Interracial couple and beach
 

I'm a whie woman, age 27, married 2 years to a black lawyer, age 31. We live in Washington, DC. Never been to an AMERICAN BEACH with hubby (several times in Bahamas and Caribbean). We are looking for a beach resort where we don't stick out, don't get glared or stared at, and feel comfortable.

So you're a woman married to a lawyer?

Yes. Sorry I mispelled white, smarty-pants. I work for an association art department and have an art degree. Noah Webster I'm not.

Sorry, but why does it matter what you do for a living and that your husband is a lawyer???? <BR>

Because Sharks and Beaches don't mix. <BR>( Just ask Chief Brody.... ).

Darla, here's a serious answer (although the shark thing was pretty funny): <BR> <BR>My husband and I have never had a problem on any Delaware beach (or any other beach for that matter). As an African American woman, I have found that I get stared at on a beach whether hubby is there or not. Some people just seem a little puzzled that someone who doesn't need a tan would be lying on a beach or something. <BR> <BR>So if people are staring at the two of you at the beach, that could be why. It's not the marriage; it's the simple fact that he's black. Generally speaking, however, the staring at interracial couples is not in your imagination. Here's the upside, though: after 10 years of interracial marriage, I don't even notice it anymore. You'll get used to it.

Thanks x for the support. Still would like to get a report on what beaches are better and which are worse. I'm leary of the Outer Banks or anything in South Carolina, for instance.

There is a basic prejudice in this question that isn't all that different from the assumed prejudice you're asking about. <BR> <BR>Live here and have been to beaches in NC and SC, see very little difference in whatever it is you are worried about -- call it "skin contrast consciousness" or whatever. People stare at beaches for a variety of reasons, and being overweight will get you 170 times more stares than walking with someone of another race. <BR> <BR>Believe it or not, Darla, I think a mixed couple -- which you proclaim you are (although there are a lot of ways to be "mixed" -- what if he were 97 and you 22) -- would get more attention on that score at Belmont Beach in Chicago than in places like Hatteras or Myrtle Beach. Please examine your blanket assumptions about AMERICAN BEACHES! <BR> <BR>You'll stick out (so to speak) if you are exceptionally beautiful, exceptionally ugly, exceptionally skinny, exceptionally fat, or wear exceptionally revealing bathing suits. <BR> <BR>But consider me glaring at you for asking the question. <BR> <BR>If you married a lawyer, that's up to you, of course. I'll try to look the other way, as I always do.

Darla, <BR>Forget your thoughts about what "others" think,you and hubby are there to share YOUR good times and to share the companionship of each other. Walk proudly hand in hand..

I really know diddly-squat about this except I live in DC and have for a long time and, as you know, there is a very high percentage black population here (as in Baltimore)--so, I would guess that you would not have problems at the nearby beaches in comparison to other places, as they are more blacks in general at those beaches aside from intgerracial couples (which are more common in DC, too). I would not go to Maine, for example, but that's an assumption based on demographics and my feeling when I visited up there. I would never go to SC, it gives me the creeps, or other southern states. I used to live in Los Angeles, and don't think you would stick out on beaches around there, not in comparison to everything else going on. The beaches are multiracial there, although I do think Hispanics liked to go to the beach more than blacks in LA, but I think it would be a perfectly noneventful vacation in that regard. I used to live near the beach and went often (Santa Monica and Venice Beaches) but cannot really tell you the best beaches in general in California in other places. I don't really get beaches, I'll be honest, as no one needs a tan, I used to like them solely for running after work or early morning, not to lay around working on my skin cancer.

Truth be told, no matter where you go, you and your lawyer hubby are going to get stared at and yes, you will stick out. My question to you is, why do you care? You seem to be the one with the hang-ups. "Trollbait", your response was right on the money.

Your ages and your husband's occupation are no more, or less, interesting than the fact that you are an interracial couple. You'll "stick out" no matter where you go. But, you knew that when you became a couple. Kudos to Trollbait - great answer!

Why did you mention your husbands occupation when you didn't feel the need to mentions yours? Do you have to justify being married to a black man?

Several good points have already been made, although comments like Christina's about southern states "creeping her out" are still full of prejudice and assumption. Christina, what if I told you that LA completely creeps me out? Would your hackles rise if I said Watts creeped me out? Or if I said Riverside creeps me out? My guess is that one of those would bother you and the other wouldn't. <BR> <BR>The point for Darla is that she can either spend her time looking at other people looking at her and her husband, trying to figure out why anybody's looking at anybody -- or she can look at the ocean, the way normal people react to being by the sea. <BR> <BR>Darla, you're just begging for people to rise to your fears, telling you don't go to this place or that because if people look at you, it's because you're a mixed-race couple, and they would of course be staring out of disapproval. <BR> <BR>Trollbait's answer suggested that you are as race conscious as anyone you fear to meet on a beach. He may be right. <BR> <BR>

Does your husband wear "lawyer" on his swim trunks? Is that what you're really afraid of? <BR>We all know why you REALLY had to tell us that your black husband is a LAWYER (as opposed to what?) What a sad world we live in.

