Oh great. Boyfriend ruined my travel plans !
May 9th, 2004, 01:11 PM
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Oh great. Boyfriend ruined my travel plans !
Hi everybody !
I have a bit of a problem. I was planning to go to New York city next month for 5 days by myself. Had planned to catch a flight which would arrive JFK in broad daylight, take a shuttle to a hotel (3 or 4 stars, decent anyway), use subways only when other people are using them, and not stay up late walking around Manhattan all by myself. In other words, had been planning to be as safe and reasonable as possible. And still, when I told my BF about my plans, he said that he thinks it's way too dangerous, (he can't come with me because of work) and he doesn't think I should go alone. The problem is that I couldn't get anybody to go with me, they don't have the money or the time off work. I don't think it would be any more dangerous than going to any big western city, and I've been there 2 times before, so it's not a completely new place for me. Now I don't know what to do. I'd like to go, but my man thinks I will surely end up getting mugged or something. He says it's ok for me to go to London, but how is that better ?? And besides, I have been there several times already. Help !! This is about to ruin my summer vacation.
I have a bit of a problem. I was planning to go to New York city next month for 5 days by myself. Had planned to catch a flight which would arrive JFK in broad daylight, take a shuttle to a hotel (3 or 4 stars, decent anyway), use subways only when other people are using them, and not stay up late walking around Manhattan all by myself. In other words, had been planning to be as safe and reasonable as possible. And still, when I told my BF about my plans, he said that he thinks it's way too dangerous, (he can't come with me because of work) and he doesn't think I should go alone. The problem is that I couldn't get anybody to go with me, they don't have the money or the time off work. I don't think it would be any more dangerous than going to any big western city, and I've been there 2 times before, so it's not a completely new place for me. Now I don't know what to do. I'd like to go, but my man thinks I will surely end up getting mugged or something. He says it's ok for me to go to London, but how is that better ?? And besides, I have been there several times already. Help !! This is about to ruin my summer vacation.
May 9th, 2004, 01:37 PM
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I think you will be perfectly safe by yourself. Sounds as if you have a good head on your shoulders and won't put yourself in any sort of dangerous situations.
My advice would be to reassure him that you aren't going anywhere different than any other major metropolitan city in the world, and that you know what you are doing. You won't be the first female to have a completely safe, nice time in NYC by herself.
My advice would be to reassure him that you aren't going anywhere different than any other major metropolitan city in the world, and that you know what you are doing. You won't be the first female to have a completely safe, nice time in NYC by herself.
May 9th, 2004, 01:40 PM
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Well, I've never been to NYC but I do know that lots of normal people live there and visit there everyday without any problems making their way around. I really don't see why your BF is so worried about NYC only. I'd ask him why NYC? Would DC or Chicago or Boston be different? It just seems odd that he's only worried about NYC.
May 9th, 2004, 01:48 PM
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That's exactly what I'm not getting either. He has been to NYC also, and knows what it's like. Big and interesting, and he didn't think then it was especially dangerous. Besides, I read somewhere that New York may be even safer than Chicago, the other city I was considering going to. I think the main problem is that natural protective instict men have over women.
May 9th, 2004, 01:49 PM
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I went to NY City last year for a business conference. I was there three nights. My husband didn't think twice about my going alone (he stayed home with the kids). I used commonsense. I stayed right in Times Square (at the Marriott Marquis, which is where the conference was), so I was close to all of the shows, etc., and I did go to two shows by myself. After the shows there are thousands of people on the street, so you're certainly not on your own. NY is a great place to experience alone. I wouldn't hesitate to go again by myself. If you use commonsense and are reasonable, you'll be fine.
May 9th, 2004, 01:57 PM
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Hmmn. Tell boyfriend you appreciate his wanting to look out for your safety but you didn't ask for his permission to take the trip.
It sounds a little controlling to me. If he's been to NYC, then he is well aware of the fact that NYC is the safest large city in the US.
It sounds a little controlling to me. If he's been to NYC, then he is well aware of the fact that NYC is the safest large city in the US.
May 9th, 2004, 02:45 PM
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Your boyfriend is either too controlling, or too naive. In either case, you should just reassure him that you're a grownup and can make your own decisions. Ignore his protests, and have a great trip.
May 9th, 2004, 02:46 PM
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Hi, I just turned 50 yesterday and I go to NY all the time, either alone or with my 65 year old girlfriend!
Next week my 27 yr old daughter and I will drive from Mass to NY and will stay for two nights right on 44th & 8th at the Milford Plaza. It is right in the theater districe. We will tour on the red double decker bus all day Friday and Saturday and will attend 2 evening shows.
There are so many people in NY. You will be so safe as long as you don't walk down any dark streets late at night.
I would say that your boyfriend is being a little overprotective and it may be because he loves you so much. But tell him that you appreciate his concern but you can handle yourself and will miss him terribly while you are gone and will be eager to get back to him. And you will have so much to tell him about your exciting trip to NY!!
Good luck. It's a beautiful, and fun city to visit!!
Donna
Next week my 27 yr old daughter and I will drive from Mass to NY and will stay for two nights right on 44th & 8th at the Milford Plaza. It is right in the theater districe. We will tour on the red double decker bus all day Friday and Saturday and will attend 2 evening shows.
There are so many people in NY. You will be so safe as long as you don't walk down any dark streets late at night.
I would say that your boyfriend is being a little overprotective and it may be because he loves you so much. But tell him that you appreciate his concern but you can handle yourself and will miss him terribly while you are gone and will be eager to get back to him. And you will have so much to tell him about your exciting trip to NY!!
Good luck. It's a beautiful, and fun city to visit!!
