pooka

For me, it depends on how long it's been since I've last seen them, how far away they are, what sort of schedule they keep (hectic or laid back), how well I get along with them, how much time I have to take off to visit, and how long my hosts would like me to stay! Last year, I met one of my great-aunts for the first time since I was a baby, and we hit it off from the get-go. I dragged my husband 500 miles to spend a week with her, and it was one of the best vacations we've ever had. On the flipside, my mom lives 100 miles away, and usually comes to visit us for a weekend once or twice a month, and that's about all that spousal can handle!

Fodorite018

I agree that there are so many variables with this, but on average we try to to keep visits to 3-4 days. Thankfully my parents agree that this is a good amount of time, so when they come everyone is still on good terms

We had one exception last year. My dh took a new job and started before we could close on our new home. The company offerred to put him up for the time, but our family absolutely insisted that he stay with them. They have a smaller home too. Anyway, dh stayed there for a month, but came home every weekend. Everyone there got along great and my dh is a neat freak, so the relatives were happy to have someone help out with the cleaning and such. He also would stop at the store and buy groceries without being asked.

I think so much of visiting other peoples home comes down to relationships. Some people you would invite for a long time and others maybe an hour or two tops.

GoTravel

I finally had to take the Holiday Inn sign off my home.

Because I live at the beach, we have an overwhelming number of people that want to visit in the summer months.

My reply when me call to tell me they are coming for a visit is always, "Great, tell me where you are staying and we'll make plans for dinner!".

If I didn't, I would have guests from Memorial Day through Labor Day and I don't have the time, energy, or money for that.

My sister who lives in Miami Beach has the same problem. I rarely stay with her when I visit because I know how hard it is having guests and she has such a demanding career (and a small two bedroom condo).

bonniebroad

What a great thread this is! It is good to hear how people feel about having and being guests...... It's good to hear that my feelings are pretty normal (LOVE to see them come, LOVE to see them go! )

We are getting ready for seven nights with my son, 15 driving hours away. I really feel that 3 to 4 nights would be best, but my granddaughter would be crushed if we didn't stay a whole week. So we encourage Mom & Dad to go out on their own whenever they want, we take them all to dinner at least once, somewhere nice; I cook at least one special dinner ....... and we do lots of activities with GD with her being out of school...... swim, bowl, go to movies, don't wait to be entertained.

I think you have to work at being a good guest, even when you're a grandparent!

cfc

Lallie, m'dear -- you might have to fib.

A couple of possibilities, other than saying "3 weeks is too long" outright, might be to say:

1. Our parents are coming somewhere between July 1 and Aug. 15, but we'd love to have you the week of the 16-22. After that, we'll be away ourselves.

2. My husband has not been feeling well and we were planning to go away for a long rest this summer. But it would be great to see you at the end of your visit for a few days -- let's see if we can coordinate.

3. We're having our house renovated, we're having the septic tank cleaned, we're having a family reunion, we're having foster leopard cubs.... etc.

Bottom line, answer with "why not come the week of X to Y in July? It would be great to see you." If they come back with "we'll be there from Z to A," say oh, dear, we'll help you find a nice place for the other 2 weeks.

Good luck.

razzledazzle

Oh, Go Travel I know how you feel.
We have since turned our guestroom
into a home gym-so if you're coming to Sonoma County wine country you can sleep
on either the treadmill, the bowflex,
or recumbent bike.

I always vote Hotel as guest or host.
I am also past the point in my life where I want to stay up talking all night to anyone other than my DH.
R5
R5

FainaAgain

I personally prefer to stay in a hotel, doesn't matter how nice the relatives are. Or friends. Set time to meet, plan time on my own.

On the other hand, once my son invited his friends to visit. 3 19-year-olds shared the same room. It went fine for everybody, one of them visited again 2 years later.

I guess if you feel free to discuss the length of stay, go for it. If not - you can't become enemies with the hotel management, can you

wow

GoTravel raised an interesting point about having a place that everyone wants to visit & nobody wants to leave! I have one of those places & it usually works like this: People seem to expect to visit during "their" weekend.This pattern naturally evolves over the years. But, the other side of the coin is that you, as host, also develop expectations: You expect to see them @ that time & look forward to seeing them. You plan accordingly...breakfast, lunch, dinner,etc. Last summer we had friends visiting for a Holiday weekend. They have visited over this same long weekend for at least 15 years! They have always arrived early Saturday afternoon for lunch & have always left on Monday mid-afternoon after lunch. This past summer they arrived late Saturday afternoon around 4:00(he went straight to bed & only surfaced for dinner around 8:00. He was/is not sick) Then on Monday morning they woke everybody up @ 7:00 to say they were leaving! "The car is packed & we're ready to go!"
Well...what was that all about??? I still don't know...
So...sometimes even the best of friends can arrive too late & leave too early!!!

Statia

GoTravel, I have the perfect solution to your summer guest dilemma. Do as I did and move to a beach far, far away. Once it becomes expensive for people to get to where you are, your reservation list won't be as long. And, you'll still get to enjoy the beach year round, too!

GoTravel

LOL Statia! We are looking at South Florida but I'm afraid it will get worse!

What people don't understand is even though they are on vacation, you still have to get up and go to work.

Cassandra

After years of living in WashDC area, I learned to be blunt with guests, because there was definitely a tendency to assume we would come with them on all their tourist jaunts as guides or playmates. As GoTravel says, they needed to understand that it may be their vacation, but we were working stiffs. Washington is a WORKING town.

In addition, when the weekend came along, we needed some down time. And sorry, but we've already SEEN the Smithsonian many, many times. So YOU can go, enjoy it; I'll give you maps, a Metrocard, and advice about what's good -- and we'll see you for dinner!

MareW

We always stay in a hotel when we're visiting relatives. If any of them had a separate bedroom and bath for guests, we might stay for a night or two, but no longer than that.

As far as guests visiting us, it depends on the guest. For most, three nights would be sufficient. My little niece likes to stay for a week every summer, and that works out fine.

blondie123

I totally and completely agree with the three days maximum "rule." I have someone visiting now, and I wish I had read this sooner, before plans were made. It's just too much of a burden to expect someone to entertain you for an entire week. I don't care how long your vacation is or how far the guests have come. It's their vacation, not yours! They need to make some of their own plans and find other accomodations. If its too expensive, they should cut their trip a little short!

cfc

Unless Blondie123 is also leelane911, I'm wondering why this 7-month old troll-esque post was topped.