best Public School System Expansion Management’s MSA Education
(Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill MSA) Quotient Rankings, April 2004
2005 National Superintendent of the Year American Association of School
(Bill McNeal, Wake County Public Schools) Administrators, 2004
#3 Best Education In The Biggest Cities Forbes, February 2004
(Wake County Schools)
Gold Ribbon School District – Wake County Expansion Management, December 2003
# 2 Best Place for Education Forbes Magazine, June 2003
#1 Best City for Education Places Rated Almanac, Millennium Edition

Business
#7 Top Metro for Scientists & Engineers per capita (Raleigh-Cary) Expansion Magazine, May 2005
#10 Top Metro for University Spending (Raleigh-Cary) Expansion Magazine, May 2005
# 7 Best Educated Workforce (Raleigh-Cary) Expansion Magazine, May 2005
#2 Best Place for Business and Careers (Raleigh-Durham, NC) Forbes, May 2005
#4 Best City for Entrepreneurs and Small Business Gold Guide Rankings, May 2004
Top Five Most Innovatiove Entrepreneurial Regions (Raleigh) US Small Business Administration, April 2005
#8 High Tech City (Raleigh) Popular Science, Febrauary 2005
#5 Best City for Economic Dynamism Gold Guide Rankings, May 2004
#2 Best Place for Business (Raleigh-Durham, NC) Forbes, May 2004
#1 City with the Happiest Workers Hudson Employment Index, March 2004
#3 High Value Labor Market Quotient 2005 Expansion Management, March 2004
#6 Least Expensive Midsize Metro Area for Businesses KPMG LLP, February 2004
#1 Hottest Job Market (Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill, NC) Business 2.0, March 2004
#4 Top State for New Business Sites and Facilities Plants Sites and Parks, January 2004
#13 Hottest Cities (Raleigh-Durham, NC) Expansion Management Magazine, January 2004
#11 Choice City for Biotechnology Business Development Outlook, December 2003
#9 Hottest Job Growth Market 2003-2013 Business 2.0, September 2003
#7 High Value Labor Market Quotient 2003 Expansion Management, July 2003
#4 Top High-Tech City Business Facilities, May 2003
#9 Best City for Corporate Headquarters Business Facilities, April 2003
#3 Best Place for Business and Careers Forbes Magazine, May 26, 2003
#10 Real Estate Market Expansion Management, August 2002
#3 in New Biotechnology Companies in the 1990's. Signs of Life: The Growth of the Biotechnology Centers in the US. Brookings Institute, June 2002
Top 60 Cybercity Site Selection Magazine, March 2002
#2 City in the US for Relocation Expansion Management, January 2002
#3 Hottest Metro Plants, Sites & Parks, March 2002
Fastest Growing State in Venture Capital Investment Plants, Sites & Parks, January 2002
5-Star Ranking for Best Economic Metro Demographics Daily, January 2002
#1 Fastest Growing Local Online Population Nielson/Netratings Report, February 2003
#3 Highest Mobile Phone Penetration Telephia Report, February 2003
#5 for access to venture capital Progressive Policy Institute, April 2001
#3 for access to high-tech jobs Progressive Policy Institute, April 2001
#8 Most Wired City Yahoo! Internet Life, March 2001
#3 for percentage of households using the Net Yahoo! Internet Life, March 2001
#4 for broadband use and interest Yahoo! Internet Life, March 2001
#7 State (NC) for New Facilities/Expansions in 2000 Site Selection, March 2001
#4 Best City to Start and Grow a Company in Now Inc., December 2000
#3 Best City in the Nation for Entrepreneurship Entrepreneur, October 2000
#6 for Directory Density (sites per 1000 capita) Yahoo! Internet Life, March 2000
#5 for Hosts Per Capita Yahoo! Internet Life, March 2000
#6 Hottest City Expansion Management, January 2000

At risk of introducing another platitude - that's why they make chocolate AND vanilla. On the Europe board, I guess that would be something like <<chaucune a son gout>>...

I heard that down south, when a couple get divorced, that they still remain brother and sister.

Can that really be true????

-- Only in West Virginia, and it's not a CSA State.

-- If your parents say it's true.

"-- If your parents say it's true."

=D>

Diana... you can keep going... as long as you wish.. I lived there 12 years. I may know more than someone that filled in a survey for 2 weeks. Then again, perhaps I don't.

When I see a white woman refuse to take money from a black man (she worked in the gas station - he was a customer)... or have an attendant at a state park tell me I should leave because the park was "full a them black people today"... or when a white girl in our neighborhood had a cross burned on her lawn because she went to the prom with a black classmate... then I just don't care what the survey's say. And I just don't believe the "oh bless our hearts - we're so friendly" stuff the south tries to sell. I find it heartbreaking - and well worth the price of gas to leave.

"When I see a white woman refuse to take money from a black man (she worked in the gas station - he was a customer)... or have an attendant at a state park tell me I should leave because the park was "full a them black people today"... or when a white girl in our neighborhood had a cross burned on her lawn because she went to the prom with a black classmate... then I just don't care what the survey's say. And I just don't believe the "oh bless our hearts - we're so friendly" stuff the south tries to sell. I find it heartbreaking - and well worth the price of gas to leave."

While I have no doubt that you may have experienced the things you wrote about, I am a bit puzzled unless the 12 years you lived here were during the 1960's or you lived in a very small town.

I've lived here all my life and have experienced no incidents like the ones you described. (In fact, I can only think of racist jokes or comments made by boorish people of various geographic persuasions as opposed to the blatant situations you've mentioned.)

I'm not saying things like that haven't and don't happen here, but what I AM saying is that the South certainly has no monopoly on racists.

Glad you're happier where you are now...

As far as the white woman not taking money from a black man, that seems a bit odd since we have so many African Americans here, I would imagine she would have to do that many times a day if that is her custom, and I also imagine word of that would spread fast.

I don't know (m)any people who condone that type of behavior...

they happened in Raleigh (and general area) in the late 90s. The woman was in a gas station in Apex... The man at Falls lake (the Durham entry, not the Creedmor one). I wish I could make this stuff up - as it really is unbelieveable.