non-xmas vacation
 

My dad's wife died last December and I think he is dreading the holidays. What would you suggest for a retired lawyer, widower who wants to get away from it all?

I think that the most helpful thing for your father would be to spend his holiday together with the rest of his family. Whatever you're doing, you should invite him along, as well.

A big change of scenery: <BR>- If he is in a warm climate go cold or vice versa. <BR>- A beach if he's in the mtns. Mtns. for the beach. <BR>- Small town vs. big city <BR>- Quebec, the more French speaking the better. <BR> <BR>Is there a senior center (I'm assuming he's a senior) in his town? They often have many activities and it's a place to meet new people and learn new stuff. <BR> <BR>Often hospitals are looking for volunteers for people who must be in the hospital at the holidays. If he sings or plays an instrument they would love he to come in and play for the patients. Or he could read stories. Or a million other things. <BR> <BR>If there are grandkids, visit them. Holidays and family and closeness because he knows about how life is too short. <BR>

Thanks very much for the tips. I have been trying desperately to get him to come with us to see my husband's family. They too had a death last year - his grandmother. I know my dad doesn't want to be home alone, and he was miserable last year when we tried to have a "normal" xmas 2 weeks after my mom died in the house. But I can't get him to commit to anything. I figure he wants to wait to see how he feels right then.

I agree with the "change of scenery" advice, and with the idea of having grandchildren around. <BR> <BR>My dad died some years ago in November, and gathering for the holidays without him that year seemed overwhelmingly sad. So the whole family (12 of us, including <BR>grandchildren) spent the holiday weekend at a country inn a couple of hours away. Meals were included, so nobody had to fuss, and the place was decorated so festively that you couldn't help but be cheered by it. There was just enough activity (mostly just walking and exploring the town) for those who wanted distractions, and not enough time in just 2-3 days for anyone to get too antsy. <BR> <BR>Since it was a financial splurge, we limited the gift-giving, and that turned out to be a blessing, too. In fact, we <BR>now do this every few years instead of <BR>piling into one of our too-small homes. <BR> <BR>Anyway, all best to your dad. Maybe the best gift would be not to push anything, <BR>and let him decide in his own time what he feels like doing.

Here's what we did when we faced a similar situation: we gathered up the family (8 of us) and headed to Santa Fe. We're (mostly) from the Southeast, so this was quite a change. Santa Fe was (literally and figuratively) a breath of fresh air. The town (bright adobe buildings set under a brilliant blue sun) was decorated for Christmas, but it was done in a Southwestern way. not the typical Currier&Ives way, so we found that refreshing. We all were invigorated by the trip. There are great restaurants, art museums, and natural treasures to see.

Hi Kristi, <BR>I'm sorry for your loss. <BR>I think now all you can do is let your Dad decide what he wants to do. You've given him love and support. You've opened the door for him so he'll have a choice. <BR>Though, a good getaway might be NYC. It is a great place during the holidays! Good Luck!