just breaking - news to dismay US tourists

Old Mar 31st, 2008, 10:34 PM
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just breaking - news to dismay US tourists

I have summarised what appears on a newspaper front page today : Brown Gas Tax Leaks out of Whitehall

Is there no end to the stupidity of the current Labour Government? Apparently not. In an amazing piece of logic, Brown and his cronies from the Department of the Environment have decided that high fibre diets are contributing to global warming. The argument goes something like this – cows do it and so do humans, they both emit carbon monoxide. The difference is there are more humans than cows in Britain, and whilst you can not prevent what comes naturally you can try and contain it. Brown is soon to announce two initiatives. The first one will see cans of processed food clearly labeled with a brown symbol showing the likely amount of carbon monoxide which may be produced by consuming such food. Foods on the hit list include most canned fruits especially prunes and rhubarb, and even the ubiquitous baked bean will soon be considered an antisocial food.

The second pilot project, and the most controversial, will see tourists from overseas being closely monitored. From the 1st of December, tourists from particular areas will be issued with wrist bands which measure their carbon emissions, and will be taxed accordingly (Brown tax). The wristbands, not unlike litmus paper, contain the sensitive phartracerase and turns from neutral green to dark brown according to amount of gas produced.

Tourists to be targeted include North Americans (because they all eat large quantities of beans). People from south asia because they all eat dhal and curry, and people from France because they are known to “be just plain rude”.

A spokesman said “Britain is one of the most populous of countries and whilst we cant reduce our population we can try and reduce the amount of pollution naturally created by tourists. We must do everything in our power to protect the planet or at least our part of it”.

In a weak attempt to diffuse the likely diplomatic stink , the Department of Health will issue advice to tourists about which foods to avoid in the week prior to traveling and what to eat whilst here. Tourists are expected to say no to British beer, mushy peas, black pudding and haggis, cereals high in bran, and lentil soup or pay the consequences. You have been warned.

stevelyon is offline  
Old Mar 31st, 2008, 11:02 PM
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And a lovely month of April to you stevelyon.
LoveItaly is offline  
Old Mar 31st, 2008, 11:03 PM
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Ha Ha April Fools Day
nelsonian is online now  
Old Apr 1st, 2008, 03:13 AM
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Totally OT (or is it!!)

Have you seen this amazing footage of flying penguins?

wildblueyonder is offline  
Old Apr 1st, 2008, 05:51 AM
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Loved it....thanks
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