I heard some parts of Mars can be as dry as Hillary Clinton.

....but would the lower gravity make her appear LARGER,or is that possible.

I went to Mars a while back and loved it! My advice to you is to avoid the Union Square area, and tip the pilot.

Beware! Why I am Never Going To Mars Again!

last time we went to Mars, when my husband tried to get us upgraded, they put us in this room with no oxygen. All he did was stand at the desk, politely waiting for someone who spoke Earthling to help us. But Nooooo they just chatted among themselves, ignored us completely!
So he said Heellooooo?
Nothing.
So he said Helllooooo!
One of them tapped the desk and said something, but Hey! I am an Earthling! We spoke English!!
Then next thing we knew, they hustled us off, pointing to buttons on walls all the way to the room, where we had NO oxygen!!
Do you know how uncomfortable that is???
I am writing a letter to the hotel Management, you better belive me!
(stomping foot emoticon)

Which hotel should I stay in?
Can I use an ATM there?
Can I swim in the canals?
Where are the laundromats located?

:-/ Is it Thursday yet? I wonder where Ol' PDQ is now?

Probably off in his rocketship sniffing around Uranus? ;)

I can see it now "Trip Report From Uranus".

Also the hotel room doors are slammed on Mars. I can't stand that you know. I tried to make the manager give me my money back but it/he/she/thing would not.

My Mars Trip Report:
We went to Mars a long time ago. I hope it has changed some by now.
We stayed at a very nice Martian B&B..read about it in all the Glamour magazines.
It was a lovely place, but the owner had this little Martian dog that followed us around wherever we went!
Nipping at my heels the entire time!!
Our room was lovely-a huge bath for me to soak in for hours, a bottle of special Martian wine for my husband and I to sip while soaking in that big tub, a plate of lovely biscuits to crunch on while in the bath, with the Martian dog watching every move we made.
We had arranged for reservations for dinner at a wonderful restaurant through the owners wife.
Course after course arrived, each with a wine that was faaaabulous ...
I excused myself to go to the ladies room when that little dog nipped me again on the leg! Hard!!
I asked the waitress to tell the owner. She apologized and told the owner. That was it!!??
I told the waitress that I thought the owner could at least offer us a bottle of wine, a free meal, maybe a pound of those lovely biscuits they serve with tea..
But no!! an apology was all I got! The Nerve!!
Ha! Not only will I never stay in this awful place again, but I will tell everyone detail by detail, about every bite I took, every step I took and I am sure everyone will be as fascinated by me and I am!!

Scarlett, I'd write a letter to the transit authority.

Oh. . . wait. That's another post.

Scarlett, Did you get to visit the WMD storage site ?

No, honey, no visits to any storage facilities:(
After my upsetting episode with that little Martian Mutt, I had to go back to my room and soak some more in the big tub. Thank Heavens they have LUSH bath products on Mars!!
We did eat wonderful meals while there, but these Fodors posts only allow so many words per post and there is not enough room for me to properly describe every yummy morsel.
For those who have this concern:
I did find that it is easy to just drop your laundry off in the morning and pick it up at the end of the day. They have shuttles to Venus where the water is soft and our clothes came back ever so neat and clean~

Can't wait for a Mars reality show. The bitchiest whinners and manipulative jerks get kicked off of Mars and sent into outer space one-by-one. the last one standing gets to come back to earth.

Corporate sponsors could flip the bill for all the travel and research instead of tax payers. Does anyone remember when Pizza Hut payed the Russian space program millions to put their logo on a rocket which was used to service Mir?

How about a group of contestants including Hillary Clinton, Paula Jones, George Bush, Benny Hin, Micheal Moore, Al Sharpten, Oprah, Keith Richards, Cathy Lee Gifford, Rush Limbough, Queen Elizabeth, and Bill Gates. \:D/

brilliant recovery jor!!!!!!!!!

Because it is an incredibly beautiful spring day and I can't concentrate on work, I thought I'd send this funny thread right to the top!

We saw Mars while viewing the meteor shower last night. Thanks for the tip!!

Every six months.

BizarroWorld is alive and well.

I hear that the recent consensus is to stay away from the new Mars 2112 restaurant.

Apparently, the one on Earth may have issues with vermint. Although you needn't worry about vermint on Mars, there have been cases of loose vermin being imported from Earth that could create damaging ecological issues in the future.

A recent edict was pronounced that visitors from Earth must keep all vermin caged. Or, better yet, don't bring them at all and have a neighbor watch them while you're away.

Thank you for bringing this up! Quality threads are difficult to find :)

Has anyone visited Bars on Mars? I'm also interested in what to wear that's appropriate and need some walking shoe advice.

BarsonMars???

Full leather or latex, ONLY; whips and chains optional.

Come on folks! Everyone who's anyone has seen "Mars Attacks" and know what kind of evil lurks there. pure and simple evil. They will try to lure you with Mars Bars and whiskey.

What's black and white and red all over?

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one person could go, and he will not return to Earth.

The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars", he answered, "because I wish to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question.
He asked for two million dollars. "I wish to give a million to my family, he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was Mr. Again. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewers ear, "Three million dollars."

"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked. Mr. Again replied, $1 million is for you, Ill keep $1 million, and we’ll give the American engineer $1 million and send him to Mars."

Does everyone know that MEn are from Mars?
Will PDQ please come forward :)

Johnthedork-

Whatever you do, do NOT wear your moonboots. They will laugh you off the planet.

Well, if it came to the name-calling, zephia, the answer to your old joke question is newspaper.

Didn't want to spoil your fun till reading your last post. Tsk, tsk. Not nice.

I SWEAR! Not intentional!

John the DORF, my apologies.

Faina, it's a MARTIAN newspaper, silly! (oops, there I go with the name-calling again...)

:)

I'm sure that back in the gay 90's (not that there's anything wrong with that), it was realtively cheap to go to Mars. But everthing is much more expensive these days, and you won't get anything near what you've paid for. The canals are all dried up, and the eco-nazis are rioting for water rationing and more oxygen -- as reported by Glenn Beck in "50 Ways to Leave Your Martian".

Watch out that you don't get a room overlooking the WMD pit, it's very smelly. And be wary of timeshare aliens, they will take as much of your time as they can get!