lorijv

Older daughter just applied to Duke and Chapel Hill for grad school. Hopefully, she'll be accepted at one (or both!) of them. If that's the case, I and my younger daughter will move to the area so we can stay geographically close.

Can anyone recommend towns that are close to the schools....about 30 minutes in any direction. Chapel Hill seems to be quite expensive. Looking for a small town feel with a lot of charm. A good high school is a must...doesn't have to be top-tier, but should have a solid reputation.

At this point, no matter where we end up, I'm uncertain about buying vs renting. If renting, I'd like to keep costs under 1500/mo for a 2 -3 bedroom property.

Thanks in advance everyone!

travelgourmet

I have a lot of co-workers in the area. The most popular locales seem to be Cary/Apex/Morrisville or Raleigh. I would say that none will meet the small-town or charming requirement. That being said, Cary, especially, will offer good schools. For the most part, the area, while nice, has morphed into one large collection of sprawl.

For small-town atmosphere, you might look at Hillsborough, though I don't know that much about the schools.

Chapel Hill and Carrboro are nice and have great schools.

Ackislander

First, I hope your daughter gets into grad school at UNC! Duke not so much Just kidding! I went grad school at UNC for one of my degrees and it was so great that both of our kids went there to undergrad school, so I am prejudiced!

Second, I am not sure from your query if your older daughter is planning to live with you or if it is just yourself and your younger daughter.

Third, never buy in a new place the first year. You won't have any idea what you are getting into. Always rent. You won't get much at your price point in Chapel Hill/Carrboro, and if you do find a place, your neighobrs are likely to be students. Otherwise, it is a wonderful place, one of the best in the country. If you had bundles of bucks or were going into a retirement community, my advice would be different.

If you want a small town atmosphere, Hillsborough is very pretty, but you will have to investigate the schools yourself. Durham is a former industrial city that did not have particularly good schools, but that may have changed. Raleigh and its suburbs are a pretty fair commute away with heavyish traffic unless you are used to Washington, DC, or Connecticut, in which case you will chuckle.

And that leads me to my fourth point. Graduate school is completely different from undergraduate school, much more like a job than like going to school. Despite my silly prejudices, both Duke and UNC are top notch graduate schools (as is NC State in its fields). Students don't spend a lot of time in class, but they have more than a full time commitment. In the humanities, she will have to master everything ever written about her subject in order to prepare for comprehensive exams. Social science students usually have extensive clinical placements and internships. Science students spend 60-70 hours per week in the lab -- on top of taking classes. Even a student who was a top student as an undergraduate is likely to be average in graduate school, and it is very stressful. Lots of marriages break up in graduate school.

Thus you may not be doing your daughter any favor by living "geographically close" if that means you expect to be able to do things with her, expect her to come for meals, or otherwise to be "part of the family". In a first class graduate school, these expectations would put huge pressure on her. As you consider a move, please examine yourself and ask whether this is the best thing you can do for her or whether she would be better off if you maintained your stable home in a place she could visit for Christmas (maybe Thanksgiving) and Spring Break.

Good luck to both of you.

suewoo

Ackslander, that is such a thoughtful post. Your recs are great. I would add Mebane. It's a little farther away, but they've done some nice renovations to the downtown area, and I know people live there who can't afford the Hill.

And, ah, go Duke.

Gretchen

I think Ack has good ideas also, especially about renting. I wonder where the OP is coming from. Is getting a job important.
Grad school isn't usually an excessively long period--will they move again when the daughter gets her degree? Does the daughter need to be near?

lorijv

Thanks, everyone, for your insightful posts.

We are currently living in Williamsburg, Va, but were originally from Jersey....very congested and crazy traffic. Looking for a radical departure from that hectic lifestyle.

Younger daughter really wants to stay "close" as a family...her Dad, and my husband, died very suddenly earlier this year. My older daughter will be getting her own accommodations. We all know her "free" time is going to be limited, but the knowledge that she is close by will give the 14 yo a measure of security and comfort.

