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Now it's Hawaii alone or not atall, don't know what to do...

Now it's Hawaii alone or not atall, don't know what to do...

Old May 9th, 2001, 01:50 PM
  #21  
Mom
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Cindy-Sounds like your boyfriend is a self centered lout and you are better without him. Word of caution, be very careful about hooking up with someone you meet here or elsewhere, there are just too many weirdos in the world. And, I am afraid Peter is one of them and an opportunist to boot. If Peter were so wonderful he wouldn't have to hustle girls on an internet travel site....
 
Old May 9th, 2001, 01:55 PM
  #22  
Gina
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Peter-If you don't knock it off and leave the poor girl alone I am contacting Fodors. They have ways of tracing you....
 
Old May 9th, 2001, 02:04 PM
  #23  
cindy
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how do we know peter is weird? has he written weird stuff other places? I am not looking for a temp boytoy if I go alone, but having a drink, or lunch with someone might be preferable to doing it alone. Does that sound crazy? perhaps I'm emotionally unstable today considering it. I don't need to be with someone all the time, and alone is fine, but I still find restaurants boring alone. of course, spending time with some other guy would probably make me miss my BF more.
too too bad some of you single women are not going this week and we could hook up, do fun stuff....
 
Old May 9th, 2001, 02:13 PM
  #24  
anon
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Cindy, you sound too nice for this guy. Dump him and start fresh by taking a friend to Maui.
 
Old May 9th, 2001, 02:16 PM
  #25  
xxx
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Cindy-Either you just woke up in the cabbage patch or you are a troll! If you really are that naive I would pick up some current newspapers and see what they do to stupid, neurotic girls like you.

As for Peter, anyone that trolls an internet site looking to find women--has a major problem, and is probably not safe to be around.

You should really stay home Cindy. Dumb, naive little girls like you aren't equipped to handle the REAL world and the BAD people in it...
 
Old May 9th, 2001, 02:24 PM
  #26  
cindy
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so weird, I've refreshed, logged out, etc. And I still can't read the last posts....
 
Old May 9th, 2001, 02:31 PM
  #27  
cindy
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sorry to disappoint, but I am for real. just very sad and confused today. And no, it's not likely I would meet someone from the net. Naive, maybe, Dumb, probably. I guess it was naive to think I could make this picture perfect tropical fantasy happen with my BF. He's broken my heart on a weekly basis for years now. if it wasn't his mother he'd probably just break up with me before Sat anyway, or pick a fight in Maui and fly home early. so what's the difference. I give up. I'll go alone (I would definitely take a friend but no one can leave next week)
 
Old May 9th, 2001, 02:46 PM
  #28  
Sandi
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Why don't you ask your mom to go? What a great Mother's Day present.
 
Old May 9th, 2001, 03:05 PM
  #29  
cindy
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my mother is sick now too.
 
Old May 9th, 2001, 03:16 PM
  #30  
xx
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what`s wrong with asking him?? tell him to lay his cards on the table...sounds fishy to me...mother will win over you every time..I have seen it happen too many times...bro-in-law did the samething for 10 years..
 
Old May 9th, 2001, 03:30 PM
  #31  
cindy
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do you mean asking him if he is going? when the surgery is? I haven't heard anything today from him and that means the news is not good. So why do I want to hear it? I feel it in my gut and it just wipes me out. He'll say something like "next Tues" and "why don't you wait for another month or so?" I can't talk to him cuz it just hurts so much.
I don't want to repeat myself, but his other brother could handle this
 
Old May 9th, 2001, 03:56 PM
  #32  
cindy
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so what group activities would you recommend?
 
Old May 9th, 2001, 05:18 PM
  #33  
Dan
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Cindy,
Wow, this is a tough situation. I definitely feel for you on this one. I'm heading to Maui in 2 weeks and I can't imagine something like this happening before the trip.