You shouldn't have any problems, and in fact, you should feel very protected. I've heard that sharks won't bite lawyers ... out of professional courtesy. <BR>

Darla <BR>It really doesn't matter whether your husband is a black lawyer or a black bus driver, he is your husband, period. I am sure there are many beaches, cities, resorts and the like that you will feel comfortable at, but regardless if you are stared at or not, pick a place to vacation and go have a good time....However, I asked a friend of mine who is married to a white guy about your concern, and she said, myrtle beach, florida and maryland beaches are some of their favorites. This is not say this is where they felt the most comfortable but they have always enjoyed their stay when they vacation there. GO HAVE A GOOD TIME!!!!!!! WHO CARES IF PEOPLE STARE, STARE BACK AT THEM, AND LICK YOUR TONGUE AT THEM TOO!!LOL <BR>(no don't do that!) <BR>Just remember there will always be ignorant, uncaring people in this world, no matter where you go....Thats just good old america for you....... <BR> <BR>Louise <BR>

Christina - there are other reasons to go to the beach other than to tan. Umbrellas, sunblock, etc. can protect your skin. A day reading on napping on the beach under an umbrella listening to the surf can do wonders for your attitude. Why do Southern states creep you out?

Okay, Darla, <BR> <BR>Now tell us what the social relations class assignment was: "Anonymous responses to leading questions?" "Racial content on website chat rooms?" <BR>Maybe "Negative attitudes toward race versus the legal profession: a comparative study." <BR> <BR>

I wasn't commenting on your spelling (although why having an art degree would impare your spelling I'll never know). It was the fact that you described yourself as a "woman" and your husband as a "lawyer". Think about it.

<BR>That's impair not impare!

Stand back, everybody! I am the ONLY person who can rightfully answer this question because I am a lawyer and I am also one half of an interracial couple! So my credentials are good. <BR> <BR>When I married a man of a different race back in 1975, I expected a lot of flack: funny looks, comments, spray paint on our driveway, etc. But in 25 years -- NOTHING! Nobody really seems to be interested in any aspect of our marriage, and we've lived and traveled all over the U.S. and the world. I was surprised but pleased. <BR> <BR>Humor aside, all I can offer is this -- if you don't care about what other people are thinking about you, they won't be able to hurt you -- if they're even thinking about you at all! Enjoy your vacation. <BR>

Darla, as a DC resident, I'd suggest you decide on the beach YOU want and just go. If one or two look at you guys, okay ... you can handle that, can't you?. If it's a real major concern for you, why not try a gay beach, such as Rehobeth (south of the boardwalk). But if I were you, I'd be very careful not to allow my imagination to run amok. Most of us are trying to make the US a less prejudiced place to live and play ... if you're willing to relax and just have a good time at the beach, you will adding immensely to that change. Go, and have fun, and stop worrying so much.

Darla, <BR> <BR>This really should be a non issue. Who cares what other people think. I think someone's race is only a problem if they have a problem with it! Just go somewhere and have fun. Key West is a great place to relax and have fun. Beautiful beaches, crystal clear water. Good luck choosing a place!

Stand back, you say, Emily. Only you can speak to this issue ... in part because you are a lawyer? In part because you're in a mixed marriage? What else would warrant that the rest of us butt out? Besides that little bit of arrogance, for which you can be forgiven, your answer was a good one and ought to be reassuring to Darla. I live in DC ... we are overrun with atty. types. But I do like your perspective on the other issue.

Sorry that I came across as arrogant... I was just trying to be humorous because everybody else was having fun with the "lawyer" side of the queston and I only meant my comment to be in the same spirit. However, I'm glad that you agreed with my perspective, because that part of my answer to Darla truly was heart-felt.

Darla, <BR>I was born, raised, and still live in the South. I have met more blatantly open prejudicial people from Yankee states than from Southern states. <BR> <BR>With that said, Southern beaches vs Northern beaches vs foreign beaches shouldn't matter a whole bunch. The poster who entered a biracial marriage 25 years ago would have raised more eyebrows - but that was 25 years ago. <BR> <BR>If you expect problems, you will probably find them. Someone looking your way wondering where you bought your cool swimsuit will probably piss you off because you've decided that they're discusted that you're in a biracial relationship. Get over it. It's no big deal anymore. If you think so, just go to the local Wal-Mart and see how many white grandparents are with and doting on their biracial grandchildren. <BR> <BR>This isn't even worth worrying about.

Hi, Emily - actually I was teasing you a little bit, but I did like your answer and advice. I realize some posters believe there's nothing to be concerned about, and maybe that is largely true for most, but just as I'm feeling better (and I am from Atlanta and saw a lot in the 50's and 60's), I stumble across an interview with someone like Senator Robert Byrd, and here he is on national TV, using the N word, and telling us the race issue is largely behind us. Thanks, Bob. See the Post last week (page A2). Have a good day, and thanks for the good thoughts.

There are lots of oddities to stare at when at the beach--an interacial couple is boring compared to all the men in speedos and women in t-backs (many of whom should definitely cover up more than less).

I probably should just stay out of this , but there is something about this post that strikes me as curious. Had you never visited a beach by yourself before you were married? Why is his being a lawyer important? Why would you waste your time replying Geoff and Nature boy? I'd almost wonder if you were more concerned that you wouldn't be noticed than that you would.

Darla, <BR> <BR>It is expensive and along way from DC, but I'd recommend Hawaii. I bet people won't even notice that you are an interracial couple, much less stare. You would certainly not stick out. Good luck, and have fun at the beach!