Renting is definitely the way I'll go...that's what we're doing in Virginia. I don't know where I'll end up once the younger one graduated High School.

Hillsborough looks good....I'll check out Mebane. Any thoughts on Pittsboro?

Thanks again and happy holidays to all!

nytraveler

I know this is none of my business - but the general advice is not to make any major life changes based on short-term effects of the loss of a close family member. Often the initial grieving process makes changes seem necessary - which may not be the best choice long-term.

I can understand a teen missing her sister after losing her dad - but picking up and moving at this point would be a huge change for her - new schools, new friends to make, new activities to explore - when she may not be at her strongest.

And I'm not sure that being an hour away from a sister who won't really have time to spend with her is going to be a major source of support. And might put a lot of pressure on the older sister to do way more than she can at this point.

And agree about the longer-term questions:

Are you going to keep moving to follow the elder daughter around the country?

And have you looked into job opportunities in the new areas (some parts of the country have largely recovered from unemployment while other areas are still mired very deep)?

jent103

Ditto Ackislander on the school choice. Go Heels.

Hillsborough was my first thought as well. Orange County schools used to not be as good as Chapel Hill/Carrboro; however, I last lived in the area seven years ago and I know Hillsborough has grown since then, so things may have improved with the influx. (And I'm not sure they were "bad" in the first place - it's just that Chapel Hill/Carrboro city schools are excellent. But as you noted, you pay a price for that in housing.) Pittsboro also came to mind - when I lived there it was a very small town but was starting to grow a bit from people who wanted to be close to Chapel Hill. I'm not sure what the schools are like.

Wake County (Cary/Raleigh) schools are good, but you lose some of the small-town feel, so it's a tradeoff there as well. It's a 25/30-minute drive between Durham/Chapel Hill and central Raleigh, outside of rush hour (assuming your endpoints are close to I-40, which in any of those towns may or may not be the case).

A lot would also depend on if/where you find employment yourself. Commutes can vary greatly.

I also agree with Ackislander on your daughter's time commitment, though it sounds like you understand that. I have a master's from UNC, and it was indeed like a full-time job (or more, really, depending on the field - most people in my program had a research assistantship in addition to a full load of classes). A PhD would likely be even more. Duke would be the same way. And then there's basketball... In all seriousness, I'm sorry for your loss and hope that a new start will be helpful for the three of you.

suewoo

As a Licensed Mental Health Professional, and actual therapist, nytraveler is right. Generally speaking, making irreversible decisions during a grief episode is usually not recommended. However, it doesn't sound like lorijv has strong ties to the current community and that little sissy has some input in the process. And they can always go back to Williamsburg if they hate wherever they land.

I say visit the Triangle, and see what fits.

Ackislander

lorijv, you are all going through difficult times. I meant to be helpful and hope I was, though some of what I wrote might qualify as tough love. You have plenty of understanding of your situation.

It is hard when you have two children with needs, different needs. It will be hard I am sure for your 14 year old to move, though as an Air Force kid, it didn't hurt me to go to three different high schools.

Many people recommend team sports for kids who are facing difficult times, but I was more a loner. There are lots of good outdoor things to do in the area -- river running, hiking, bicycling -- with groups or with small numbers or solo. I learned a long time ago that I can't brood and walk at the same time, and when my father was dying, I hiked to the top of a mountain every week. Some people find the same release in music or other arts. I would worry about access to the latter in Pittsfield or Mebane, both nice towns in other ways.

Blessings and better times for all of you in the new year . . . .

lorijv

Thanks Akislander for your good wishes and everyone else for your feedback!

Just want to set the record straight. The decision to move from Jersey was not entirely predicated on my husband's death. ALL of us were heartily sick of the frantic pace of Jersey and the hostility that often went along with it. My husband and I had planned on heading south once the youngest was done with HS. Once he died, the kids and I thought to enact the "early retirement" plan a liitle earlier than originally planned. My youngest was the most vocal about leaving...very much in favor of it.


This move, wherever we end up, will be for the duration of my younger daughter's HS tenure. Where she or I end up next is anyone's guess!

Happy holidays all!