I don't want this to sound hurtful, but I agree with some of the other posts regarding your boyfriend. My girlfriend and I love each other very much. In fact, I am going to propose to her in Maui. I would not miss this trip for the world! I know my mom would never want me to miss a once in a lifetime type trip like this either. But then again, I have a healthy relationship with my mom. It sounds like your BF does not have a healthy relationship with his mom. Quite frankly, it sounds as though you and your boyfriend do not have a healthy relationship. Fighting weekly and breaking up multiple times is not what normal couples do. People who say that is normal have never known any other way, and therefore don't know any better.

As for the question, "Should I go by myself?" That question is for you to answer. I will, however, say that it is most definitely possible to have a wonderful time by yourself. I've backpacked in Europe and visited a couple U.S. cities by myself. There are many advantages...YOU make the agenda. There is no compromising your ideal itinerary....you are in sole control! It's also a great time for self-reflection. I've learned tons about myself from spending a week alone.

The only downside, as you mentioned, can be dining. That is the one thing that always bothered me about traveling alone. I just have difficulty enjoying a meal without someone across from me.

However, just because you fly over alone doesn't mean you'll be alone. In my solo travels, I was in the company of others for the majority of the time. Even if you aren't outgoing in 'real' life, you certainly have the ability to step things up during your vacation and talk to some random people. Everyone likes to meet new people on vacation...it's like the first week of college all over again. It's only at home in people's groundhog day-type lives that they are unwilling to take the time to meet new people.

Ultimately, you need to decide if you're the 'type' of person who would enjoy traveling solo. If not, then check the refund policies on your tickets and push the date back so you can bring a friend.
 
Old May 9th, 2001, 05:28 PM
  #34  
cindy
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Dear Dan-- thank you for your thoughtful response. And congratulations! I know you and your fiancee will have the most wonderful time. I love my boyfriend so deeply, he is the one to start fights all the time though. He has a bad temper. I have dreamt of our watching the sunsets together, just having eight incredible days alone. I think it would help us so much. I don't know what to do because on one hand I need this trip so badly myself I should go right away. But perhaps I could wait another month. No. I don't believe I will. I will go alone, and hopefully like you said meet some nice people.
Thanks, and best wishes
 
Old May 9th, 2001, 07:07 PM
  #35  
ldsant
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Cindy:

Wow - for your first post I was really on your "side" and encouraging you as has everybody else. Now, with people saying things to you, you have this 'yes, but' attitude! Wake up! He cannot possibly start EVERY fight. I don't know the guy, but if you've stayed with him for over 4 years, you're right, you do need an "attitude adjustment." Get out of the relationship if you feel he has a "bad temper." This is unacceptable. Going to Maui with him is not going to make things better. You can still have fights while the sun sets, while you're snorkeling, while you're looking at waterfalls. GO ALONE and DO IT already! Yes, it's frightening, but soooo exhiliarating! You will feel much better about you if you do this.

Dining - I never have a problem dining alone in any restaurant. I've travelled on business and pleasure to 43 of the states and on pleasure throughout Europe for 4 months - just talk with someone. Ask them what they're eating. I met a bunch of other women one night because I told one that I really liked her handbag and where did she get it. They asked me to join them for dinner, the next day we played golf together and went hiking, then when they were visiting my city they stayed here. Seriously, Cindy, I know it's not an easy day, but you have an incredible choice here - you can start the rest of your life (and what a great treat - going to Maui!) or you can continue to want to be with this person who sounds as though he doesn't have much respect for you at all. Which is your choice? OK, I'm climbing off of my soapbox. I just can't stand when people are whining while people on this board are nice enough to provide advice/time/insight. We are all pulling for you!

I hope this doesn't sound harsh or abrupt because that is not my intent whatsoever, but I really do feel strongly that you need a "Dr. Phil" lesson and see this guy for who he really is. 8 days alone should give you the opportunity to see what you really want.

DAN: Congratulations and best wishes! You are right - normal couples don't have fights every week (unless they're about 19 years old or so). Your message sounded so nice and loving. Your g-friend is very lucky! Have a wonderful trip.

