Practical advise needed for 1st time visitor to Nude resort.
 

What do I do with my wallet?

Stick it up your ass.

Squeeze it in your vagina.

Is there any chance that this is really a serious question?

Hang it... you know where!

Lay off the beans at least five days before you get there.

An elderly gentelman (was it you?) decided to try out a month at a nude resort. After taking off his clothes he walked into the resort.<BR><BR>By the pool, he saw the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, completely naked! Even at his age, the sight was enough to prompt a reaction on his long dormant johnson.<BR><BR>The woman noticed and walked to him...<BR><BR>-Did you call me?<BR>-Excuse me??? No...<BR>-Oh, you are new. Let me explain... if you see a girl and you get an erection, that means that you are calling her, so here I come!<BR><BR>And then they had the best sex the guy had had in years!<BR><BR>Afterwards, and feeling very happy about his decision of staying in that resort, he decided to take a walk. All of a sudden, thinking he was alone, he let out a very loud fart.<BR><BR>A 6ft 7in guy came out of nowhere and said:<BR><BR>- Did you call me?<BR>- What?!?!?!? No way, man!<BR>- Oh, you must be new. You see, whenever you are near a guy and you fart, that means you are calling him, so here I come!<BR><BR>It goes without saying that what happened afterwards can only be called &quot;sodomy&quot;.<BR><BR>After this, our hero goes running to the front desk, asking for a refund.<BR><BR>-How come you are leaving?, said the clerk. You've only been here 2 hours! Didn't you like our resort?<BR><BR>- Your resort is very nice. Unfortunately, I get an erection once a week but I fart 20 times a day. Goodbye!

That's funny! Did you all hear about the new clothing optional airline starting up! I shudder to think of it!

&quot;practical advise for 1st. timer at nudist resort&quot;<BR>When you go out for the first time, don't be shy. Grin, walk like you are so proud of what you have, even though you may not measure up,and always,always, smile.

If you want to appear intelligent to your fellow nudists learn the difference between ADVICE and ADVISE.