Donna
May 9th, 2004, 05:54 PM
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Manhattan below 96th St is so safe that I (a native) would not have a problem walking in ANY neighborhood any time of day or night by myself. There are ALWAYS other people around, and in certain areas there are literally mobs of people. You sound like a cautious person...you'll be fine!
Your BF has been watching too many movies if he thinks NYC is that dangerous.
Your BF has been watching too many movies if he thinks NYC is that dangerous.
May 9th, 2004, 05:59 PM
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New York city is the safest big city in the country. Even the precautions you are thinking about taking are over the top IMHO. I'm not sure how old you are or what type of relationship you have with the boyfirend - but my suggestion is to take the trip and have a great time. And if he still has a problem with this - find a new boyfriend - he sounds like way more trouble than he's worth.
May 9th, 2004, 06:55 PM
#12
Sepe, you should be a woman with a mind of your owm unless you are in your teens. Your boyfriends sounds like a loser, sorry to be so harsh. You can go to London , he says? But not N. Y.?
Something is wrong with this picture, unless he's been watching Sex and the City..
Something is wrong with this picture, unless he's been watching Sex and the City..
May 9th, 2004, 06:57 PM
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I gotta agree with the controlling comments.
I have been there 4 times in the last year and a half and never felt even a wee bit funky.
Heck I think it is safer the most of the greater LA area in California.
I have her all my life from people don't go here don't go there it is unsafe blah blah. Never have I had an issue except a computor translator pick pocketed in Amsterdam. Big deal.
I have been to rome alone at 21.
If you start letting people tell you what to do and you miss out one something because of their opinions and their fears you could end up never going anywhere or doing anything. When it comes to travel I notice a heck of a lot of people with try and hold people back. Will never get it.
I have been there 4 times in the last year and a half and never felt even a wee bit funky.
Heck I think it is safer the most of the greater LA area in California.
I have her all my life from people don't go here don't go there it is unsafe blah blah. Never have I had an issue except a computor translator pick pocketed in Amsterdam. Big deal.
I have been to rome alone at 21.
If you start letting people tell you what to do and you miss out one something because of their opinions and their fears you could end up never going anywhere or doing anything. When it comes to travel I notice a heck of a lot of people with try and hold people back. Will never get it.
May 9th, 2004, 07:42 PM
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Boyfriend? Father? or Husband?
He says "it is OK for you to go to London"??
Is this boyfriend paying for your travel?
Do you tell him if he can or cannot do things like take trips?
I am thinking, and I could be wrong, that you have bigger problems than WHERE to go on vacation.
I arrived in NYC, when I was 20 years old. Alone, if no one counts the kitten I brought with me.
I knew one person in the whole city, I ended up staying and marrying and living there for many years.
Thank goodness, I didn't have a boyfriend at the time that thought he could tell me if I could go or not.
Since you have posted this personal bit of your business on this forum, I hope you will take the comments made here without offense.
He says "it is OK for you to go to London"??
Is this boyfriend paying for your travel?
Do you tell him if he can or cannot do things like take trips?
I am thinking, and I could be wrong, that you have bigger problems than WHERE to go on vacation.
I arrived in NYC, when I was 20 years old. Alone, if no one counts the kitten I brought with me.
I knew one person in the whole city, I ended up staying and marrying and living there for many years.
Thank goodness, I didn't have a boyfriend at the time that thought he could tell me if I could go or not.
Since you have posted this personal bit of your business on this forum, I hope you will take the comments made here without offense.
May 9th, 2004, 07:43 PM
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Actually I have no (well almost none) problem w/ him saying he wishes you didn't go to NYC. That's his right - to "request", not "dictate" though. BUT I do have a big problem if you're so wimpy you let someone decide for you where to go for YOUR OWN vacation.
If he were going with you, you should decide together. But if you are going alone -- girl, make up your own mind!
If he were going with you, you should decide together. But if you are going alone -- girl, make up your own mind!
May 9th, 2004, 08:22 PM
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I agree with WillTravel. Once you get into the business of needing permission or providing it, you are on the slippery slope where your "partnership" is slipping into some kind of "ownership". I know far too many people who are living lives of frustration because they built their own monsters by allowing this type of thing to become acceptable behavior. They even engage in it themselves, when the shoe was on the other foot.
The post heading says: "Boyfriend ruined my travel plans!" What would be more correct to say is that a person ruining her own travel plans by deferring to the wishes of somebody else who is grossly overstating his TINY stake in the situation. If you pull the plug on your trip to keep this guy happy, you will be giving up something that is important to you while reinforcing a very negative type of behavior. Don't expect him to become more reasonable going forward after you have started the habit of capitulating on things like this. It will only get worse.
The post heading says: "Boyfriend ruined my travel plans!" What would be more correct to say is that a person ruining her own travel plans by deferring to the wishes of somebody else who is grossly overstating his TINY stake in the situation. If you pull the plug on your trip to keep this guy happy, you will be giving up something that is important to you while reinforcing a very negative type of behavior. Don't expect him to become more reasonable going forward after you have started the habit of capitulating on things like this. It will only get worse.
May 9th, 2004, 08:32 PM
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I'd tell the boyfriend you appreciate his concern, you know what you're doing, and you'll call him every night.
Then, consider using Priceline or Hotwire. You really can stay in a 4* for 2-3* prices. Also, check Playbill.com, Theatermania.com, Broadwaybox.com for discount codes for Broadway show tickets. Or, plan to take your chances at the TKTS booth. Single seats are usually better and much easier to get.
Have a wonderful time in NYC!
Then, consider using Priceline or Hotwire. You really can stay in a 4* for 2-3* prices. Also, check Playbill.com, Theatermania.com, Broadwaybox.com for discount codes for Broadway show tickets. Or, plan to take your chances at the TKTS booth. Single seats are usually better and much easier to get.
Have a wonderful time in NYC!