 
Old May 10th, 2001, 06:18 AM
  #36  
Ross
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Hi Cindy!!!

I'm terribly sorry to hear about the problems that have arisen in your relationship with your boyfriend. I have travelled quite extensively myself, not always out of desire, but out of circumstance. I made myself a promise a long time ago that if I wanted to do something, and I didn't have anyone to do it with, I would still go ahead with it so as NOT to miss out on the experience. What one can possibly learn about him/herself while travelling alone is quite provoking. I would suggest going ahead with the trip. Look inside yourself, and believe that you are worthy of rewarding YOURSELF of such a BEAUTIFUL experience. Unfortunately, it sounds as if you're trying to hold on to something that another person doesn't want to partake in, meaning your boyfriend and your relationship together. My sincere apologies if this sounds harsh. Just trying to give some heartfelt advice. I'm off to Kauai myself in August. It looks ABSOLUTELY breathtaking. Don't miss out on this. Believe me, I've been to Paris, Venice, and many other beatiful, romantic places before by myself, and I wouldn't of missed them for the world.

Good Luck to you, Cindy.

Ross.
 
Old May 10th, 2001, 06:30 AM
  #37  
irishatothebone
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Gee Cindy:
I wish this were better for you but I now am going to give you my three cents.
Get the hell out of that relationship and keep running. A guy with "mother" problems then translates to a man with "woman" problems.
You love hime deeply....WHY??? He isn't vey nice to you, makes you unhappy and does not seem to be able to compromise to make you happy.
I can't tell you if you should go to Maui alone. Only you can make that decision but I will tell you this...he is waiting to see exactly what you do so he knows just how much control he has over you. Take control of your life. leave this guy behind. You are much better off alone that with someone who is not in control of their own life. You life does not revolve around him but around yourself. Good luck!
 
Old May 10th, 2001, 06:36 AM
  #38  
barb
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Cindy, Please PLEASE dump this loser!! I was in your situation once. Months and months of pain and anger. Finally I went (by myself) to Hawaii. The time I spend on the beach and in the mountains was time I got stronger. I came back absolutely resolute and completely ended it there. I felt like I had been released from prison. I still laugh at myself when I remember how mad and frustrated he was when he realized he could no longer control me. Follow the advice of the other posters. Go. Have a blast. You deserve it!!
 
Old May 10th, 2001, 06:44 AM
  #39  
been there
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Cindy,
Stop whining, get out of the relationship with the losser and move on with your life.
Been there
 
Old May 10th, 2001, 06:45 AM
  #40  
uche
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Hi Cindy,
I strongly believe that having a wonderful vacation has nothing to do what whether your are alone or with someone else. Afterall, most of us have had a horrible vacation main due to the person that we were with.
Instead, a great vacation have every thing to do with you, how you feel about yourself, your level of confidence, your ability to be open to new experiences and people and your expecations.
If you prefer to have a great time alone, you will. Afterall, some of my best vacation have been by myself and I am a twentysomething single female. Infact, my last sole trip was a 2 week vacation in Hawaii alone and it was one of the best vacation I have every been on. It was a time to reconnect with myself and just relax. I went snokeling, scuba diving (eventhough I'm not a very good swimmer since I learnt hoe to swim 5 months before my vacation, I also treated myself to first class spa treatments and pigged out since I have a love affair with food.
But I must admit that most of my sister and girlfriends still can't idea going to a nightclub by themselve much less a vacation especially to Hawaii which is suppose to be a Honeymoon destination. When people ask me how I do it, I just tell them that if I can't enjoy my own company, how can I expect others to enjoy mine. Life is short, go for it. And as always be careful and take the necessary precautions. Don't let people that your alone. Always be alert in your environment. This is not the time to have one night stands (not to say that you were planning on it). Keep yourself busy by doing things that you have always wanted to do but not had the time or courage. Lastly, not let FEAR be the deciding factor of your decision. ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT LIFE IS SHORT. GOOD LUCK.
 

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